Schooled:
Lieutenant Commander Ersatz was inspecting the supplies stored in the main hold on deck 19, the lowest deck above the gravity generators. His mind was on that incrediblely sexy Commander in 59. Ersatz was thinking that it was about time she went on a “date” with him. Her vail prevented him from seeing her face, but with a body like that, she most certainly was gorgeous, mused Inane.
He thought to himself, ‘It is getting ridiculous how she keeps playing hard-to-get. The woman doesn't know when to drop the act. Dinner, tonight, my cabin,’ he decided.
“Lieutenant Commander Inane Ersatz,” interrupted the master chief warrant officer from directly behind his right shoulder. “Where is your mind?”
The lieutenant commander leapt into the air and spun around with a girlish yip. His perfectly coiffed blond hair flipped up into a spike of bangs above his forehead.
He looked down at the grim, broad Denobulan face of the Master Chief, and felt relief.
“Don't do that, Master Chief. I… I was studying the tie-downs on the science probes. Making sure the CPO's men properly secured the equipment.”
“That is a worthy task,” stated Zorala Khevalin flatly, “but what can you achieve by standing over here?
“I am here for very similar reasons, to make sure those responsible for the safety of this ship are paying attention to their duties. One of my duties is to inspect and maintain the proper procedures aboard this ship and to ensure the quality of technical work. If you can assess the security of equipment “tie-downs” by staring at the cargo instead of the magno-gravimetric anchoring output meters at the control station. I would greatly appreciate understanding your technique.”
Ersatz took a moment to straighten to his full 1.8 meters in height. “I really don't have time to explain the finer points of equipment security to a warrant officer, Master Chief.”
Master Chief Warrant Officer Zorala Khevalin took a breath, straightening to her full short and stocky height. “Are you refusing the request of the USS Doohan's Chief of the Boat, to teach a safer, more efficient way to do her duties, Lieutenant Commander?”
The Master Chief gave the lieutenant commander a salute and held it until the human officer returned it.
“You are a superior officer, Mister Ersatz. But I will remind you that you are NOT my superior. Duty to procedure and protocol places you, and everyone but the Captain and commander of the Doohan, at my disposal within the functions of this ship. For that, I dare say, even our good Captain is wise to listen to my advice.” Zorala turned on her heels and matched over to the equipment hold’s data read-outs.
-
Inane was trying to get a cup of tea. He hit the button on the replicator and directed, “Spiced Chai, with milk, hot.”
A complex beep that indicated an error bleeped and the computer announced, “ERROR! Please state your rank and name to access this terminal.”
Lieutenant Commander Ersatz sighed. “Lieutenant Commander Ersatz.”
“Lieutenant Commander Ersatz recognized. Replicator access granted.”
The lieutenant commander smiled in satisfaction, and waited for his tea.
“Computer, where is my tea?”
The computer answered, “You have not specified a request. What may I get for you, Lieutenant Commander Ersatz?”
“What? I already told you. What is wrong with your circuits?” Inane was starting to get irritated.
An error bleep sounded.
“Okay okay, I want a hot spiced Chai tea.”
“Session timed out. Please state your rank and name to access this terminal.”
“Why you stupid…”
“Lieutenant Commander Ersatz!”
“YEIIP!” Inane Ersatz nearly jump out of his skin. He turned with opened eyes
it will not help to call the replicator or the ship's computer names. It can not feel the sting of your insults and it is working as best as it can to provide you with a cup of tea.”
“You are responsible for the operation of the systems aboard this ship,” stated Lieutenant Commander Ersatz, “Can't you fix the replicator so it works properly?”
The system signaled its error beep again.
Zorala said, “The replicator works perfectly. All you need to do is follow proper procedure.” The old Denobulan woman turned to the replicator and said, “Computer, this is Master Chief Warrant Officer Khevalin, please may I have a bowl of Denobulan cheese and dewfu soup.”
In a moment, the unique audible tone vibrated to indicate successful production and the bowl, steaming with the perfect temperature of 58.2°C appeared in the dispenser alcove.
Zorala reached to the offering shelf ahead of Inane Ersatz and pulled out the bowl and spoon. She turned and looked up at the lieutenant commander and flatly said, “Simple.” She turned and walked to a table in the lounge, where Commander Carrone Bet was sitting, drinking a tall frosty glass of something that looked like a lime green milkshake, through a straw.
Ersatz turned and said to the replicator, “Lieutenant Commander Ersatz, Spiced Chai, hot.”
The replicator replied, “Would you like your spiced chai as a tea with water, just milk, Indian masala chai, as a latte, with cinnamon, pumpkin spices, Denobulan mushroom spice, or a custom preparation?”
Ersatz was confused. He had ordered hundreds of spiced chai teas before and never even heard of half the preparations the computer listed. He blinked in stupification twice, trying to work out what the answer was.
The error beep sounded just as he said, “Just give me a simple spiced chai tea. Nothing fancy.
“Session timed out. Please state your rank and name to access this terminal.”
“AUGHHH!”
Across the lounge, Commander Bet turned to see what the frustrated outburst was about. Master Chief Warrant Officer Zorala Khevalin paused with a spoon full of soup in front of her mouth to give an actual smile.
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To the beginning of Deeper into the Final Frontier