I Was Strangled and Beaten by a Stranger. I'm Injured. I'm Angry.

[Australis]

Sorry, Jan, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from, and you shouldn't have gone through it, but there's a smidgin of 'holier-than-thou' in your posts, that you feel you stand on some kind of higher ground because, um, I dunno, you're not angry about it?

Your situation was different because it was you in the relationship. Bears was going to someone's aid, as a good person should. She's not just angry about the assault, she's also rightly pissed about the initial indifference by police and services.

Again, not belittling what happened to you. And you did do something about it, it may have taken a while but you did it. You may have been able to do it earlier, but that may be a story for another thread.

 

[Jan]

Sorry, Jan, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from, and you shouldn't have gone through it, but there's a smidgin of 'holier-than-thou' in your posts, that you feel you stand on some kind of higher ground because, um, I dunno, you're not angry about it?

If that's the impression I've given, it was never my intention. I do tend to 'shut down' emotionally when I discuss what happened because A) it was many years ago and B) the bastard's dead and rotted (unfortunately, with no help from me). My anger was a sustaining force back then, no mistake.

Your situation was different because it was you in the relationship. Bears was going to someone's aid, as a good person should. She's not just angry about the assault, she's also rightly pissed about the initial indifference by police and services.

And that's absolutely appropriate. When I posted was in response to what seemed like Bears concluding that anybody in an abusive relationship was there because they were weak-willed/stupid/whatever, and not looking for a way out. Her anger at her attacker and in this case probably the original victim of her attacker is absolutely appropriate but my point was that for her to turn that anger against other victims was unfair and damaging.

My apologies for any taint of 'holier-than-thou' in my posts, it was never intended.

Jan

 

[Sephiroth]

*gives bears a re-affirming hug* go talk to a lawyer, a good one, get ready to file charges, and be ready to have the LAPD up your ass, i'm in New Mexico, not that far, if the cops start to harass you, I can help you out a bit *second hug for the Ed avatar*

 

[JuanBolio]

I've made some HUGE inroads today.

I was supposed to return to work today, but I called my boss to let her know I was going to make another trip to the precinct, this time to get some real answers and straighten out the erroneous police report, file charges, and provide as much evidence as possible.

It was a very long wait. I spent most of my day sitting in the precinct, waiting for the detective assigned to my case to come back from her very, very long lunch. The receptionist kept paging her, to no avail.

Finally, she came out into the lobby with a stack of paperwork pertaining to my incident. She asked what the problem was, and I told her. Everything. How the police report was wrong (I even pointed out the inconsistencies in the time noted by the officers). How no one took pictures of my injuries. How no one had contacted me about the case. How only one misdemeanor charge had been filed on behalf of the other victim, but nothing for me. How I wanted to file charges on my own behalf and submit a more accurate report.

She started flipping through the paperwork while I was talking and her eyes got big. "Oh, that's wrong." "Oh my god, they messed this up." "This isn't right!" "Are you *sure* you went to the hospital directly from the crime scene?" "Why the hell didn't they take pictures?" "Where's your statement? It's not in here." "They assigned it to the wrong attorney! The wrong detective!"

"Oh shit, they let him go. Someone messed up all the paperwork and they've let him go. Oh shit. Oh shit."

She asked why I didn't come to the precinct sooner, and I got to tell her all about my other trips to the police precinct, my convalescence an hour away and the endless phone calls that were never returned.

I told her I had the photos I took of my injuries, and my ripped shirt. She had me sit down again and I waited another hour. Finally, a 30-something male detective came out and ushered me into a holding room. He had me tell him exactly what happened the night I was attacked. I explained the entire story to him, complete with stick men, arrows and diagrams of my apartment building layout to give visual clarity to my play-by-play recounting. I gave him my medical records from Good Samaritan Hospital and the orthopedic doctor who treated me later in the day. I gave him a disc with all the pictures I took of my injuries, plus the name and phone number of a friend who took additional photos. I gave him the police report and a copy of my thirty day notice.

He gave me a card with the mug shots of various men who looked like the suspect. I was not able to pick him out. I do not believe his shot was on the card, and told them so. That is a valid answer, because they say the card may or may not have the suspect they arrested in my case. That was anxiety-inducing. I've never been good with faces, especially faces I've only seen mostly blurs of as the body attached to it was ripping off my clothes and strangling me.

As a result, I now have my own detective assigned to the case, and the suspect has at least one count of FELONY battery against him. It looks like I am going to have my own case against the attacker, separate from the other victim. I will know tonight if/when he is back in custody, and the detective promised to keep me fully informed of any developments in the case.

WIN.

It was very nice to get some acknowledgement that there were huge procedural and administrative screw ups on my case. I recieved an apology from the lady detective, and later, the gentleman detective for the major blunders that almost sent me through the cracks.

Not taking pictures was one.

Not reporting my injuries was another.

Incorrectly reporting that I declined medical treatment was another. They helped load me into the ambulance!

Letting the guy out on bail for an inappropriate charge for the severity of the crime was another.

Listing me as a victim and then treating me as a witness was another.

Claiming I tried to pry the attacker off the victim and provoked him into punching me in the face is another. Never happened.

Assigning me to the City Attorney instead of the DA was another screw up. I think had I not intervened, the case would have never been brought to the attention of the court, or would have been delayed past any statutes of limitations. He would have walked out of his jail cell with nary a peep from the court system or any other LE.

That other police report that supposedly told my side of the story? Doesn't exist. They never filed it, like they were supposed to. They only filed one report, for the other victim.

The police report didn't even use proper spelling or grammar. They couldn't get their times straight on when they were called to the scene. It was so jumbled and backward, so inconsistent that you couldn't follow the chain of events in any logical manner.

I'm appalled and amazed at the incompetence that left me in limbo for over a week.

But that's not all! While I was at the precinct, I saw them do the following:

Accidentally impound a guy's brand new car. The officer didn't bother to check for registration in the window before towing it off. The guy came into the precinct to report it stolen and found that it had been impounded for no registration, instead. He recieved an apology and a reimbursement for damages to the car because they left it in Park while towing it.

Without asking questions or mirandizing, they arrested and frisked a 14 year old girl who came in to report a school fight. In full view of everyone. Amazing. They lied to the girl and said her mom knew what was going on and approved of their actions. She didn't, and came stomping and screaming into the police precinct 20 minutes after the arrest. That still hadn't been resolved by the time we left.

Fucking cops... for every one thing they do right, they do a hundred wrong. I'm glad you decided to pursue the path of persistence. I hope you manage to find justice, I really do. Don't let the exhaustion and depression overcome you. Pain is temporary. Glory in the face of the odds is forever.

We, as civilians, are told to work within the system. To obey the law. How can we be expected to do so when the law and the system are so deeply and badly flawed? *shakes head and stalks away*

 

[Bears Discover Fire]

My life has made its first mend, of sorts.

I went back to work today.

Telecommuting, actually. I can't get up the stairs to the office, nor can I drive the 4 1/2 hour rush hour commute without my foot in an elevated position. It's a little weird, I feel like I'm wading into the kiddie pool or something. Like I'm not really "at work", I'm just pretending to work because "work" the event is supposed to happen at "work" the location, and not in my mom's spare bedroom. Trauma tends to impede cognitive function as well, and I can definitely feel the loss there. I'm back, but bumbling.

I'm glad to be telecommuting though, so I don't have to deal directly with one coworker who is quite put out at my absence. How dare I inconvenience her a bit with my injury and homelessness. Some nerve I have. She's the one who got the useless production assistant hired against my recommendation, as a family favor. He can't keep up with her demands without my help because he's slow and incompetent at the job. Naturally, she's blaming me for the backlog because I haven't been here, whereas when Useless Guy is gone I stay on top of things better than when he's here because I actually know how to do my fucking job and don't have to do his for him to make deadline. I haven't told her how I ended up in a cast, and I don't feel inclined. She's reaping what she has sowed and I don't have a whole lot of sympathy.

Yesterday afternoon I went LA to take care of some things. It was my first trip to the city by myself since the assault. I damn near panicked just crossing the city limits. Passing "my" exit made me tear up in rage and disappointment at everything I've (temporarily, I hope) lost - my home, my mobility, my independence, the life I was building. I did not go back to my apartment building. If simply driving past an exit is enough to unhinge me, I don't want to know what going to the scene of my assault and the life I can't have at the moment would do to me.

Maybe I should stay with my mom longer than I was hoping. Every time I've had to go back to LA since this happened, all I've wanted to do was run like hell (on my crutches, naturally) away to somewhere else.

I haven't heard anything else from the police about the case against my attacker since I made my statement at the precinct last Monday. They still haven't told me if they've rearrested him.

Now that the initial trauma and shock has worn off, I feel like my life is not ruined but in some sort of limbo or suspended animation from which I can't pull it back to health. Everything I try to do, every little daily obstacle in front of me elicits tidal waves of screaming, rage tantrums. I feel like I can't accomplish anything because these bad emotions overwhelm everything in my daily life. I don't know who this new person is. I don't like her very much. She's too high maintenance and hysterical to be much good to anyone. My mother does not much care for her.

My former counselor recommended I find a forensic-note wielding therapist who specializes in some sort of eye movement conditioning to detour the brain's path that leads to the memories of the trauma. They're kinda hard to find. According to the California Psychological Association's website, there are none in the state.

On the upside, I've lost about 12 pounds since this happened. On the downside, I don't recommend this diet plan.

