Happy Mother's Day, Bitch

[K-Star]

That kid needs his ass kicked. Hard.

I know someone similar... He's not quite THAT bad but he's always whining and disrespectful to his mom, sometimes while we're there visiting, too. I mean, she's having a hard enough time dealing with the divorce she's going through! The least he could do is shut the fuck up and quit whining whenever his mom tells him to do something or says he can't go do whatever!!! And of course, my mom gets upset at me whenever I point out that kid's horrible behavior when his mom's around. I love his mom to death, she's a wonderful person, but she needs to be made aware that her son's behavior is inexcusable. If I ever had a kid and he behaved that way towards me, I'd beat his ass raw, REGARDLESS of age! (Oh, did I mention this kid is 15 years old? Seriously, kid, grow the fuck up!)

 

[Trilliam]

I heartily disagree. Some people won't respond to anything other than force, and this little bastard seems like one of those sorts of people. ...I know my rebellious streak was curbed by discipline (no I was not abused as a child) whenever I stepped out of line. If I was even 1/3 disrespectful to my mother my old man definitely let me know it and I'd always regret it later.

And how did he do this? With his belt? A wooden spoon? A razor strop?

I suppose you got "6 of the best " in Primary school too?

 

[Trilliam]

That kid needs his ass kicked. Hard.

I know someone similar... He's not quite THAT bad but he's always whining and disrespectful to his mom, sometimes while we're there visiting, too. I mean, she's having a hard enough time dealing with the divorce she's going through! The least he could do is shut the fuck up and quit whining whenever his mom tells him to do something or says he can't go do whatever!!! And of course, my mom gets upset at me whenever I point out that kid's horrible behavior when his mom's around. I love his mom to death, she's a wonderful person, but she needs to be made aware that her son's behavior is inexcusable. If I ever had a kid and he behaved that way towards me, I'd beat his ass raw, REGARDLESS of age! (Oh, did I mention this kid is 15 years old? Seriously, kid, grow the fuck up!)

So kind of you to load her son's difficulty in dealing with his parents' divorce on top of her like she can't already see it. Yeah, why not, she's already trying to cope with the failure of her marriage, and you so kindly and sagely point out her failure as a parent.


Let's ignore that both of the kids in this thread are kids. Let's ignore that their prime attachment figures may be withdrawn/ emotionally unavailable at present. That their lives have little stability at present. Let's ignore that they have neither the lifeskills, experience and maturity to cope with their respective situations. Lets ignore that teen boys are alien creatures until about 19 or 20 in the best of circumstances.
How old are you? How about we revisit this topic when you've raised some kids through their teen years to adulthood. If you haven't done this yet, the experience might colour/change your view once you've been there.

 

[Dingo]

And how did he do this? With his belt? A wooden spoon? A razor strop?

Web belt, US government issue, only if I'd been exceptionally mouthy or bad with my mother. I'd be warned if I'd been bad at first but then if I escalated Dad made it clear I stepped out of line and he didn't like to do it, but it had to be done so that I respected the rule of law. Yes it had to be manifested at that time with the switching I got for being rude or disrespectful to my mother or grandmother (I believe I was thirteen and stole a few dollars from my mother's purse, lied about it and was disrespectful, and thus was held accountable for it). One thing's for sure I'd paid the price and never carried said act out again.

Let's ignore that both of the kids in this thread are kids. Let's ignore that their prime attachment figures may be withdrawn/ emotionally unavailable at present. That their lives have little stability at present. Let's ignore that they have neither the lifeskills, experience and maturity to cope with their respective situations. Lets ignore that teen boys are alien creatures until about 19 or 20 in the best of circumstances.
How old are you? How about we revisit this topic when you've raised some kids through their teen years to adulthood. If you haven't done this yet, the experience might colour/change your view once you've been there.

I don't know, the disrespect element is just so terrible. Even now, knowing what my mother went through to raise me (she was for chunks of the year a single parent when Dad was deployed). I wasn't perfect as a kid by any stretch, but my parents did correct me when I stepped out of line and I turned out to be a good kid.

And yes in 12 years of Catholic schooling I did on one occassion get hit with a ruler by an old school nun.

For the record I am 25, unmarried and no children. And I see your point and agree that there's nothing more valuable than experience, I argue, however that the application of punishment when I stepped out of line provided the grounding for the healthy respect for the rule of law I now have.

 

[Trilliam]

And how did he do this? With his belt? A wooden spoon? A razor strop?

Web belt, service issue, only if I'd been exceptionally mouthy or bad with my mother.

