How many people here feels lonely alot!

[Amaris]

Is it wrong of me to say that I wish I was just a little bit lonely? I work in an office full of people, I have a wife and two kids, plus a dog, and I volunteer for my son's Cub Scout pack. Everytime I turn around there is someone there, usually needing something from me.
I usually refuse to go to lunch with people anymore just so I can have some 'Kirby time'.

For everyone that's lonely, please go volunteer somewhere: Animal shelters, hospitals, schools, churches, homeless shelters (Soap Kitchens, if you're MadBaggins). You'll help people, get out of the house, and make yourself feel better.

Well, it goes back to wanting to feel alone and feeling lonely. I am not alone, believe me, I have too many responsibilities, and like you, too many people who need me to do something for them. In that respect, I am never alone. I am, however, very lonely. You seem like you just need some alone time, and while I would like the same, it is far different from being lonely. Much, much different.

J.

 

[nevermore]

For everyone that's lonely, please go volunteer somewhere: Animal shelters, hospitals, schools, churches, homeless shelters (Soap Kitchens, if you're MadBaggins). You'll help people, get out of the house, and make yourself feel better.

GREAT advice. Get out there, build some social capital and feel like you're part of something.

 

[Goji]

Bless you all. I feel all mumsy now. I could take you all home and give you a good feed and lots of beer. Especially Goji who's got a broken heart.

Thanks, but I'm doing okay for the most part. It could have been a lot worse. I'm actually surprised it wasn't. Beer would probably not make the situation any better.

 

[RandyS]

No. I'm not alone enough to be lonely. There is always at least one other person around.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

I feel lonely quite often. I have two dogs...but that really isn't enough, I don't think.

I also have my sister here in town and we are very close...and I have 3-4 girlfriends that I can go have a meal with occasionally. But especially since I started working from home, that leaves me alone a good bit of the time.

It's odd - I talk on the phone all day to colleagues all over the US - I'm on conference calls 5 - 6 hours of every day. But yet, sitting here alone is really starting to get to me - you can be on calls with people all day, and still be lonely. It's just not the same as going into the office, hanging out with co-workers, etc.

These days, I can go 4 days without leaving my house, except to let the dogs out and go to the mailbox. I work at home, I have a treadmill and home gym downstairs, an internet connection, and a crapload of books and DVDs.....and not a ton of people to do stuff with because my sister and all of my girlfriends are married and have families to look after. But live like I do now, and the next thing you know, you are realizing you haven't taken your car out of the garage all week.

It's really not good...but I have sorta poked around for things like book clubs to join in my area, etc, and came up empty. I live in a fairly wealthy, soccer mom part of town, and all the women's clubs are during the day, during the week when all the housewives have nothing to do. And I'm working during those hours.

The churches I have attended had NOTHING for single people my age - all the activities were geared for families with kids. I used to go to Mass every week, but I never felt a part of things, because there were no groups to join unless you had kids, or unless you were a single person in their 20's. Which I am not.

For a few years I purchased season tickets to the Symphony for my nephew and mysef, and I really enjoyed that. But he went to college this year...and it's no fun going to the Symphony alone. So now even that's off my calendar.

I have to find ways of getting out of this house soon though. I'm prone to chronic depression - have been all my life. And these days, even the happy pills I've been on for years are really not doing the trick. I keep busy - I have things to entertain me so I'm not bored - books, DVDs, working out, taking up bread baking, etc. But keeping busy and 'entertained' is a poor substitute for human contact. It's like treating the symptom rather than the root problem.

 

[freak]

I feel lonely as well most of the time. But as a child, I always preoccupied myself with other activities. Now it's just watching TV and such and it sucks when you don't have a job or a boyfriend or friend to talk to. However, a friend of mine DID call me on my bday a few days ago and left me a wonderful, cheerful message on my cellphone. She was saying how much she missed me and was so sorry to not keep in touch with me and everything. So that cheered me up and made me realize that hey I might not be as alone as I think. Hopefully things will be looking more up soon because I may have another job interview come up this next week and it's with one of the places that I have interviewed with before(but didn't get the position at the time). So we'll see. I'll keep my fingers crossed and my hopes on caution and anticipation.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

^ That's pretty cool that your old girlfriend called you.

