Caption Contest 36: once more into the britches

[Triskelion]

Well slap my face and call me Number One, that contest is over! That one had so many close calls I had to judge it using Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock!


But first a public service announcement:

Thanks for playing kids! All are welcome to the Enterprise Caption Contest! You must be at least this tall to caption the pic!

And now:
​

First Image:

ARCHER : So...how long are your species...um...well...you know...
DEGRA: * uses arm to demonstrate average Xindi penis size.*
ARCHER: Wow...
DEGRA: What is the average human male length?
ARCHER: *rolling up sleeve* Oh...around this size as well...

Second Image:

CEILING CAT:"I'm watching you wish you didn't have to do the finale...

MEOW."

Paramount Stage 18, sometime toward the end of January 2005...

Phlox: "According to this our ratings are down to 2 and a half million."

T'Pol: "Logic dictates they'll count our weekend rerun too."

Trip: "Don't forget video recorders and TIVO."

Reed: "I'm usually too smashed that time on a Friday night..."

Archer: "You've never actually met the head of our Network have you?"

Mayweather: "No."

Hoshi: "Why?"

Archer: (taps at the control panel and UPN appears onscreen)

"He likes to have personal approval over station content."

Below, there's now a well-oiled, bikini-clad girl suggestively waxing the hood of a car.

Trip: "We're screwed."

Hoshi: "Hey, I think that may be a rerun..."

Reed: "You're right. She'll be in her 20's by now..."

Everybody stares at Malcolm in unison.

(uncomfortable) "...apparently."

Archer: (sighing)

"Well, it's been nice knowing you all..."

Third Image:

Phlox: Captain, have you been making another speech about gazelles again?


Archer: (sullenly) Maybe.

Archer: "I think it's working, Phlox. He certainly seems to be under."

Phlox: "Now listen to sound of my voice... You're feeling very relaxed.

When you wake you'll no longer turn the channel over during the opening titles. In fact, you will learn to love the theme tune to Enterprise... then stay for the whole episode."

Degra: (opening one eye) "LIKE HELL!"

Archer: (punches the air in frustration)

PHLOX:"He could not hold his Jim Beam, Captain."

ARCHER:"But he never GOT to try any of Trip's Jim Beam..."

PHLOX:"In that case, he's lactose intolerant."

PHLOX:"It's official, Captain.

Death by Corinthian Leather Overdose."

Special bonus Image:
Thanks to SharkD for providing it!

"Tell Trip I found his voyeur-cam.

Dirty-minded redneck bastard!"

'Chop Shop Award:

Archer: What the hell am I looking at?! When does this happen in the show?!
Hoshi: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Reed: Oh, God, not this again...

TRIP: The idea is to keep the dice on the table.

T'POL: Your instructions were to "toss them".

Congratulations winners! You get:


Before Sir Elton....


Before The Shat....


There was....


The Quantum Leap Guy


in....


The "I'm a Retcon Man" (Montage)

and a special humor hazard prize...


Some Sweet Fan Valentine to the Producers!

Turnabout's fair play, babe!


Our next contest comes from The Breach, where our heroes go planetside for some spelunking and (way) off-roading....

_____________________________________________
Buckle your seat belts - it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

 

[Rat Boy]

Trip: "Why does this look familiar? And why is Shatner fighting some guy in an alligator shirt with his shirt off?"

Trip: "Jesus, Travis! Put that thing away before you put someone's eye out!"

 

[SFRabid]

Trip: "Travis. Get up here and take the controls. ... T'Pol. Stay where you are."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain, Charlie! Go into the cave!"
"Yeah, Charlie!"
"It's Trip. I prefer Trip. Not Charles, not Charlie...what's up with you guys anyway?"

Trip: "Oh, hi there kids! Welcome to this week's episode of Starfleet Star Campers. I hope you all have your tricorders with you! Now, our friend Travis had a bit of a problem,- he was clearly quite constipated- and the solution taught us all a valuable lesson about teamwork. Let's activate the log viewer and see what we did to help....*dreamy shimmering noise*

 

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS:"Hey...this remind anyone of that time during Starfleet Training when we were all camping in the mountains and I peed in your water bottles?"

