• Welcome! The TrekBBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans.
    If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

The Last Starfighter, Sequel!

NathanielM

Captain
Captain
This was written from the hip as we say but its a start...
As its not following an outline per sey...

Outline is on its way though...

It has been twenty years since Alex and Maggie had thundered off into the stars from Starlight Starbright. Alex had returned to Earth, landing in his Gunstar in front of the startled trailer park residents, returning from Rylos to Earth to pick up Maggie, his love before he started his daunting task to rebuild the legion. He had come to take her away, vowing his love for her and when she drug her feet decided to go without her until her grandmother had told her to go to Alex and she had turned to happily call out his name and climb aboard the elevator with him. Alex after embracing and kissing her had filled her in what to expect and what she would be seeing for the first time. Voices from Alex's brother, Lewis, Otis and others chorused goodbye as they had left to the stars and his Gunstar had thundered up into the heavens. On board, Magz sat on Alex's lap in the gunnery chair, their destination Rylos.

That had been a long time ago.

Kyle Rogan, Alex and Maggie's son, sat alone in his office, as he worked on the paper
work, working to create a report for the council that informed them of the death of his father and mother, both taken by a Kodan betrayal. Maggie had been taken by an assassin's laser burst, Alex and Grig had been destroyed after their Gunstar had been sabotaged. Reading the report, Kyle signed his name, and looked up when he sensed Griglex, one of Grig's many children standing in the doorway looking at him. He had reptillian skin, and a brown complexion, gold eyes and claw like hands. He was the spitting image of his father.

]Beside him was his twin sister Amanda. Both had a wary and haggard look to them, both wearing the black mourning band on the sleeve of their uniform. Today was their funeral, and a hard day of choices ahead. He wished Centauri was here, but even he was busier than they were, and in a far off galaxy right now recruiting many for war, as well as on Earth helping to get more humans into the fight.

Kyle managed to smile only, nodding a greeting to his friend and sister. Both had a lot in common, they both shared their father's heroic efforts in the Star League where Grig and Alex had been the last survivors of the destruction of the Starfighter legion that had been in the hangar and destroyed during the attacks by Zur. They had heroically and single handedly defeated the Kodan armada where Zur escaped. Grig and Alex had both went to Earth to pick up Maggie and in three years had dauntingly taken on the task to rebuild the legion.

He and his sister had been borne on Rylos and they had learned quickly the threat of war. They had both lost their families to this war. As they approached the grave sights, and the monument that was to be built over it, all three stood next to the graves of their families, the flag draped caskets sitting over the open pits and turning the Ambassasor stood clad in black.

“We are gathered here to pay tribute to our fallen dead.” He started his voice low as he spoke, his gaze meeting each one of the faces gathered here today before turning his head to nod his head slightly. A young Rylan woman beside him met his glance and stepped forward to take the flag from the top of coffin.

“…And yet, it should be noted, that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of a new beginning, a new century that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain and empty one – and we will not debate his profound qualities at these proceedings…. Of my friend, I can only say this… Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most… ” Here, he faltered, and from her place, Amanda, tears in her eyes, wept openly, meeting the pained expression of the Ambassador who stared at her in silence. He managed to straighten up, his mouth twitching before becoming composing himself again. “…Human.”

Nodding the coffins slowly disappeared in the graves and all three held the salute, salute and honors for their family lost. Of course that had been three weeks ago.

“Its been tough as hell.” He said, and grimaced, shaking off his reminisces as he looked up from his desk. A smile brightened his face. A stout figure, heavily bearded, with dark eyes and brown hair stood there. He recognized him immediately.

“Uncle Lewis!” He said, springing from his desk and greeting his father’s little brother warmly.

“Hiya nephew!” He said, “How are you.”

“Busy as always.” Replied Kyle, and both laughed briefly. He studied the reaction on his uncle’s face, clad in the familiar brown uniform of the Star League. He was a man of thirty, heavily bearded and the sprinkle of gray. His uncle had followed his father’s footsteps not long after he had left, perfecting and passing the game, where he too was recruited to defend the League against Zur.

”So uncle, what brings you to these neck of the woods?” Kyle asked his uncle, “I thought you were having a lot of skirmishes in Sector two.”