I had that happen a few months ago - a woman I used to work with and was very close to found me on Linked Up and sent me an email. We've gotten together twice for lunch and have had a lot of fun catching up. We will stay in touch now - I think that we have both really missed each other and appreciate each other more.

But it's the same 'ole story - she is married and has one child with another on the way...so not much free time to do much with me. Saturday lunch every 8 weeks or so...times 3-4 girlfriends is not what I would call a real 'social life'.

I'm certainly grateful for my girlfriends...but I'd do anything for a friend my age who wasn't married and who could actually DO stuff besides a quick lunch every couple of months.

 

[Jono]

Not really.

If I attend a social occasion with my friends who are all in long term, stable relationships and they have their partners there, after its over I do at times feel a tinge of loneliness when I come home to an empty house. It doesn't last very long.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I live alone, away from my family, but I do okay. I get out of the house, I go to work every day, I have friends. I'm not someone who needs to be around people constantly, but when I do want to hang out with somebody, there is usually someone available.

Everybody gets lonely. It's a natural feeling. You just can't dwell on it. If you find yourself sitting around, focused on how lonely you are, it's time to get up and get out of the house. It doesn't matter where you go--go to a bar, I don't care. Just go somewhere with people. Strike up a conversation with someone.

And honestly, in this age of the Internet, how the hell does anyone have trouble meeting people? Find a common interest group that's based in your geographical area and arrange to meet some people. Sign up for a dating site--most of them have a "friends only" option so you can just find people to engage with platonically. But it shouldn't be that hard to find people in your local area to hang out with.

I mean, if I could manage it, it's gotta be easy.

 

[iguana_tonante]

My cats mostly just want to sit on your lap or be fed treats...

My parent's cat, bless her cold and wet nose, had the power of making me feel like clown a with a single look. I called it the "you, foolish human"-look. You must keep yours at bay with the sheer power of your personality. (now, why I'm not surprised?)

 

[Yeoman Randi]

I almost always feel it. Part of it is the depression but also the fact that I don't have many friends and no girlfriend. I spend alot time by myself and it gets to me. I end up sleeping alot and thinking of suicide. Granted my OCd is doing better but in away that is worst because I feel empty when I'm not fretting over my thoughts. The more relaxed I fell the more empty I feel inside and that can get distrubing.

Jason

Jason honey, i am very upset and disturbed at your post. I'm going to PM you, but i do want to say something here.

Clinical depression is an illness. A real illness that cannot be swept away by a dog or volunteer work or anything else. It needs to be dealt with by professionals who know what they are doing.

Anyone feeling this deep, dark type of depression needs to seek professional help, such as a counselor or therapist.

Clinical depression is a very deep and dark hole that one cannot climb out of without a hand.

PMing you now.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

^ This is very true. And while you are at it, get your doctor involved.

I've struggled with depression all my life - it's an inherited issue from both sides of my biological family, and it is not fun.

Most of the time, I do okay as long as I am on my pills - Wellbutrin. But when I go off the pills....or even when I am on the pills and a bunch of really stressful/worrisome stuff starts piling up, it is very easy for me to become really depressed.

And I agree - no dog or volunteer work can fix that. Those things are okay to do when you simply want to 'shake off the blues' or whatever. But they don't work for people who are chronically, clinically depressed.

Now, I have to say that I'm no longer a big fan of counseling either. Been there, done that, got a whole drawer full of T-shirts, and it was pointless. I'd go in there every week in a reasonably good mood...and come out an hour later so depressed and upset that it would take me the next 2 days to climb out of the hole 'talking about it' put me into.

That would be okay if these guys had given me any ideas whatever about how I could fix my 'issues' (which mostly had to do with my mother) or move past them. But I felt like all the counseling did was remind me of them once a week.

