OH when I answered "drama" in the poll I assumed it meant melodrama. Lots of MarySue, subtext seeping into everything..
Establishing the Star Trek XII (fake 2012) Line-by-Line thread
- Thread starter GhostFaceSaint
- Start date
OH when I answered "drama" in the poll I assumed it meant melodrama. Lots of MarySue, subtext seeping into everything..
Oh yeah - how about them planning their invasion behind our backs, while on the surface offering an alliance against the Romulans (see my post above), acting all "jovial space Viking" à la TNG. "Let's forget our differences and former misunderstandings in the face of this greater threat", and all that crap.
And wouldn't the idealists in the Federation love to believe in the big reconciliation scheme... when all the races of the known universe sing Kumbayah
Making our heroes realize that the Klingons are not jovial space Vikings and putting them at odds with the Federation diplomats and politicians who think they have no choice but to side with the Klingons, now that the Roms are at war with us.
Since I'm trying to merge this with my own ideas, in my version it would only be the Enterprise fighting some Klingon ships over the colony. At this point they are the only ones opposing the alliance with the Klingons, so who are the traitors? The Enterprise crew, going against the official policy of the Federation, or the Vulcan who forced the Federation into this war? And at this point we still don't know about the role that Admiral Odin plays behind the scenes...
Yes! Andorian/Vulcan animosities being resurrected! I like that! How firm is the base of the Federation? Will it break apart in a crisis like this?
I also think we need more female characters like Rand and Chapel, but the danger is that the plot falls apart if you try to give each of them a "special moment". Each appearance needs to fill a demand of the plot, the plot mustn't be built around myriads of characters.
At some point I want to see Romulans, and I don't mean just a space battle. There must be personal interaction.
And of course, the war that will incinerate thousands of worlds and destroy the three major powers of the quadrant must be averted somehow. We don't want the Cardassians to rule.
I like the idea of the Klingons and Nero's writings.
Maybe...before the titles--we see the interrogation scene that was cut from Trek XI.
Black-and-white, too. That's always good. We change to color with the opining titles, and the EPIC theme....
Maybe...before the titles--we see the interrogation scene that was cut from Trek XI.
Black-and-white, too. That's always good. We change to color with the opining titles, and the EPIC theme....
startrekrcks
Fleet Captain
I want more of the trio fleshed out like banter between Kirk, Spock and Bones their relationship and have a exciting story what do you think
^Yup. That's practically a given. 
Now...we also need, if we're going with Admiral Odin, to show him as sympathetic. It would be FAR to easy to just write it off as, "Oh, he's nuts, he's gone bad", etc.
Have Odin helping Kirk out a lot, guiding him through different things, giving him pointers on how to deal with enemies--teching him things we recognize as being part of the Kirk we know and grew up with.
Now...we also need, if we're going with Admiral Odin, to show him as sympathetic. It would be FAR to easy to just write it off as, "Oh, he's nuts, he's gone bad", etc.
Have Odin helping Kirk out a lot, guiding him through different things, giving him pointers on how to deal with enemies--teching him things we recognize as being part of the Kirk we know and grew up with.
Oh yes - for once, I want to have antagonists who are sane and not simply eeeeevil. I want their motives to be reasonable, so much so that it's making us ponder our own (= Kirk's) standpoint. A decision has much more weight if you have to think through things first instead of simply saying, "of course he's EVIL - that means we're automatically right." Things are never that easy.
It would make a good line for McCoy: "Hell, Jim, everyone does what they think is the right thing - we just don't agree on what the right thing is!"
Well, there's only one man to fit the bill: Pike. And only he can deliver that blow, because we, the audience, are already emotionally committed to him. He's our hero as much as Kirk's. We love him; he's awesome
I want Odin to be a likable noble character who essentially falls into darkness and betrays Kirk, so definitely sympathetic.
I am going to post a brief summary of a revised five acts shortly. FIrst I am going to log back out, type up the summary, and if you like it I will write a more detailed synopsis on it.
