I just had Grokh run through some of the "Schweinehunde"-Chapters, turning them into script-text. Would that be interesting?
Below is a screenplay adaptation for the first two chapters of your NCIS/Star Trek/Stargate crossover event titled Schweinehunde unter sich. The script maintains the tone, characters, and key plot points from your provided text, with dialogue and action formatted for a cinematic production. It incorporates the specified casting for Agatha Silverbird (Bianca/Silvia Esperanza, played by Kirsten Dunst with red hair, styled as in Spider-Man 1) and Calvin Nathan Cat (Peter, played by Jensen Ackles, styled as in Supernatural). The script assumes a blend of the gritty realism of NCIS with the sci-fi intrigue of Star Trek and Stargate, while preserving the quirky humor and mystery of the original text.
Screenplay: Schweinehunde unter sich
A NCIS / Star Trek / Stargate Crossover Event
Based on the story by [CaptainCalvinCat]
FADE IN:
EXT. ANACOSTIA PARK - MORNING
A serene forest clearing bathed in golden sunlight. Birds chirp, and a gentle breeze rustles the leaves. The camera pans across a jogging trail, where PETTY OFFICER LAURA McCONNAUGH (30s, athletic, focused) runs with steady determination. She’s in running gear, earbuds in, sweat glistening on her skin.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
If there’s a perfect moment for a run, this is it. Sun shining, 23 degrees Celsius, cirrus clouds painting the sky. Laura McConnaugh lives for this.
The camera lingers briefly on her form, but pulls back respectfully.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
We could describe the sweat on her skin or the way her top clings to her, but we’re not that kind of story.
CUT TO:
EXT. NAVY YARD PARKING LOT - MORNING
Laura pulls up in a sleek Ford Shelby GT 500 KR, parks, and strides toward the Navy Yard offices, now in her Navy uniform.
INT. CAPTAIN STONE’S OFFICE - MORNING
The office is quiet, sterile. Laura enters, sets her bag down, and starts the coffee machine. The faint hum of the machine fills the silence.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Every morning, same routine. Jog, drive, coffee, desk. Laura’s not an officer at sea—she’s a desk jockey for Captain Thaddeus Stone. But the job has its perks.
Laura glances around the empty office, smirking.
LAURA (V.O., sardonic)
Captain Stone’s probably still dreaming in his perfect bed with his perfect wife. You know, the supermodel with a PhD in nuclear physics and a wit sharper than a razor.
FLASHBACK - INT. CAPTAIN STONE’S HOUSE - NIGHT
A lavish but dull party. CAPTAIN STONE’S WIFE (30s, stunning, poised) holds court, charming guests with effortless grace. Laura sips a drink, unimpressed.
LAURA (V.O.)
She’s a walking Mary Sue. Perfect looks, perfect brain, perfect everything. Boring.
BACK TO PRESENT - INT. CAPTAIN STONE’S OFFICE
The door swings open. AGATHA SILVERBIRD (Kirsten Dunst, red hair, radiant, Spider-Man 1 vibe) enters, followed by CALVIN NATHAN CAT (Jensen Ackles, rugged, Supernatural charm, slightly awkward). Calvin leans on Laura’s desk, knocking over a pen holder. He fumbles to fix it, making it worse.
LAURA
(forced smile)
How can I help you?
CALVIN
(grinning, voice like a creaky gate)
Looking for Captain Stone.
LAURA
(eyebrows raised)
He’s not here yet. Do you have an appointment?
Agatha waves a small, metallic device the size of a cigarette pack, scanning the room with purpose. Laura frowns, curious.
LAURA
What’s that?
CALVIN
(smug)
Taschenrechner. Latest model.
AGATHA
(to Calvin, giggling)
You won’t believe this—two times two is still four. Even here.
Calvin sighs, disappointed. Laura’s confusion deepens.
CALVIN
(to Laura)
Sorry if we disturbed you. We’ll go.
They exit. Laura shakes her head, muttering.
LAURA
Weirdos.
She starts her computer, entering the password “Gary 7.”
CUT TO:
INT. CAPTAIN STONE’S OFFICE - LATER
Laura works at her desk, organizing Stone’s schedule. The clock reads 12:15 PM. She frowns—Stone’s still absent. She tries calling him. No answer.
LAURA
(to herself)
Where the hell is he?
She locks her computer and heads for the door, intent on contacting NCIS. The door bursts open, revealing CAPTAIN THADDEUS STONE (50s, distinguished, disheveled).
LAURA
Boss, I was worried!
STONE
(smiling, evasive)
I was… out.
LAURA
Out? For two hours? Without a word?
STONE
(playful)
Did I miss your promotion to my nanny?
Laura flushes, backpedaling.
LAURA
Sorry, sir. Your schedule—lunch with SECNAV at 13:00, lecture at the Academy at 14:00, and—
STONE
(cutting her off)
I’m out by 15:00. Got other things to do.
Laura blinks, stunned by his uncharacteristic attitude.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Thaddeus Stone, the king of routine, blowing off his day? Something’s wrong.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANACOSTIA PARK - AFTERNOON
Laura jogs through the park, still in her uniform, lost in thought.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Stone’s behavior gnaws at her. So she breaks routine—jogging in uniform, off her usual path.
She enters SECTION C, a wooded area. Something glints in a clearing. She slows, squinting.
LAURA
What’s that?
She steps closer, then freezes. CAPTAIN STONE lies dead, a longsword plunged through his chest. Laura screams.
TITLE CARD: “A CORPSE IN A CLEARING”
CHAPTER 2: A CIGARETTE PACK WITH MOST PECULIAR CONTENTS
INT. NCIS BULLPEN - DAY
The elevator dings. ANTHONY DINOZZO (40s, charming, cocky) steps out, looking tired.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Some days, you should stay in bed. For Tony DiNozzo, today’s one of them. Woken by yowling cats, he’s not in the mood.