“Not so much, my boys and I can’t handle.” Lewis replied, “I rushed back when I got your message.”

“I am sorry Uncle.” Kyle said, “This has been difficult times.”

“Well yes, but don’t worry, I will get the bastards who got my brother, and my sister in-law.” Lewis grumbled, and he thought back to the wedding on Earth when Alex and Magz had actually discussed and got married. He shrugged slightly.

“Centauri couldn’t be here either.” Kyle informed him, “He was too far out to get back to the funeral either.”

“No problem, Kyle.” Lewis said neutrally, “Need to ask you a favor though.”
“Anything.”

“You buy me dinner and bring that sister along with you.” He said and managed a deep basso. Kyle laughed with him.

“Well Amanda is as busy as I am.” He said, “She’s working the same kind of post that mom did. But she’s becoming a star navigator in a few weeks. I’ll see what I can do.”

Lewis nodded when he heard a whistle and Kyle excusing himself he walked out the door. A moment later, he walked to the map.

Alex’s brother studied his nephew.

“Just like Alex.” He thought, and shook his head ruefully as Kyle, grabbing his head joined him at the door.

To be continued.

If its posted its on www.nicestories.com when i can get to writing it. under Nathaniel A. Miller

:techman::techman::techman::alienblush:
 
^^ Nice, in-depth commentary there.

I think this is more appropriate for Fan Fiction. Energizing....
 
Ruins a good film.

that really depends and who are you to judge. It was an open possibility and they are already working on this... Alex and mags are in. (guest and stewart) a little older and wiser

Not up to me - i ONLY PRESENTED A CONCEPT.

Being a writer, you can play with concepts and thoughts, Even words.

And come up with great ideas.

How bout this then... BAD idea to make any more TREK films. Let the franchise die. Paramount has wiped their ass with the franchise with a another lemon. an abonimation. HOW much is enough..

See it goes both ways like a double edged sword.

The storyline has been picked on every level. Just let it march off into the sunset...

And on that note. Look for Ghostbusters 3 MIB3 and Tron 2000 (a sequel to Tron)

Again a sequel, puzzling, but the ending was left open...Tron? The first CGI film ever made.

Like Starfighter a good film that would be WORTHY of such thing. With the CGI the way it is, it could be done properly.

Some films deserve a sequel and the Starfighter movie is NO exception being left wide open. It would provide closure for the actors and the ones who have passed.

Like Preston and O'Hearly.


Nathaniel
 
Ruins a good film.

that really depends and who are you to judge. It was an open possibility and they are already working on this... Alex and mags are in. (guest and stewart) a little older and wiser

Not up to me - i ONLY PRESENTED A CONCEPT.

Being a writer, you can play with concepts and thoughts, Even words.

And come up with great ideas.

How bout this then... BAD idea to make any more TREK films. Let the franchise die. Paramount has wiped their ass with the franchise with a another lemon. an abonimation. HOW much is enough..

See it goes both ways like a double edged sword.

The storyline has been picked on every level. Just let it march off into the sunset...

And on that note. Look for Ghostbusters 3 MIB3 and Tron 2000 (a sequel to Tron)

Again a sequel, puzzling, but the ending was left open...Tron? The first CGI film ever made.

Like Starfighter a good film that would be WORTHY of such thing. With the CGI the way it is, it could be done properly.

Some films deserve a sequel and the Starfighter movie is NO exception being left wide open. It would provide closure for the actors and the ones who have passed.

Like Preston and O'Hearly.


Nathaniel

Dont let them get you down. There are a few onions on this board, and a couple of them have popped up in this thread. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Rob
 
Alright, I'll go ahead and say what I think about the OP.

First, you have a problem with run-on sentences. There are a LOT of them, and while it is true that that is what editors are for, you don't want to have so much to correct that the editor feels like he or she is doing a full rewrite.

Also, you have some pronouns with unclear antecedents. For example: Amanda. Whose sister is she, Kyle's or Griglex's? Two paragraphs later, we can be certain that she is Kyle's sister, but the matter is left floating up to that point.

Use of vocabulary is excellent, and capitalization and punctuation will be, too - once you've cleaned up the run-ons.

That's all I'm going to say about editorial matters. On to content.

