I don't like the fact that the OP has subsequently retracted. I have a feeling this may ruin my fun.
Isn't it so much better when we get along?
Why do women use crying to get their way?
- Thread starter T J
- Start date
Isn't it so much better when we get along?
My mother sometimes does this and it used to work on me. No more, though, so I'm pretty much immune to it. Then again it takes a lot for me to start yelling at someone. I usually lay out the problems pretty easily and amicably. Waiting until a situaiton is bad enough to start screaming about is never any good.
I work around several women, and tears at work is not tolerated...just for standard work frustrations. As a woman, I have had no issue in telling a coworker to get a grip on themselves. It's all about expectations.
I work with competent hardworking men & women, and I must say I hate when I see a simpering female trying to take advantage of "being a woman." It certainly does not make a woman like that popular with other female coworkers...with a litle redirection, that behavior is recognized and not tolerated.
I agree with other posters who have met the onslaught of tears with quiet. I find it very effective when my husband gets irritable or raises his voice. I reman quiet until he realizes that there is no fight. Then we talk (or don't)...but I generally refuse to get manipulated into a fight. Of course I don't always succeed.
The vast majority of my female friends do not use tears as a weapon...maybe sometimes as a stress reliever.
I work with competent hardworking men & women, and I must say I hate when I see a simpering female trying to take advantage of "being a woman." It certainly does not make a woman like that popular with other female coworkers...with a litle redirection, that behavior is recognized and not tolerated.
I agree with other posters who have met the onslaught of tears with quiet. I find it very effective when my husband gets irritable or raises his voice. I reman quiet until he realizes that there is no fight. Then we talk (or don't)...but I generally refuse to get manipulated into a fight. Of course I don't always succeed.
The vast majority of my female friends do not use tears as a weapon...maybe sometimes as a stress reliever.
If it helps in any way, in my experience while some people indeed use tears as a weapon or to gain sympathy/attention, there are also plenty of people who unfairly accuse those who cry of doing it for attention when they are genuine. (Quick note: this certainly isn't an accusation against any previous poster, just general notes 
).
As a highly emotional person myself (male, to clarify), I am easily moved to tears for a variety of reasons (by which I mean a few tears, of course, not great dramatic bawling episodes). Even as a young child, my tears- again, not loud or dramatic, nothing attention-grabbing, just tears- were frowned upon by many adults and even fellow children. "Turning on the Waterworks" was something I was accused of several times, despite never faking or drawing undue attention to them. People seemingly couldn't tell the difference between genuine upset (and an attitude that in no way expected the tears to influence things- it was just a natural reaction) and fake sympathy-grabbing tears. So, I think it is just as common for people to be hostile to any tears as it is for people to employ them for sympathy or attention.
).As a highly emotional person myself (male, to clarify), I am easily moved to tears for a variety of reasons (by which I mean a few tears, of course, not great dramatic bawling episodes). Even as a young child, my tears- again, not loud or dramatic, nothing attention-grabbing, just tears- were frowned upon by many adults and even fellow children. "Turning on the Waterworks" was something I was accused of several times, despite never faking or drawing undue attention to them. People seemingly couldn't tell the difference between genuine upset (and an attitude that in no way expected the tears to influence things- it was just a natural reaction) and fake sympathy-grabbing tears. So, I think it is just as common for people to be hostile to any tears as it is for people to employ them for sympathy or attention.
This is one of the oldest cliches in the book, coming from an age when women were infantilized as a matter of course. You see it in old movies and TV shows all the time where the wife bursts into tears when the husband won't increase her allowance or some stupid thing, and she ultimately gets her way. 
And, since we still live in a world where the old ways are still in widespread practice, you've still got plenty of women who are brought up to be emotionally manipulative and a lot of men who are brought up to believe that women are delicate creatures who must be babied. Progress inches along only slowly....
And, since we still live in a world where the old ways are still in widespread practice, you've still got plenty of women who are brought up to be emotionally manipulative and a lot of men who are brought up to believe that women are delicate creatures who must be babied. Progress inches along only slowly....
That's "whaling".
Or maybe that only describes a fat woman who cries.
WW JW, whaler
(When did I turn into Shatmandu?)
WW JW, contemplative
Call him Ishmael.That's "whaling".
Crying in front of others has to be the most embarrassing thing... I would assume most women would get themselves out of there if they felt that coming on. I can't picture a mature, intelligent, dignified woman using that as manipulation. Has to be a glaring sign of an intolerably low IQ.
I can, I know a couple. One of my wife's co-workers is proud of the fact that she can use crying to get her way. She'll even play "dumb" when she think she'll get something out of it. And she brags about it.
and possibly deep down guys think they might be able to score if they play their cards right..and give in.
Well, as to the OP: I do cry when I get frustrated and can't find the words to express myself clearly. I am very passionate and get frustrated when my point of view or my explanation or whatever isn't getting across.
I DO NOT nor will I ever cry to get my way or manipulate a situation. That is wrong.
I DO NOT nor will I ever cry to get my way or manipulate a situation. That is wrong.
Bingo.
^For some, yes. But, as is often the case, this is something where we've let a small subset of a grup define our expectation of the entire group. This isn't right, yet it persists.
If I feel that someone is just crying to get me to give in, I'll leave the room, give it a few minutes, and come back.
If I feel that someone is just crying to get me to give in, I'll leave the room, give it a few minutes, and come back.
That's a good strategy.
If I feel that I am about to start crying, I'll leave the room for a few minutes and come back. One memorable occassion for me was about 20 years ago when I had to excuse myself from my boss's office for about 5 mins to compose myself. Then I went back in. We both knew why I'd done it and he was fine with it. I'd rather do that than start crying.
Oh, this thread's going to go WELL!
Subscribed so as not to miss the comedy value over the next few pages.
You know, ever since you stopped moderating Miscellaneous, I picture you like the guy in Thunderdome who just couldn't leave well enough alone and let two men enter and leave in peace.
Maybe it's a little late to ask this, but what exactly do you mean by "crying"? I mean, there are lots of reasons to cry, some suspect, some legitimate. There's nothing wrong with crying because you're sad and upset, you know - if that seems manipulative, too bad, because if the emotion is genuine, it's not manipulative at all.
And believe it or not, not all women have a lot of control over when they cry. Most of them don't, actually.
And believe it or not, not all women have a lot of control over when they cry. Most of them don't, actually.
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