TOS Caption Contest #106 - Workout

[Santa Kang]

SPOCK: If you must know, I'm auditioning for a gig on Food Network.

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "These... M&Ms.... melt in my mouth.... not in my hands...."

Spock: "Gentlemen, good news. I have invented 'the jelly roll', an antidote to the condition known as 'the sweet tooth'."

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Captain, I have rather disturbing news. Judging by the shadow of my head on your torso, 23rd century lighting is inferior to that of the 19th century."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it; it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

McCoy: "It's worse than that he's dead Jim, dead Jim dead Jim, it's worse than that he's dead Jim, dead Jim, dead!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "When I said I wanted pole dancers, that isn't what I meant!"
Cloud William: "But Cloud Lipowicz and Cloud Wachowski are um Polish."

Spock: "Yes Captain, I was startled when the pop tart exploded. Fortunately my second sphincter protected my pants."

 

[Outpost4]

Hip zoo rah zoo
Teddy boom baa zoo
I skiddy I sky
Chicka boom baa
Teddy roo
Teddy rah
Teddy rubby dubby
Flubby dubby
Sis boom baa!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "'ATM machine.' You know, 'A. T. M.' You put the card in and you get money? Cardo in machine-o, for casho?"
Crowd murmers.
Kirk: "You backwards sons-a-bitches ..."

Kirk, walking in: "Report."
Spock: "Captain, I have ascertained that on our last visit to Starbase 11, routine maintenance was not performed on this hairpiece dispenser."

 

[Outpost4]

caption inspired by a remark from Shatmandu when he sent me this picture to use in the contest:

Spock: Christine said she had a Hot Pocket and I wanted to make her another.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I have successfully modified your microwave, Captain: your chicken nuggets will now take one-point-three-two seconds to cook."
Kirk, rubbing hands together: "Fuckin'-A."

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "It's quite simple. If I remove my brain now, we can avoid making that episode."

 

[Shatmandu]

Mirror-Omega Glory

Mirror-Kirk: "A chicken in every pot, and death to the fuckin' Kohms!"
Crowd roars and pounds spears on floor.

 

[Outpost4]

After Charlie X made Sam "go away", his replacements weren't taking any chances.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "You don't what I'm talking about? How about choking the chicken? Beef strokin' off? Beating it like it owes you money? Firing off a couple knuckle children? Not ringing any bells?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "... and pull your goddamned skirts up!"

 

[Triskelion]

Those Vulcanian electric rice pickers set the standard for the technology.
Trial and Error, Doctor.

Kirk's "inviso-spear" made not so much a banging noise as a squeezy-balloon noise.

 

[Rat Boy]

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I shall examine Mr. Scott's feces and ascertain if he indeed is the person who stole your hoagie, Captain."
Kirk: "It's the principle!"

 

[ManOnTheWave]

Crowd: Spit!
Swallow!!
Spit!!!

Spock: It's definitely rubber dog vomit, Captain.

McCoy: My God!!!

 

[Rat Boy]

Sisko: "Great, now everybody knows."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Do we really sell enough Pocket Pussies online to justify the expense of this machine?"
McCoy: "Shut up and work, foreigner."