Are you doing okay?
Yes, I am fine. Thanks for asking. It's been over a year now since she died.
I just thought posting the link would be easier than telling the whole story over again.
Looks like many of us have similar stories.
Have you been affected by someone else's drinking?
- Thread starter scottydog
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Yes, I am fine. Thanks for asking. It's been over a year now since she died.
I just thought posting the link would be easier than telling the whole story over again.
Looks like many of us have similar stories.
OK...so here is my LONG story...
My dad was an alcoholic. His alcoholism is the reason I learned to drive when I was ten. He would pick me up sometimes after he got off work (mom and dad divorced when I was 2) and take me to the bar a few miles away from his house. He would get plastered and then give me the keys and tell me to drive him home.
On one occasion he bet some guy at the bar $100 that I could down a mind eraser and make it to his car without passing out. I was 12 at the time. Being that I longed for my dad's attention I drank the mind eraser and made it to his car. He told me that I did good winning him the money....sigh....the stupid shit we do to gain parents acceptance.
At 16 I got so mad at him because I left his house for 3 days with my cousin and when I returned he didn't even know I was gone. I took all his beer out of the frig and threw it off the deck and screamed in his face that he was a damned alcoholic. He then punched me in the head and knocked me off the deck which cracked my skull. This did not convince him to sober up either.
Finally at age 20 I got pregnant out of wedlock and in one of his drunken moods he said "I hope you lose that damned baby cause I don't want no damned bastards in our family".
I didn't speak to him again until after my daughter was born. She has Down Syndrome and had two holes in her heart as well. He came to the hospital mins after I got the news of her conditions and he said that he blamed himself for her condition because of what he said and swore to never drink again.
He never went to AA or any type of rehab. He just quit. He has been sober now for 17 years and we have developed a good relationship.
Myself...well...I only drink on occasion and NEVER when I am upset or in any type of bad mood. I have chosen not to be an alcoholic and refuse to let myself fall into that way of life.
So, I guess you can say that my dad's alcoholism had both a negative and positive effect on me. The one (and ONLY) good thing both of my parents taught me was how you shouldn't treat your children which has made me the strong, independent, and excellent mother I am today.
My dad was an alcoholic. His alcoholism is the reason I learned to drive when I was ten. He would pick me up sometimes after he got off work (mom and dad divorced when I was 2) and take me to the bar a few miles away from his house. He would get plastered and then give me the keys and tell me to drive him home.
On one occasion he bet some guy at the bar $100 that I could down a mind eraser and make it to his car without passing out. I was 12 at the time. Being that I longed for my dad's attention I drank the mind eraser and made it to his car. He told me that I did good winning him the money....sigh....the stupid shit we do to gain parents acceptance.
At 16 I got so mad at him because I left his house for 3 days with my cousin and when I returned he didn't even know I was gone. I took all his beer out of the frig and threw it off the deck and screamed in his face that he was a damned alcoholic. He then punched me in the head and knocked me off the deck which cracked my skull. This did not convince him to sober up either.
Finally at age 20 I got pregnant out of wedlock and in one of his drunken moods he said "I hope you lose that damned baby cause I don't want no damned bastards in our family".
I didn't speak to him again until after my daughter was born. She has Down Syndrome and had two holes in her heart as well. He came to the hospital mins after I got the news of her conditions and he said that he blamed himself for her condition because of what he said and swore to never drink again.
He never went to AA or any type of rehab. He just quit. He has been sober now for 17 years and we have developed a good relationship.
Myself...well...I only drink on occasion and NEVER when I am upset or in any type of bad mood. I have chosen not to be an alcoholic and refuse to let myself fall into that way of life.
So, I guess you can say that my dad's alcoholism had both a negative and positive effect on me. The one (and ONLY) good thing both of my parents taught me was how you shouldn't treat your children which has made me the strong, independent, and excellent mother I am today.
^^ Same here. I was fearing a bad ending. How is your daughter doing today, Punky?
My husband's drinking reached the point where I kicked him out of the house back to his mother on another continent. This tough love worked; he sobered up, got a job and we've been back together for 5 years. He still has an occasional drink but only when I'm with him. That's the only sticking point; he can't understand why I can never, ever trust him with alcohol again, and why he must be supervised at all times. Otherwise, life's pretty good.
Punky, I hope your daughter's healthy and happy now.
Punky, I hope your daughter's healthy and happy now.
Both my father and my older sister are alcoholics, but loser-sister went that extra step and added drugs on top of it. My dad, nearing the end of his life, has finally quit drinking. He has a very weak heart and bone marrow cancer, so drinking would pretty much kill him. He was a functional alcoholic all of my life. He went to work, was very successful, and then came home and got plastered every single night. He raised me to be ashamed of any weakness or flaw I had, so seeing him falling down drunk made me hate him just as much. Plus, he was always a mean SOB, so I grew up to be very hyper-sensitive to criticism.
