Mental Wellness Support Group

[fireproof78]

Part of me says I have to go out there and mingle with others. This ship is packed, and most public venues like the atrium/plaza is buzzing with activities. I can hardly find a place to sit. It's like being in a crowded shopping mall; it's not a place to relax.

My first cruise with Princess was a lot more intimate, and I felt the atmosphere was right for meeting new people. This current cruise doesn't offer much in terms of live entertainment, so I just as well enjoy watching Netflix in my cabin.

If you say you "have to" you probably won't enjoy it. It's like birthdays and me. I do not enjoy my birthday but my family loves to celebrate it. So, I go along with it because I feel the "have to" but it's a struggle post party.

I had 6 months of CBT therapy outpatient followed by 1.5 years twice a week one on one DBT therapy with a wrap thing going on as well.. wrap=wellness recovery action planning ... so yeah .. the results for years of removing my toenails whole for the physical pain was better and safer than emotional pain.. ,, that the focus for that was to stop doing that .. ,,, and they said to wear socks .. that is how I am to stop this self harm..DBT did not work for me. == 6 years later and many toenails gone.. even after/during a 2 year weekly focus group on just that that did not work .. I tried focusing on self harm as an addiction and took the disorder to my 12 step drug addiction group.. that was my hardest process .. and I havent self harmed with toenail removal since november 2019 free from self harm and started a new 12 step program to resolve the lack of self love and self care caused by childhood traumas. these are working for me ,,, though the cbt and dbt did help -- yet wearing socks is not something that ever really helped me, it was the fact that I could be open about my problems and ask for help with them. In that in the end I found a solution to the problems,..

One of the biggest lessons I have learned from practicing therapy is not questioning the behavior but the need that it is satisfying. If you can satisfy the need then the unhealthy behavior goes away.

Glad you found it.

 

[Commander Troi]

Part of me says I have to go out there and mingle with others. This ship is packed, and most public venues like the atrium/plaza on the Promenade Deck are buzzing with activities. I can hardly find a place to sit. It's like being in a crowded shopping mall during the holiday season; it's not a place to relax.

Can you find a smaller, quieter space? On the few cruises I've been on, there were a few bars and lounges that weren't too bad.

 

[JD]

Part of me says I have to go out there and mingle with others. This ship is packed, and most public venues like the atrium/plaza on the Promenade Deck are buzzing with activities. I can hardly find a place to sit. It's like being in a crowded shopping mall during the holiday season; it's not a place to relax.

My first cruise with Princess was a lot more intimate, and I felt the atmosphere was right for meeting new people.

This current cruise also doesn't offer much in terms of live entertainment, so I just as well enjoy watching Netflix in my cabin. Can't wait to be on terra firma during the next few days!

You sound like you're doing better than I would be in that situation. I wouldn't even be able to handle going on a cruise by myself in, and wouldn't even consider going out into those kind of crowds.
There's a reason my mom and I go places on the off hours when no one is around as much as possible.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Can you find a smaller, quieter space? On the few cruises I've been on, there were a few bars and lounges that weren't too bad.

True. There are areas that are less crowded. The sun deck was warm enough, and I saw random people reading books and relaxing. I'm not intimidated by large crowds as much as I get annoyed with certain people, like the ones who unconsciously cut in lines, or staff who don't pay attention when you need something.

I've made some progress today. I really enjoyed going to the atrium to watch a string duo perform a number of modern pop/rock tunes, despite the huge turnout. I figured I wasn't about to miss the only live event I found entertaining on this cruise. So I will continue going to future performances. Still standoffish, but I managed to make brief conversations with other guests.

Fitness is very important to me, especially in managing my diabetes, so I work out daily at the gym. Exercise does wonders to the mind and body.

First stop is Juneau on Wednesday. I'm taking a self-guided tram tour of Mount Roberts.

 

[Gryffindorian]

You sound like you're doing better than I would be in that situation. I wouldn't even be able to handle going on a cruise by myself in, and wouldn't even consider going out into those kind of crowds.
There's a reason my mom and I go places on the off hours when no one is around as much as possible.

Much of my aversion to social gatherings is personality-based. I have been an introverted guy all my life and have gotten accustomed to traveling alone or doing things by myself. Being alone does not bother me, but neither does interacting with people. I'd like to look at myself as a social introvert, though my social time is mostly spent with family and an inner circle of friends.

I haven't been in a relationship (male or female) since my late teens. I'm happily single with no kids. I'm not a guy who hangs out with buddies and goes out drinking or partying. Those things didn't really present themselves to me in my younger years, or I just didn't pursue them.

As I stated earlier, I'm not intimidated by large congregations as much as I find them unappealing. It's like the feeling I get when someone tries to invite me to a birthday party of a person I don't know. I don't even do company picnics, and that's okay!