So I don't know if I buy that part any longer. Maybe it was just the counselors I saw...but I went to about 4 of them, and none of them helped. I don't know if they give people with insurance the crappiest counselors or something, and save the good ones for the rich people who can pay full price in cash....but I never got a counselor who did me a damn bit of good.

So these days, I just take my happy pills, do regular aerobic exercise (to release those endorphins) and try to stay busy enough with work and interests that I don't think about it.

But I'd give anything to be 'fixed'...if that's even possible.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

^ Success with a professional really depends upon the therapist. There are some who give you real tools to use in everyday life and sets goals with you. They work. Then there are some who ignore all the signs you are giving them that what they are doing (like digging into your 'past' and trying to figure out "WHY" you are the way you are) that only make thigns worse. We had first hand experience with both 3 years ago and that kind of therapist will, like you say PKTREKGIRL only make matters worse. Medication is important and NOT DRINKING or doing other drugs is important.

And anyone who suffers from depression must try to remember that there are people who will suffer greatly if you end your life (including yourself of course).

 

[PKTrekGirl]

^ Well, I don't know who you have to screw to get a good therapist in this town. In the past 15 years, I've been to at least 4 of them, and it was the same thing with each. Rooting around in stuff I'm just trying to forget, and making me upset all over again.

I don't CARE about the past. It's over, and it can't be changed, so why dwell on it? I want just ONE of these guys to talk about my future, and how I can improve it. That is what I am interested in.

But none of them ever have. And believe me - even WITH insurance, I have given these guys THOUSANDS of dollars of my hard-earned money - I mean, we are talking well into 5 figures. To no avail.

It actually makes me angry now, to think about how much money I have flushed down the toilet in the interests of the mental health industry.

Maybe there are good ones out there...but there is no way of knowing that until you have doled out a couple of thousand dollars and talked to them for a while. And by the time you figure out that you have yet another useless therapist on the line, you are so far down the road with them, talking about all the flotsam & jetsam of your life that you are ill equipped to start all over again with someone else.

And I am so discouraged now, with these quacks, that I simply gave up trying.

I am WAY tired of flushing my hard earned money down the crapper, only to feel WORSE than when I started.

 

[An Officer]

Have you tried CBT? I've heard it can be very effective. It is apparently more self-help oriented, and doesn't rely on you paying for a "talking cure" for years on end.

 

[Commander Rabbit]

Yes, I get lonely, too. I love solitude. But I also need a close friend or two, and I don't have any right now. Emphasis on the word "close", btw. Being w/ people I'm not close to can be lonely.

I'm really glad to hear the meds are helping your OCD.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

yep, thats why I try and go out just so I'm not bored, but my chances of getting some one are worse than the lotto at times.

 

[Warped9]

When I was younger loneliness could nearly choke me with depression. I've learned to cope with it as I've aged. I still get lonely from time to time, but different than before, perhaps not as acute.

Strangely enough most people don't seem to think of me as a lonely person. I've been told by some that they wish they could be more like me and apparently not burdened by feelings of loneliness and expectations. I laugh because they have no idea.

I'm surrounded by people and I can communicate and relate with most anyone I meet. But my heart is wrapped in a shroud of loneliness aching to connect with someone with whom communication is of a totally different nature than like with most others. I rarely encounter that. Presently the only one I know like that is about 250 miles away...and I miss her keenly.

I often feel apart from most others and feel that I don't really have much in common with them. Very rarely do I encounter someone with whom I can openly express what I'm really thinking and feeling.

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

Have you tried CBT? I've heard it can be very effective. It is apparently more self-help oriented, and doesn't rely on you paying for a "talking cure" for years on end.

Why would cock and ball torture help?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I feel lonely all the time. It eats away at me. It hurts especially since I don't know what to do about it (I don't know where to go to meet people).

The only time I don't feel lonely is when I'm with a large group of people doing sports related chanting activities. I think you can guess what I mean here.