Mental Wellness Support Group

[fireproof78]

I have thought about it, but I had a bad experience with a shrink when they thought some medical issues I was having were "stress", so that's made me kind of hesitant to try again. After she put me on anti-depressants, I went from barely talking to people to putting myself in dangerous situations with people I barely knew. She wanted me to ride a bus downtown alone, which is just seems like too dangerous of an idea when you consider the fact I had never even stepped foot on a bus before, and had absolutely no idea where anything was downtown, and at the time I didn't have a cell phone.

Ok, that sounds like a tough experience but it also could have been the start of smaller exposure steps. You don't have to do what a therapists tells you. That's not a therapists job. I would suggest now that you are older and a little bit more experienced that you look on like Psychology Today or Counseling.org and search for a therapist in your area. There are even therapists who use horses and such to support exposure therapy.

Regardless, from what you post here the anxiety sounds very high and very debilitating. I think it's professional help level.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Sorry to hear about your experience, @JD. Since you provided more context, such as your age at the time, I realize it could have been a frightening ordeal. I hope you find the right therapist.

 

[JD]

I have like been doing a lot better since college, I've been talking to more and more people on my bike rides, and the times that I have had anxiety has hit me, it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as when I was in college. And to be honest, there were a couple of times where bands I like were having concerts downtown, and I almost went by myself. But the only reason I didn't was because they're always in really bad parts of town. I came really close to seeing The Warning at a smaller club, but my mom talked me out of it, and it's probably a good thing she did, because there was a shooting literally right down the street or even possibly right outside of the club that night.

 

[JD]

I might be getting myself a job tomorrow. I asked a couple of the horseback riders I see on my bike rides if either of the places where they have their horses might be willing to give me a job, and one of the might. They told me to talk to the one of the ladies there when I go out there tomorrow, and she might give me a job cleaning out stalls.
My biggest concerns will how many hours I'll work and what they'll pay.

 

[DEWLine]

Trying to get my collections and papers and whatnot out of the way of contractors we're expecting to revisit us (sharing the place with several relatives) for basement repair work. Waiting for word on a job offer that is not as good as I'd like nor as safe. Caregiving stress.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Waiting for word on a job offer that is not as good as I'd like nor as safe.

I'm assuming, especially based on what thread this is, that you are referring to psychological safety. If so, I'm sorry to hear that. But on the off-chance you may be referring to physical safety, just a reminder that under the Occupational Health & Safety Act, most Ontario employees are entitled to refuse unsafe work.

https://www.ontario.ca/document/gui...e-or-stop-work-where-health-and-safety-danger

I hope you are able to get an offer that better meets your needs, both around safety and otherwise.

 

[Commander Troi]

Good luck @JD and @DEWLine!

 

[DEWLine]

Thanks to @Avro Arrow for the linkage to Ontario's rules on unsafe work. As far as I'm concerned, it's both physical and psychological safety to be concerned about, regardless of the current provincial government's stance on the Pandemic.

And thanks also to @Commander Troi for the wishes of good luck!

The interview last Thursday has led to a withdrawal of offer from the client. On the other hand, another offer from a different placement company may lead to Pandemic-safer work and higher renumeration if that interview tomorrow goes well enough.

 

[JD]

Good luck on the interview.

Good luck @JD and @DEWLine!

Thanks.
Didn't have any luck today finding anybody to talk to, but I'll keep trying to. It's actually smaller place, as far as I know it's basically just a house where they have some horses, and where let other people board theirs. But really, I think a smaller place like that might be better for me
If this doesn't work out, there is a bigger, fancier place nearby that I might try. That's one is where all of the horses I say hi to over the fence are. So if I work there I'd get to see all of them, including my bestie, who always comes right over to see me whenever she's out.

 

[fireproof78]

I debated on sharing this but then I thought it might be helpful. I recently read a quote from George Washington that basically said that happiness depends on the state of mind and not the external. So, with that I had to make peace with my own struggles with personal happiness. I generally fall back on a bit of "What if?" when I am displeased with current circumstances, either job, family life, or whatever, then I focus on what might have been. Which, as some may attest to, doesn't generate much happiness.

Well, today I decided that was not a positive way to live and focus on the current strengths that I have learned even from the most difficult of circumstances. I encourage others to do the same to find joy in where you are.

 

[JD]

That's good advice.
So I was able to talk to the lady the horse ladies told me to talk to, but I was able to talk to her husband and they don't need any more help right now.
I was afraid of that, since it's basically just a few horses at their house, not a big busy stables with dozens of horses. So they probably don't have more than one or two people working for them.
He said if anything came up, they'd catch me when I went by on my bike, and he seemed like he really meant it and wasn't just trying to get rid of me. I'll wait a few days, maybe until after the weekend, and if I don't talk to him again, I'll try the bigger stables. I'm kicking myself, because I didn't think to give him any contact information until after I left.

