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I think I'm done.

But I don't need one, and looking at like through those lenses, as you put it, always strikes me as silly. I merely exist, and use that existence to do things I feel are right, good or necessary until the day that existence ends. I think what I've chosen to do with my existence is rewarding, but that doesn't lend it any special meaning or purpose.

Then you do have a purpose, Goji. You say you don't need one, but you also feel you have to "do things [you] feel is right," no matter what form that may take. That in and of itself is purpose, for it is not only what we decide to do in life that lends meaning and purpose to our existence, but also how we live our lives, depending on our "life perspectives." You may not realize it now, but in time you will come to understand.

Okay, then I have a meaning and purpose in life as much as my pet cat does. I don't agree with this perspective, I think neither of us have "purposes" exactly, but there it is.

You exist. You create. You contribute. Every day you decide to wake up and get ready for the day ahead and go to class and learn Nipongo. You bathe. You eat. You breathe. Why? Because you are driven and motivated to do so. What motivates, what even inspires us as humans, also defines our existence. Some people believe the pursuit of wealth or material things will grant them happiness, and to some extent, it does. But that's not all there is. If one believes that's all there is in life, then one loses perspective of the more important things that really matter--like love, honor, friendship, and family to name a few. Thus one's happiness is not always based on what he or she has or has not, but more on what he or she gives or shares with others.
 
Very true. Unfortunately, not much comfort to those of us doing fine materially but stumbling around blindly on the social plane.

My advice: learn to do something you've never done before. It at least gives you a change of pace; if it's something reasonably social, it might even introduce you to some new friends.
 
This is nothing to worry about. As the movies and television shows us, just when you feel like you're at your lowest low, aliens will attack, zombies will rise, terrorists will invade... and you will rise to the occasion to be our savior. :)
 
Honestly, the best advice I can think of is to go to school. Enroll in a program at a local college, be it community college or a university if you have the money. The benefits are immeasurable. It will be a change of scenery, a place to meet new people, a way to challenge yourself and learn new things, and it gives you a set goal (finishing an assignment, a class, or a whole program and getting a degree). I know that I feel my best when I am sitting in class, learning and discussing, or even just listening to others discuss. It is so much more fulfilling than the simple day job. Plus, you can even take law classes if that is what you are interested in. If you don't have the money or time to get an actual law degree you will at least have done something for yourself that you found personally rewarding. And like I said, you can meet a lot of new people this way.

And don't be intimidated because you are older than "college age" kids. In my classes, there are many older individuals, especially in my night classes. It's not unusual at all. There's even been times where there were some people over 80 in my class!
 
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A question Trekker: if you could do one thing to earn money (a career) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I've always kind of wanted to be a lawyer.

What is your occupation right now?
Meat Manager in a supermarket. It affords me a liveable wage that I'm content with.

Obviously not content "enough". :)

OK, so law. What is it about being a lawyer that attracts you to it? Is it the appeal of being in the courtroom? Helping people? Arguing? What I'm trying to get at is, if you feel that being a lawyer is too far out of reach - and I'm not saying it is - perhaps there is a more attainable career path which would offer you the same type of stimulation as a career in law?
 
Then you do have a purpose, Goji. You say you don't need one, but you also feel you have to "do things [you] feel is right," no matter what form that may take. That in and of itself is purpose, for it is not only what we decide to do in life that lends meaning and purpose to our existence, but also how we live our lives, depending on our "life perspectives." You may not realize it now, but in time you will come to understand.

Okay, then I have a meaning and purpose in life as much as my pet cat does. I don't agree with this perspective, I think neither of us have "purposes" exactly, but there it is.

You exist. You create. You contribute. Every day you decide to wake up and get ready for the day ahead and go to class and learn Nipongo. You bathe. You eat. You breathe. Why? Because you are driven and motivated to do so. What motivates, what even inspires us as humans, also defines our existence. Some people believe the pursuit of wealth or material things will grant them happiness, and to some extent, it does. But that's not all there is. If one believes that's all there is in life, then one loses perspective of the more important things that really matter--like love, honor, friendship, and family to name a few. Thus one's happiness is not always based on what he or she has or has not, but more on what he or she gives or shares with others.

But is my "purpose" in being alive to be nice to people? Is it my purpose in life to learn Japanese? To have love, honor, friendship or family? No, I personally wouldn't say that it is. Those are things that I choose to have as a part of my life (to some extent, I want no family of my own and watching too many Klingon episodes has made the word honor cheesy as hell), but I don't think that I am living for the purpose of those things. I don't think that of anything I do in my life. But maybe I'm just thinking of a different sort of purpose or meaning than you are.
 
What's the math already? Multiply (half?) the duration of the relationship by 10 and that's the duration of the mourning period. I believe we're way past that.

Dude, you're making it too complicated - multiplying by half and then 10?

Just multiply by five.

