Caption Contest: silent but deadly

[Triskelion]

Pookha allowed me to fill in this week for the caption contest because of a small case of "Terrelian flu" (right - probably Pon Farr).

So I'm going to go ahead and wield my hammer with authority and choose winners based on nothing but personal whim. I wish I could name every participant a winner, but in life some of you will be eaten by wildebeasts. I judged anonymously, and had to throw out a few duplicate nominations!

Congratulations to hmbnimbus , Nerys Myk, Rat Boy, and cooleddie74. You have to stop making it so hard for the rest of us to win! It was hard choosing just one caption from each of you. For society's sake, do keep those prescriptions updated.

Thanks for playing, campers.

The alien that attacked me in Area 51 had a head shaped just like this. That was back when my hair was long in '96 - great times!

"Then there is the dream where I'm some sort of robot. What's that all about Doc? "

Archer: *sniff* *sniff* "What smells blue?"

"Travis...if you can guess what's hidden in my right hand I'll give you lines next week."

In appreciation you will all receive a full hour of Vulcan Umax:

This week's contest features the silent treatment from Babel One: Andorians, Tellarites and Vulcans, Oh my!

 

[Rat Boy]

Shran: "I saw the original series! You're only supposed to have three fingers!"

Archer: "...and then it turned out I was supposed to save Jackie Kennedy all along. True story."

Talas: "Look, it was at a college party; I was drunk and hopped up on Ecstasy. You think I'd sleep with a Tellarite if I was sober?"

Shran: "Did he at least have three fingers on each hand?"

Talas: "Very good hands, in fact."

Shran: "Mosh pit!"

 

[hmbnimbus]

Shran: How many times do I have to I keep telling you?! I look nothing like Leslie Nielsen!

T'Pol: Captain, please can you remove your pet dog from underneath the dining table?

Archer: That's not my dog...

Shran: Does my bum look big in this?

Once Shran had got Captain Archer to turn down the grav plating on E-Deck, he found his Michael Jackson impression a breeze to perform.

 

[Triskelion]

Shran: Come on, evil heat ray...one of these days it's going to work.

T'Pol: Do you think I'm fat?

Talas: I just can't get it up for a guy with one antenna.

Quick! Get me some caulk!

 

[cooleddie74]

SHRAN:"You DARE say such a thing about my late lover's queefing abilities?!"

ARCHER:"...and that's when my dad asked Doctor Cochrane: What's with the bleeding ulcer down there?

I guess you had to be there."

"After this mission's over? You...and I?

Porkfest on Trinnius IV."

 

[cooleddie74]

T'POL:"Wanna do it?"

No matter how hard he tried, the Andorian officer just plain SUCKED at mimicking old Earth movie monsters.

 

[Kirby]

Shran: "Captain Archer, set mood lighting to 'intimidate'"

Archer: "See, I'm more stoic than you. I win."

Shran: "... and then I walked down the runway struttin' myself like this, but only some old Bolian woman bid on me. It was the worst batchelor auction ever!"

"Damn my magnetic ass!"

 

[cooleddie74]

SHRAN:"Alright. We're agreed then.

Two cases of Tellarite warp plasma in exchange for my boyhood collection of Kaylar nose hair trimmers. DEAL?"

ARCHER:"You did what to Trip's groin muscle?!"

"See...told you the Pink Skins didn't damage my tight ass."

Well can't you see I'm standin' here...I got my back against the bulkhead, oh YEAH...I ain't the bluest you've SEEEEEN...oh can't you see what I MEEEEAAAAAAN...

Might as well JUMP.

 

[Pensive]

Well can't you see I'm standin' here...I got my back against the bulkhead, oh YEAH...I ain't the bluest you've SEEEEEN...oh can't you see what I MEEEEAAAAAAN...

Might as well JUMP.

That's double funny since I saw Van Halen last weekend

 

[galleywest]

Yes, they were a lot less bloody...but settling tense intergalactic feuds with staring contests was sure boring.

Sure, it was a lot less bloody, but settling a command strategy disagreement with a staring was sure boring. Plus T'Pol was totally cheating. Didn't Vulcans have, like, four eyelids or something? Archer was so going to call her on it.

I believe they wear them under their clothing, sir.

 

[SFRabid]

Archer: The goal of the game is to see who can go longest without blinking.
T'Pol: Vulcans can go days without blinking.
Archer: (I hate vulcans.)

Sharan: My butt still iches. Must find a Torneisan ass strap.

Talas: (If he is stupid enough to wear a Torneisan ass strap in public he is stupid enough to sit down without taking it off. I hope I am around to see him when it happens.)

Sharan: (Damn that hurt. Must keep a streight face and always remember to remove the Torneisan ass strap before sitting.)

 

[chancellorjake]

Archer: I just wanted to let you know that I hate you so very, very much.
T'Pol: I believe the correct Terran term is, "The feeling is mutual".

Archer: Would you please eat a sandwich? You're nothing but skin and boobs.

Shran is caught off guard when Travis makes an emergency 150° turn.

Shran:I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk
Talas: You really need to stop watching ancient Terran broadcasts.

Shran: Do I need to whip it out right here? I will, piggy!

 

[Triskelion]

Shran: Because it doesn't come with cheese, that's why!

I don't know you any more, Shran.

Here's a mystery for you tough guy.

 

[Rat Boy]

Shran: "What?! You can actually win in the ENT caption contest?!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"No, we will NOT admit your snouts are more attractive than our antennae! This conference is OVER!!!"

T'POL:"So...

ever been in a Turkish prison?"

SHRAN:"Damn Pink Skins. I keep asking for some of their wedgie removal ointment but their doctor keeps saying no."

 

[hmbnimbus]

Shran was completely unprepared for the impromptu game of beach volleyball that had broken out on E-Deck

 

[cooleddie74]

SHRAN:"Tastes GREAT."

TELLARITE:"LESS FILLING!!"

T'POL: "Would this be an awkward time to tell you I woke up intoxicated in Commander Tucker's shower?"

TALAS:"Nice cheeks, lover.

One more move like that and your antenna won't be the ONLY part of you in need of medical attention."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHRAN:Ooooooh, if I had ice powers right now!!!!

ARCHER: So, ah... what do you when you're not at work?

TALAS: I'm pretty sure the key word in assless chaps is "Assless"

SHRAN: Damn humans and their superglue!!!!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

In the back of his mind Archer began composing an angry letter to eharmony.com.

 

[chancellorjake]

I am soooo going to get in trouble for this. Oh Well!

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don’t got a lot to say
But there’s something about her
And you don’t know why
But you’re dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It’s possible she wants you, too
There is one way to ask her
It don’t take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sing with me now
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
Ain’t gonna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad
Ain’t it shame, too bad
You gonna miss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t stop now
Don’t try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Music play
Do what the music say
You wanna kiss the girl

You gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl