Registering for gifts

[RoJoHen]

Now, I'm not getting married or having a baby or anything, so this doesn't really apply to me, and I'm not even sure why I'm thinking about it. I'm just curious about the whole concept.

When people get married, they register somewhere to get gifts, correct? Call me crazy, but this just sounds like one of the most selfish things in the world.

"We're getting married, so buy us all this stuff." Really?

I'm someone who believes that gifts should be given because a person wants to give you something, not because you expect to receive something. It's one of my biggest problems with Christmas, in fact, that people make lists and expect people to buy them specific things.

If and when I get married, I would feel like a jackass registering for gifts. I have no idea why me getting married is a reason for people to have to buy me things. The best gift you could give me is just to come to the wedding and celebrate with me.

Same with Christmas and Birthdays. My friends and I have an agreement that we never buy each other presents for holidays. We just make sure that we're able to spend time with each other when those days roll around.


For baby showers, I can let it slide. Babies are a huge responsibility, and they require a lot of extra things that most people don't already have, so it's nice to be able to make sure you have those things when you need them.

Otherwise, I think gifts should be given because the GIVER decided to do so.

 

[Kira's Mom]

Well, when a couple is getting married, they are starting off with a new life, new home, etc. When they register for gifts, it's not about greed. They're getting stuff they need to start out. You give gifts for a wedding anyway, so you might as well know what they want and need.

 

[RoJoHen]

Eh, I guess. Maybe it's because I'm single and have everything I need already, but I just can't see myself needing to ask for gifts when I get married. I hope that I would already be living with my fiancee for a while, so we'd have had a chance to get stuff before the actual wedding.

Out of curiosity (I've never actually been to a real wedding), what kinds of stuff do people actually "need" when they get married that they don't already have?

 

[FordSVT]

Well, that would obviously depend on where they were living and whom they were living with before getting married. Two people right out of college are obviously going to have a lot less than two professional people who cohabitated for five years before tying the knot.

But really, a registry for something like a wedding is a good idea. If dozens or maybe even 100 or more people are going to give you gifts, why not get what you need instead of having multiple copies of the same stuff?

 

[RoJoHen]

Well, that's the thing. I don't like the idea of people giving me gifts at all unless they've put a lot of thought and heart into them. I hate the idea of receiving gifts because they feel obligated to give me something.

 

[auntiehill]

When I got married, we had a year-long engagement, as we lived in separate cities. People were bugging me for where I was registered the moment they found out I was engaged. People wanted to give us gifts, and a registry gives them an idea of what to shop for.

I have never had a problem with registries for weddings and babies. They are life-changing events, and it's a nice feeling to give a gift to help them on their way. What does bother me is people who DEMAND gifts or are ungrateful for what they get.

I watched one of my sisters complain because our aunt gave her a crystal bowl for her wedding. "I didn't register for THIS!" she whined. "Why didn't she get me what I asked for?" I was appalled. Talk about ungrateful!

Hubby and I registered at Bed Bath & Beyond, and Target. We just asked for basics like towels, sheets, etc. One of my aunts gave me a dozen crystal ice-tea glasses from Neiman Marcus. She had them mailed to me, and they came in a box the size of a small sofa! And this was not a rich woman. I was truly shocked. I sat down and wrote a thank-you card right on the spot.

 

[Sledder]

However when people are invited to a wedding they are expected to give gifts, the rule of thumb is that the gift should cover the cost associated with the person attending.

When I got married we were asked on three occasions to go add more to the registry as it got picked over too quickly and people needed to know what to buy.

 

[RoJoHen]

However when people are invited to a wedding they are expected to give gifts.

This is exactly my problem.

 

[Sledder]

However when people are invited to a wedding they are expected to give gifts.

This is exactly my problem.

Well if you were to ever get married you could try and request people not give gifts.

Personally I think it's nice to be able to give a gift and help a new couple get on their way in their new life together.

 

[RoJoHen]

Yeah, I get that all in theory, and maybe it's because I'm nowhere near getting married, but I just can't see what I could possibly ask people for.

What exactly do married couples need that I, a single man, don't already have?

 

[JoeZhang]

Well, when a couple is getting married, they are starting off with a new life, new home, etc. When they register for gifts, it's not about greed. They're getting stuff they need to start out. You give gifts for a wedding anyway, so you might as well know what they want and need.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the couple are "starting out" - most people are living together before they get married.

 

[auntiehill]

See...I didn't EXPECT anyone to give me anything at my wedding. I knew that some of the guests were dirt poor, and I never even thought about who gave me what, except when trying to write Thank You cards.

It's considered polite to give a gift as a way of thanking the person for inviting you, or as a way to express best wishes for the couple. But I've never cared about it one way or another. I love giving presents, because it makes me feel good. If I couldn't afford it, I'd send a nice card and include an IOU for pet-sitting or something. One of the best gifts I got for my wedding was when a friend not only fed my cat while we were on our honeymoon, but she'd cooked a big dinner and stuck it in the freezer, with instructions, so we wouldn't have to cook when we got home.

It was a wonderful gift, and very thoughtful.

Even though we got married later in life, there were still things we needed, like bedding for our new bed, and dishes, since I only had a few and hubby had practically none.