I am going to post a brief summary of a revised five acts shortly. FIrst I am going to log back out, type up the summary, and if you like it I will write a more detailed synopsis on it.
Ok here is the first two acts of five plus a brief set of character bio's.
New characters to be introduced.
Admiral Drew Odin played by actor Viggo Mortensen (Age 51)
A noble character respected and admired by the crew of the USS Enterprise, a colleague and friend of Sarek, and a father figure to Kirk. Odin is married to a Vulcan named T’Ardor who together had two adopted human children, one, a young female officer in Starfleet named Aili McIntyre, and the other a son who died as first officer on the USS Farragut over Vulcan.
Lt. Aili McIntyre played by undetermined at this time.
Charismatic despite being a little cold, her mothers daughter (T’ardor) she was born with Twilight syndrome (23rd century equivalent to bipolarism) has adopted many Vulcan disciplines to help herself function. At age twenty-four, she is a beautiful woman, with long red hair she keeps in a pony tail. Aili McIntyre is brilliant and calculating, however she is very capable of quick decisive action., new to the USS Enterprise she will quickly capture Kirks attention. She has a strained relationship with her father Admiral Odin.
Cadet Janice Rand, a sixteen year old second year cadet, on assignment through the academy, she is brilliant albeit reserved, but very happy to have been given an assignment aboard the USS Enterprise., Rand is a liaison to Yeoman Marcus Holiday who is her friend but who warns her that her crush on the Captain could be a source of trouble for her. Captain Kirk doesn’t notice her as she is too young for him, but she does notice the Captain’s attention towards Lt. McIntyre and is very jealous of her.
Yeoman Marcus Holiday, an eighteen year old African male fresh from the academy, he is a little cocky however he has shown himself wise beyond his years. He is his Liason; Cadet Rand’s only friend on the Enterprise right now and although protective of her, he hopes that Rand doesn’t get him in any trouble with the Captain.
Nurse Chapel. We simply must to bring her in for this. Just out of the Academy at age twenty-eight she is Dr McCoy’s new nurse, she is bright and sensitive and I am open to any suggestions on who should play her.
Five acts altogether.
Act one: setting; The USS Enterprise is in orbit of a lush planet while the crew explores it. There is a species of pre-industrial reptilian humanoids living there who the crew is trying to protect from a strange new species of invaders known as the Ferengi. Kirk, Spock, and Uhura with their landing party are ambushed and taken prisoner by the Ferengi. Lt. McIntyre with Lt. Sulu rescue Kirk without killing any of the Ferengi then Kirk and Spock negotiate with the Ferengi leader to leave the indigenous people alone. Since the Ferengi want compensation Kirk extents an invitation to the Ferengi to come to the interstellar peace negotiations due to take place between the three superpowers, the Romulan Empire, the Klingon Empire, and the UFP on a neutral Cardassian planet in one stellar month. With the invitation accepted the USS Enterprise warps to Earth.
Character Points during the rescue we should see Uhura freed first to clobber a few Ferengi, Sulu should get some action too. Captain Kirk compliments McIntyre who seems immune to Kirks charm frustrating the Captain a little who likes McIntyre. Spock should be the one to suggest the peace conference as a way to negotiate with the Ferengi.
Scene shift to a Klingon Warbird in Klingon space moving at warp, onboard we meet Commander Kor who orders the crew which is at battle stations to take the pirates prisoners. The Warbird cloaks and we see three beet up starships attacking a large lumbering one. The Warbird decloaks and quickly disables the pirates ships. Kor orders boarders to be smart and not kill all the pirates. When the prisoners are brought onboard Kor’s ship we see that the pirates are Romulan. The first officer asks Kor why they can‘t just dispatch the Romulan “dogs“ and Kor says that in the interest of intergalactic diplomacy they need to restrain themselves for now but“We will, at least, use you as bargaining chip.” Speaking to the captured pirates.
Act two, setting Earth.