First, I'm going to give it points for being about The Last Starfighter. That was one of my favorite movies when I was growing up, and it definitely isn't fanfic fodder that has been done to death. I don't know that I've ever seen another one, for that matter.

In direct contradiction of that, I'm going to take away points for it being about The Last Starfighter. Or anyone else's property at all. I'd hate to see you waste a lot of time building on someone else's stuff, when you can never really call it your own. More to the point, you can never make any money off of it. Then again, maybe you're just writing for fun, and since it looks like you're still developing your style, content being exclusively yours doesn't matter that much. And since I'm a great big hypocrite on this point, anyway :alienblush: ;), maybe I'll just shut up about this.

Except for one glaring exception - the plagarism of Kirk's speech from the end of Star Trek II. You have several cliches in your story so far: the vengeful brother, the passing of a torch from one generation to another, the hero's funeral. No problem with any of that - those are cliches for a reason. People can identify with them. BUT - none of the characters that died are approprate to the speech. None of them have fought an inner conflict over a dual identity in the way Spock did. And the passage is recognisable as plagarized. Bad writer! No cookie. ;) (A character from TLS that might have merited a very similar speech would have been Beta Alex, had he lived longer. But he didn't. And even if he had, then a similar speech. Not the same one word for word!)

Overall, I'll give it 7 out of 10, though - a good initial effort that you can build on.

Two last comments, and they are part of why I asked your age: I can pretty much guarantee you that those who personally knew and cared about the actors in the film could give a crap less about gaining any sort of closure for their characters. They lost people. And, while there's nothing wrong with picking up a story for another chapter, sometimes it's okay to leave an ending wide open, as long as choose a good place to leave it - that way, the epilogue is whatever the reader (or viewer) wants it to be in their mind. That becomes part of the story, and it's kinda neat, because it can be different for everyone who comes in contact with the work. An example: Ask fans of Highlander whether or not Highlander 2 should have ever been made. ;)
 
Alright, I'll go ahead and say what I think about the OP.

First, you have a problem with run-on sentences. There are a LOT of them, and while it is true that that is what editors are for, you don't want to have so much to correct that the editor feels like he or she is doing a full rewrite.

Also, you have some pronouns with unclear antecedents. For example: Amanda. Whose sister is she, Kyle's or Griglex's? Two paragraphs later, we can be certain that she is Kyle's sister, but the matter is left floating up to that point.

Use of vocabulary is excellent, and capitalization and punctuation will be, too - once you've cleaned up the run-ons.

That's all I'm going to say about editorial matters. On to content.

First, I'm going to give it points for being about The Last Starfighter. That was one of my favorite movies when I was growing up, and it definitely isn't fanfic fodder that has been done to death. I don't know that I've ever seen another one, for that matter.

In direct contradiction of that, I'm going to take away points for it being about The Last Starfighter. Or anyone else's property at all. I'd hate to see you waste a lot of time building on someone else's stuff, when you can never really call it your own. More to the point, you can never make any money off of it. Then again, maybe you're just writing for fun, and since it looks like you're still developing your style, content being exclusively yours doesn't matter that much. And since I'm a great big hypocrite on this point, anyway :alienblush: ;), maybe I'll just shut up about this.

Except for one glaring exception - the plagarism of Kirk's speech from the end of Star Trek II. You have several cliches in your story so far: the vengeful brother, the passing of a torch from one generation to another, the hero's funeral. No problem with any of that - those are cliches for a reason. People can identify with them. BUT - none of the characters that died are approprate to the speech. None of them have fought an inner conflict over a dual identity in the way Spock did. And the passage is recognisable as plagarized. Bad writer! No cookie. ;) (A character from TLS that might have merited a very similar speech would have been Beta Alex, had he lived longer. But he didn't. And even if he had, then a similar speech. Not the same one word for word!)

Overall, I'll give it 7 out of 10, though - a good initial effort that you can build on.