Let's ignore that both of the kids in this thread are kids. Let's ignore that their prime attachment figures may be withdrawn/ emotionally unavailable at present. That their lives have little stability at present. Let's ignore that they have neither the lifeskills, experience and maturity to cope with their respective situations. Lets ignore that teen boys are alien creatures until about 19 or 20 in the best of circumstances.
How old are you? How about we revisit this topic when you've raised some kids through their teen years to adulthood. If you haven't done this yet, the experience might colour/change your view once you've been there.

I don't know, the disrespect element is just so terrible. Even now, knowing what my mother went through to raise me (she was for chunks of the year a single parent when Dad was deployed). I wasn't perfect as a kid by any stretch, but my parents did correct me when I stepped out of line and I turned out to be a good kid.

And yes in 12 years of Catholic schooling I did on one occassion get hit with a ruler by an old school nun.

They did away with corporal punishent in all schools here about 20 years ago.

Were these kids like this before their changed circumstances? I know kids play up when one parent is away. My husband travels a lot for work (o/s & interstate). The 4 kids were always naughtier when he was away. THey were unsettled. DS1 used to get night terrors until he was 13 or 14 when his father was away.

 

[Dingo]

I went to school in the United States in the early nineties so that's where my encounter with corporal punishment in the school setting came from.

And, Trilliam, for the record I do defer to the fact that you are a mother who has raised teenagers in this case. Perhaps I did overreact about how bad said little snot at the part of this went.

I must state that I did learn my lesson from the handful of times Dad had to go fetch the web belt on me as a youth and was thus a well behaved teenager while growing up, respectful of the rule of law.

Granted I don't condone abuse, but punishment must exist and it must come swiftly and decisively to teach respect, at least that's what my upbringing taught. Dad told me that it was my actions that obligated him to use the belt and provided I learn my lesson it never had to be used again. Needless to say I only broke household rules a couple times before I got the point and was usually well behaved around my parents and most authority figures as a result.

 

[Trilliam]

I went to school in the United States in the early nineties so that's where my encounter with corporal punishment in the school setting came from.

And, Trilliam, for the record I do defer to the fact that you are a mother who has raised teenagers in this case. Perhaps I did overreact about how bad said little snot at the part of this went.

I must state that I did learn my lesson from the handful of times Dad had to go fetch the web belt on me as a youth and was thus a well behaved teenager while growing up, respectful of the rule of law.

Granted I don't condone abuse, but punishment must exist and it must come swiftly and decisively to teach respect, at least that's what my upbringing taught. Dad told me that it was my actions that obligated him to use the belt and provided I learn my lesson it never had to be used again. Needless to say I only broke household rules a couple times before I got the point and was usually well behaved around my parents and most authority figures as a result.

AHhh, the "Dingo" nickname threw me. Thought you might have been a local. I'm referring to NSW schools here, I don't know about the other states
I'm of the opinion that smacking (using hand only) on the bottom or calf is only acceptable while a young child is pre-verbal, and then only if there is danger it is a deterant. Also never in anger or revenge. Once the child is old enough to speak and understand right from wrong then other methods of discipline should be used.

We don't allow our kids to hit each other. Kids learn the behaviours that we model.

Worse than having raised 3 sons (24, 22.5 & 21 years old) and a daughter 16, I also have grad counselling qualifications and working towards post grad Psych qualifications.

 

[FPAlpha]

I'd be curious and ask the mother why she put up with all that crap. Honestly.. at this level my mother would have put me through the wall and not wait for my dad to do it and she's a head shorter than me (and then my dad would have put me through the friggin" house!).

I once called my mom a stupid cow and regretted it.

Depending on my standing and decision power in the household i'd either bring it out in the open to embarass the mom into action or i'd put that little asshole through the wall myself (metaphorically speaking) and cut him off all amenities he's used to and hope he physically attacks me so i can claim self defence.

 

[John Picard]

I still blame the mother until I hear otherwise. Where's the father? Everyone seems to gloss over this. Again, not every woman is fit to be a mother.

 

[Saturn0660]

Stomp a mudhole in the little fucker then walk it dry

 

[Dingo]

AHhh, the "Dingo" nickname threw me. Thought you might have been a local.

Nope, I'm American. My intro thread (linked in my siggie) says that I chose the name Dingo because a character in my fanfic is of Australian descent.

I'm of the opinion that smacking (using hand only) on the bottom or calf is only acceptable while a young child is pre-verbal, and then only if there is danger it is a deterant. Also never in anger or revenge. Once the child is old enough to speak and understand right from wrong then other methods of discipline should be used.

Like I said, Dad only used force in extremis and only if I was really outta line. He rarely had to do that to me and I got the message and turned out to be a well behaved child and teenager.

This little rat described by the OP does sound like a good hiding would be the catalyst for setting him straight.

 

[K-Star]

That kid needs his ass kicked. Hard.

