Is anyone else as depressed as I am?

[Me-Ike]

For me, friends come and go with shocking regularity. Then again, I have moved around frequently: once when I was 4 and barely able to remember my nursery friends; then again at age 12 when leaving to live in another city; once again when 18 to start University; and several times since leaving Uni and starting working - twice within Scotland, then when I moved back to England in 2004, and about once more since then, in 2007.

Each time I have held onto a few select friends, some of whom I lost contact with months afterwards, some of whom I run into again after years who remember me well (I bumped into one as recently as last week in fact) or whom I meet by chance.

Maybe it's because I've been a frequent mover that I've never felt any particular sense of loss when leaving my friends behind. I feel I know that some time in the future I will meet them again under different, maybe even bizarre circumstances, and I have managed to get used to those changes. Perhaps these bonds I've made have never been strong bonds, but strong enough to form a good and memorable friendship with many, and loose enough to not feel a great sense of loss when I finally do depart. Perhaps that's why I've never had a long-term friendship - or anything closer than that - with anyone before.

On the other hand, I have found it easier than I thought I would to meet new people and start making new friends, although sometimes it is hard to fit in with a new close-knit cohort easily, as I'm always the "friendly-faced outsider" in many groups.

I am with Kestra on this one: friends come and go and it's a case of making new friends and perhaps, with time, reforging the bonds with the old friends. I will admit that this point of view has been influenced by my travelling throughout life.

I am a little jealous of this. It takes me forever to make even one friend. People are at least for half a year in the "good acquaintance" category before they are called friends. It would be so much easier sometimes to make connections more quickly, although, like you already said, closeness might suffer from it.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Sounds like you're handling things quite well, Rojohen. If you start to feel clinically depressed, then it's time to seek professional help.

I can relate to your situation to some extent. One of my work friends that I mentioned in my Open Letter thread seems to have changed. I always thought of her as a sweet gentle lady, but lately I've felt a bit alienated and put off by her behavior. Sadly, some people change for the worse, and it's not your fault.

As an introverted person, I'm not very sociable, but the few close friends are the best. You have to consider also that friendships come in different levels. Some friends live far away but are always close to my heart. Others, I get to see a few times a year but will always be special. A very few ones are always there for me. Then you begin to realize who matters most, who doesn't anymore, who never did. Time and space don't really keep your true friends away from you.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Double post again sorry.

 

[RoJoHen]

Sounds like you're handling things quite well, Rojohen. If you start to feel clinically depressed, then it's time to seek professional help.

Nah, I'll be all right. The large quantities of alcohol I consumed last night made my situation feel a lot more dire than it actually is.

 

[Daneel]

Ah, the things alcohol will make you post... I'm not drunk, but I'll throw in my own $0.02 on the subject anyway.

I had a best friend in elementary school, from about kindergarten to 8th grade. We were two peas in a pod, both kind of geeky, both Trek fans... we had a lot of similar interests. Then we went to different high schools. We saw each other sporadically for the next couple of years, but we were definitely drifting apart, and eventually, we just didn't see or talk to each other anymore. I just kind of figured, "Oh well, that's life". I've bumped into him a handful of times over the years, but when that happens, we've barely been able to say a few sentences to each other. Sounds kind of sad, but that's the way it goes sometimes. At least there's no bitterness.

I had another friend from elementary and high school that I kept in touch with throughout the years -- every couple of months or so, we'd get together for drinks, a movie... whatever. I haven't seen him since the new year started. I've called him a couple of times, but he never called me back, so I just figure he's not too interested in hanging out anymore, which is fine, I guess. To be honest, he wasn't always the best person to hang around anyway; he wasn't bad news or anything, but he was a little inconsiderate, and occasionally spouted some crap that only served to demonstrate his ignorance. As far as friendships go, I don't consider the end of this one to be a huge loss.

However, this leaves me effectively friendless. I get along with most people okay, and I can even have fun during the rare social group outings I partake in, but I have always had difficulty forming close bonds with people. Most of the people I meet I become good acquaintances with, some to the point where I could casually refer to them as "friends", but I do not have any good, close friends. I have no one I can just call up and ask to do something with. Most of the time, this doesn't bother me, but I can't deny it sometimes gets a little lonely... and a little bothersome when I go out by myself and see all these people in pairs or groups. And let's not even talk about my non-existent love life...