First scene Starfleet HQ Admiral Odin’s office. Odin, Kirk, Spock and McCoy meet to discuss their goals at the peace conference. Odin asks about his daughter and Kirk tells him that she is a fine officer and asks Odin if the two have spoken since the Enterprise got back to Earth which Odin reveals they have not. We learn here that Odin knows both Spock and Kirk having helped tutor Kirk and being a long time friend of Sarek, Spock’s father. Odin tells Kirk that he and Ambassador Sarek will be coming aboard the USS Enterprise which will be the flagship to the fleet warping to the conference in Cardassian Space.
Second scene, Scotty with Keenser and Chekov are aboard the USS Heracles in space dock, the ship is an older Dreadnought to be commanded by the Admiral, a ship which is being taken out of mothballs to go on the mission to the Peace conference. Scotty comments to the chief engineer of the Heracles how durable the old lass is and how they might need to take out all the mothballed Dreadnoughts if the peace conference fails. We get some comedy here between Chekov and Keenser as we learn that Keenser is a very capable Engineer who embarrasses Chekov a little who doesn’t have the same prowess with tools that Keenser does.
Scene three. We open to Spock and Uhura in dress uniform who are discussing Spock’s relationship with Sarek and how it still hasn’t been an easy one. Uhura asks if maybe they should move in to the same quarters together, and Spock notes that Vulcans marry first and that he notes that he has seen many human relationships fail when couples move in together, Uhura teases a little about marriage and Spock says such a union would be beneficial to them, but Uhura asks what would your father think of it? They arrive at the shuttle bay joining the rest of the crew who are now taking onboard Sarek and his contingent. We quickly transition to everyone on the bridge with Kirk given the go-ahead to begin by Admiral Odin onboard the Heracles, Kirk than orders the fleet into warp.
Act three will be posted later today.
New characters to be introduced.
Admiral Drew Odin played by actor Viggo Mortensen (Age 51)
A noble character respected and admired by the crew of the USS Enterprise, a colleague and friend of Sarek, and a father figure to Kirk. Odin is married to a Vulcan named T’Ardor who together had two adopted human children, one, a young female officer in Starfleet named Aili McIntyre, and the other a son who died as first officer on the USS Farragut over Vulcan.
Lt. Aili McIntyre played by undetermined at this time.
Charismatic despite being a little cold, her mothers daughter (T’ardor) she was born with Twilight syndrome (23rd century equivalent to bipolarism) has adopted many Vulcan disciplines to help herself function. At age twenty-four, she is a beautiful woman, with long red hair she keeps in a pony tail. Aili McIntyre is brilliant and calculating, however she is very capable of quick decisive action., new to the USS Enterprise she will quickly capture Kirks attention. She has a strained relationship with her father Admiral Odin.
Cadet Janice Rand, a sixteen year old second year cadet, on assignment through the academy, she is brilliant albeit reserved, but very happy to have been given an assignment aboard the USS Enterprise., Rand is a liaison to Yeoman Marcus Holiday who is her friend but who warns her that her crush on the Captain could be a source of trouble for her. Captain Kirk doesn’t notice her as she is too young for him, but she does notice the Captain’s attention towards Lt. McIntyre and is very jealous of her.
Yeoman Marcus Holiday, an eighteen year old African male fresh from the academy, he is a little cocky however he has shown himself wise beyond his years. He is his Liason; Cadet Rand’s only friend on the Enterprise right now and although protective of her, he hopes that Rand doesn’t get him in any trouble with the Captain.
Nurse Chapel. We simply must to bring her in for this. Just out of the Academy at age twenty-eight she is Dr McCoy’s new nurse, she is bright and sensitive and I am open to any suggestions on who should play her.
Five acts altogether.
