Movie Caption Contest #106: Tender Loving Care

[Rat Boy]

Nine pages. Nine pages of just Klingons, a president, and Shatner on a rear-projection screen. No Picard, no Spock making funny faces, and no Sulu ramming some guy in the ass. You guys are too much some times. First up, let's sort through all the entries and dish out some love to...

First up is a tag-team win explaining why the Klingon ambassador really had a bat'leth to grind against Admiral Kirk...

KAMARAG:"...and if all of THAT wasn't bad and dishonorable enough! Then Kirk goes and impregnates my wife...

AND our two daughters!!!"

And also one of our sons!!!! We're still trying to figure that one out.

Plus my Targ!

For proving one should never get into a pissing contest with a Klingon, our winner is...

KLAA:"You've made your point Vixes. So you can piss standing up just as well as the rest of us. Now get a mop and clean that up."

And for mistaking blood lust for child-like innocence, our winner is...

"And do you know what happened then, Klingons? Yes, that's right, the Very Hungry Caterpillar became a beautiful butterfly. Look at the colours!"

A special tag-team Photoshop...

Floyd: Not now, Thelma Lou!

And a Multi-Picture caption guaranteed to make you bang your head against the wall to get the song out of your head...

Multi Cap Response.

Klingon: My Lady, we have developed the Ultimate weapon, see for yourself!

B'Etor: Perfect!

Lursa: That evil Klaa has embarrassed the House of Duras for the last time, send the weapon!

Vixis: We have an incoming message.

Klaa: On my scope!

Klaa: RICK ROLLED!!

Congratulations (*phew*) to our winners and here's the updated scoreboard:

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 49
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 49
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 42
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 29
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 23
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 22
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
Skywalker 12
Alrik 12
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
DS9Sega 11
LeadHead 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
zephramc 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kegek 8
Kirby 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
jptrekker 5
Bad Atom 5
captain crow 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Daneel 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
B.J. 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
Deranged Nasat 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1

This week we probe into an oft-used subplot in the movies: romance. First up, we Decker trying to ignore that video he saw in high school about not dating robots. Second, Patrick Stewart gets more and more pissed off that this is as close as he'll get to getting any on camera. Lastly, we have Trek's very first sex scene; we didn't ask for it and I'm sure half the people exiting the theater didn't want it, either. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Decker: "I shaved especially close this morning in anticipation of getting smacked by you."

Picard: "I'd like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body."

Anij: "I can speak English, you idiot."

Troi (thinking): Oh great, he knows I'm faking. Quick, I have to think of a way out of this!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Ilia: "There's only one place on a Deltan's body where hair grows freely. Wanna see?"
Decker: "I hope it's not where I think it is?"

Anij: "Mmm, you're a nice kisser."
Picard: "I am... I am? Wait, when did we kiss?"
Anij: "Oops, silly me, froze time again. Oh well, see you the next time you're in this star system. Gotta go."
Picard: "Woah, wait a minute..."

Troi: "Captain! There is no Prima Nocta in the Federation Statutes."
Picard: "Just think of Betazed, this will be over in an hour or so."

 

[Rat Boy]

Ilia: "V'Ger has made me fully functional. I am programmed in multiple techniques."

Decker: "Uh, I just remembered something. Scotty needed me to to help him...scrub the deuterium conduits, that's it!"

Anij: "Unfortunately, the metaphasic radiation didn't make some parts of me young."

Picard: "Such as?"

Anij: *whispers*

Picard: "Picard to Enterprise! One to beam up RIGHT NOW!"

Troi: "My God! You don't look anything like the captain!"

 

[Alrik]

Sweet! Thanks for the win Rat Boy!

Decker: "Um, sweetie. When I asked you to caress my head, I had something else in mind."

Picard: "Just curious. Does the carpet really match the drapes?"

Troi: "Dear lord, haven't you ever heard of mouth wash?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Hey, a win! Woo!

Decker: "Your head ... it reminds me of my shaved scrotum ..."

Picard: "A potato-battery has more chemistry than we do."

 

[Alrik]

Decker: "No honey, I really mean it. As long as I have a face, you'll always have a place to sit."

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win!

Winona Kirk: Little Jimmy, stop rearranging the mannequins every time we come to Sears!

Picard: The viagara are kicking in...would you be so kind as to stop time?
Anij: Not necessary, your orations do it better than I ever could.

Shinzon: Want a little Reman?
Troi: Beats a g-string full of Klingons.

 

[Rat Boy]

Troi really didn't like it when people brought up her driving skills while in bed.

 

[Shatmandu]

Decker, glancing up: "Your scarf ... it's the same one I used to tie my testicles off with in a crude form of birth control ..."

 

[Triskelion]

Decker: That reminds me, did you wash your hands?

Picard: I wanted you since the first moment I saw you.
Anij: And I knew you were the one for me when I saw you skulking outside my bedroom window with that pervy gay sex doll.
Picard: That reminds me, where's Mr Data gotten off to?

Shinzon: That reminds me, I need to order the Viceroy to scrub the cargo bay with a toothbrush.

 

[cooleddie74]

DECKER:"Don't get too impressed.

I was in 7TH HEAVEN after all."

PICARD:"How old ARE you?"

ANIJ:"Know what a Twinkie is?

My filling's been fresher even longer."

Deanna was mortified and hurt.

Will had been faking his orgasms all along.

 

[cooleddie74]

The first Iliaprobe shaves close...

The second even closer...

And the third? It'll absorb you into V'Ger itself.(TM)

 

[Daneel]

DECKER: "Go ahead, feel. Smooth as a V'Ger probe's bottom."

ANIJ: "It's been three hundred years since I've seen a bald man. I'm curious... do you shave it?"

PICARD: "What a coincidence -- I was just about to ask you the same question."

DEANNA: "Oh Will... Wait, what -- Oh my god! Your not my husband! No, stop this, get out! I don't... Hmm. Hold on a second. No beard, no fat, no constant joking... Actually, this is much better than being with Will. Okay then, forget what I said -- just continue with what you were doing."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Every time Decker got aroused, he remembered that Deltan vaginas are hairier than a wooly mammoth and Deltans don't believe in shaving.

"Let's get one thing straight: fuck my principles. I'm in this only for some sweet, sweet ass, baby."

"No, I don't have a little clone in me, why do you ask?"

"Jesus, Jean-Luc, even with my time-slow down trick you're faster than a Risan cheetah."

 

[Shatmandu]

Ilia: "My hand stinks? Well, I just gave everyone in Engineering a tugjob."

 

[Mistral]

Illia: "What are these white things behind your lips?"

Decker: "You don't know what teeth are?" *grins* "Hot damn, this is gonna be fun!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Ilia Probe: Smooth as an android's bottom.

[Data walks in rubs Decker's face shakes his head no and walks off]

Ilia: Dog's barking. Can't fly without umbrella.

Decker: What's his code key?

Ilia: B-Flat.

Picard: I like jelly tugs.

Picard: You can let go of my dick now.

Anij: I'll let go of yours if you let go of mine.

Troi: What the hell do you mean we've out of chocolate!!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win!

 

[Aragorn]

"I wonder if snapping your neck would save humanity the pain and suffering of eleven seasons of 7th Heaven."

"You know, Commaner Riker isn't my only number one. Would you like to make it so?"

"Stop calling me Lana, Lex!"
"If you insist, Clark."
"Wait... what?"