Eh, whatever. I think this may just be my lot in life, and I've more or less accepted it. At any rate, at least none of my friendship "break-ups" have been painful affairs; I'm sorry to hear about what some of you (An Officer, Geckothan, Ruaidhri) have gone through. Perhaps never getting close to anyone has its advantages... at least I won't get hurt. Hey, what do you know -- I managed to find a silver lining. Go me.

 

[freak]

I get into dark, depressing moods as well. I felt like I had lost a pretty good friend in 2003. This girl and I went to High School together, and, although at times our hanging out was sporatic, I really felt like she was a great friend. But one day, she and I took out one of her so-called "sisters" from Big Brothers, Big Sisters out to the movies and she started criticizing me because of an actress I really liked. At the time, I wasn't driving because I was kind of a chicken when it came to driving..the whole head-on-collision thing really got to me at times and she didn't understand that. Anyway, we were going to see the movie "Bruce Almighty" with Jim Carrey and one of my favorite actresses, Catherine Bell(Mac on JAG) was in it. I had no idea that she was gonna be in the movie and I think my friend thought I was making a big fuss about a so-called "actress" who wasn't in but maybe five to ten minutes of the movie. Her exact words were: "I don't get it. Who is this "Catherine Bell"?? What's so special about her? She was only in like five or ten minutes of the movie? Why are you making such a big fuss about an actress that was only in the movie for a few minutes?" My response was: "excuse me, but if one of your favorite Indian actresses was in a movie that you didn't know about, then you'd be really excited as well, wouldn't you?" She took this offensively I think and I also told her "to leave it alone and stop biting my head off". I really don't think she even wanted to see this movie but did because her so-called "sister" wanted to see it.
And plus, she always called me when she "needed" something, never to go hang out or do anything. It was my fault for doing what she needed as well-should have never watched her house when she went on her lovely trips to Pakistan with her family. Then in 2003, she moved away to Syracuse, NY never to be heard from again. I was really depressed when she left cause she called THAT day asking me to go with her shopping cause she was leaving. When we went shopping, it seemed rushed and she was very snappy at her husband on the phone.
Now that I look back, I couldn't give two shits about her. And if she ever gets back in contact with me, I think I might blow up on her and end the friendship for good. As Mom used to say, she was a "fly-by-night" friend. In other words, not really dependable or reliable and only called when something was needed to get done.
So I understand the bitterness that comes about when losing a friend. Most of my friends have left me out in the cold and I'm sick to death of being treated like a damn door mat! I am a person for crying out loud! *off soapbox*

 

[Jayson]

I was like this for a few about a week. I was going to hangout at my friends house but when I called he never called back. I called a few other days and didn't hear from him. I always asume that most people, will someday find a reason to hate me so I am always worried when stuff like this happens. He called today, though and he has just been working alot. Were going to go see 'Funy People" in a few days. We also want to go see the new Queitna Tartino movie, and will proably go back to the strip club soon as I get paid. I don't have any money right now and my mom won't get me lapdance money so I always have to wait for my own money to come in.

Jason

 

[Geckothan]

You don't know depression until you've experienced Social Anxiety Disorder and being stuck at home almost every day with nothing to do for 2 years, losing contact with all but 1-2 of your friends who live miles away, having absolutely no prospects at all and the only thing keeping you going is the hope that one day by some freak occurance you'll wake up a different, happier person

It won't happen by a freak occurrence. You've got to do something about it. Social Anxiety Disorder is not uncommon and can be treated. You don't have to be unhappy.

I'm in line for cognitive behavioural therapy, but it's just taking forever to sort out. Not even considering medication unless they can give me some benzos though. Screw SSRIs and MAOIs though, no impotence for me thanks. I'd rather be dependant on benzos for life and have terrible memory, or even go through benzo withdrawal when I'm done with this therapy than be limp dicked for life

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

I have a situation which is sorta, almost, kinda, but really, like yours. One of my closest friends is in prison right now. I should say my former friend. I was friends with this fuck up for about 12 years. He ended the friendship while he was in jail. This was before he violated his parole and was sent to prison. Anyway, he sent me a letter ending the friendship. Now, i thought i would be rather devastated, but i read this hateful letter with all the emotion invested into it as if i was reading an ad for an oil change; totally dispassionate.

