A rather bizarre work of Star Trek fan fiction
“Man, my head hurts...” President Barry Obermann moaned as he slowly opened his eyes and held his throbbing forehead.
“Oh my God, is that President Obermann?” a woman’s voice said from across what was now obviously a large room that she and the President currently inhabited.
“
Great, I’m in a strange place without my Secret Service bodyguards and now there’s some strange woman recognizing me. Thank God my wife isn’t here to get jealous and make a scene right now... At least, I don’t think she’s here.” The President thought to himself as he rose from the chair he was slumped in and began to look around.
When he looked around, the room, while strange, also felt oddly familiar to him. It was a large nightclub and bar with large floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out into space. There were tables with built-in lighting and chairs throughout the room. Some of the tables had small objects on them, ranging from a strange multi-tier version of a Chess game to small black pyramids. After thinking of it for a moment, he suddenly realized why it looked so familiar.
“
This place looks like the Ten Forward lounge on the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation. How could I be here?” He thought to himself as he looked around... and saw something he wished he didn’t see. On one end of the room were a man and three women, all appearing to be civilian. One of the women was a blonde and was quite familiar with the man. The other two women were both brunettes and seemed to be total strangers to everyone else. One of the brunettes spoke with a French accent.On the other end; three of the world’s worst dictators and the Russian Prime Minister.He recognized all of the dictators, the leaders of North Korea, Venezuela and the Iranian President were all there. He didn’t need to be a World Leader to know that this set-up was going to lead to trouble.
“
Great... that’s all I needed...” He thought as he rubbed the sand from his eyes and stood up from the chair he sat in while he slept.
The four foreign leaders all started walking toward and talking to the President at once. They all spoke in their native languages, with the exception of one; the Russian Prime Minister. He spoke broken English.
“We can’t all speak at once. I will speak to the U.S. President on your behalf.” Vlad Kurylenko said to the dictators.
“Mr. President, where are we? How did we get here?” Kurylenko asked with some poorly-disguised trepidation in his voice.
“I have no idea, Prime Minister.” President Obermann stated.
Just as President Obermann finished answering the Prime Minister, the environment suddenly and abruptly changed. Where they once stood in a large room that served as a bar and night club, they now found themselves standing on a dusty main drag of an Old West town. The signs hanging over the doorways of the various buildings were all written in Spanish.
“What the Hell is going on around here?” Obermann asked himself out loud as he looked around in utter confusion.
Just as soon as he finished his last thought, the President heard a sound he didn’t expect, despite the Old West environment. It was a braying horse, somewhere off in the background not too far away, followed by thunder and increasingly darker skies. He started looking around for the horse he heard and saw the horse in the distance. It appeared to be several dozen yards away, behind where the civilians stood. It was a pale, white horse with a mysterious rider.
The rider was a Caucasian male who appeared to be around 30 with short black hair and a beard made of stubble. He wore a black T-shirt, black jeans, biker boots, sunglasses, and a dark brown gun belt on his waist. The belt had a holster on the rider’s left hip, which contained an old-looking, yet well-maintained revolver of indeterminate make. He could barely tell that it had a small raised metal logo on its wooden handle. It looked like a coiled rattlesnake of some kind, much like the one on the Gadsden Flag. On the right hip was a small silver device that to the President looked like a remote control of some kind. However, the President suspected that it was anything but a remote control. Whoever this mysterious rider was, he looked like he meant business.
The rider stopped his approach when he came up to the civilians and began to survey the area in front of him. He took a long, hard look at the four foreign leaders that were still a few yards in front of him. Then, he looked at President Obermann, who was still standing between the foreign leaders and the civilians. Finally, the rider turned his expressionless gaze towards the civilians, where it didn’t stay expressionless for long. There was a faint glimmer of familiarity in the rider’s face when he looked at two of the three women. He raised eyebrow when he looked at the third woman, who was clutching onto the arm of the civilian man. She had a look of surprise on her face.
“
That woman must be married to the guy she’s clinging to... Why does he look at all those women as if he recognizes them? Does he know them? Do they know him?” The President thought to himself as he observed the scene.
Suddenly, the rider dismounted. As his boots hit the ground, he walked the horse over to one of the women in the group of civilians and handed her the reigns.