Act one: setting; The USS Enterprise is in orbit of a lush planet while the crew explores it. There is a species of pre-industrial reptilian humanoids living there who the crew is trying to protect from a strange new species of invaders known as the Ferengi. Kirk, Spock, and Uhura with their landing party are ambushed and taken prisoner by the Ferengi. Lt. McIntyre with Lt. Sulu rescue Kirk without killing any of the Ferengi then Kirk and Spock negotiate with the Ferengi leader to leave the indigenous people alone. Since the Ferengi want compensation Kirk extents an invitation to the Ferengi to come to the interstellar peace negotiations due to take place between the three superpowers, the Romulan Empire, the Klingon Empire, and the UFP on a neutral Cardassian planet in one stellar month. With the invitation accepted the USS Enterprise warps to Earth.
Character Points during the rescue we should see Uhura freed first to clobber a few Ferengi, Sulu should get some action too. Captain Kirk compliments McIntyre who seems immune to Kirks charm frustrating the Captain a little who likes McIntyre. Spock should be the one to suggest the peace conference as a way to negotiate with the Ferengi.
Scene shift to a Klingon Warbird in Klingon space moving at warp, onboard we meet Commander Kor who orders the crew which is at battle stations to take the pirates prisoners. The Warbird cloaks and we see three beet up starships attacking a large lumbering one. The Warbird decloaks and quickly disables the pirates ships. Kor orders boarders to be smart and not kill all the pirates. When the prisoners are brought onboard Kor’s ship we see that the pirates are Romulan. The first officer asks Kor why they can‘t just dispatch the Romulan “dogs“ and Kor says that in the interest of intergalactic diplomacy they need to restrain themselves for now but“We will, at least, use you as bargaining chip.” Speaking to the captured pirates.
Act two, setting Earth.
First scene Starfleet HQ Admiral Odin’s office. Odin, Kirk, Spock and McCoy meet to discuss their goals at the peace conference. Odin asks about his daughter and Kirk tells him that she is a fine officer and asks Odin if the two have spoken since the Enterprise got back to Earth which Odin reveals they have not. We learn here that Odin knows both Spock and Kirk having helped tutor Kirk and being a long time friend of Sarek, Spock’s father. Odin tells Kirk that he and Ambassador Sarek will be coming aboard the USS Enterprise which will be the flagship to the fleet warping to the conference in Cardassian Space.
Second scene, Scotty with Keenser and Chekov are aboard the USS Heracles in space dock, the ship is an older Dreadnought to be commanded by the Admiral, a ship which is being taken out of mothballs to go on the mission to the Peace conference. Scotty comments to the chief engineer of the Heracles how durable the old lass is and how they might need to take out all the mothballed Dreadnoughts if the peace conference fails. We get some comedy here between Chekov and Keenser as we learn that Keenser is a very capable Engineer who embarrasses Chekov a little who doesn’t have the same prowess with tools that Keenser does.
Scene three. We open to Spock and Uhura in dress uniform who are discussing Spock’s relationship with Sarek and how it still hasn’t been an easy one. Uhura asks if maybe they should move in to the same quarters together, and Spock notes that Vulcans marry first and that he notes that he has seen many human relationships fail when couples move in together, Uhura teases a little about marriage and Spock says such a union would be beneficial to them, but Uhura asks what would your father think of it? They arrive at the shuttle bay joining the rest of the crew who are now taking onboard Sarek and his contingent. We quickly transition to everyone on the bridge with Kirk given the go-ahead to begin by Admiral Odin onboard the Heracles, Kirk than orders the fleet into warp.
Act three will be posted later today.
HUZAH! The Star Trek LbL 2.0 thread has been started!
Anyway after I write the rest of the current story I am working on I will ask for opinions, than rewrite it with more structure.
I am going to ask that when we all post are more detailed story summaries that they go by act and scene, say five acts and three scenes per act also describing the setting and characters to appear as each story gets more refined.
I will also go to our TrekBBS fan fiction writers and ask if any of them would like to get involved in writing a summary.
Anyway after I write the rest of the current story I am working on I will ask for opinions, than rewrite it with more structure.
I am going to ask that when we all post are more detailed story summaries that they go by act and scene, say five acts and three scenes per act also describing the setting and characters to appear as each story gets more refined.