I know someone similar... He's not quite THAT bad but he's always whining and disrespectful to his mom, sometimes while we're there visiting, too. I mean, she's having a hard enough time dealing with the divorce she's going through! The least he could do is shut the fuck up and quit whining whenever his mom tells him to do something or says he can't go do whatever!!! And of course, my mom gets upset at me whenever I point out that kid's horrible behavior when his mom's around. I love his mom to death, she's a wonderful person, but she needs to be made aware that her son's behavior is inexcusable. If I ever had a kid and he behaved that way towards me, I'd beat his ass raw, REGARDLESS of age! (Oh, did I mention this kid is 15 years old? Seriously, kid, grow the fuck up!)

So kind of you to load her son's difficulty in dealing with his parents' divorce on top of her like she can't already see it. Yeah, why not, she's already trying to cope with the failure of her marriage, and you so kindly and sagely point out her failure as a parent.


Let's ignore that both of the kids in this thread are kids. Let's ignore that their prime attachment figures may be withdrawn/ emotionally unavailable at present. That their lives have little stability at present. Let's ignore that they have neither the lifeskills, experience and maturity to cope with their respective situations. Lets ignore that teen boys are alien creatures until about 19 or 20 in the best of circumstances.
How old are you? How about we revisit this topic when you've raised some kids through their teen years to adulthood. If you haven't done this yet, the experience might colour/change your view once you've been there.

Ok, I probably only mentioned his behavior to her ONCE. And I was very polite in doing so. And I didn't say a damn thing about it being her fault nor did I tell her she needed to get him in line. In fact I think what I said (and it wasn't directly to her or anything) was "I certainly hope he grew up some over the semester... he was horrible last summer!" And after mom told me off for it I realized I really could've either shut up or phrased it differently. I also didn't say a damn thing about the divorce... mom brought that up when she was yelling at me in private.

And yeah, I'm only 20, but I can guarantee you I wasn't anywhere near that disrespectful to my parents when I was a teenager. Even my own parents could vouch for that. And my little brother (who's a couple years older than this kid) is MUCH better. Heck, he's even more mature than I am sometimes (as much as I REALLY hate admitting it...)

I also don't really think his behavior has to do with the divorce, either. He's just always been kind of a jerk. His sister, on the other hand, is incredibly awesome and a great friend of mine. If any of this does have to do with the divorce, she's certainly handling it way better than he is.

 

[Trilliam]

That kid needs his ass kicked. Hard. I know someone similar... He's not quite THAT bad but he's always whining and disrespectful to his mom, sometimes while we're there visiting, too. I mean, she's having a hard enough time dealing with the divorce she's going through! The least he could do is shut the fuck up and quit whining whenever his mom tells him to do something or says he can't go do whatever!!! And of course, my mom gets upset at me whenever I point out that kid's horrible behavior when his mom's around. I love his mom to death, she's a wonderful person, but she needs to be made aware that her son's behavior is inexcusable. If I ever had a kid and he behaved that way towards me, I'd beat his ass raw, REGARDLESS of age! (Oh, did I mention this kid is 15 years old? Seriously, kid, grow the fuck up!)

So kind of you to load her son's difficulty in dealing with his parents' divorce on top of her like she can't already see it. Yeah, why not, she's already trying to cope with the failure of her marriage, and you so kindly and sagely point out her failure as a parent.


Let's ignore that both of the kids in this thread are kids. Let's ignore that their prime attachment figures may be withdrawn/ emotionally unavailable at present. That their lives have little stability at present. Let's ignore that they have neither the lifeskills, experience and maturity to cope with their respective situations. Lets ignore that teen boys are alien creatures until about 19 or 20 in the best of circumstances.
How old are you? How about we revisit this topic when you've raised some kids through their teen years to adulthood. If you haven't done this yet, the experience might colour/change your view once you've been there.

Ok, I probably only mentioned his behavior to her ONCE. And I was very polite in doing so. And I didn't say a damn thing about it being her fault nor did I tell her she needed to get him in line. [quote/]

The criticism is implied. When you are the parent, even one comment is registered. Probably only once? Maybe more than once?

n fact I think what I said (and it wasn't directly to her or anything) was "I certainly hope he grew up some over the semester... he was horrible last summer!" [quote/]
Like that statement contains no criticism. When you're the parent - Criticise my kids, you are criticising me.

And after mom told me off for it I realized I really could've either shut up or phrased it differently. I also didn't say a damn thing about the divorce... mom brought that up when she was yelling at me in private.
And yeah, I'm only 20, but I can guarantee you I wasn't anywhere near that disrespectful to my parents when I was a teenager. Even my own parents could vouch for that. And my little brother (who's a couple years older than this kid) is MUCH better. Heck, he's even more mature than I am sometimes (as much as I REALLY hate admitting it...)[quote/]

I guessing that your family is not a broken family (ie both parents still living and still together)? Not facing the same challenges this family is? Walk a mile in his shoes before you criticise.