My sister used every substance she could for over 25 years. My whole life revolved around her problems, her needs, her drama. Even though she's been clean for 5-6 years now, I don't trust her, don't like her, and don't believe a word she says. She a user and manipulator. If it weren't for her son, my beloved nephew, I wouldn't have anything to do with her at all. But for his sake, I keep it civil.
I think that's one of the reasons I have a hard time socializing and making friends. I have zero self-esteem and find it extremely hard to trust anyone. My hubby bears the brunt of that to this day.
My sister used every substance she could for over 25 years. My whole life revolved around her problems, her needs, her drama. Even though she's been clean for 5-6 years now, I don't trust her, don't like her, and don't believe a word she says. She a user and manipulator. If it weren't for her son, my beloved nephew, I wouldn't have anything to do with her at all. But for his sake, I keep it civil.
I think that's one of the reasons I have a hard time socializing and making friends. I have zero self-esteem and find it extremely hard to trust anyone. My hubby bears the brunt of that to this day.
Thank you both
My daughter is a beautiful 17 yr old teenager. She went through several surgeries in her life and she has had a pacemaker since she was one month old. However, she is healthy and extremely happy and one of the biggest blessings in my life 
Let me start by saying I'm sorry your father has suffered from alcohol abuse and that it negatively influenced your life and feelings on the topic. Same to many others in this post. I'm going to contribute a positive story.
Some people make a personal choice not to drink (ever) which I had trouble wrapping my brain around for a long time. "Like.. you... no.. what? Not even a beer?" Because I never considered I was offering somebody a beverage that reminds them of the most horrible things in life. In college I was probably guilty of being a pressuring influence on people who didn't drink and found their attitudes condescending. Today I have a more enlightened perspective on the subject and if somebody doesn't drink, I assume they have a good reason.
I do feel sorry for people who, for one reason or another, have come to loathe and abstain from alcohol from negative experiences either personal or extended. Alcohol is unique in that it exists in all cultures and religions across the span of human history-- transcending class, ethnicity, social standing etc. It has a broad range of wonderful tastes to appreciate and develop-- from wines, to dark beers and liqueurs. Unfortunately, most Americans taste buds are hyped up and desensitized on too much refined sugar, HFCS, bad sodium and processed junk that they could never appreciate alcohol as anything more than a drug or mood changer because they wouldn't know how.
To the original poster, I have seen the effects of alcoholism on some people-- and I've seen people I care about abuse it through depression and to ward off anxiety/pain. However, my experiences growing up were far more positive.
Alcohol has been a casual thing in my family and life for as long as I can remember. I grew up noticing alcohol as a "dinner table necessity" when guests were over and never once saw my parents or extended family drink to excess (that I would have noticed). Having said that, booze was always present (in a good way, I think). Papa would have 2-3 Manhattans, dad would fix martinis for guests, and on quiet nights mom and dad would sip wine; I even have distinct childhood memories of my pastor coming over for a couple New Castle Brown Ales with my dad. As a result, I never really considered alcohol a dangerous or addictive drug and viewed it as something you could enjoy when you phased into adulthood. My dad will talk about the subtle taste differences in fine wines, and, as a gourmet and talented chef, considers it mostly in food and cigar pairings. I had no interest in actually drinking until I was 19 and, since, it's something I enjoy regularly in moderation and, like many others, when I'm out dancing or partying with friends.
Some people make a personal choice not to drink (ever) which I had trouble wrapping my brain around for a long time. "Like.. you... no.. what? Not even a beer?" Because I never considered I was offering somebody a beverage that reminds them of the most horrible things in life. In college I was probably guilty of being a pressuring influence on people who didn't drink and found their attitudes condescending. Today I have a more enlightened perspective on the subject and if somebody doesn't drink, I assume they have a good reason.
I do feel sorry for people who, for one reason or another, have come to loathe and abstain from alcohol from negative experiences either personal or extended. Alcohol is unique in that it exists in all cultures and religions across the span of human history-- transcending class, ethnicity, social standing etc. It has a broad range of wonderful tastes to appreciate and develop-- from wines, to dark beers and liqueurs. Unfortunately, most Americans taste buds are hyped up and desensitized on too much refined sugar, HFCS, bad sodium and processed junk that they could never appreciate alcohol as anything more than a drug or mood changer because they wouldn't know how.
To the original poster, I have seen the effects of alcoholism on some people-- and I've seen people I care about abuse it through depression and to ward off anxiety/pain. However, my experiences growing up were far more positive.
Thanks for your story. It's similar to mine. From what I can gather from your on-line personality, I would never have guessed that you have these challenges. To me you seem very smart, interesting, upbeat, and "together". I think your hubby is actually a very lucky guy.