I will also go to our TrekBBS fan fiction writers and ask if any of them would like to get involved in writing a summary.
startrekrcks
Fleet Captain
that sounds brilliant that storyline.
Wow. You're introducing three original characters (two of whom will only have supporting roles), two from TOS (who also can only have supporting roles), Klingons, Romulans, and now even Ferengis - add that to the seven people we already have established in St XI and you don't have a story, you have an opera with a giant choir!
Really, I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but how are going to find a plot that does justice to all of them without getting lost in a myriad of subplots? If this is meant as a virtual script for a virtual movie, you only have 90 minutes to tell the tale and get to the point.
And for every new character you're introducing, you need to write a scene that forms an emotional bond between this new person and the viewer/reader - for which you will have to sacrifice scenes with established characters that we're already attached to.
********
Another question: is this meant as a brainstorming session that will lead to a merging of everyone's best ideas, or should everyone post his own complete story and we'll have some kind of poll? Just trying to be clear on how this is meant to proceed.
Really, I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but how are going to find a plot that does justice to all of them without getting lost in a myriad of subplots? If this is meant as a virtual script for a virtual movie, you only have 90 minutes to tell the tale and get to the point.
And for every new character you're introducing, you need to write a scene that forms an emotional bond between this new person and the viewer/reader - for which you will have to sacrifice scenes with established characters that we're already attached to.
********
Another question: is this meant as a brainstorming session that will lead to a merging of everyone's best ideas, or should everyone post his own complete story and we'll have some kind of poll? Just trying to be clear on how this is meant to proceed.
I was thinking we would do five acts instead of three (three by the way is 120 minutes not 90 by the way, which was how long XI was at 2hrs 7min), to really have some fun with it but if everyone wants a shorter three act by three scene per act movie thats fine but why not go longer?
RobertScorpio sent me this in a email.
Nowhere Man
Commodore
A couple of questions and concerns, first off, is Spock prime assuming another name or is he full disclosure. I would think that Spock would be at risk because he has info about the future or at least info on other species, planets and civilizations. I also think that Spock would want to be fair and not tip one hand to the other. This would piss off some people. Second, if new Spock is going through a "phase", then I think Mcoy would be the first one to object, then Kirk. Third is, well, I never really have wrote any fanfic or much of anything, but I tend to get a lot A's on writng projects in college,so I think I have a little bit of talent. I'd like to be a part of this if possible. I don't actually agree with having Cardassians or Ferangi in it, but it's a colaberation, so be it. I think the sucess of XI was KISS. keep it simple stupid and adding all the other elements is a bit much. If you wanna have good charachter moments have them short and sweet. Lastly, I noticed in your story nurse Chapel is a cadet, in Trek XI Chapel was actually mentioned to be already on the Enterprise by Mcoy. I don't know if she was a cadet, but she was already mentioned to be there.
I didn't notice Chapel's name in XI, though I was talking about her as being just out of the academy as a new nurse while Rand is the cadet. By the way you are welcome to contribute in any way. Do you have any ideas for a story yet?
startrekrcks
Fleet Captain
Yes I noticed but it would have been pretty neat to see Nurse Chapel I hope we do get to see more TOS characters in Trek XII.
Nowhere Man
Commodore
The ideas I had were posted on the first or second page.I definately think the crew should be split up so that we can see each person exibit thier skills, but keep Kirk, Spock and Bones together. Give Pike a central role and have Spock prime involved, but niether Pike or Spock should overshadow the main crew. Bring back Amanda in the end by way of Scotty using transporter and have a cliffhanger ending.Have a TOS style ending with some sort of joke, then Kirk lightly slaps Scotty on the stomach. Those are the only ideas I have right now, other than what I posted erlier. The cliffhanger I had in mind was seeing the Enterprise E and Data and Picard discussing how to bring back Spock. This would sort of like the end of POTC
ead Mans Chest.
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I am working on a simpler story which I hope to have posted online by tonight.