My best friend explained to me that i was an enabler to this guy; he would fuck up, i would forgive him, and it would be right back to where we started, until he fucked up again.

By the time i got this letter, to me anyway, i felt that the friendship was ending. It felt really strained by that point so it was ending anyway.

I guess the point i'm trying to make is that people just drift apart. Sometimes it's sad, sometimes, it's not.

 

[RJDiogenes]

You don't know depression until you've experienced Social Anxiety Disorder and being stuck at home almost every day with nothing to do for 2 years, losing contact with all but 1-2 of your friends who live miles away, having absolutely no prospects at all and the only thing keeping you going is the hope that one day by some freak occurance you'll wake up a different, happier person

It won't happen by a freak occurrence. You've got to do something about it. Social Anxiety Disorder is not uncommon and can be treated. You don't have to be unhappy.

I'm in line for cognitive behavioural therapy, but it's just taking forever to sort out. Not even considering medication unless they can give me some benzos though. Screw SSRIs and MAOIs though, no impotence for me thanks. I'd rather be dependant on benzos for life and have terrible memory, or even go through benzo withdrawal when I'm done with this therapy than be limp dicked for life

Yes, that would be depressing.

 

[freak]

You don't know depression until you've experienced Social Anxiety Disorder and being stuck at home almost every day with nothing to do for 2 years, losing contact with all but 1-2 of your friends who live miles away, having absolutely no prospects at all and the only thing keeping you going is the hope that one day by some freak occurance you'll wake up a different, happier person

It won't happen by a freak occurrence. You've got to do something about it. Social Anxiety Disorder is not uncommon and can be treated. You don't have to be unhappy.

I'm in line for cognitive behavioural therapy, but it's just taking forever to sort out. Not even considering medication unless they can give me some benzos though. Screw SSRIs and MAOIs though, no impotence for me thanks. I'd rather be dependant on benzos for life and have terrible memory, or even go through benzo withdrawal when I'm done with this therapy than be limp dicked for life

I have to laugh at that last statement! Those medications for depression have more side effects that what the medicine cures! It's like what Jeff Foxworthy says about medications..he's like: shit I'd much rather have itchy, watery eyes than take a medication that's gonna make you gain weight or have low resale value on your home!

 

[Cakes488]

What happens when you realize your best friend isn't your best friend anymore? We still hang out from time to time, but we are nowhere near as close as we used to be, and it is almost a struggle to find time for both of us to spend together.

Lately, I've been looking at my career options, and it seems likely that I will be moving far away. I don't even seem to care that I will moving far away from my best friend.

It's really one of the most depressing things I've ever thought about. How do you maintain a best friendship when neither of you seem to care?

I know it can be upsetting. I've been burned by a friend I had for 17years and another longtime friend of 14 years. I was hurt very deeply by them....and LOL I won't even get into what my family has done to me.

Maybe it's just that you two are outgrowing each other and the friendship doesn't have to end...but it will change into a different dynamic. I know life sucks but this is what it's all about...people come and people go..just try to hang onto the good memories!

 

[Geckothan]

I have to laugh at that last statement! Those medications for depression have more side effects that what the medicine cures! It's like what Jeff Foxworthy says about medications..he's like: shit I'd much rather have itchy, watery eyes than take a medication that's gonna make you gain weight or have low resale value on your home!

Yep. It's no wonder people have suicidal thoughts taking these things, I would have them too if I couldn't get it up.

 

[Kestra]

I have to laugh at that last statement! Those medications for depression have more side effects that what the medicine cures! It's like what Jeff Foxworthy says about medications..he's like: shit I'd much rather have itchy, watery eyes than take a medication that's gonna make you gain weight or have low resale value on your home!

Yep. It's no wonder people have suicidal thoughts taking these things, I would have them too if I couldn't get it up.

I take many medications, including anti-depressants, and the side effects have been negligible especially in view of how much they have helped me.

 

[ManOnTheWave]

It sucks but it's life. But what's worse was the moment I realized that no one actually knows me at all. Even the beloved friends and family that stuck around through thick and thin don't have an inkling how I think or what I think about.

