Worst Song Ever Written

[gblews]

"Feelings", by whoever wrote this drivel, is another in a long line of songs which should never have been written.

Remembering that rap is/are not "songs",

Ridiculous. Regardless of how much you may dislike the genre, rap consists of words and music, just like any other "song".

 

[Cali]

Umbrella by Riahanna (or however you spell her name). It's bloody awful.

 

[Temis the Vorta]

There are so many worthy contenders, but I still have to go with "In the Year 2525."

There's another song whose tune I can recall, but not the lyrics or the name. I'm sure I'll recognize the name if someone offers it.

It's like "something love, I love you cuz you're beautiful, la la la la la" and then the singer launches into some sort of high pitched squealing that only dogs can hear.

Any idea what I'm talking about? And yeah why do I want to be reminded of a song I hate.

PS, I'm sure the lyrics are wrong. Hopefully someone will recognize the high-pitched squealing part, it's the most annoying/distinctive part of it.

 

[TGTheodore]

"Feelings", by whoever wrote this drivel, is another in a long line of songs which should never have been written.

Remembering that rap is/are not "songs",

Ridiculous. Regardless of how much you may dislike the genre, rap consists of words and music, just like any other "song".

Songs include melody. Rap is recitative, not melody.

--Ted

 

[Hofner]

There are so many worthy contenders, but I still have to go with "In the Year 2525."

There's another song whose tune I can recall, but not the lyrics or the name. I'm sure I'll recognize the name if someone offers it.

It's like "something love, I love you cuz you're beautiful, la la la la la" and then the singer launches into some sort of high pitched squealing that only dogs can hear.

Any idea what I'm talking about? And yeah why do I want to be reminded of a song I hate.

PS, I'm sure the lyrics are wrong. Hopefully someone will recognize the high-pitched squealing part, it's the most annoying/distinctive part of it.

I'm too lazy to look the title up but I think it's a song by Phoebe Snow.

Robert

 

[Zulu Romeo]

There's another song whose tune I can recall, but not the lyrics or the name. I'm sure I'll recognize the name if someone offers it.

It's like "something love, I love you cuz you're beautiful, la la la la la" and then the singer launches into some sort of high pitched squealing that only dogs can hear.

Any idea what I'm talking about? And yeah why do I want to be reminded of a song I hate.

PS, I'm sure the lyrics are wrong. Hopefully someone will recognize the high-pitched squealing part, it's the most annoying/distinctive part of it.

I'm too lazy to look the title up but I think it's a song by Phoebe Snow.

Robert

"Lovin' You" by the immortal Minnie Riperton

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovin%27_You_(Minnie_Riperton_song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uU6aYNXnUk

ZR, inventor of the Minnie-Roll

 

[Hofner]

There's another song whose tune I can recall, but not the lyrics or the name. I'm sure I'll recognize the name if someone offers it.

It's like "something love, I love you cuz you're beautiful, la la la la la" and then the singer launches into some sort of high pitched squealing that only dogs can hear.

Any idea what I'm talking about? And yeah why do I want to be reminded of a song I hate.

PS, I'm sure the lyrics are wrong. Hopefully someone will recognize the high-pitched squealing part, it's the most annoying/distinctive part of it.

I'm too lazy to look the title up but I think it's a song by Phoebe Snow.

Robert

"Lovin' You" by the immortal Minnie Riperton

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovin%27_You_(Minnie_Riperton_song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uU6aYNXnUk

Y'know, I am ALWAYS confusing those two artists for no reason at all and I just did it again but yes, it was Riperton I was trying to remember.

Robert

 

[gblews]

Remembering that rap is/are not "songs",

Ridiculous. Regardless of how much you may dislike the genre, rap consists of words and music, just like any other "song".

Songs include melody. Rap is recitative, not melody.

I think you're confusing rapping with singing. Rapping is not singing, which can convey a song's melody. But that doesn't mean that rapping over music isn't a song. Just because a song has words/lyrics but doesn't have singing (singing which conveys the song's melody) does not mean it isn't a song.

For example, artists like James Brown did songs with words delivered in a way that didn't convey the song's melody, yet were still songs. Same with a lot of rap songs.

 

[The Borgified Corpse]

I can't stand that song from the end of Donnie Darko.

And I think it's kinda funny
I think it's kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

"Afternoon Delight,"

This song gets a pass simply for its absolutely hilarious use in an episode of Arrested Development. (Both Michael & Maebe and Lindsay & George Michael sing it as a duet during some karaoke thing, none of them realizing until it's too late just how sexually suggestive the lyrics are. "That's my wife & my nephew. We have an open relationship.")

Spice Girls, "Wannabe". Gibberish lyrics by a group with absolutely no talent.

As it's been explained to me, the lyrics go, "I really really really wanna ziga-ziga-ah!" This would imply that "ziga-ziga-ah" is a verb, something that the Spice Girls want to do. It probably means, "to become the greatest hacks in pop music since New Kids on the Block."

*points to the band nickelback*

Hey! Don't anger Chad Kroeger! There's a 26% chance that he might be Jesus.

 

[The Lady Eve]

Hard to beat "Honey" but "If I Were a Carpenter" comes in a close second.

If I were a carpenter/And you were a lady/Wouldja marry me anyway/Wouldja have my baby. If a tinker were my trade/Would you still find me/Carrying the pots I'd made/Following behind me

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I think you're confusing rapping with singing. Rapping is not singing, which can convey a song's melody. But that doesn't mean that rapping over music isn't a song.