 

[RoJoHen]

Well, when a couple is getting married, they are starting off with a new life, new home, etc. When they register for gifts, it's not about greed. They're getting stuff they need to start out. You give gifts for a wedding anyway, so you might as well know what they want and need.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the couple are "starting out" - most people are living together before they get married.

Yeah, I think that married couples "starting out" is more of an antiquated idea from when it was taboo for unmarried couples to live together. And since women are so much more independent these days than they were way back when, I have a hard time believing that either the bride or the groom would be in a position where they need a bunch of stuff.

 

[Sledder]

Yeah, I get that all in theory, and maybe it's because I'm nowhere near getting married, but I just can't see what I could possibly ask people for.

What exactly do married couples need that I, a single man, don't already have?

I probably thought along the same lines when I was getting married. However it's amazing the number of things that a women "needs" in a home that a single man does not. 85% of the items on our registry were things I would have never thought of as a single man.

 

[RoJoHen]

See...I didn't EXPECT anyone to give me anything at my wedding. I knew that some of the guests were dirt poor, and I never even thought about who gave me what, except when trying to write Thank You cards.

It's considered polite to give a gift as a way of thanking the person for inviting you, or as a way to express best wishes for the couple. But I've never cared about it one way or another. I love giving presents, because it makes me feel good. If I couldn't afford it, I'd send a nice card and include an IOU for pet-sitting or something. One of the best gifts I got for my wedding was when a friend not only feed my cat while we were on our honeymoon, but she'd cooked a big dinner and stuck in the freezer, with instructions, so we wouldn't have to cook when we got home.

It was a wonderful gift, and very thoughtful.

And I bet you didn't register for pet-feeding and dinner-making, did ya?

See, that kind of gift is perfect. It's the lists that bug me. And it doesn't just apply to weddings. I hate the idea of Christmas and birthday lists too.

 

[Sledder]

Well, when a couple is getting married, they are starting off with a new life, new home, etc. When they register for gifts, it's not about greed. They're getting stuff they need to start out. You give gifts for a wedding anyway, so you might as well know what they want and need.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the couple are "starting out" - most people are living together before they get married.

Yeah, I think that married couples "starting out" is more of an antiquated idea from when it was taboo for unmarried couples to live together. And since women are so much more independent these days than they were way back when, I have a hard time believing that either the bride or the groom would be in a position where they need a bunch of stuff.

Your mileage may vary however when I got married I had been living away from home for a little over a year and a half with a roommate and my wife was still living at home having just finished University a couple of months before our wedding.

I personally know very few people who lived together before getting married and who therefore needed a lot in the way of pots and pans and cutlery and those type of things. But that's just my experience.

 

[Plecostomus]

Yeah, I get that all in theory, and maybe it's because I'm nowhere near getting married, but I just can't see what I could possibly ask people for.

What exactly do married couples need that I, a single man, don't already have?

A blender? A Foreman grill? Rice steamer? Iron with 300 settings and a 2-gallon tank? Self-propelled wok? Spoon-angle correction press? Automated sausage-stuffer? Coffee-grind dehydration press? Flavanoid-extractor? Telephone with 4,500 options? Chicken-roller? Mexican corn-husker/wrapper/steamer?

All sorts of things really.

 

[auntiehill]

And I bet you didn't register for pet-feeding and dinner-making, did ya?

Um, no, I didn't. That was kinda my whole point. The best gifts come from the heart, whether they are on a registry or not. The lists just make things easier for people who would like to buy gifts. That's all. You don't have to buy anyone anything if you don't want to.

I certainly never cared who bought me a gift for my wedding, but I was certainly touched by the many nice things people did for us.
I love giving gifts to people, and sometimes, I ask people what they'd like, so it makes shopping easier for me. Gift giving is a polite gesture, nothing more. Many couples now accept or ask for donations to their favorite charity in lieu of gifts. Something along those lines would be a very meaningful way to express your friendship for the couple.

 

[RoJoHen]

Yeah, I get that all in theory, and maybe it's because I'm nowhere near getting married, but I just can't see what I could possibly ask people for.

What exactly do married couples need that I, a single man, don't already have?

A blender? A Foreman grill? Rice steamer? Iron with 300 settings and a 2-gallon tank? Self-propelled wok? Spoon-angle correction press? Automated sausage-stuffer? Coffee-grind dehydration press? Flavanoid-extractor? Telephone with 4,500 options? Chicken-roller? Mexican corn-husker/wrapper/steamer?

All sorts of things really.

I would never want most of those things, and the things I do want, I already have.

I'm quite self-sufficient, so I have a well-stocked kitchen and gadgets all over the place. Maybe most other people just aren't as prepared for life as I am?

 

[Plecostomus]

Well when SWMBO and I got married we simply told the people we invited "we already have all this that and those too so don't worry about it" and went from there.

That said we STILL ended up with two blenders. Which we kept. Blender-motors make great starting points for Saturday Afternoon Engineering Projects.

I suspect the blender-thing was more of a joke on the part of a certain friend but hey, the point of the wedding was not to get MOAR STUFF but to sign a legally binding contract that will allow me to dispose of 2/3rds of my possessions AND 95% of my income should I ever stop loving her.