“You mind watching the horse for me, dear?” The rider said to the woman as he handed her the reigns and then started walking towards the President and foreign leaders. The President tried to speak to this mysterious stranger as he walked toward the foreigners.
“Excuse me sir, do you have any idea where we are?” The President asked.
“San Miguel.” The rider responded as he walked by the President, barely acknowledging his presence. After walking another few feet, the Rider stopped and turned half way around to look at the President.
“You might want to go over by those civilians and keep them out of the way.” The Rider said before turning back to the four foreign leaders and taking a few more steps towards them.
“Well, well, well... what do we have here? Four of the most absolute worthless excuses for bastards that ever called themselves a leader.” The Rider said in a slightly sarcastic tone of his deep voice, which now sounded much more menacing than it had only moments before.
“Let’s see here... We have the pezzo di merda that’s trying to turn Venezuela into the next Communist Cuba.” The Rider said as he looked at one of the four foreigners.
“Next up in line is a little Joseph Stalin wannabe that’s making life in North Korea even more of a Hell on Earth.” He continued.
“Then, we have the wannabe Czar of Russia here, acting as an intermediary between these dirty rotten scoundrels and the Commander-in-Chief.” The Rider quipped as the thunder continued far off in the distance away from the town.
“And last but, not least, we have the scumbag who acts as a public face for the theocratic regime in Tehran. Not to mention serving as the modern-day equivalent to Adolf Hitler with all of his Israel threatening, anti-Semitic, holocaust-denying nonsense.” The Rider said with much invective towards the person he just addressed.
“Gee, what am I going to do with the four of you? Hmm...” The rider said as he stroked the stubble on his chin.
“Who do you think you’re talking to, mister?” The Russian Prime Minister said as he approached the Rider. The Rider ignored him and continued mockingly pondering the situation in a now obviously facetious manner. Kurylenko did not appreciate this lack of etiquette on the Rider’s part.
“Oh, I know what I’ll do with you.” The Rider said after pondering the situation for a moment or two. The Russian stopped in his tracks.
I’ll do what we Americans always do with scumbags like the lot of you.” The rider said with an evil little smile on his face.
The Rider quickly whipped out the revolver from the holster on his hip and shot all four of the foreign leaders dead with a shot straight to their hearts. He blew the smoke away from the barrel. Then, he began to spin the revolver on his trigger finger as he maneuvered the weapon into a position where it would spin itself back into the holster. The civilians behind him and the President all let out a gasp of shock at what they had just seen.
“Arch.” The Rider called out.
A highly technical-looking archway with some odd-looking touch-screen computer controls appeared several feet to the rider’s left. He turned and walked inside of the archway, manipulated a few of the controls, and the town and horse both disappeared. The Ten Forward lounge reappeared in its place.
"
This must be a Holodeck or something..." The President thought to himself as he continued to observe the situation and desperately try to maintain his composure.
The Rider stepped outside of the archway again and walked over to the corpses of the four foreign leaders he just dispatched moments earlier. He pulled the silver remote control-looking object from his right hip. He pushed a few buttons, which President Obermann noticed had caused some kind of status display on the device to change.Then, the Rider pointed the device at the four corpses and pushed one of its buttons. When he did, a beam of Red-orange light leapt from the front of the device with a curious mechanical whining sound and caused the bodies to disappear.
“
That device is a Phaser. It has to be. What else can do something like that? Causing bodies to just vaporize in such a manner?” The President thought to himself.
“There are matters elsewhere that require my immediate attention. I shall return soon. In the meantime, feel free to raid the bar for drinks. You’ll find that it’s fully stocked.” The Rider said just before he walked back to the arch and out through the large, metallic, noisy and hexagonal-shaped mechanical door that it contained.
“Who the Hell was that?” The President asked.
“I don’t know for sure, Mr. President.” The blonde said. “However, I could swear that he looks like someone I knew a long time ago... back in High School.” The blonde answered.
“What’s your name, ma’am? What can you tell me about this person you once knew.” The President asked.
“My name is Dana Adler, sir.” The blonde answered. “And if that man in black was who I think it was, then we are in for one misadventure after another.”
I guess I'd just have to make him ultra-sarcastic and use foul language. Q never did that...