While I don't have social anxiety disorder, my introversion can sometimes get in the way of doing things I enjoy, like in this instance, being on a full cruise ship. But if I motivate myself enough and develop a level of tolerance to discomfort, it really works to my benefit. I ask myself, what's at stake? What am I going to miss out on if I listen to my self-talk? Although the piazza was packed tonight, I made a conscious effort to go there and listen to some live music. I was glad I did.

 

[Bynar0110]

I couldn't go on a cruise because I have a fear of being on water.

 

[fireproof78]

Much of my aversion to social gatherings is personality-based. I have been an introverted guy all my life and have gotten accustomed to traveling alone or doing things by myself. Being alone does not bother me, but neither does interacting with people. I'd like to look at myself as a social introvert, though my social time is mostly spent with family and an inner circle of friends.

This is closer to me now. I used to have a huge circle of friends, and then a smaller more intimate circle of close friends. That changed pos college and I just don't go out and seek out social events anymore. If I'm invited then I will probably go, but I don't desire it. Much of it simply comes that I have to be social all day at work and being social outside of work is less than enjoyable for me.

A cruise would be something I would do only if it was a destination location (i.e. taking the wife to see the auroras in Alaska or to Mexico) or something thematic. Otherwise, it's not for me.

 

[shyborg]

I couldn't go on a cruise because I have a fear of being on water.

I can't swim so my fear isn't bad if land is nearby. But I couldn't do a cruise that sails deep into the ocean. I still get uncomfortable remembering my flights over the ocean as a kid

 

[Gryffindorian]

^ I can't swim either, but there are life jackets and boats on board. I think about the probability of a disaster, e.g., fire on board, ship sinking like the Titanic, etc., and realize, what are the chances of it happening? Even if it there were a disaster, safety measures are in place for all passengers and crew.

Growing up, I was terrified of sharks and wouldn't even watch Jaws or Shark Week. Then I realized, I live on land. I don't go the beach frequently, and even if I do, I don't surf or get in the water or go boating. While shark attacks are real and they do happen, the stuff we see in the movies or on TV is purely a work of fiction.

 

[fireproof78]

^ I can't swim either, but there are life jackets and boats on board. I think about the probability of a disaster, e.g., fire on board, ship sinking like the Titanic, etc., and realize, what are the chances of it happening? Even if it there were a disaster, safety measures are in place for all passengers and crew.

Growing up, I was terrified of sharks and wouldn't even watch Jaws or Shark Week. Then I realized, I live on land. I don't go the beach frequently, and even if I do, I don't surf or get in the water or go boating. While shark attacks are real and they do happen, the stuff we see in the movies or on TV is purely a work of fiction.

I love the water and have been swimming since I was a youngster. However, the Shark attack fear stuck with me for years until I worked with a gentleman from Hawaii who shared that he swam frequently off the coast and rarely saw a shark and when he did they left him alone. Took the fear of being at the beach on the Pacific coast down quite a bit. My coworker is more afraid of moose than sharks.

I still find shark attack films distasteful though.

ETA:
Well, I'll add this though it's a bit unrelated to sharks but more related to mental health. One of my biggest challenges I see is trying to understand another person's point of view, while respecting those differences. This below video is from YT Generation Tech, and while it explores the Bad Batch Star Wars animated show, he actually discusses the importance of different intelligences, and recognizing our own strengths despite maybe feeling like we don't fit in (as I often do):

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[JD]

Much of my aversion to social gatherings is personality-based. I have been an introverted guy all my life and have gotten accustomed to traveling alone or doing things by myself. Being alone does not bother me, but neither does interacting with people. I'd like to look at myself as a social introvert, though my social time is mostly spent with family and an inner circle of friends.

I haven't been in a relationship (male or female) since my late teens. I'm happily single with no kids. I'm not a guy who hangs out with buddies and goes out drinking or partying. Those things didn't really present themselves to me in my younger years, or I just didn't pursue them.

As I stated earlier, I'm not intimidated by large congregations as much as I find them unappealing. It's like the feeling I get when someone tries to invite me to a birthday party of a person I don't know. I don't even do company picnics, and that's okay!

While I don't have social anxiety disorder, my introversion can sometimes get in the way of doing things I enjoy, like in this instance, being on a full cruise ship. But if I motivate myself enough and develop a level of tolerance to discomfort, it really works to my benefit. I ask myself, what's at stake? What am I going to miss out on if I listen to my self-talk? Although the piazza was packed tonight, I made a conscious effort to go there and listen to some live music. I was glad I did.

