Is my best friend crazy?

[kevin1gamer]

My best friend is 17 years old, and she is online dating a 21 year old man from Maine (her and I live in Missouri, which is like a 16 hour drive away). That is pedophilia for one, and wrong for two. I was in love with her too, but that is besides the point and that was several months ago. Now we have gone back to being best friends (which we were before I kind of blew everything by telling her how I felt about her). She is insanely hot, so it's not like she can't find a guy in real life. So I don't know why she is e-dating this 21 year old guy that she plays Halo 3 with online. She is like obsessing over him or something, she paid money to change her Xbox Live name to "KissableJuliet", which is a mimic of the 21 year old Mainian's gamertag, "KissableRomeo". That is a reference to "Romeo and Juliet" by Wililam Shakespear, in case you were wondering. Everyone is talking about her and how screwed up it is. Though someone at our school said it wasn't as weird as the time his brother went to a funeral on World of Warcraft (some World of Warcraft player died in real life, so his WoW friends held an online funeral on World of Warcraft in his honor or something), but that doesn't change the fact that this is weird. In fact, this is the weirdest thing that has ever happen in my entire life. It obviously isn't healthy for such a thing to happen, plus it's illegal. Should I give some advice to my best friend, but not interfere in her relationship (which I wouldn't do, no matter what, since I <s>love</s> respect her too much for that), or should I just let her work this out on her own?

 

[JonathonWally]

My best friend is 17 years old, and she is online dating a 21 year old man from Maine (her and I live in Missouri, which is like a 16 hour drive away). That is pedophilia for one, and wrong for two.

Um, that's not pedophilia. Pedophilia is the attraction to pre-pubescent children.

Not between a 21 yo and a 17yo

Especially when the age of consent in Missouri in 17. link

But you're rationalized jealousy does make for decent entertainment.

 

[RoJoHen]

It is not remotely illegal for a 17- and 21-year old to talk to each other online.

People meet each other in all sorts of ways. While I think it's a bit strange to "date" someone you've never actually met in real life, there's nothing wrong with getting to know someone that way. I have plenty of online friends that I've never met in person.

 

[Amaris]

My best friend is 17 years old, and she is online dating a 21 year old man from Maine (her and I live in Missouri, which is like a 16 hour drive away). That is pedophilia for one,

Well, it's probably statutory, but it's not pedophilia. Pedophilia involves the sexual attraction to prepubescent girls or boys.

and wrong for two. I was in love with her too, but that is besides the point and that was several months ago. Now we have gone back to being best friends (which we were before I kind of blew everything by telling her how I felt about her). She is insanely hot, so it's not like she can't find a guy in real life. So I don't know why she is e-dating this 21 year old guy that she plays Halo 3 with online.

Whoa, wait. "E-dating"? Well unless he can slip his little thing through the internet and out the other side to her, he hasn't done anything.

She is like obsessing over him or something, she paid money to change her Xbox Live name to "KissableJuliet", which is a mimic of the 21 year old Mainian's gamertag, "KissableRomeo". That is a reference to "Romeo and Juliet" by Wililam Shakespear, in case you were wondering. Everyone is talking about her and how screwed up it is. Though someone at our school said it wasn't as weird as the time his brother went to a funeral on World of Warcraft (some World of Warcraft player died in real life, so his WoW friends held an online funeral on World of Warcraft in his honor or something), but that doesn't change the fact that this is weird. In fact, this is the weirdest thing that has ever happen in my entire life. It obviously isn't healthy for such a thing to happen, plus it's illegal.

It's not illegal yet (well at least in the U.S.). It's not a good idea, but it's not illegal, and it's not really unhealthy. The guy's only 4 years older than her, and she's almost an adult. If he tries to meet up with her for sex then that would be illegal.

Should I give some advice to my best friend, but not interfere in her relationship (which I wouldn't do, no matter what, since I <s>love</s> respect her too much for that), or should I just let her work this out on her own?

Strikethrough is disabled on this board.
Anyhoo, it might be best to let her sort things out. All you can do is offer advice, but it's up to her to make her decisions. It is best that she is wary, though, as it is illegal for her to have an intimate relationship if she is still considered underage. Some places do vary on that, however, so it is best for both parties to understand that.

 

[USS Triumphant]

The age of consent in Missouri is 17, and in Maine it is 16, which means their relationship wouldn't be illegal in either state even if it were sexual. And a 17 year old girl who is "insanely hot"* is not likely to draw a pedophile, who would want someone who actually looks like a child. Her relationship is her own business. If you want to tell her your concerns, feel free, but I would recommend doing so in a way that emphasizes your concern while not coming off like you are trying to tell her what to do or imply that you know more than she does. And really, about the best you can do is get your friend's assurance that if she goes at some point to meet this guy, she will do so in a well-lit and well-attended public place - the food court of a mall, for example.

And you may be overconcerned. I have known relationships that started online that actually worked out - and I have also known many more that never went anywhere beyond the web.

FYI: People on a Star Trek board do tend to know a bit about Shakespeare, and some of us have even read his works in the original Klingon.

*Edit: This Thread Is Useless Without Pictures.

