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Pitch terrible ideas for episodes

"Boys will be Girls" (TNG)

Beaming up from an away mission to a primitive planet bathed in estrogenic radiation, Picard, Beverly, Riker and Troi find their personalities have been transplanted, but not necessarily in any order that would create a pleasing dramatic situation between the romantically-linked couples. Picard is in Troi, Troi in Beverly, Beverly in Picard, Riker in Beverly. While Bev, in Picard's body refuses to take her eyes off Riker, in Bev's body, for fear of what he might do to her body in private, Picard, in Troi's body, must come up with a plausible excuse why Troi must represent Picard at an important meeting with Admiral Nagura.

Wait, I think I got lost there...
 
ENT: Blarney's Curse
While on Viddon V, Mayweather encounters a beautiful female alien. With a kiss, he becomes talkative. The crew goes crazy and shoots him.

VOY: Mommy Issues
Harry Kim wakes up and noticed that he once again wet the sheets. But the laundry processor isn't working and he has no clean sheets or uniforms. He calls the Captain for help, not wanting anybody else to know. The problem- the ship is under attack.
 
"Punch Drunk Love" (VOY) Voyager is hit by an energy wave causing everyone on board to go unconscious, except Chakotay, Paris, and the Doctor, since they are protected by being inside the Holodeck that has now malfunctioned forcing Chakotay to compete in boxing matches against every single enemy they have ever fought.

"One of These is Not Like the Other" (VOY) A Halloween episode the Holodeck malfunctions causing Paris and Kim to be trapped inside a medieval torture chamber, run by the infamous Elizabeth Bathory now they must escape this nightmare, it doesn't help matters that Kim has fallen madly in love with her.

"Alpha and Omega the Beginning of the End" parts I and II (ENT) Ensign Daniels warns Archer of a dire situation Enterprise-J has lost her captain in a battle with the sphere builders. Once taken to the future Archer meets up with another ally Daniels has summoned captain James T. Kirk! Now the two captains must take the Enterprise-J to the center fo the galaxy and confront the "God" entity that has survived and has escaped his otherworldly prison and is now threatening the very fabric of existence. Leonard Nimoy special guest stars as a rock monster!
 
"Perchance to Bash" (TOS) After passing through a spatial compression field, the Enterprise is miniaturized and sucked through a wormhole. It ends up in Forbin's spare parts bin, and the crew meets a gruesome fate as the Enterprise is torn asunder to make the USS Coolest Kitbash Ever.

"The Outer Light" (TNG) After Picard's Mac Pro asplodes, he goes on the phone with tech support. They tell him to monitor the five diagnostic lights, but there are only 4. Meanwhile, Data and Geordi are trapped on the Holodeck while running a X-Men program, the characters of which become sentient and try to take over the ship... for some reason.

"The Q and the Bleh" (DS9) Q visits the station for no particular reason. Really, that's it. Nothing else happens. Odo gives Quark a nasty look, but the rest of the episode is pretty boring. Q doesn't even say anything. He just stands there. Looking at people.

"The Wrath of Kim" (VOY) The normal-universe Kim, assumed dead in "Deadlock" returns, in command of a Krenim warship, and plays a deadly game of cat and mouse with Voyager. Meanwhile, Neelix helps naomi overcome her fear of heights.

"These Are The Voyages... Of My Fist To Your Face" (ENT) Berman and Braga send a Valentine Card to the crew. Captain Archer prepares a knuckle sandwich and shakes up a can of whoopass. Meanwhile, Travis and Hoshi plan to infiltrate the writing staff to give themselves more lines.
 
Leroy said:
turning the ruins of Voyager's main deflector into a quatum flux resonance chronoton emitter that will reverse time and force the Kazon to devolve back to their original state.
Click to expand...

There's no way a quantum flux resonance chronoton emitter would work from space, much less a planet's surface, without infusing the ships phase coil inducers with a highly-concentrated mixture of photonic anti-time tachyon particles (approx 17.443 isocochrans!!).

duh, do your research next time ;)
 
"Breakdown" (VOY)
Chakotay's facade falls down and Chakotay unleashes all of the rage he's held inside of him during his stay on Voyager. He tells Janeway what he feels she did wrong and gives every individual crew member a peice of his mind. (Except Tuvok; Tuvok never did anything to make him angry.) The EMH acts as the emergency counseling program and tries to help Chakotay deal with his bitterness -- but in the end, it turns out, the wound is too deep to be healed quickly. He spends the rest of the series in a bitter cyncism. There's also a B plot about Harry Kim always arriving late.

"The Fourth Wall" (TOS season 3)
Kirk and Company accidentally rip through dimensions while traveling on the Enterprise. It opens up a doorway to another universe where their lives are a TV show that an average familly likes to watch. The average familly helps the Enterprise crew seal the gap, but not after fun and an encounter with the klingons.

"Eye to Eye" (VOY)
Paris accidentally breaks an alein law and as a result is forced to get into a competition with one of the aleins. Instead of a fight to the death, however, it's a staring contest. At least 70% of the episode just consists of Paris and the alein staring at each other from different camera angles, as well as a voice over for Paris' inner dialogue.

