TOS Temporary Caption Contest #5: Love, Hate & The Big River

[Shaw]

Spock: Captain, I'm not entirely sure how this is helping our endeavor with the Iotians.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Since Spock didn't have a bachelor party, I planned one of my own."

McCoy: "Y'know, Jim, I swear that Asian fella flashes me gang signs when no one else is looking."

McCoy: "They did know that's just an ugly woman, right? Not a man?"
Kirk: "Apparently it didn't matter."

Kirk: "Oh, whose idea was it to do a gift exchange with the engineering people this year anyway?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Set course for Gamma Alpha XII.

SULU: No clue, how to do that. I'm really just a physicist. Laundry mix up.

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: "Lay in your own damn course for Rigel XII."

McCoy: "Well, I never!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Is he even in this episode?

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Taking your neuropressure sessions too seriously, Jim?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: ...but because of the restraining order, I had to go with Spock as XO.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Don't tell me he ran into the Xyrillians, too."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Better you than that catfish eatin' twit.

 

[Triskelion]

Sulu: Captain, we're receiving a hail from the Columbia.
Kirk: Red alert. Tell them we aren't interested anymore in ten CD's for a penny.
McCoy: I'm still using those John Tesh CD's as coasters.

 

[Triskelion]

- and you think we have a case for the no seatbelt thing?

McCoy: Sulu's one-man reenactment of the Brady Bunch is just going to have to do until we invent holodecks, Captain.
Sulu: <smiles and looks up>

One radio station. What is that?
Public radio, Captain.
Put the static back on. I'm operating heavy machinery over here.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "And that's when I found out Vulcan vaginas have teeth ..."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: ...so the vaginas of the Vulcan women are also bifurcated, Jim?

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: ...so the vagina's of the Vulcan women are also bifurcated, Jim?

Kirk: "And on the wrong side."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "I'll bet you a handjob I can take out that old lady crossing the street."
Spock, after considering: "Agreed."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: ...so the vagina's of the Vulcan women are also bifurcated, Jim?

Kirk: "And on the wrong side."

Kirk: "And they store razor blades up there."

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Oh man, I know this great little place around the corner, it's called Mel's Diner!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: "Oh man, I know this great little place around the corner, it's called Mel's Diner!"

Spock: Indeed. However, I will never understand why the waitress known as Flo wants me to kiss her grits.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "How 'bout we go to your quarters, and I'll show you what a worm hole really is?"

Areel: "How 'bout I put you in a penal colony for the next 10 years and let a Klingon known as "The Python of the Pleiades" show YOU what a worm hole really is?"

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"That was your SISTER?

No wonder she couldn't drive stick."

SULU:"Bridge here, Captain.

Awaiting your orders to drop my pants and grind you!"

"I want him DEAD! I want his cloned family DEAD! I want his warp shuttle burned to the GROUND!!"