Two last comments, and they are part of why I asked your age: I can pretty much guarantee you that those who personally knew and cared about the actors in the film could give a crap less about gaining any sort of closure for their characters. They lost people. And, while there's nothing wrong with picking up a story for another chapter, sometimes it's okay to leave an ending wide open, as long as choose a good place to leave it - that way, the epilogue is whatever the reader (or viewer) wants it to be in their mind. That becomes part of the story, and it's kinda neat, because it can be different for everyone who comes in contact with the work. An example: Ask fans of Highlander whether or not Highlander 2 should have ever been made. ;)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
First of all, It was off the hip. It needs a rewrite. Its only a concept. BAD or good. I am withdrawing this to a script format rather than novelization. It is beter suited here than as a short story or novel. It is already in the works, and i use it only as a Fan fiction and/or a portfolio piece.

Secondly I am not seeking any credit for a sequel, or to publish this.

Thirdly as a firm, IT DOES deserve a sequel for what it is... Disney's second only CGI film ever. (The first one was "Tron" and for the early eighties it WAS NOT BAD.)

Finally, Good or bad I thought the concept was a decent one. Okay it needs to be brushed up. Before you say anything, I say put up or shut up as I don't see you contributing anything *Cough* asshole

---- Also to note too, my age is none of your damn business ---

Let us say it is a film i grew up on and remember fondly...

It's already too late anyway, as Lance Guest and Catherine Mary Stewart have already agreed they would LOVE to do it. Authors are already working on a sequel writing a screen play or a story. I have it on good authority from friends who work in Disney that there is a sequel brewing and authors are in the process of writing it. There has been talk of a sequel from within Disney for a long time. So we'll see...

Bottom line, if you don't like my concept story. you are entitled to your "Opinion" to say that. But remember, Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one.

My response TO YOUR OPINION IS THIS:

"It is noted." And with toilet paper I wipe my ass clean with it.


Nathaniel
 
Last edited:
Dude, Disney had nothing to do with "The Last Starfighter". It was Lorimar (since taken over by Warner Bros), although Universal has theatrical and home video rights. Disney may be involved in a sequel (though I hope to hell the House of Mouse keeps their grubby, soulless fingers away from any possible sequel) but as to the original, they weren't involved. Any connection to "Tron" lies in the fact that both films were pioneers in the use of CGI for special effects.

On a somewhat related note, the soundtrack of the off-Broadway musical version of "Last Starfighter" is really quite good.
 
Dude, Disney had nothing to do with "The Last Starfighter". It was Lorimar (since taken over by Warner Bros), although Universal has theatrical and home video rights. Disney may be involved in a sequel (though I hope to hell the House of Mouse keeps their grubby, soulless fingers away from any possible sequel) but as to the original, they weren't involved. Any connection to "Tron" lies in the fact that both films were pioneers in the use of CGI for special effects.

On a somewhat related note, the soundtrack of the off-Broadway musical version of "Last Starfighter" is really quite good.

correction noted with thanks.

But of course. as I said. that's already in the works.

There are so far many ideas coming in as outlines. I see a possbility coming very soon.. Whoever does it, i am hoping it is good.

Disney has got in on the idea... the official poop its because their Narnia has been so successfully, even partially, that they want some big winners coming up into the rest of the year and into next year. I dunno, so long as they remain in the live action with CGI it should be ok...

Disney though should concentrate on teh Narnia chronicles, completing the entire series. The need to do Voyage of the Dawn Treader (#3 book) and The Last Battle (#7 book) as those are the only four films of seven that the kids appear in the Narnia books by C.S. Lewis... BUT NOT RELEASE THEM until they complete the Magician's Nephew Silver chair and the Horse and his boy. Then release them one by one. they will have some winners... for a while then keep them afloat for a while.

I am reviewing and reading the books again. I always liked the series and the movies, despite everything was NOT bad. Just an opinion.


Nathaniel
 
Dude, Triumphant was, IMHO, trying to help. He pointed out several well-spoken editorial comments, and was not a troll about it. Take what he offered and put it to good use. I loved Starfighter as well, and was happy with the ending. If you elect to submit fan fiction for a continuation, I'm sure there are people who'd be happy to read it, and I may even give it the once-over.

And anything you write and put up in Fan Fiction can and will be commented upon, good or bad. If you're so thin-skinned that you can't take criticism, constructive or otherwise, you may wish to revisit the idea of posting your fan fiction here.

Before the trolls really come out.
 
If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

Sign up / Register


Back
Top