Is my best friend crazy?

[DonIago]

Kids in high school talking about something they don't approve of being "fucked up"? Say it ain't so!!!

If they're talking about how illegal it is, that says more about their level of knowledge than the relationship itself, as evidenced by earlier postings.

It's nice that everyone's coming to you about it...I don't suppose anyone's talking to -her- about it?

I might suggest "We're worried about you but respect your choices," rather than, "Wow, that thing you're doing, it's so fucked-up and illegal, what's in your stupid head?"

Yay high school drama. (eye-roll)

 

[TheGodBen]

she paid money to change her Xbox Live name to "KissableJuliet"

Then yes, she is crazy, because any woman who goes on Xbox Live with a username clearly identifying her as female is going to have foul-mouthed 15 year-olds following her everywhere and telling her to suck upon a certain appendage. If she paid for the privilege then she must be doubly crazy.

That is a reference to "Romeo and Juliet" by Wililam Shakespear

Are you sure it's not a reference to the Dire Straits song?

 

[Commander Rabbit]

As a couple others have said, this has nothing to do w/ pedophilia, and unless she's sending him inappropriate photos, or he's soliciting sex, there's nothing illegal about it.

At 17 and 21, four years is a bigger difference than it will be in a few years, but I still don't see it as a major problem. If she's truly obsessing over him too much, that's a problem -- but it would be a problem not matter what his age.

 

[kevin1gamer]

^
Well like my grandparents and even great grandparents had like 10 year age difference...on set of grandparents had a 13 year difference...ofcourse he was 26 & she was 13...but that was back in the late 1800's...it would be so wrong now.

LMFAO

 

[T'Baio]

I always find it funny when things like this are pretty much the first thing someone posts.

Post 1 - "Hi there! I love Star Trek and look forward to getting to know everyone!"

Post 2 - "My friend is so fucked up and wants to masturbate to naked babies! What do you think about that!?!"

Yeesh.

 

[kevin1gamer]

Kids in high school talking about something they don't approve of being "fucked up"? Say it ain't so!!!

If they're talking about how illegal it is, that says more about their level of knowledge than the relationship itself, as evidenced by earlier postings.

It's nice that everyone's coming to you about it...I don't suppose anyone's talking to -her- about it?

I might suggest "We're worried about you but respect your choices," rather than, "Wow, that thing you're doing, it's so fucked-up and illegal, what's in your stupid head?"

Yay high school drama. (eye-roll)

I don't know if people are addressing the issue with her directly, I know some people have harassed her about this, but I have quickly put them in line.

 

[kevin1gamer]

I always find it funny when things like this are pretty much the first thing someone posts.

Post 1 - "Hi there! I love Star Trek and look forward to getting to know everyone!"

Post 2 - "My friend is so fucked up and wants to masturbate to naked babies! What do you think about that!?!"

Yeesh.

lol, I guess it's just common behavior on forums.


p.s.
Did someone really make two posts like that?

 

[T'Baio]

Those were my first two posts.

Except, instead of "my friend is," it was "I am."

 

[DonIago]

Kids in high school talking about something they don't approve of being "fucked up"? Say it ain't so!!!

If they're talking about how illegal it is, that says more about their level of knowledge than the relationship itself, as evidenced by earlier postings.

It's nice that everyone's coming to you about it...I don't suppose anyone's talking to -her- about it?

I might suggest "We're worried about you but respect your choices," rather than, "Wow, that thing you're doing, it's so fucked-up and illegal, what's in your stupid head?"

Yay high school drama. (eye-roll)

I don't know if people are addressing the issue with her directly, I know some people have harassed her about this, but I have quickly put them in line.

Oddly, if it's her behavior that concerns them, they're far more likely to achieve results by talking to -her-.

But hey, much more fun to talk about someone behind their back.

 

[Spot's Meow]

It's really not that weird at all, it is very common for people to date those who aren't the same age as them. I wouldn't really be comfortable with it since she's not 18 yet, but that doesn't make it weird or wrong. There really isn't much of a difference between 17 and 21, especially when the guy is the older one. They tend to mature less quickly and I'd say that a 21 year old guy would have a lot in common with a 17 year old girl. Yes, he's in college, but college does not automatically make you a mature person, in fact I've noticed quite the opposite for some people.

Anyway, this is hardly anything to be super upset about. A girl at my work is 22 and dating a 35 year old who lives in a different state over the internet. My sister is 21 and about to marry a guy who is 27. I also know another girl who is 17 and dating a 25 year old guy from India. They've never even met and his parents don't approve of her yet she wants to fly to India to stay at his house.

So really, a 17 year old girl playing games online with a 21 year old guy that she has a crush on doesn't seem so horrible. It seems like people at your school are making a big deal out of nothing. If she wants to flirt with a guy online it's really none of your business and none of your friends' business either. It's not like he lives right there in your town and they are having sexual encounters all the time. Also, you haven't met him. How do you know he isn't a really great person who actually cares about her? Just because he is a little bit older does not make him a pervert or a creep. Like I said before, his maturity level is probably on about the same level as the girl's anyway.

You are obviously having feelings of jealousy and perhaps your friends are too. The males want to date her because she is beautiful and the girls are jealous because she gets to date an older and more mature guy. It's not your problem who she chooses to date. If there really is something bad going on, then that is for her parents to deal with.

 

[SilentP]

4 year age difference? Oh teh noes!!