 

[fireproof78]

I'll wait a few days, maybe until after the weekend, and if I don't talk to him again, I'll try the bigger stables. I'm kicking myself, because I didn't think to give him any contact information until after I left.

Could always write a thank you note and mail it to him (archaic, I know) thanking him for taking the time with you, and leaving your contact information.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I debated on sharing this but then I thought it might be helpful. I recently read a quote from George Washington that basically said that happiness depends on the state of mind and not the external. So, with that I had to make peace with my own struggles with personal happiness. I generally fall back on a bit of "What if?" when I am displeased with current circumstances, either job, family life, or whatever, then I focus on what might have been. Which, as some may attest to, doesn't generate much happiness.

Well, today I decided that was not a positive way to live and focus on the current strengths that I have learned even from the most difficult of circumstances. I encourage others to do the same to find joy in where you are.

True. People say happiness is a choice, regardless of one's circumstances. I'm finding that without externally stimulating activity, I get easily bored. I searched my feelings, and I found it to be true, especially during this 10-day cruise.

I'm not a thrill-seeker by any means. I don't go bungee-jumping or skydiving just to engage my emotions and physical sensations. This is just my opinion, but it seems Princess Cruiseline doesn't offer much in the way of entertainment. On a regular weekend or time away from work, I'd be either going out to the movies, shopping, dining, or staying home and watching TV or Netflix. Here on the ship, live music is about the only thing that interests me. I don't care for knitting, trivia games, crossword puzzles, dance lessons. Since wifi has been spotty, I can't even watch Netflix or YouTube most of the time.

I realize that I should be happy that I was able to take this wonderful trip to Alaska and be thankful for the free food, drinks, and amenities. Few people in my place of work get to experience what I have experienced over the last several days.

Practicing gratitude (through mindfulness and journaling) can be a source of contentment for someone like me. "It's not happy people who are grateful, but grateful people who are happy."

 

[JD]

Could always write a thank you note and mail it to him (archaic, I know) thanking him for taking the time with you, and leaving your contact information.

That's a nice idea, but I don't want to feel like I'm bugging them to much. I figure if I go by and see them, I might off to give them my number, or one of the horse ladies lives there, so I might give it to her to pass along to them.

 

[fireproof78]

That's a nice idea, but I don't want to feel like I'm bugging them to much. I figure if I go by and see them, I might off to give them my number, or one of the horse ladies lives there, so I might give it to her to pass along to them.

I would say such a note is not bugging them but shows initiative, while leaving it open to them the possibility of reaching you sooner than a chance meeting.

 

[JD]

I just really don't feel comfortable doing something like that.
And to be completely honest with you, I'm not that determined to get this job, there are other places to try.

 

[fireproof78]

I just really don't feel comfortable doing something like that.
And to be completely honest with you, I'm not that determined to get this job, there are other places to try.

Suit yourself. Just what I look for in a candidate.

 

[JD]

I appreciate the advice.
My mom has mentioned a few times that this is the kind of job where I might end up getting paid cash under the table, and I was just curious what the best way to handle something like that would be. Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by, I just want a job I can stand and to get paid, I just wouldn't want to do anything that would get anybody in trouble. Again I don't know it will happen, it's something my mom mentioned as possibility.

 

[fireproof78]

I appreciate the advice.
My mom has mentioned a few times that this is the kind of job where I might end up getting paid cash under the table, and I was just curious what the best way to handle something like that would be. Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by, I just want a job I can stand and to get paid, I just wouldn't want to do anything that would get anybody in trouble. Again I don't know it will happen, it's something my mom mentioned as possibility.

If you make less than a certain amount then states don't worry about it for tax purposes.
I've paid several contractors for side jobs just cash up front. It's pretty common and unless you're pulling in a bunch of money, I've not seen an issue. Arizona might be different than my local.

And I should add that I'm very old fashioned when it comes to job hunting. Comes from 10 years of retail management, and my dad being a retail manager for 40 years. My first job I got was because I called the retailer at least once every two weeks and checked in. I've sent thank you emails or notes to any interviewer and job shadow. Probably not common now, but I have seen it with some interviewees now and I have appreciated it more. I think it shows initiative, respect and interest and I honestly cannot imagine a person be put off by a note that says "Hey, thanks for talking with me. Here's my number." But as I said...

 

[JD]

Oh yeah, I get that, I just feel weird about that because I never do anything like that. It was going to get my number to them, I'd give it to one of the ladies I know to pass it along.
And I've got other options, so I'm not that desperate to work there. To be completely honest, if it came down to it, I'd rather work at the other place. It's bigger, nicer, and I'm more familiar with it since I've been going past it on my bike and driving past on the way to park across the street for years. It was the first place I thought of when I started thinking about the kind of a job, and the only reason I tried the other place is because one of the horse ladies lives there and has her horse there.