"Delicacy" (VOY)
Voyager encounters a species who is enslaved by a giant space born entity that forces them to make food for it. It has become cruel, however, and is demanding something new and the planet' can't appease it. Luckily, Nelix volunteers to engineer a snack that would appeal to the alein. If the snack fails, he will be sacrificed to it. (The size of the meal would be the size of a small starship!)
 
"Holo-Pursuits" (VOY)

In the whackiest of crossovers, the Voyager crew is running a holodeck simulation (that has trapped them, of course, and can't be shut down) of DS9, whose holo-crew is running a holo-simulation of the Ent D, whose holo-crew is running a holo-simulation of the NX-01, whose holo-crew is visiting Kirk's Enterprise via a holo-Ensign Daniels, whose holo-crew has transported to the future and are investigating a holo-Voyager. Can all these holo-crews work together to get things sorted out? Will the timeline be contaminated? Probably not.
 
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"The Good, The Bad, and The Bugly" (DS9)

2 of the Xindi species attack DS9 (the bug species and some other one)!! The station is soon under control of these two species, but the bug-looking species is subservient to the other Xindi. Odo transforms into a bug-Xindi and convinces them to release the crew (all cramped in the Brig) and start a revolt against the Xindi. The station is regained and everyone goes on their merry own way.
 
TOS
Rolling Stones

When the crew of the Enterprise is infected with a virus, it turns all the crew, accept Uhura, into stone statues. After trying everything she can, she can't reverse the effects. In the last five minutes of the episode, totally alone and with out hope, she begins to sing some ditsy song (written by GR) that is awful. But the song somehow cracks the stones and revives the crew...

Rob
 
"Addiction" (DS9)

Reg's holo-addiction has taken a turn for the worst. While seeking treatment on Earth, he escapes and makes it all the way to the outskirts of Federation space, hoping he can finally find peace. Making up some excuse to come onto the station, he soon locks himself in Quark's holo-suite and runs erotic simulations of Troi and Crusher without fear of judgement. After many hours, the crew wonders where he is, and attempts to break into the holo-suite. But upon entering, Miles and Julian must endure a whole host of holo-obstacles and games concocted by Reg (Sherlock Holmes or Shakespeare perhaps), before finally reaching him (in an embarrasing moment) and returning him to Earth.
 
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"Peeping Tom" (Voy)

Married life isn't working out very well for Tom and B'elanna at least from Tom's point of view as he isn't getting any. Devising a holo program where he visits the female members of Voyager holo-photgraphing them while they shower he's having a great time; until an attack by Alien Of The Week TM causes him to hit his head on a holo-bulkhead (the safeties failed btw.) now out in the real world he still thinks he's in the holo program - or does he? His continuing sexual harrasment of the crew leaves Janeway and the Doctor with a moral decision - should they neuter Tom Paris?
 
Well, movies are still "episodes," right?

Star Trek IV.V: The Great Experiment

Less than an hour after the end of The Voyage Home, the USS Excelsior--which has been undergoing simulation testing ever since the events of The Search for Spock--finally heads out on a mission to properly stretch its new transwarp engines: to return to the center of the galaxy, which the Enterprise visited in "The Magicks of Megas-Tu." But while the Enterprise only got there via careful navigation of a temporary natural space-warp phenomenon (long since dissolved), Excelsior will get there under its own power. Except: when Excelsior finally goes full transwarp and hits Warp 10, telemetry is lost.

When Kirk and company hear about this, they immediately attempt to follow Excelsior's route on a rescue mission--but the engines mysteriously break down before they can engage full transwarp, with which the Enterprise-A is also equipped.

So Starfleet sends the next best thing: a fast rescue/tender ship built for just such an occasion, the USS Nuff Said. (Named after the famed half-human ambassador who resolved the Umblenkchoo Crisis, of course.) At high warp, it picks up the Enterprise and drags it along in a tractor beam--and somewhat further along, they find the Excelsior, drifting without power. Its engines are burnt out, and Captain Styles and his crew have inexplicably turned into lizards.

Excelsior's computer logs indicate that the ship reached the core of the galaxy--and bounced off a gigantic energy barrier that wasn't there twenty years ago. After further investigation, Spock realizes that the barrier was created by the interaction of the Excelsior's transwarp field with the technobabble fields of the galactic core. Because of our own technology, the center of the galaxy can no longer be reached.

The Nuff Said grabs the hulk of the Excelsior, and everybody heads back to Federation space--only to be attacked by a decloaking squadron of Klingon ships! For there will be no peace as long as Kirk lives--and furthermore, Klingon spies have reported that another Genesis torpedo is aboard the Excelsior! Kirk sputters that that's impossible, but Spock quietly tells him that it's true. Sealed records in the Excelsior's logs indicate that once they'd reached the galactic core, the mission plan was to use Genesis on an existing planet there, and set up the result as a Federation beachhead.

The Klingons attack, and there's no way for a tender and two broken ships to hold them off--except by using Genesis as a weapon. Which they do. The Klingons are destroyed, but all three Federation ships are badly damaged. Genesis is clearly too unstable to use even as a weapon.

