TOS Caption Contest #150: Cutbacks Are A Bitch

[tharpdevenport]

"More power!", he said, "More power!". Sometimes Scotty felt as though ... well ... he had the weight of the world on his hands. Either that, or he was tripping after the space hippies visited.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I'm gonna try a different bowl this month. I hope you like it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: If the next act is Uhura and her fan dance, I'm leaving.

SPOCK: Regulations require the Commanding officer stay for the entirety of "Talent Night'.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Carl Spock: "Doctor, I know you have been on leave for a month, but did not the Captain tell you? I lost both my legs in an away mission when Ensign Rickey fell ill at the last moment. My erect forked penises are filling the pant legs."

 

[Isis]

McCoy realized he'd have to put Kirk on a stricter diet when Scotty was no longer able to balance out the ship.

 

[Shatmandu]

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "Why? Because when Mr. Scott has been drinking and I approach him in a darkened room dressed this way, he freaks at the disembodied head coming after him, and even I think that's a hoot. That's why."

Shatner: "I just came from Joan Collins' dressing room. Let's just say...Edith Keeler's not nearly so sweet in person!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Yes, I've been pussy whiped. And by "pussy whiped" I mean beaten in the face with a cat.

 

[scottydog]

Scotty: "Black power."

Spock: "Black power."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "I like black women."

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "...and then I said, 'Lady -- I'd crawl over a mile of broken glass to listen to you *fart* over the telephone.' At that point, the Nausican punched me and the bar brawl started."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Doctor, all I'll say is this: never let a Vulcan catch you farting into his pillow."

McCoy: "So tell me: how'd you get Orion Stinkdick?"
Spock: "Logically."

 

[Rat Boy]

Duck Dodgers (off camera): "Whoops! I had the silly thing in reverse."

Kirk: "Word to the wise: never mix up which Orion girl you slept with."

McCoy: "It's that damned green blood of yours again."

Spock: "You know, you're acting like a little bitch again."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "... if you call that seven-chambered monstrosity a heart."
Spock: "At least my patch is sewn on straight."

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

"No doctor, unlike some humans and captains, Vulcan's never get fat."

"So do you just eat what you whatever you want?"

"Only when we are going through Pon Far, then I, as you humans say; stuff my face with food and drink, its a rather shameful time for Vulcan's."

 

[scottydog]

McCoy: "Spock, why won't you lie down?"
Spock: "The Captain farted on my pillow."
McCoy: "I can guarantee you the Captain did not fart on your pillow."
<Spock lies down>
McCoy: "I'm the one who farted on it."
<Spock bolts back up>

Spock: "Thank you for removing my appendix, doctor."
McCoy: "Appendix? I removed your nipples, Spock."
Spock: "On whose order, doctor?"
McCoy: "Nurse Chapel. Your nipples are framed and on her wall."
<pause>
Spock: "Eww."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Tonight, you can use that mouth of yours on something other than racist remarks, you big silly."
<McCoy gulps.>
Spock: "That's right."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "All I did was suggest the Enterprise forum do 'These Are The Voyages' line-by-line ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Kirk: "All I did was suggest the Enterprise forum do 'These Are The Voyages' line-by-line ..."

"To do so is the only death penalty left on our books."

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "That's the last time Shatmandu will make references to my wearing assless chaps."