TNG Caption This #139 - "String Theory"

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Riker: Ensign, when I said take manual control, I didn't mean for you to take manual control.

 

[Triskelion]

Wait a minute. What's that red button there? I've never seen that before. There, by the impulse activator. What is that? Do you know?

Sir, that's the lavatory indicator. It's occupied.

Data's visual acuity could ascertain the microscopic movements of the Captain's nostrils; where the crew usually had to hold a mirror under his nose on these occasions.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Data: Captain, hair loss is natural for a man of your advancing years. You may now cease your optical leakage.

 

[cooleddie74]

RIKER:"Check your speedometer.

Make sure you don't have it in Park or Neutral.

Check aft sensors for any other vessels in our path.

Ease us out slowly.

There you go!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"You received a John Deere letter from Earth...did you not?"

 

[scottydog]

Picard: "THERE ARE (sniff)...FOUR LINES!"

 

[SciFi75]

Data: Why are you so upset, Captain?

Picard: Some dastardly rogue has stolen my assless chaps!

 

[SciFi75]

Riker: Let me show the Riker Maneuver.

Wesley: How do you do it?

Riker: Just pull my finger.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: "Hey, do you play football?"

CRUSHER: "Uh, no,"

RIKER: "Why the hell not? What are you, some kind of sissy faggot?"

CRUSHER: "I'm not strong enough to play football!"

RIKER: "Well, maybe you wouldn't be so weak if you played football!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

It wasn't the crotch against the shoulder blades pose that made Wes uncomfortable, it's the fact that every time it happened, Geordi piped Chaka Demus and Pliers through the intercom to start the commander grinding.

Tease me Tease me Tease me...

"Intriguing Captain, but I don't see how sucking up your own spit can help us right now."

 

[John Picard]

Riker: "You ever been in a cockpit before?"
Wesley: "No sir, I've never been up in a starship."
Riker: "You ever seen a grown man naked? "

Data: "Captain, what does the Talosian message say?"
Picard: "I can't tell."
Data: "You can tell me. I'm a Science Officer."
Picard: "No. I mean I'm just not sure."
Data: "Can you take a guess?"
Picard: "Well, not for another two hours."
Data: "You cannot take a guess for another two hours?"
Picard: <grumble>

 

[Shatmandu]

Riker: "Don't steer the ship with your penis, Mr. Crusher."
Wesley: "Then don't lean so close to me, stud ..."

Data: "Why are you crying?"
Picard: "I'm watching old DVDs of 'General Hospital.' Luke and Laura just broke up again ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Data: "Why are you crying?"
Picard: "I'm watching old DVDs of 'General Hospital.' Luke and Laura just broke up again ..."

Picard: "Oh, wait, they just got back together. Never mind."

 

[scottydog]

Picard: "Let us pray."
Data: "But Captain, lettuce cannot pray."
Picard: "Shut up, Data."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Crap! He's dead! And of course they'll blame the android as usual. Ruk totally screwed it for the rest of us!

 

[Drob]

Riker: "Go on, smell my finger!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Riker: "Mister Crusher, your console does not have the virus protection necessary for you to be using it do download Bukkake videos."

 

[Triskelion]

That's excellent technique, helmsman. Now can you photoshop those assless chaps onto someone hot, like Tasha?

Captain. Are you sure it's wise to keep a live tribble...there?

 

[Finn]

RIKER:"You must be a sissy F***** if you always press the buttons like that"

 

[Rat Boy]