Movie Caption Contest #120: Blu-Ray Blues - The Final Frontier

[Rat Boy]

Things may not be looking good right now, Mr. President, but it's time for another caption contest. First, let's explain a few things to...

For an anus joke not using the word "anus," our winner is...

CARTWRIGHT: "Why yes, proctology is a hobby of my, why do you ask?"

And for proving that sometimes it's not who you are but the company you keep, our winner is...

RU'AFO: "I'll leave you to think about your options, Picard. I'll be on the bridge -- oh, and I'm taking the Klingon with me."

DOUGHERTY: "Huh? Why do you want Commander Worf with you on the bridge?"

RU'AFO: "Have you seen the size of that gortch on his nose? If he's around, this zit I just popped on my forehead won't look so bad in comparison."

And for just the sort of lecture I had envisioned when I first saw the following picture, our winner is...

Pike: One day, Chekov, you'll start growing hair in funny places and thinking about girls.

And our Photoshop winners. First, continuing in his series of "Looking the Wrong Way at the Wrong Time" pictures, our winner is...

"Kirk's coming in! And he's gonna hit that building!"
"Er... Cartwright..."

And a special two-fer win, one for the Photoshopping and one for the caption, which will make the former laugh more than a squeezing of the buttcheeks joke...

Kirk: "No, no, no. You gotta have your "Fuck Face" when you're screwing a broad. Like this."

Congratulations to the winners and here's the leader board...

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 58
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 54
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 38
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 25
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 23
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
scottydog 18
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
LeadHead 14
Alrik 14
Skywalker 13
Nebusj 12
BriGuy 12
DS9Sega 11
zephramc 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
captain crow 8
John_Picard 8
cultcross 7
TheGallifreyanSith 7
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
Deranged Nasat 6
Daneel 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Mistral 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
USS Bones 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
Rat Boy 1
Tribble 1
Jonas Grumby 1

This week, we turn our attention back towards the latest Blu-Ray releases and the next in our series, Star Trek V. Yeah, better fasten your seatbelts for this one. First up, we have Dr. McCoy realizing that it's senior citizen's day at the nudist camp. Second, Harve Bennett makes an impromptu video conferencing appearance to give William Shatner a few pointers on the art of directing. Third, it's a fan dance; no further explanation required, I think. Fourth, we have what will surely inspire a bathroom joke or two. Fifth, Kirk and Spock suddenly feel very awkward about watching McCoy off his dad. And finally, I'm bringing back an old one from a past caption contest, this one of the gang talking to "God" and wondering if it's true that He kills a kitten every time a Vulcan smiles. Have at:

*I'll be updating on Sundays from now on*

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "These aren't binoculars! It's a Viewmaster!"

Admiral Bob: "And would you mind putting on some pants?"

Kirk: "You first."

The real reason the badguys were disappointed was that they were expecting Zoe Saldana.

Klaa: "Set course for the hair salon. I'm ready for my extensions."

Kirk: "Wait a minute; this doesn't look anything like your birth. Why isn't your dad on a speeder bike?"

It's a lot easier to see them crapping their pants in HD.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

On Nimbus III, Evildoers live in fear of the vengeful shadow that is... Fanwoman.

"You know, Spock. This light fixture Admiral Cartwright installed in my quarters has a rather odd blinking light. And then there was his remark about "seeing what we're up to clearly". I think we'd better reschedule the deal, Spock."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Damnit, Jim. Camping is disease and danger wrapped in bourbon and beans!

Uhura: Now for my ping-pong trick!

Klaa (singing): I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy by far.

And a twofer:

Uhura: Hello, boys.

Sybok: My god, she's... full of stars.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Admiral: "Alright, Kirk. What's this I hear about your ship? Apparently you've been ignoring everything our advisor Madeline has been saying"

Kirk: "she keeps picking bad times".

Admiral: "To say nothing of the class-A drugs you're smuggling aboard"

Kirk: "Well Carl isn't going to settle for class-B is he, sir?"

Admiral: "And what's this about the quartermaster getting requests for 350 pairs of assless chaps?!"

Kirk: "Well we don't wear them all the time. There is the nude jumping jacks"

Admiral: "Nude jumping ja--Kirk!

Kirk: *sigh*, this is a caption contest, sir. That means memes, and lots of them"

Admiral: "Now look here, Kirk--"

Kirk: "May I interest you in an anus, sir?"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Klaa: "It is settled! Helmsman, engage the warp drive. We shall visit the puppet show!

Vixis (thinking): "But I wanted to go to the pantomime..."

"Yes, that is indeed...impressive, God."
"My G--er,I mean, my goodness, that's huge!"
"What a monster! Truly are you top dog around here, my Lord!"

....
....
....

God: "Who said I couldn't create a corn dog so big even I couldn't eat it!?"