 

[Jetfire]

When I was 28/29 I was talking to a girl 18/19 and people thought it was wrong...she worked across the street from me and we saw each other like everyday...I didn't think it was that bad because we like the same music and show etc...but she just liked it that an older guy was giving her attention...glad we didn't date.

I don't think it is wise for your friend to be talking to someone that old until she is 18 though, don't care if it is "legal".

 

[RoJoHen]

When I was 28/29 I was talking to a girl 18/19 and people thought it was wrong

I would have thought that was weird, too. That's a large difference in age. Hell, I'm only 24, and I couldn't see myself being interested in anyone under 21. Most people I know only a few years younger than me are still incredibly immature.

 

[Jetfire]

When I was 28/29 I was talking to a girl 18/19 and people thought it was wrong

I would have thought that was weird, too. That's a large difference in age. Hell, I'm only 24, and I couldn't see myself being interested in anyone under 21. Most people I know only a few years younger than me are still incredibly immature.

I usually go for women my age or older...it was a one time thing that happened out of the blue...I still don't understand it.

 

[Data Holmes]

When I was 28/29 I was talking to a girl 18/19 and people thought it was wrong

I would have thought that was weird, too. That's a large difference in age. Hell, I'm only 24, and I couldn't see myself being interested in anyone under 21. Most people I know only a few years younger than me are still incredibly immature.

This is really such a post 80's development.

 

[Jetfire]

^
Well like my grandparents and even great grandparents had like 10 year age difference...on set of grandparents had a 13 year difference...ofcourse he was 26 & she was 13...but that was back in the late 1800's...it would be so wrong now.

 

[RoJoHen]

^
Well like my grandparents and even great grandparents had like 10 year age difference...on set of grandparents had a 13 year difference...ofcourse he was 26 & she was 13...but that was back in the late 1800's...it would be so wrong now.

Um, yeah, considering she wasn't even done with puberty yet.

 

[Jetfire]

^
Well like my grandparents and even great grandparents had like 10 year age difference...on set of grandparents had a 13 year difference...ofcourse he was 26 & she was 13...but that was back in the late 1800's...it would be so wrong now.

Um, yeah, considering she wasn't even done with puberty yet.

I don't know why people were ok with it back then.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Am I the only one getting a very Jayson vibe right now?

 

[sidious618]

Am I the only one getting a very Jayson vibe right now?

I was thinking MadBaggins but all I know is that I can't wait for the inevitable update.

 

[Kommander]

The age of consent in Missouri is 17, and in Maine it is 16, which means their relationship wouldn't be illegal in either state even if it were sexual.

Federal law says the age of consent is 18. If someone crosses state lines for sex, the federal law applies. They would both have to be residents of the same state, and in that state, for the lower ages to apply.

I live in Michigan, where the age of consent is 16. I can bang all the 16-year-olds I want as long as they also live in Michigan. If I bang a 16 year old that lives in Delaware but is in Michigan visiting some friends or whatever, I'm in trouble because state lines were crossed so the federal law applies. Also, lets say I have a 16-year-old girlfriend that lives in Michigan, but we get a hotel room in Ohio where the age of consent is also 16. I'm in trouble again because of crossing state lines.

[Edit: I might be wrong about the above. Some information says 16 is the federal age of consent. I'm not a lawyer and don't plan on becoming one, so I'll just stick to women around my own age.]

I know entirely too much about statutory rape law for someone that doesn't make a habit of sleeping with teenagers...

Anyway, as for the 17/21 thing: No laws have been broken unless they meet up for sex or exchange photos where naughty bits are showing. Also possibly if they have "adult" conversations.

As for the creepiness angle, 17 and 21 are close enough. "The Equation" agrees: 21 / 2 + 7 = 17.5

 

[RJDiogenes]

In fact, this is the weirdest thing that has ever happen in my entire life.

You ain't been around.

As for the statutory rape/ age of consent thing: If she's 17, chances are she'll be 18 pretty soon.

 

[Trekker4747]

 

[Miss Chicken]

I can see nothing wrong with a relationship between a 17 year old and a 21 year old.

My sister-in-law got married at 17 to a 22 year old. That was about 33 years ago and it was considered normal. They are still mrried today. Myself, I was married at 18 (but it was a big mistake).

In most Australian states the age of consent is 16. Almost everyone can have legal sex with a 16 year old unless they are in a position of authority over her (policeman, teacher etc).

In Tasmania it is 17 but if the younger of the couple is 13 or 14 and the other one is less than two years older no charges are laid, if the younger is 15 or 16 and the other person is less than 5 years old no charges are laid.

 

[kes7]

You want her, she's with someone else. That sucks for you, but no one is going to go to jail for it, and it doesn't make her crazy.

(Oh, and for the record, when I started dating my husband, I was 20 and he was 35. We're now 29 and 44 and happily married with two kids. An age difference isn't always a bad idea. And four years? Nothing. )

 

[kevin1gamer]

He is a college student, she is still a Junior in high school. Everyone at school is talking about how fucked up that is of her to do and how "illegal" it is. Her brother came to me about this, because he is worried about her. Her other friends have come to me about this as well.