I also don't really think his behavior has to do with the divorce, either. He's just always been kind of a jerk. His sister, on the other hand, is incredibly awesome and a great friend of mine. If any of this does have to do with the divorce, she's certainly handling it way better than he is.

Different children handle stress in these situations differently - some act out as this boy is doing, others withdraw into themselves - I bet you a hot lunch the sister IS just as affected, she's dealing with it differently. I've yet to meet any children of divorce (I have quite a few divorced friends with children) who have been totally unaffected by their parents' separations and divorce. Not just the divorce either - the dissolution of their parents marriage would have taken longer than applying for a divorce - you have no idea what "home" has been like" either of them over however long it has taken to get to the divorce stage.

Like I said earlier, lets come back and discuss this when your my age (48) and have raised a family.

 

[Trilliam]

This little rat described by the OP does sound like a good hiding would be the catalyst for setting him straight.

Whereas I think that all it would do in this case, is teach him to cope with frustration, fear and uncertainty with violence.

Oh, yeah -calling him a rat? Not good form. This is a kid in trouble.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Well I am a woman who has raised three sons in difficult circumstances.

To me this boy's behaviour is far from acceptable. Yes, he has problems but he has bought quite a few of them down on himself. By the time a child is in his teens he should be taking some responsiblity for his actions and having a difficult life is no excuse to act like a total jerk.

My three sons did't have a father for most of their lives. My ex-husband walked out on them when they were 6 1/2, 3 1/2 and 16 months. Only my eldest son Daniel thinks that his 'deprived' childhood gave him an excuse for bad behaviour. My other sons just accepted that we were poor.

All I got from Daniel were complaints that we were poor despite the fact he didn't go without much. They had toys, and books, good food, a small allowance etc. He was in the Scouts and had keyboard lesson and went to the chess club one night a week. I took him and his brothers on outings (to the cinema etc).

Daniel thought it was wrong that his youngest brother was privately tutored. His younger brother had cerebral palsy and associated learning disabilites. My eldest son had no learning disabilities at all. Daiel thought that if I spent $20 a week on having his brother tutored then I should just give him (i.e, Daniel) $20 to spend on himself. Wanting me to do so was downright selfish.

When Daniel was older (about 18) we had a huge argument with my mother because my mother refused to buy him a car. He said if his grandmother didn't buy him a car it would be her fault he was unemployed. Now that he is 31 he still blames his Gran for being unemployed.

My youngest two sons will tell you they both had happy childhoods. They have fond childhood memories and a good relationship with me. Yet their childhoods were not all that different from Daniel's.

 

[Trilliam]

Not going to turn this into a Counselling/attachment theory/raising healthy teenaged boys/ Social & developmental Psych tute.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Not going to turn this into a Counselling/attachment theory/raising healthy teenaged boys/ Social & developmental Psych tute.

Why not? It seems that you can criticised the people who find some of the fault lies with the boy but cannot accept tje suggestion that the majority of children who have adversity in their lives do not stoop to doing what this boy does.

At 13 it is his fault if he calls his mother a bitch. Every teenager I know would know that it is wrong to speak to people that way. This boy chooses to talk to his mother that way. Being polite to his own mother on Mothers Day isn't out of his control even if certain aspects of his life are.

 

[Trilliam]

Not going to turn this into a Counselling/attachment theory/raising healthy teenaged boys/ Social & developmental Psych tute.

Gee, my mother died when I was 7 & I was raised by my grandmother, I only saw my dad on weekends, is that adverse enough?

Of course this child's behaviour is unacceptable, but so is belting him as others were advocating. There are other more effective methods of behavioural modification.

 

[Red Ranger]

Herkimer: Next time, take him outside and challenge him to a fist-fight. If he refuses, kick his ass on general principle! -- RR

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

Stories like this piss me off.


I called my mom on Mother's Day (she doesn't live in the same country) and she was telling me how my brother didn't get her card and just woke up and walked out of the house to go wherever without even saying happy mother's day. I don't know why he acts this way but he has suddenly turned into a 24 year old asshole towards her. My mom is nice and only asked him for $50 a week for rent and he doesn't want to pay it. He has a job but has no money because he wastes it. My mom found a bill in which he spent $130 on friggin sunglasses but he can't go and buy her a card.


Growing up, my mom and I didn't get along very well but we are the best of friends now. Even if I were still angry with her, I would still pick up the phone and tell her happy mother's day. She has thyroid cancer and TB and has had some heart problems in the past and my brother can't even show any kind of respect.

He also has an anger problem and apparently threw a fork that just missed her when they got into an argument. It's a side of him I have never seen before. He's perfectly fine with me and our older brother and even with my dad but for some reason, he's nasty towards the person who raised him since he was 12.

It's disgusting.