TRIP:"Do WHAT now?!"


TRAVIS:"N-Never mind..."

TRIP:"Is he finally asleep? Quick...someone give him the Dirty Sanchez before his ass wakes up!!

This is gonna be SO GOOD!!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

TRIP:"There had BETTER be a men's room here or else one or both of you are gonna be flyin' back to the ship with soiled backpacks."

 

[Alyssa]

Travis: Are we supposed to understand why the mountains behind us are covered in snow but this area is barren desert?

Trip: Well that depends, you wanna episode where you get knocked up by a chick or run around in your underwear?

Travis: No.

Trip: Then Yes, you are.

 

[Triskelion]

Trip: Ok everybody, remember where we parked.

Trip: I still see a blank spot we could add more buttons to.

 

[Skywalker]

Travis: "Once more unto the--"
Trip: "I swear to God, I will hit you."
Malcolm: "This is why you never get any lines, you know."
Travis: "Come on, guys, lighten up! This is supposed to be fu--"

Travis: "Uuuuggghhh..."
Trip: "I warned you, didn't I?"

 

[Thor Damar]

Thanks for the vote guys (I'll have to hang here more often)

Trip: Keep an eye out for the Ori!

Malcolm: Not to mention the Pah-wraith

Trip: I told you not to mention them.

Trip: I do WHAT in the series finale?!

 

[seigezunt]

 

[seigezunt]

 

[SFRabid]

Trip: He's aleep. I'll put us in a spin and you scream "We're going to die!"

 

[SciFi75]

Trip: "What the hell just hit me on the back of the head?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRIP: Uh oh, looks like Batman wants his car back!

 

[Triskelion]

Trip: No, we're not stopping for another 10 light years, now settle down! Don't make me stop this shuttle!
Mayweather: But Trip, Malcom keeps staring at me!
Reed: He keeps missing the bottle. Do we have any paper towels?

Mayweather: Hm, interesting. Look at all these scattered bones and human remains.
Reed: Well, many alien cultures tend to assign special meaning to certain places. This cave could be a shelter, or a shrine, or perhaps a place to store their human remains -
Trip: Do you hear that? Sounds like breathing. Let's go check it out.

 

[Mistral]

Trip: "We only have an hour until the shrinking ray wears off. I found a long tube near the center. Sensors say there's an opening to the outside-we should be able to get out there!"

Reed: "Um, Trip, I'm picking up a rhythmic constriction of the passageway! What is Captain Archer doing?!? There's some kind of tidal wave coming in behind us! Dear God, grab a hold of something!"

 

[Mistral]

Dodge: [On deciding where to continue next] Which direction?
George Taylor: That way...
Dodge: Any particular reason?
George Taylor: [sarcastically] None at all...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Trip: "Come on, you must have had a nickname, everyone has a nickname at some point. Like, I'm Trip, you can't always have been Malcolm. What did your mom call you?"
Reed: "Well, they did call me 'Sub' at the Academy.
Trip: "Sub, well that's something, what you were on the soccer team or something?"
Reed: "Short for Stiff Upper Bollocks, you see, as part of training, we had to take ten consecutive kicks..."
Trip: "I'm sorry I asked."
Travis: "At flight school, everyone had a nickname or callsign, except me I guess. No, there was this one guy, Time Warp Terence, who used to call me Morn, never told me why."
Trip: "You hear something?"
Reed: "Must be a fly in the cabin."

Reed: "Why does every planet we go to have a rock formation just like this?"
Trip: "Evidence of Intelligent Design."
Travis: "What?"

...

...

Reed: "What?"
Trip: "If God is a graffiti artist, think of this as his tag."

 

[Mach5]

Mayweather: "Hey... Guys? Do you ever get that feeling like your being watched?"

Tucker: "Oh for crying out loud!..."