Life's existential ennui.

 

[Mr Awe]

This happens in life. You lose friends due to circumstances (often through no fault of either person) but you also make new friends due circumstances as well. It works out and is part of life. You can always stay in touch, the Internet makes that easy. But, change is part of life and it'll affect your friendships.

Mr Awe

 

[Geckothan]

I take many medications, including anti-depressants, and the side effects have been negligible especially in view of how much they have helped me.

Everyone is different, some people can take things without any problems, others aren't so lucky. When I was on an SSRI (Sertraline), I had a horrible experience. I was manic (I had lots of unwanted energy and motivation to do things that I didn't really want to do, and I was impulsive) but felt like a zombie and still felt depressed inside, I had short term memory problems (that still persist years after discontinuing it), and as with almost everyone who takes SSRIs, it suppressed my ability to do anything sexual (though luckily this didn't persist after I stopped them like it does with some people). It did however somewhat help with anxiety, but it didn't stop me feeling it, but it didn't hold me back anymore because I had so much energy and motivation that I couldn't stop myself from talking all the time and being extroverted. I wasn't even on a particularily high dosage and lowering it would've made it useless.

I haven't bothered with other SSRIs, but if one SSRI does this to me, the chances are other ones will be similar. MAOIs are totally out of the question for somebody like me who is totally addicted to some of the foods that interact with them, and there are so many drug interactions to watch out for that it would just be a hassle, and then there's the fact that many of the unacceptable side-effects of SSRIs like sexual dysfunction are also an issue with MAOIs.

I'm not denying that antidepressants work for some people, but they aren't cures, they're just cheap workarounds (expensive workarounds if you have to pay for them yourself) that artificially alter your mood via questionable, potentially dangerous (in some cases) methods. The human brain isn't very well understood and while these drugs don't appear to be very harmful in the short term, nobody knows what damage could be done taking them for long periods of time. There's also the fact that depression and anxiety disorders are almost always psychological disorders in nature, not neurological conditions, and can be cured effectively by other, less risky means like various cognitive behavioural therapies.

 

[Kestra]

^ Oh, I'm not here to change your mind as what works for me wouldn't necessarily work for the next person. I just want people to know that medications do work for some. And sex is still quite pleasurable.

And indeed, I tried many SSRIs with many various detrimental side effects (and little benefit) before I found something that worked for me. It wasn't an enjoyable journey, but I am glad I stuck with it.

I'm okay with things that other people consider artificial. My body, in its "natural" state is not compatible with other natural things much of the time. Indeed I would have died long ago if I attempted to live life naturally.

 

[Mr Awe]

I have to laugh at that last statement! Those medications for depression have more side effects that what the medicine cures! It's like what Jeff Foxworthy says about medications..he's like: shit I'd much rather have itchy, watery eyes than take a medication that's gonna make you gain weight or have low resale value on your home!

Yep. It's no wonder people have suicidal thoughts taking these things, I would have them too if I couldn't get it up.

I take many medications, including anti-depressants, and the side effects have been negligible especially in view of how much they have helped me.

I've known people, including family members, who have taken them and have been very much helped by them with minimal side-effects. The trick is often to find the correct one, or combination. It's often a process. And, sometimes one that works stops working and you need to find another. Any one who just knocks them out of hand is ignorant.

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

I haven't bothered with other SSRIs, but if one SSRI does this to me, the chances are other ones will be similar. MAOIs are totally out of the question for somebody like me who is totally addicted to some of the foods that interact with them, and there are so many drug interactions to watch out for that it would just be a hassle, and then there's the fact that many of the unacceptable side-effects of SSRIs like sexual dysfunction are also an issue with MAOIs.

I won't try to push them on you if your dead set against them but I would contact a mental health professional. Your first statement is just incorrect. One person will often react very different to one SSRI than another. If one doesn't work you should try others, under appropriate care of course. I don't know about MAOIs to respond to that.

Also, you may have sexual side effects with SSRI's, but then again, that will likely vary by specific medication. Finding the correct one, or combination of medications, is a process and it involves experimentation. They can't predict how you'll respond to them.

Mr Awe