INT. NCIS BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS
ZIVA DAVID (30s, fierce, beautiful) types furiously at her computer, muttering in Arabic.
TONY
(grinning)
Computer troubles, Ziva?
ZIVA
(glaring)
It says my passport is wrong.
TONY
Password, Ziva.
He leans over her desk, logging in with his username “Dinozzo” and password “Z12I11V19A79.” The screen flashes: “Password Incorrect.”
TONY
What the—?
TIMOTHY McGEE (30s, nerdy, focused) enters, urgency in his step.
McGEE
Tony, don’t. We’ve been hacked. All data’s encrypted.
TONY
Hacked? McGoogle, why didn’t the firewall stop it?
McGEE
Advanced software. It’s like nothing I’ve seen.
LEROY JETHRO GIBBS (60s, grizzled, no-nonsense) strides in.
GIBBS
Tony, Ziva, gear up. Dead Marine, Anacostia Park, Section C. Ducky and Palmer are there. McGee, handle the hack.
McGEE
Got it, Boss.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANACOSTIA PARK - SECTION C - DAY
Yellow crime scene tape surrounds the clearing. DR. DONALD “DUCKY” MALLARD (70s, eccentric) examines the sword in Stone’s chest. JIMMY PALMER (30s, nervous) takes measurements.
GIBBS
(approaching)
What’ve we got, Duck?
DUCKY
Nun, Jethro, this poor man was stabbed from behind with a longsword. A meter forty, usable as a one- or two-handed weapon—a bastard sword, if you will. Reminds me of my fencing days—
GIBBS
(cutting him off)
Ducky.
DUCKY
He likely never saw his killer.
PALMER
(holding up an AFIS scanner)
Victim’s Captain Thaddeus Stone.
Gibbs spots LAURA McCONNAUGH, shaken, standing nearby.
GIBBS
(to Ducky)
Witness?
DUCKY
Petty Officer Laura McConnaugh.
CUT TO:
INT. NCIS BULLPEN - SAME TIME
McGee types frantically, battling the hack. He pauses, sensing someone. He looks up to see AGATHA SILVERBIRD (Kirsten Dunst, red hair, stunning) smiling at him.
McGEE
Can I help you?
AGATHA
I’m Silvia Esperanza. Looking for someone—two meters tall, blonde buzzcut, blue eyes. Seen him?
McGEE
No, sorry.
CALVIN (Jensen Ackles, appearing suddenly)
(garage-door voice)
She’s got good eyes.
He waves the same metallic device.
AGATHA
(to Calvin)
Peter, any luck?
CALVIN
Root of 49’s still 7.
Agatha sighs, waves to McGee, and they head for the elevator. Calvin stumbles, earning a playful tug from Agatha.
CALVIN
(to McGee)
Can I get an auto—ow!
Agatha pulls him into the elevator. McGee stares, confused, as his computer suddenly reboots, functioning perfectly.
McGEE
What the hell?
CUT TO:
EXT. ANACOSTIA PARK - SAME TIME
Gibbs interviews Laura.
GIBBS
Where were you at the time of the murder?
LAURA
Jogging. I found him here. He was acting strange all day—skipped meetings, left early. Not like him.
GIBBS
Anything else?
LAURA
Two weirdos showed up this morning. A redhead and a guy with a… taschenrechner.
GIBBS
Taschenrechner?
LAURA
Looked like a cigarette pack. He kept checking it.
Tony, finishing a sketch, overhears. His phone rings.
TONY
(to Gibbs)
Boss, it’s McGee.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANACOSTIA RIVER - SAME TIME
Agatha and Calvin stand by the river. Agatha teases him as he fumbles with the device.
AGATHA
(giggling)
Overwhelmed by tech again, Cal?
CALVIN
I’m working, Agatha.
Laura, from the crime scene, points at them. ZIVA sprints toward them, covering 400 meters in seconds, pistol drawn.
ZIVA
Freeze!
Calvin raises his hands. Agatha rolls her eyes.
AGATHA
(to Calvin)
Do you obey every woman this fast?
CALVIN
When they’ve got a gun, yeah.
Tony saunters up, smirking.
TONY
Making friends, Ziva?
Gibbs arrives, snatches the device from Calvin, and opens it. His eyes narrow—it’s a cigarette pack, but its interior glows with strange, futuristic circuitry.
GIBBS
(to himself)
What the hell is this?
TITLE CARD: “A CIGARETTE PACK WITH MOST PECULIAR CONTENTS”
FADE OUT.
TO BE CONTINUED
Notes for Production:
- Tone: Blend NCIS’s procedural grit with Star Trek’s sci-fi mystery and Stargate’s adventurous flair. Keep the humor subtle but present, especially in Agatha and Calvin’s banter.
- Casting:
- Agatha Silverbird (Bianca/Silvia Esperanza): Kirsten Dunst with red hair, styled as Mary Jane Watson from Spider-Man 1—vibrant, confident, with a playful edge.
- Calvin Nathan Cat (Peter): Jensen Ackles, styled as Dean Winchester from Supernatural—rugged, slightly awkward, with a charming smirk.
- Visuals: Emphasize the contrast between the lush, serene Anacostia Park and the high-tech mystery of the “taschenrechner.” Use close-ups on the device to hint at its alien origins.
- Sound Design: The elevator “ding” should be sharp and distinct, signaling shifts in tone. Agatha and Calvin’s device emits soft, futuristic hums.
- Direction: Highlight Laura’s routine to establish her as grounded, then disrupt it with Stone’s murder and the sci-fi elements. Agatha and Calvin’s scenes should feel slightly out of place, hinting at their otherworldly nature.