Just wanted to respond to that part, as the math is ridiculious. Multiply the length of the relationship by FIVE, and mourn/get over it THAT long? I'm sorry, but that's kinda pathetic, not to be harsh. I mean, I dated a girl for 2 years, and it didn't work out and ended badly. Thought she was the one. We broke up in 2004, so according to your math, I should be mopey and pathetic until 2014? Really? Means I've got another 6 years to kill, I guess. My current gf probably isn't gonna like that.

And even with the crazy-long mourning math here, Trekker is STILL way outside the zone. How long was that relationship, and how long ago?

Just another 'woe is me' thread. If he wanted to actually change his circumstances, this would be a thread about what he was going to do, rather than just bitching about what IS, while doing nothing. Pretty much like his "I like this girl at work" threads. Lots of "I'd like to" or "I should" mixed with some "I'm lonely", but by the end of the thread, he hasn't even talked to her, or he waited so long that the thread has been archived, and the girl has had time to get married to someone else, have kids, and then have it fall apart and get divorced...

Trekker: Take this thread, and these feelings, and DO something. Improve upon your situation. Or admit that you won't, and start collecting cats or something. I have one, they're quite cuddly...
 
Treker, I like you, I do.

But unless you have a complete paradigm shift, and actually do something to change your situation, and not bitch about it, you're stuck in this rut.
 
everywhere i go, i feel like i'm an alien when i walk among people, I exchange pleasantries like talking from a script when I interact with people, i feel distant from everything, and i despise everyone for being so far away
 
^Stop playing Final Fantasy and old Lucas Arts games all the time?

Trekker, just an FYI, but most lawyers don't spend any time in court at all. Most of law is research and paperwork and writing. Writing and writing and writing. And here's an interesting article about lawyers: they aren't happy either.

But what you should do is try to pursue an occupation that allows you to verbalize your opinions. Working in a meat market probably doesn't tax your debate or reasoning skills. Hell, it's part of the reason you and a lot of us are here.

Is school a possibility for you? Have you looked into student loans? Most places have loans for mature students looking to upgrade their skills. Some kind of business diploma? You don't need a four year university degree if the 2 year college is a good one. Ever considered sales? I'm not talking used cars or candy here, you'd be surprised how much money you can make and how many people you get to meet in technical sales. Mucho $$$$. Two of the richest people I know that are not self-employed are both in sales. One guy sells hearing aids (imagine!) and the other sells dental equipment. Both make six figures and neither work more than 40-50 hours a week. The best part is you spend all day talking on the phone and in person trying to convince people they need what you have. Not much different than a lawyer really, and both of those guys leaev their jobs at the office at the end of the day. Real estate and insurance are other good ones, depending on the market you live in.

A temporary fix for the blues is to grab a couple of good friends, go to a fun bar (but not one that's so loud it's impossible to talk), get courage-drunk (but not too drunk so you don`t make an ass of yourself), and go get laid. Screw the relationship crap, you need an ego boost, someone that lets you know you've still got "it". Hit on the first half decent chick who doesn`t immediately slap you in the face and go for it. Hit on a cute fatty, anyone. Just for once, make a spontaneous decision without analyzing your chances of failure. You won`t fail. I`ve seen some ugly, ugly guys go home with some cute, cute women in my day. You don`t have to act like a different person, act like the person you know you can be when you look in the mirror on those days you're feeling good about yourself.

Spot a woman you aren`t immediately intimidated by, walk up to her, say "I couldn`t help noticing you standing over here, my name's _____ what's your name?" Then if she doesn't brush you off, she'll say her name, then you ask her if she works or goes to school, what she does, etc. Buy her a drink, women love that too. Buy two of them. Here's the big secret man: women don't care what you say, they want you to ask them things. As long as you keep asking questions, they will keep talking. Before you know it, they are asking you things. Next thing you know you're giving some blond a rim-job. It happens. :)
 
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Hang in there, Trekker. For starters, even though we tend to put the fun in dysfunctional around here, we're something akin to a big, (mostly) happy family. We look out for each other around here, and that's something that's worthwhile.

As for the suggestions about going back to school, that's not a bad idea. I went back to school a couple of years ago, and while I didn't complete the program (because my boss was giving me a hard time about having to leave early on nights when I had classes), I found that it expanded my horizons somewhat even though it was essentially more of what I was already doing (programming), just using different platforms and languages (I was enrolled a Microsoft .NET certificate program).

The weird thing about my boss giving me a hard time was that if I hadn't taken those classes, I wouldn't have even gotten the job in the first place because I only knew the basic rudiments of HTML before enrolling, and the job involves all of the stuff that I had been learning (and sometimes a little more).
 
What is it about being a lawyer that attracts you to it? Is it the appeal of being in the courtroom? Helping people? Arguing?

Yes. ;)

I don't think being a lawyer is for you, unless you really have the drive to do so. I thought about it, sounded like fun, took the LSATs, but in the end I decided against it because it would just be a job, albeit an interesting one.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist? Maybe just talking it out with someone will help clarify your goals. Maybe if you get the career stuff on track, the rest (i.e. GF) will come your way. I find that either your whole life is going great, or it is all in a rut. Being positive in one area can affect the other areas as well.
 
