Women: How Important Is Fidelity To You?

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I can't recall where, but lately I have been hearing a lot about infidelity in the news. Common wisdom seems to be that while the male public might give these guys a pass their reputations with women are that they are worse than Hitler. My girlfriend tells me for most women(espeially her) that is like the one huge deal breaker. Do you agree? Do you have any understanding for recent high profile cheaters? What if it happened among your friends or family?

 

[Geckothan]

Vinyls have good fidelity.

 

[propita]

Hubby and I are each others' onlys.

If he cheated, I'd kill him.

If I cheated, he'd never speak to me again. I know many think that sounds minor...but to never be able to explain (like there'd really be an explanation), to apoligize, to try to atone, make better, etc? To NEVER be able to try to heal some of the pain caused? Hubby knows that'd be far worse than death for me.

Besides, we're both pretty selfish in wanting exclusivity. We didn't wait because of religious reasons. We each, separately, waited for the right person.

"Why try the rest when I already have the best?"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Besides, we're both pretty selfish in wanting exclusivity. We didn't wait because of religious reasons. We each, separately, waited for the right person.

A very sensible approach, IMHO.

And I must say that anyone who chooses the second option, also IMHO, needs their head examined. "It's just something men have to do"? Bullshit! No one has to cheat. THAT would be selfish. It's not hard wired into either gender to do that.

 

[Lindley]

For years I figured I'd probably end up marrying the first girl I slept with. Lately I've been trying to ease myself out of that viewpoint....not because I don't want it to go that way, but because thinking that way simply hasn't gotten me anywhere. There's too much stress, everything seems too important, and nothing ends up happening.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ For me I'd prefer to turn that around: sleep with the first girl I marry. That's the plan.

 

[JiNX-01]

Deal breaker.

It certainly is when the shoe is on the other foot.

 

[auntiehill]

PAST VS PASSED.

^A very informative website, that. You might want to check it out.


As for the poll, I would choose A. If you want to screw around and live the bachelor life, don't get married. Period. Not so hard to grasp, really.

If hubby ever cheated on me, that would be IT for him. And he knows it. And I would never EVER think of cheating on him. Like
propita said, we each waited for the right person. We didn't get married until much later in life (later than most), when we were absolutely sure that's what we wanted, and we are much better off for it.

 

[Velocity]

Besides the trust issue, there are too many nasty diseases the cheater can bring home. Herpes is for life and there is always AIDS besides the usual STDs. The guys who have sex with call girls and prostitutes and then go home to their wives or girlsfriends are cold-hearted and selfish to say the least.

 

[Lindley]

^ For me I'd prefer to turn that around: sleep with the first girl I marry. That's the plan.

I'd be fine with that, personally, but in today's climate I don't see it working out that way.

 

[Rii]

And I must say that anyone who chooses the second option, also IMHO, needs their head examined. "It's just something men have to do"? Bullshit! No one has to cheat. THAT would be selfish. It's not hard wired into either gender to do that.

The same is equally true of the first option. But then violence against men doesn't really count as domestic violence, does it? It's not just the OP either, there are two women in this thread openly advocating violence in response to infidelity also.

 

[Kestra]

And I must say that anyone who chooses the second option, also IMHO, needs their head examined. "It's just something men have to do"? Bullshit! No one has to cheat. THAT would be selfish. It's not hard wired into either gender to do that.

The same is equally true of the first option. But then violence against men doesn't really count as domestic violence, does it? It's not just the OP either, there are two women in this thread openly advocating violence in response to infidelity also.

Yeah, domestic violence is never an acceptable option.

In regards to the original question, I suppose fidelity is as important to me as any woman (or person, really) who has chosen to be in a monogamous relationship.

In cases where infidelity has occurred, it would be necessary to see what it was about the relationship that was broken in the first place, and whether that could be improved upon. If it is a case of differing values or lack of respect for each other, then things will likely not resolve within the relationship. Some people have the capacity to learn from their mistakes, some people have the capacity to forgive others for mistakes. It's obviously a case by case basis and one I would not want to make generalizations about.

 

[sidious618]

I'd make it clear in any romantic relationship that I'm in that cheating is not acceptable. I'm a man, mind you, but I thinkg hearing from men is just as valid and I've no idea why this is just for women. I didn't vote, though, FWIW.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I'm a man, mind you, but I thinkg hearing from men is just as valid and I've no idea why this is just for women.

The OP says it's "common wisdom" that men wouldn't care about fidelity, but I don't agree at all. I am a man and I care about these things very much. So in this case "common wisdom" is wrong.

I'm trying to add my own poll to ask what the guys think about this but I can't figure out how.

 

[Kestra]

I'd make it clear in any romantic relationship that I'm in that cheating is not acceptable. I'm a man, mind you, but I thinkg hearing from men is just as valid and I've no idea why this is just for women. I didn't vote, though, FWIW.

Because people often hold men and women to different standards. I didn't vote either.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I don't know if I could forgive a woman if she cheated on me. I definitely wouldn't hit her or anything like that. I honestly don't know if I could get over it though, assuming she was sincere in trying to make up for it. I'd like to think I could try and make it work, but I'm only human...

If I, on the other hand, was the cheater, I would expect to get my ass kicked to the curb, and I would fully deserve it.

 

[Kitty Worrier]

Don't feel like voting, because I don't know how I feel. My fiance and I are both for fidelity. BUT if he was to stray, I may be able to forgive him. I'm just not sure I'd want to lose our friendship/connection. I would hope he'd want to work on things if I strayed.

Of course, if it was a long-lasting affair that involved emotions, I would probably end the relationship.

 

[Rii]

There's been some research conducted on attitudes towards infidelity across the sexes, and interestingly it seems that men report greater feelings of anxiety at the idea of their partner having a sexual affair than women do, and women report greater feelings of anxiety at the idea of their partner having an emotional affair than men do.

The theory behind this is that only by maintaining exclusive sexual access to the female can the male ensure that any children he's helping to raise are actually his, whereas for the female the concern is that a male who develops feelings for another female may well cease to support her. Male sexual infidelity is a threat insofar as it can potentially lead to emotional infidelity, but is not itself of particular significance.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I'm a man, mind you, but I thinkg hearing from men is just as valid and I've no idea why this is just for women.

The OP says it's "common wisdom" that men wouldn't care about fidelity, but I don't agree at all. I am a man and I care about these things very much. So in this case "common wisdom" is wrong.

I'm trying to add my own poll to ask what the guys think about this but I can't figure out how.

I seem to be very bad at this poll thing. Every time I do it people argue more about my choies then the subject

With the common wisdom thing I was specifically thinking about the Tiger Woods situation. When it first broke I think a lot of guys said they could understand why a billionaire male athlete who led a sheltered life would sleep with a ton of women. Also that as far as Tiger's future as a public figure and endorser men may not care and will go back to viewing him as a great golfer, but women will always see him as "that cheater".

I guess that is why I made the topic so gender specific. I think I was thinking more about women's reactions to cheaters in general not necessarily in their own lives. Is there just an intense visceral reaction against these men and in support of their wives. I probably didn't do that so well.

 

[Kitty Worrier]

I don't care that he cheated, doesn't hurt me, so I see him as the golfer.