Music? In rap?

If by music, you mean actual *music*, rather than a bunch of samples and/or percussion, then you're gonna be disappointed.

 

[gblews]

I think you're confusing rapping with singing. Rapping is not singing, which can convey a song's melody. But that doesn't mean that rapping over music isn't a song.

Music? In rap?

If by music, you mean actual *music*, rather than a bunch of samples and/or percussion, then you're gonna be disappointed.

Hmm, I wonder if there is a genre of music out there that I could grow to hate so much that it makes me ignorant as to what I'm actually hearing. I'm happy to say that I haven't heard it yet.

 

[Orac Zen]

I'll throw in "Joyride", by Roxette. I despise that piece of crap more than almost anything I've ever heard.

 

[TGTheodore]

Ridiculous. Regardless of how much you may dislike the genre, rap consists of words and music, just like any other "song".

Songs include melody. Rap is recitative, not melody.

I think you're confusing rapping with singing. Rapping is not singing, which can convey a song's melody. But that doesn't mean that rapping over music isn't a song. Just because a song has words/lyrics but doesn't have singing (singing which conveys the song's melody) does not mean it isn't a song.

For example, artists like James Brown did songs with words delivered in a way that didn't convey the song's melody, yet were still songs. Same with a lot of rap songs.

Melody is a musical term referring the leading pitch level assigned each syllable in a lyric.

Having composed in many styles for over 30 years, I'll stand by my interpretation of rap.

You mileage may vary. And there are much more important things to debate these days.

And the beat goes on.

--Ted

 

[Flying Spaghetti Monster]

Roxanne by The Polce. Awful

 

[The Great Meech]

We're Hardcore by Gord Downie. I love Gord's band, the Tragically Hip, and some of his solo stuff is cool, but this song is just screwed up.

Imagine, if you will, a man who has been drinking both vodka and coffee for a week straight, has gotten no sleep in that period, and has just heard a frat boy on the street outside his tenement shout something about being "hardcore". In addition, this man has access to a recording studio. Do you understand the monstrosity of this scenario? Because that is howI picture this heinous song coming into being.

 

[Bad Bishop]

"Gloria" by Laura Branigan.

Nah. At the time it was favorably compared to Donna Summer's work.

It actually took THREE PEOPLE to write that one.

Big deal. Is that the world record for multiple songwriters on one composition?

 

[Misfit Toy]

"Telephone Man" - Meri Wilson

I went to my apartment on a Monday at one
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky bum, shicky bum
Started movin' in it on a Tuesday at two
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky do, shicky do
Wednesday at three I called the phone company, singin':
"Hey baby, put a phone in for me"
Thursday at four he came a-knockin' at my door, singin':

"Hey, baby, I'm your telephone man
You just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can
I can put it in the bedroom, I can put it in the hall
I can put it in the bathroom, I can hang it on the wall
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring
And if you really want it you can have a ding-a-ling
Because-a hey baby, I'm your telephone man"

Can you believe that? And then he says:

"Now when other fellas call ya tell 'em how it all began"

Well...can you imagine?

My heart began a-thumpin' and my mind began to fly
And I knew I wasn't dealin' with no ordinary guy
So while he was a-talking I was thinkin' up my plan
Then my fingers did the walkin' on the telephone man

Singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Get it any way you can
Right? Ha ha ha, so...

I got it in the bedroom, and I got it in the hall
And I got it in the bathroom, and he hung it on the wall
I got it with a buzz, and I got it with a ring
And when he told me what my number was I got a ding-a-ling

A-singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Just-a doin' my thing

Ha, ha...I've never done anything like this before!

It actually hit in the top 20 back in 1977.

 

[Bad Bishop]

"Telephone Man" - Meri Wilson

I went to my apartment on a Monday at one
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky bum, shicky bum
Started movin' in it on a Tuesday at two
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky do, shicky do
Wednesday at three I called the phone company, singin':
"Hey baby, put a phone in for me"
Thursday at four he came a-knockin' at my door, singin':

"Hey, baby, I'm your telephone man
You just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can
I can put it in the bedroom, I can put it in the hall
I can put it in the bathroom, I can hang it on the wall
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring
And if you really want it you can have a ding-a-ling
Because-a hey baby, I'm your telephone man"

Can you believe that? And then he says:

"Now when other fellas call ya tell 'em how it all began"

Well...can you imagine?

My heart began a-thumpin' and my mind began to fly
And I knew I wasn't dealin' with no ordinary guy
So while he was a-talking I was thinkin' up my plan
Then my fingers did the walkin' on the telephone man

Singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Get it any way you can
Right? Ha ha ha, so...

I got it in the bedroom, and I got it in the hall
And I got it in the bathroom, and he hung it on the wall
I got it with a buzz, and I got it with a ring
And when he told me what my number was I got a ding-a-ling

A-singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Just-a doin' my thing

Ha, ha...I've never done anything like this before!

It actually hit in the top 20 back in 1977.

The 1970's were a Golden Age for novelty singles, but I think they belong in a category separate from "Worst Songs." Records like "Telephone Man" and "Disco Duck" are supposed to make people chuckle. That's a little different from sincere but wretched works like "You're Having My Baby."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

What's that one song which seems to consist solely of 'oo-ma-ma-mau', repeated over and over while a very insistent rock beat plays?