We go home. The transwarp engines are to be stripped from both Excelsior and Enterprise, which will go through extensive refitting. The end.
 
"Perchance to Bash" (TOS) After passing through a spatial compression field, the Enterprise is miniaturized and sucked through a wormhole. It ends up in Forbin's spare parts bin, and the crew meets a gruesome fate as the Enterprise is torn asunder to make the USS Coolest Kitbash Ever.
Click to expand...

:guffaw::guffaw::guffaw::guffaw:

I'm honored!!
 
DS9- Scorned Women
Sisko is waken late at night to be told that a starship had been detected approaching the ship. It is the Saratoga. Apparently they were looking at the wrong ship in Emissary when they saw a Miranda class starship explode. The Saratoga is under command of a borgifized Jennifer Sisko. Meanwhile Nog confides in Jake that he might have gotten Jadzia pregnant by pressing a medical panel that transports medicine or tissues in and out of patients.

TNG: A Hairy Situtation
The Enterprise hosts a delegate from an alien race they recently made contact. Their custom requires that the host must greet them in the buff, clean shaven from scalp to toes. The aliens requests that Riker have the honor. But he risks war by not shaving.
 
DS9
Sing to Me
(season two)

Bashir is not having any success with women. Obrion suggests that Bashir find away to express his inner passion, perhaps by singing. Bashir (remember, this is before Vic) searches the library and settles on being trained by one of music's greatest singers; Barry Manilow. The crooner trains Bashir on how to sing a song romatically with out looking corny (yeah..right.)..at the end, Bashir sings at Quarks and the women fawn all over him...One last scene with Manilow, Bashir says thanks and the two sing I WRITE THE SONGS...episode ends.

Rob
 
The Lobes
Quark's high school reunion. Imagine when the Grand Nagus shows up to crown him reunion prom king! Of course, not if Brunt, captain of the championship stinkball team has anything to say about it....

Prism
Voyager is caught in a chronaxillating warp bubble and the crew is somehow deposited in pairs on planets throughout the quadrant. Neelix and Seven combat renegade Borg guerillas and share a lingering kiss after he nurses her to health. Janeway and Tom fend off hair-worshipping nudists and discover something about themselves in the process. The Doctor is transported to Vulcan, where he is kidnapped by a psychotic loner and forced into sinister domestic bliss. Finally Harry Kim manages to collapse the chronaxillating warp bubble by rotating and inverting multispatial tachyon folds at the same time, via the deflector. For a brief moment, he becomes manifest in the Q continuum where Wesley Crusher gives him advice about women, before he awakes, remembering nothing, but suddenly has a newfound confidence which gets him a date with both Delaney sisters. The episode ends in the mess hall when the Captain and Helmsman sit in the dark swigging from the same bottle of aldebarian whisky and swapping swashbuckling stories.

Q the Music
Data's sudden increase in musical emotion has Counselor Troi concerned. Does it have anything to do with the subspace lattices which have ensnared the Enterprise during a time of a planetary global warfare crisis? Can the crew rely on a swaggering Android Commander to navigate them through the crisis after the disappearance of the Captain and First Officer? Why does Data fiddle while the Enterprise burns?
 
VOY: Ships In The Night

The crew recieve a distress signal and go to investigate. To their surprise they find the USS Nimitz, hurtling through space at super high velocity, obviously having been slingshotted around a couple of Jovian planets. Upon beaming over an away team in near-warp transport, Chakotay, B'Elanna and Kim find a time capsule inside the ship. So they take it and beam back to Voyager. Upon opening the box, they find:

A Vanilla Ice cd, which Kim takes;
3 Dog Night 8-track, which Janeway takes;
A fake lightsaber, which Tom Paris takes;
Some pocket lint, which the EMH takes;
A thing of Tic Tacs, which Neelix takes;
Preparation H, which Chakotay takes;
A copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People", which Seven takes.

We see each person deriving great pleasure of their item, and at the end of the program, decide to build their own time capsule.

Tom puts in a video of Chaotica and the Fifth Dimension;
Chakotay puts in one of this rocks;
Janeway puts in a photograph of her husband;
Neelix puts in a special recipe that he invented to commemorate Kes, instructing where to find all of the ingredients and how to assemble the dish;
Seven puts in a vial containing some of her nanoprobes;
While the EMH puts in an isolinear chip containing a video of his medical theories and a demonstration of his singing.
 
Q the Music
Data's sudden increase in musical emotion has Counselor Troi concerned. Does it have anything to do with the subspace lattices which have ensnared the Enterprise during a time of a planetary global warfare crisis? Can the crew rely on a swaggering Android Commander to navigate them through the crisis after the disappearance of the Captain and First Officer? Why does Data fiddle while the Enterprise burns?
Click to expand...

Best Q title ever!
 
TNG
The story

Picard is tricked by the school teacher to tell the children a story. He tells them the story about a talking Clarinet,and his friend, a clay scupture of Shakespear's chin. The story is actually about bravery and the sins of racsim. A special animated sequence is created for the story which ends with the chin and clarinet together at the end..

Rob
 
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