I'm happy for you and am glad you have a positive story to share!
My condolences to everyone in this thread/forum who have been affected by alcoholism. If anyone wants any sort of outlet, let me know.
I am 100% Irish-American and nearly everyone in my family has had severe problems with alcoholism. My brother is a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict. My father is a high-functioning alcoholic. Interestingly, my family members are aware they have problems---my dad sat me down and explained that he would rather have me smoke pot than drink more than once or twice a month as long as I "promised to never drink like [him]."
Alcoholism and any sort of addiction are diseases and are often linked to depression and anxiety. Many people are predisposed to these illnesses.
I am 100% Irish-American and nearly everyone in my family has had severe problems with alcoholism. My brother is a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict. My father is a high-functioning alcoholic. Interestingly, my family members are aware they have problems---my dad sat me down and explained that he would rather have me smoke pot than drink more than once or twice a month as long as I "promised to never drink like [him]."
Alcoholism and any sort of addiction are diseases and are often linked to depression and anxiety. Many people are predisposed to these illnesses.
^You're right. My dad, the alcoholic, wasn't diagnosed with depression until the age of 60. He drank for decades to numb the pain. Now he's getting help with the depression and no longer drinks. Another success story.
Unfortunately, alcohol being a depressant, is often mistaken for a mood elevator. In reality, the symptoms that develop from alcohol abuse cause anxiety because the brain overcompensates for the constant depressant and continues to do so when a person's blood-alcohol reaches zero (shakes, anxiety, high blood pressure etc). For this reason no true alcoholic should try to quit without medical detox assistance because the result of quitting "cold turkey" can actually be fatal.
yes Ive been affected by it. I'll just add that I will never ever touch the stuff myself. 
Why on earth should anyone have to have any other reason than "I don't want to, thanks"?
I'm not attacking you Danoz, rather the very common opinion that everyone should drink alcohol in social settings, that it is weird to not want to drink. I put up with this all through my upper teenage years and college, people would always say "well try this, you'll like this one" - why the hell should I? I don't want to.
And people wonder why I'm anti-social...
For the record, there is no alcoholism in my family, I just don't like the taste for alcohol and see no reason to force myself to drink something I don't like just for social approval.
This is a good point. This problem you describe is more about GABA receptors being affected by alcohol specifically than it is about dopamine, which is the main neurotransmitter involved with general addiction---this just goes to show us that addiction is a complex and real process, as opposed to the stereotypes that come to mind when people think of addiction. While dopamine release is concurrent with GABA agonizing for alcoholics (alcohol and other depressants that produce a calming effect via the agonizing of GABA---take these away and GABA levels become more antagonized, hence the anxiety and possible seizures for very heavy users who quit cold turkey), alcoholism is deemed an addiction because of how the actions cause separate reactions within the brain. Generally though, yes, it is a very bad idea to quit any substance of abuse cold turkey.
One of the main features of addiction is the release of dopamine to let the brain know that something pleasurable/positive is happening, and many people become dependent on this feeling. This is why medications like Zyban and Wellbutrin that act upon dopamine are prescribed for cases of alcohol and tobacco addiction---they displace the rush and reduce the cravings that pre-empt certain behavior.
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That's wonderful. I'm very happy for both of you.
Thank you both
I have been affected by someone's drinking and probably will continue to be affected by it for a long time.
I wanted to touch on this because I recently did some research on Alcoholics Anonymous for a class. Throughout my research I learned some things I found disconcerting. This involved the origins of the group, the basic premise, and also the behavior of some members involved in AA. Despite my own personal dislikes of certain aspects of AA, I have to conclude (as did several authors) that AA is not a cult. I'm going to be weird and just quote a section of my paper here.
I dunno, something to at least ponder for those interested in the subject or with experience in the matter.
I wanted to touch on this because I recently did some research on Alcoholics Anonymous for a class. Throughout my research I learned some things I found disconcerting. This involved the origins of the group, the basic premise, and also the behavior of some members involved in AA. Despite my own personal dislikes of certain aspects of AA, I have to conclude (as did several authors) that AA is not a cult. I'm going to be weird and just quote a section of my paper here.
Without going into detail about twelve step programs (for alcohol dependence or anything else) I found something else interesting when I was going through papers. One author wrote: "There are four factors that are commonly present in relapse prevention for most addictions … The four factors that prevent relapse are external supervision, ritual dependency on a competing behaviour, new love relationships, and deepened spirituality." If memory serves, the author said that two out of four of these were generally present in order to prevent relapse, but I could be wrong so don't quote me on that.Kestra's Paper said:
I dunno, something to at least ponder for those interested in the subject or with experience in the matter.