It sounds like you handle that kind of stuff better than I do.
For me it's strangers, once I know a people I'm fine, and I could probably handle a party if everyone there was someone I knew well, but any time I have to do more than wave or say hi to someone I don't know, that's where the panic sets in. When I was living in the dorm room in college, if more than two or three people I didn't know showed up, I'd go into a complete panic and go back into my bedroom and lock the door and not come out until they were gone. Our dorms were basically multibedroom apartments with 2 or 4 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms, and a shared kitchen and living room. The 2 bedroom versions had 2 people with bunk beds in each room, and the 4 bedroom version had 1 person per room. I was in a 4 bedroom.
The one thing that really sets my anxiety off to the point that Igo into a full blown panic attack , and I have to get out of there NOW is when people get mad at me, and especially if they yell at me. When I was working it got so bad, that I would have to go home if someone started getting angry with me, because I just could not handle being in the store after that.

 

[fireproof78]

Fight or flight can suck.

 

[Commander Troi]

It sounds like you handle that kind of stuff better than I do.
For me it's strangers, once I know a people I'm fine, and I could probably handle a party if everyone there was someone I knew well, but any time I have to do more than wave or say hi to someone I don't know, that's where the panic sets in. When I was living in the dorm room in college, if more than two or three people I didn't know showed up, I'd go into a complete panic and go back into my bedroom and lock the door and not come out until they were gone. Our dorms were basically multibedroom apartments with 2 or 4 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms, and a shared kitchen and living room. The 2 bedroom versions had 2 people with bunk beds in each room, and the 4 bedroom version had 1 person per room. I was in a 4 bedroom.
The one thing that really sets my anxiety off to the point that I go into a full blown panic attack , and I have to get out of there NOW is when people get mad at me, and especially if they yell at me. When I was working it got so bad, that I would have to go home if someone started getting angry with me, because I just could not handle being in the store after that.

Honey, you really need to look into resources for anxiety care. This is a quality of life issue for you. *hugs*

 

[Bynar0110]

Fight or flight can suck.

Especially if you're behind the wheel of a moving car going 40 MPH on a hot summers day.

 

[Bynar0110]

The only I get anxious in public places is if I get dizzy and feel like I'm going to faint.

 

[JD]

Honey, you really need to look into resources for anxiety care. This is a quality of life issue for you. *hugs*

I have thought about it, but I had a bad experience with a shrink when they thought some medical issues I was having were "stress", so that's made me kind of hesitant to try again. After she put me on anti-depressants, I went from barely talking to people to putting myself in dangerous situations with people I barely knew. She wanted me to ride a bus downtown alone, which is just seems like too dangerous of an idea when you consider the fact I had never even stepped foot on a bus before, and had absolutely no idea where anything was downtown, and at the time I didn't have a cell phone.

 

[Gryffindorian]

What your therapist advised you, taking a bus by yourself downtown, sounded like exposure therapy, which is a type of CBT. My advice would be to continue working with a mental health professional.

I have been on Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 18 years now, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without meds. As I said, I've also been practicing mindfulness for the past few years. I don't know what your experience is like with other meds, but there are so many of them to try.

 

[JD]

What your therapist advised you, taking a bus by yourself downtown, sounded like exposure therapy, which is a type of CBT. My advice would be to continue working with a mental health professional.

I can understand the idea behind doing something like this, but there is absolutely no way I would have been able to do it without it being a completely disaster. I had absolutely no idea how the buses work, so there was no way I would have been able to get myself downtown and back, and would have just gotten myself hopefully lost downtown.
If she had recommended something a little less dangerous, like riding my bike down to the shopping area a few miles from home and going to see a movie or going to the mall or something it wouldn't have been so bad.

 

[Gryffindorian]

That's part of exposure therapy, to get you to step out of your comfort zone. I don't know what the conditions are like in your downtown area, but why did you think it was dangerous to go there? As long as you're not walking in a dark alley late at night, what's the harm in trying?

Seven years ago, I was suffering from OCD intrusive thoughts. I was determined to get better. I went to a group therapy once a week for eight weeks. I bought a book on mindfulness-based CBT and did every exercise in the book. Journaling was really helpful! All of these, combined with meds, helped me to become more balanced.

 

[JD]

That's part of exposure therapy, to get you to step out of your comfort zone. I don't know what the conditions are like in your downtown area, but why did you think it was dangerous to go there? As long as you're not walking in a dark alley late at night, what's the harm in trying?

It's not great, especially since at the time, I didn't have a smart phone, and would have had no idea how to get around once I got down there, and no idea where anything was. I had also ne used the buses and didn't know anything about them, so I would have had no way to know which bus to get back on to get home.
I also didn't drive at the time, and had only been downtown a handful of times, so I didn't know the streets or where anything was.
Just believe me when I tell there is absolutely no way in hell it would not have been a complete disaster from start to finish.
I believe I was also only about 16 at the time, and my mom said absolutely not.