^I'd also like to point out that school is an excellent place to meet women. One of the best opportunities you will get your entire life I'd reckon.

Not that that should be your focus at school, but there it is. :)
 
I think I'm done with my life.

Really, I don't know what I have to live for right now. I'm in a nowhere job, I've no opportunities either professionaly or romanticly I've not got anything of what it takes to change any of that.

I'm just... here.

Destined to just be. And nothing more. And as much as I want it to change, and as much as I...

Nevermind.

Fuck it.

You won't change because nothing's forcing you to change. You've got your job that you can theoretically work at until the day you die. Any avenues you have of meeting anyone are exactly the same as they've been for the past decade. You're on autopilot and you're comfortable with it even if you don't like it.

If everything that keeps you safe is removed then you'll have no choice but to change.

That's the nitty-gritty: you feel safe and secure. No state-of-flux so nothing changes.
 
Okay, then I have a meaning and purpose in life as much as my pet cat does. I don't agree with this perspective, I think neither of us have "purposes" exactly, but there it is.

You exist. You create. You contribute. Every day you decide to wake up and get ready for the day ahead and go to class and learn Nipongo. You bathe. You eat. You breathe. Why? Because you are driven and motivated to do so. What motivates, what even inspires us as humans, also defines our existence. Some people believe the pursuit of wealth or material things will grant them happiness, and to some extent, it does. But that's not all there is. If one believes that's all there is in life, then one loses perspective of the more important things that really matter--like love, honor, friendship, and family to name a few. Thus one's happiness is not always based on what he or she has or has not, but more on what he or she gives or shares with others.

But is my "purpose" in being alive to be nice to people? Is it my purpose in life to learn Japanese? To have love, honor, friendship or family? No, I personally wouldn't say that it is. Those are things that I choose to have as a part of my life (to some extent, I want no family of my own and watching too many Klingon episodes has made the word honor cheesy as hell), but I don't think that I am living for the purpose of those things. I don't think that of anything I do in my life. But maybe I'm just thinking of a different sort of purpose or meaning than you are.

People have often asked the existential question, "What is the meaning or purpose of life?" Defining the meaning of our existence perhaps can be answered in scientific or even simplistic terms: one could say that we're sentient organisms (bipedal, carbon-based, oxygen-breathing primates) inhabiting a large biosphere and contributing to both the development and destruction of the ecosystem. If people really want to know "the meaning of life," I say check the dictionary for definitions. ;)

But I believe the more important underlying issue is not so much the meaning of life as it is the purpose of our existence. Once again, our purpose can generally be defined by who we are and what we do. I firmly believe that everyone has a purpose (or even several purposes) in this life, although not everyone may be aware of it. Our hopes, our dreams, our inspirations, our aspirations, our ambitions, our intentions, our desires, our motivations, our goals--and especially our PASSIONS--they define our existence as well as our purpose in this life. Why did Leonardo and other artists create such magnificent works of art? Why did William Shakespeare write amazing sonnets, tragedies, and comedies? Why did Mozart compose astounding musical pieces? Simple, because they wanted to, it was their PASSION in life, and it was their intention. The goals or intentions can be self-focused, such as the acquisition of wealth or self-development, or they can be outward or tend to focus more on others' needs.

One of the reasons for people's unhappiness is the tendency to focus on oneself--one's own problems, one's personal needs, one's finances, etc. Yes, it is important to fulfill your needs as you go through your daily life, but when you redirect your focus outward, you will find that this is more rewarding. I've always found this to be true, speaking from personal experience. To me, giving or doing something nice for others--without even expecting anything in return--is a reward in itself. So "being nice to other people" as you exemplifed, could be considered part of your overall purpose of, say, altruism. Learning to speak a foreign language is not necessarily a "purpose" per se, but if it satisfies your overall or long-term goal of learning and self-development, then it does contribute to your purpose.

The individual cells in our bodies (neurons, red blood cells, white blood cells, sperm cells, ova) are essential to the formation of tissues, which are essential parts of our organs and systems that make us living, breathing, thinking, sensing, feeling human beings. Even the smallest particle of matter, the atom (and sub-atomic components), has a purpose in the overall scheme of things in this universe.

"You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here."

from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann
 
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I think I'm done with my life.

Really, I don't know what I have to live for right now. I'm in a nowhere job, I've no opportunities either professionaly or romanticly I've not got anything of what it takes to change any of that.
Seriously. You have a job that pays a living wage. That's better than how many people right now?
You wanna be a lawyer? Study up if you can't start taking classes. Read up on the field. Look up what you need to know online. Start doing something with what you got, instead of spending it all wishing you had it, because that's a self defeating cycle that you have to escape.

And if you don't want your job I could use it right now. :lol:

Edit: this all sounds snarkier than I want it to. But it's late, I don't want to edit, so just imagine a sultry redhead telling you all this at a bar while giving you eyes.
 
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