()

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I know my mistakes. I don't need Sybok to take me on a tour of them.
Spock: You mean like this motion picture.
Kirk: Yes like thi--oh, shut up, Spock.

 

[Rat Boy]

"God": "Does this better suit your expectations?"

Kirk: "It's the dude from Planet of the Apes!"

Spock: "I believe he was also in Soylent Green."

McCoy: "And Ben Hur."

Sybok: "Don't forget The Ten Commandments."

"God": "Morons."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Admiral Bennett: Once again, yours is the only starship within range. Man, we've got to stop sending the fleet out on all these inconvenient maneuvers.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Admiral Bennett: Once again, yours is the only starship within range. Man, we've got to stop sending the fleet out on all these inconvenient maneuvers.

Kirk: *sigh* "You don't have to keep doing this, sir: sending me on dangerous missions by claiming my ship's the only one in range. If you want rid of me that badly, just get it over with."

Bennett: "Fair enough. Bennett to fleet. All vessels target the Enterprise and prepare to fire".

 

[Candlelight]

Thanks for the win Rat Boy! I know I always forget to say thanks but I always mean to! And updating on Sunday's is great for me cos it's my Monday morning - what a way to start a week!

McCoy (thinking): "I really should stop staring at these locker room windows and start keeping an eye on Jim, although he's pretty good, he's unlikely to fall off that mountain"
*rolls around on the ground laughing to himself, then goes back to staring at the naked ladies*

Admiral Bob: "...and I hope you enjoy the Yorktown"

Kirk: "The what?"

Fan off screen: "I KNEW IT!"

Everyone turned out when they heard she was showing off her moons. They were sadly disappointed.

Klaa: "Bring us about. There are three more defenseless space probes from Earth's 20th century we have to destroy for some reason"

Kirk: "Must... ham... acting... scenery crewing... steal limelight..."
Spock: "Captain?"
Kirk: "Nothing Spock, nothing. What did I miss? Why is McCoy killing his old man?"

"Your ego looks even bigger in HD, Jim"

 

[Shatmandu]

Hey, thanks for the win! Woo!

<McCoy watches as Kirk and Spock talk.>
<Spock suddenly maneuvers behind Kirk and pulls Kirk's pants down.>
<Kirk struggles but is trapped on the rock face.>
<Spock pulls down his own pants and goes to town.>
McCoy: "That'll teach Spock to lose a bet ..."

No palm fronds for kilometers, so she just pulled out chunks of weave.

 

[Rat Boy]

Klaa: "Bring us about. There are three more defenseless space probes from Earth's 20th century we have to destroy for some reason"

Or...

Klaa: "There, that's ten. Considering how these damn things just seem to keep evolving into sentient killing machines, we can't take any chances."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: This really cuts back on the lensflare.

ADMIRAL BOB: We're coming back early from vacation. I hope you boys have behaved.

KIRK: Crap! Parties over dudes! Get this placed cleaned up!

KLAA: And Fosse, Fosse, Fosse. Turn.

Let's get it going people. Opening night is two days away!

 

[BriGuy]

Wow. Thanks for the win! That's three in recent contests after a rather long drought. Guess I'm gettin' funny again.

Admiral Bennett: Actually, Jim, you're not the only starship within range. The Federation Council just got done with a budget review and realized paying your pensions would bankrupt the Federation. So sending you off on a dangerous mission in a malfunctioning vessel was seen as a stroke of good fortune.

 

[BriGuy]

Admiral: What the hell has happened to your bridge? It's in pieces! We need the Enterprise in action now.

Kirk: ... it's Sulu... he lost his gerbil... again

 

[BriGuy]

McCoy: Yup, there Jim is, climbing the mountain, risking death, treating life like a game...

SQUIRREL!

... of all the foolish irresponsible things...

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "There it is, gentlemen. The McCoy cell phone. You can plug the charger into his eyes."

Admiral: "It's a conspiracy against Candlelight. You see, Rat Boy changes out the contest on Sunday, and Candlelight starts a day behind, on Monday."

Kirk: "Dumbass."

McCoy: "I hate these damn flashers!"

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "No, no, no. You gotta have your "Fuck Face" when you're screwing a broad. Like this."

Sah-WEET! Thanks for the *win* on that one.

McCoy: "What the -- there's four lights. What'ya think that means?"

Kirk: "Beats me. Let someone else worry about it another time."

Admiral Bennet: "Captain -- I don't think it's very wise for your bridge to be dismantled at a time like this."

Kirk: "Admiral, SHIT HAPPENS. Kirk out."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "That's it, Kirk, you naughty little minx: soap up your balls again. Yeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh ..."

Admiral Cameo: "You're the only expendable ship in the quadrant."

Klaa: "Find out who put 'DIE YOU INEFFECTUAL DOCHEBAG' in the suggestion box, would you?"

Kirk: "I said to distract them, not make them die screaming."