 

[Captain Ice]

Congrats on making progress.

I know it may not seem like much, but every milestone that you make is one step closer to your goal. Also, remember that progress is usually best made in small (incremental) steps.

As to progress on your case, you have a right to know what is going on. I'd wait a few more days and then contact them. Question though - Have you forwarded your mail to your Mom's house? Any official notification of what's going on in your case will likely come through the mail. Would be a pity if it's sitting in your mailbox at your apartment house right now.

As far as staying with your Mom, it's a little early to predict how long this will be necessary. I'm assuming that you're wanting to be out of there as soon as you're healed? Or are you waiti8ng until you are healed to start looking for another apartment?

 

[RJDiogenes]

I'm glad things are going well, Bears. You'll get used to telecommuting quickly; I've been doing it since December and now I'm completely spoiled.

It should also give you time to look for a better job.

 

[sithlord]

I just happened upon this thread whilst engaged in my usual habit of lurking and have read all 16 pages in one sitting. Bears, you don't know me, but my heart goes out to you. You were (and continue to be) exceptionally brave. You stepped in and saved a human life. You acted when others wouldn't. Just reading what you did helped breathe life into the once dying embers of my faith in humanity.

And I am sorry beyond words how you were repaid for your heroism; by your attacker, your landlord, the LAPD, and by the person you helped! I understand the concerns echoed by those on this board that this man is a victim suffering stockholm syndrome and the classic symptoms of domestic abuse. But, his inaction caused someone to be seriously injured and he STILL covers up for the bastard! That is unconscionable. I do not wish further harm to come to this person, but they are just as guilty of the attack on Bears as the physical assailant is.

Who knows, with your continued efforts to get the LAPD to do their jobs, you may save this person a second time. I know that's furthest from your mind, but it wouldn't be a bad side benefit to the whole ordeal (plus, it's easier to sue the living!)

I wish I was a lawyer so I could help you with your case. But, in any event, stay strong, remember that all this will pass, that your wounds (both physical and psychological) will heal, and there are people here who pray you will see justice served.

Take care,
-Sithlord

 

[Naira]

Bears, I don't really have much to say, since I've never experienced something similar. Your story was quite shocking to me because it made me think of how things can be turned upside down in seconds. I wish you all the best while you have to deal with the aftermath of this.

 

[Gertch]

I've been doing it since December and now I'm completely spoiled.

You still have to change your underwear btw.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Yay progress! Good luck, Bears. You know you have a lot of people here that would drop what they are doing to come help you.

 

[Major Chord]

Bears, I wish you the best of luck in coping with this shitstorm of well, shit, that has been dumped upon you. Take care, and don't let things get you down. Cry if and when you need to cry, as it can be very theraputic. Just remember that things will get better. Sorry I can't be of more help, other than a few kind words.

Take care,
Sean

 

[RJDiogenes]

I've been doing it since December and now I'm completely spoiled.

You still have to change your underwear btw.

Why? I haven't been wearing it.

 

[ancientone51]

Bear this is good news. Hang in there and know we are here for you.Take it in small increments if you have to, rushing is not a good plan.

You are still on my "thoughts and prayers" list. Zen hugs to you.

 

[pookha]

hang in there..
if you need me just pm.

 

[the_wildcard]

Wow, is all I can say to your story Bears. Hang in there and take it one step at a time.

 

[Tim]

I've been doing it since December and now I'm completely spoiled.

You still have to change your underwear btw.

Why? I haven't been wearing it.

Just like Dilbert, huh?

 

[RJDiogenes]

You still have to change your underwear btw.

Why? I haven't been wearing it.

Just like Dilbert, huh?

Sigh. If it wasn't for LiveMeeting....

 

[Bears Discover Fire]

My apartment has been rented. That means I need to get out ASAP so I can get some of the rent I paid back into my bank account.

I'm looking up moving and storage people, seeing if any of them will literally pack my place up. Everything is sitting, untouched, exactly as it was the night I was attacked. My dishes are in the sink and the dishwasher. Food is in the freezer. I have dirty laundry slung over a chair. A set of wine glasses is sitting on the counter, waiting to be put away. My bills and papers are scattered on my desk. A loofah poof thing is hanging in the shower. Mu's kitty grass is sitting dead on the windowsill next to the box fan. I have 1/4 roll of toilet paper. It's a diorama of a life interrupted. In photo school, we called it a theme assembly.

I need a moving company that will pack it all up for me, since I can't do it myself. I also need to look at storage options until I can find another place. My plans to apartment hunt on Saturday went awry, once again, when I woke up in tears and just got worse from there.

This whole process is surreal. Like I'm underwater.

 

[Capn Flukie]

Good luck to you Bears, you deserve it. If I wasn't on the other side of the country, I'd help you move.