 

[Kibbin]

So we've established they have similar interests and communicate, this relationship is DOOMED!!! DOOMED I TELLS YA!!!
Seriously as far as I can see there is little wrong and the cynic in me says they'll break up soon enough anyway that it's not worth loosing any sleep over.
Of course because I am a lonely cynic I recommend you go there and beat him up or something and come tell us what happens. I need entertaining dam’ it Lol.
Seriously don't.

 

[Data Holmes]

You are obviously having feelings of jealousy and perhaps your friends are too. The males want to date her because she is beautiful and the girls are jealous because she gets to date an older and more mature guy. It's not your problem who she chooses to date. If there really is something bad going on, then that is for her parents to deal with.

Ding!

 

[USS Triumphant]

I can bang all the 16-year-olds I want as long as they also live in Michigan.

Go for it.

If I bang a 16 year old that lives in Delaware but is in Michigan visiting some friends or whatever, I'm in trouble because state lines were crossed so the federal law applies.

No, because the federal law applies to intent of transport. She wasn't brought there explicitly for you to bang, so local state law applies. Go for it.

Also, lets say I have a 16-year-old girlfriend that lives in Michigan, but we get a hotel room in Ohio where the age of consent is also 16. I'm in trouble again because of crossing state lines.

Yes, on this one, you'd probably be in trouble, unless you could show reasonable evidence or otherwise convince the bench/jury that the two of you had no intention of having sex while sharing the room, but it was just something that happened while you were there. Tricky.

Some information says 16 is the federal age of consent.

You're referring to two parts of law. One is 18 USC CHAPTER 109A, which is the Federal crime of sexual abuse, as opposed to the illicit transport crime that sets its standard at 18. So at 17, you'd be in trouble for illicit transport (a much "lighter" crime) but not the federal sexual abuse crime (akin to a rape conviction). The other is the UCMJ, which sets the age of consent for the people that military personnel can have sex with when on foreign bases or otherwise outside of the country at 16.

I Am Not A Lawyer, either - but only because I never finished law school.

^
Well like my grandparents and even great grandparents had like 10 year age difference...on set of grandparents had a 13 year difference...ofcourse he was 26 & she was 13...but that was back in the late 1800's...it would be so wrong now.

LMFAO

Why is that funny? I was thinking Jetfire might be my cousin. (Actually, my grandparents were 25 and 12 when they got married in 1917.)

 

[Daneel]

My best friend is 17 years old, and she is online dating a 21 year old man from Maine (her and I live in Missouri, which is like a 16 hour drive away). That is pedophilia for one, and wrong for two.

As others have said, that ain't pedophilia -- if they were to start a real life relationship, then at most it's ephebophilia, which actually isn't that uncommon, although the legality of it varies, depending upon the location and the precise ages of the people involved.

And FWIW, from my point of view, I see nothing wrong with a relationship between a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old.

She is like obsessing over him or something, she paid money to change her Xbox Live name to "KissableJuliet", which is a mimic of the 21 year old Mainian's gamertag, "KissableRomeo". That is a reference to "Romeo and Juliet" by Wililam Shakespear, in case you were wondering.

Well, thanks for clearing that up.

It obviously isn't healthy for such a thing to happen, plus it's illegal. Should I give some advice to my best friend, but not interfere in her relationship (which I wouldn't do, no matter what, since I <s>love</s> respect her too much for that), or should I just let her work this out on her own?

One can always give their friends advice, but from what you've said, it doesn't really sound like any advice is necessary, especially if they're just "e-dating". I'd say just stay out of it, unless she actually asks you for your opinion.

When I was 28/29 I was talking to a girl 18/19 and people thought it was wrong

I would have thought that was weird, too. That's a large difference in age. Hell, I'm only 24, and I couldn't see myself being interested in anyone under 21. Most people I know only a few years younger than me are still incredibly immature.

This is really such a post 80's development.

It really is. When my parents were married in 1978, my mom was 17 and my dad was 31. While I'm sure a few people thought that was a bit odd (hell, I think it's a bit odd), from what I can gather, they didn't encounter any objections or resistance to their marriage. And now they'll be celebrating their 32nd anniversary this year, so you never really know how these things might work out.

 

[Shaytan]

I was in love with her too, but that is besides the point and that was several months ago.

Actually, it's certainly exactly the problem.

 

[Misfit Toy]

Those were my first two posts.

Except, instead of "my friend is," it was "I am."

Wasn't that a jealousy issue too?


The Trek thing, not the nekkid babies thing.

 

[Trekker4747]

As a couple others have said, this has nothing to do w/ pedophilia, and unless she's sending him inappropriate photos, or he's soliciting sex, there's nothing illegal about it.

Even then it'd have nothing to do with pedophilia.

Pedophilia is sexual attraction/relations with a child -that is- someone who has not gone through puberty.

Sexual atraction to someone whose gone through (or is going through) puberty but is not yet an adult, that is a teenager or an adolescent, is ephebophilia and has a merit or two of acceptability to it.

All kidding aside, the OP shouldn't express too many concerns. In many states 17 is legal and while it may not be legal on federal level so long as their contact and discussions remains fairly platonic then there's no harm being done.

 

[Michael Chris]

The age difference isn't huge, and some people are more or less mature than others. I have known people at 17 who are more mature than people who are 30. If someone want to avoid the legality issues: DON'T HAVE SEX when one is not married. In fact that solves a whole lot more problems than simple legalities.

 

[Starbreaker]

I talked to a 17 year old in person last year. I guess I'm really going to jail & hell for that one.