Converting squirrels...

[Thespeckledkiwi]

As many of you know, I have a very strenuous relationship with squirrels. They attacked a school mate of mine one year. Their cousins, the ground squirrels in California, have harassed me while I was on vacation. They have thrown acorns at me. And have waged war against my dog (seriously, dog is nearly blind and one squirrel in particular will chatter at him and they will have a staring contest for at least half an hour).

My mom even tried to get the squirrel to vacate the premise by chasing it off with her cane, but with no avail.

So I am going to do something that I should have done in the first place. I am going to try and covert the squirrels. I already give them last rites. I honour their dead. I bless their children. I turn the other cheek when they are clearly stalking me and planning against me. But no more.

I am now going to be actively converting those damn heathen squirrels to see the light and the community. No more attacking birds or their food. No more running out into traffic. No more picking on my dog! I will preach to them the good book or I shall smite them with the anger and fury of a...er...chainsaw I guess.

Who is with me into converting these Godless creatures? Who is with me to take back the bird feeders and bird baths?

(And to that end, I wonder if I can teach a sheep to attack a squirrel? I got to try)

 

[RoJoHen]

Beware of the Black Squirrels. They are evil ninjas.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

Beware of the Black Squirrels. They are evil ninjas.

Albino squirrels are even worse. There was one down at our campus and...I swear that thing is evil!

 

[RoJoHen]

That sounds terrifying. I've never seen an albino squirrel.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

They are freaky! look at this thing!

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/39/124348977_0aedfcaaf7.jpg

 

[RoJoHen]

Those are some giant nuts.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

Those are some giant nuts.

Hey! you're in California! Want to help me convert the ground squirrels while you're out there?

 

[RoJoHen]

I'm in Illinois...

 

[T'Girl]

Capture the little buggers, harness them to one of those hamster wheels, connect it to a electrical generator, take your house off the power grid.

 

[Kibbin]

Either than or when they scamper across the park just humm the mission impossible tune, they keep in time quite well.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

I thought this thread was about converting squirrels in the style of Jonny Wilkinson.

 

[Pingfah]

As many of you know, I have a very strenuous relationship with squirrels. They attacked a school mate of mine one year. Their cousins, the ground squirrels in California, have harassed me while I was on vacation. They have thrown acorns at me. And have waged war against my dog (seriously, dog is nearly blind and one squirrel in particular will chatter at him and they will have a staring contest for at least half an hour).

My mom even tried to get the squirrel to vacate the premise by chasing it off with her cane, but with no avail.

So I am going to do something that I should have done in the first place. I am going to try and covert the squirrels. I already give them last rites. I honour their dead. I bless their children. I turn the other cheek when they are clearly stalking me and planning against me. But no more.

I am now going to be actively converting those damn heathen squirrels to see the light and the community. No more attacking birds or their food. No more running out into traffic. No more picking on my dog! I will preach to them the good book or I shall smite them with the anger and fury of a...er...chainsaw I guess.

Who is with me into converting these Godless creatures? Who is with me to take back the bird feeders and bird baths?

(And to that end, I wonder if I can teach a sheep to attack a squirrel? I got to try)

Why, how delightfully fanciful.

 

[mari]

I'm told they can be converted to bacon quite nicely.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Yea, grey squirrels are of the devil, and yea shall they burn in Hell for their bird feeder-ravaging, nut-stealing verminous ways. But saved shall be the pious red squirrels, driven from their lands by the heathen greys and most worthy in their humble demeanour.

 

[Q2UnME]

After reading the OP's post, am I the only one that thought "just shoot the squirrel" ... I've waged war with the little buggers for years. A good pellet gun and a steady aim usually pervails...

Q2

 

[RJDiogenes]

I thought this was going to be about a Format Factory update. I was looking forward to converting Squirrels into Tree Frogs to save them from extinction.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

After reading the OP's post, am I the only one that thought "just shoot the squirrel" ... I've waged war with the little buggers for years. A good pellet gun and a steady aim usually pervails...

Q2

I don't like killing animals, even if they are heathen devils of the lowest form of Hell

 

[Unicron]

Capture the little buggers, harness them to one of those hamster wheels, connect it to a electrical generator, take your house off the power grid.

I like this idea.

Yea, grey squirrels are of the devil, and yea shall they burn in Hell for their bird feeder-ravaging, nut-stealing verminous ways. But saved shall be the pious red squirrels, driven from their lands by the heathen greys and most worthy in their humble demeanour.

One of the places I used to work had a book called The Backyard Bird Feeder's Bible, and the squirrels naturally have their own dedicated section. One recommendation by the author was making a sort of habanero pepper spray that could be sprayed on the seed and other goodies, and which apparently would not harm the birds or bother them. The squirrels however didn't like the treatment, so perhaps this is a good form of defense/revenge on the heathens. The spray is very easy to make, just soak some peppers in water for a few days or so and load it into a conventional sprayer.

 

[Omnius]

I could tell you the secret to converting squirrels. It will cost you though... I'll go check with Scrat.

 

[MarianLH]

As many of you know, I have a very strenuous relationship with squirrels. They attacked a school mate of mine one year. Their cousins, the ground squirrels in California, have harassed me while I was on vacation. They have thrown acorns at me. And have waged war against my dog (seriously, dog is nearly blind and one squirrel in particular will chatter at him and they will have a staring contest for at least half an hour).

Are you by any chance a flying ferret?


Marian