Incoming Transmissions
- Thread starter Laura Cynthia Chambers
- Start date
Thanks.
@Count Zero can you change the title of this thread to "Incoming Transmissions"?
You mean adding the quotes and/or removing "by Miss Terious"? I can change the title but I'm not sure which changes you like.
No, just removing the "by Miss Terious". Thanks. 
Edit: @Count Zero? Can you please do this?
Old Title:
Incoming Transmissions, by Miss Terious
New Title:
Incoming Transmissions
Edit: @Count Zero? Can you please do this?
Old Title:
Incoming Transmissions, by Miss Terious
New Title:
Incoming Transmissions
Last edited:
After an exhaustive roll call and extensive consultations with the medical, biology, botany, and, finally, galley departments, the steaming, amorphous substance found on the transporter pad in transporter room two has been identified as oatmeal. It has not been determined whether the incident was an attempt at a cruel prank or an accidentally upended breakfast.
We have received confirmation from engineering that a fully functioning tricorder requires all components to be present in order to maximize the likelihood of accurate readings. That said, there are probably better places to conceal a cache of contraband food items than the interior recesses of vital technology (though yours truly cannot speak from personal experience, of course.)
Our first officer would like to express his appreciation to all crewmembers who graciously donated their Federation credits to a recent fundraiser, with the aim of procuring him a heart. Contrary to rumors, he is currently not in need of such, and so has politely declined to utilize the funds for their intended purpose. However, he assures all interested parties that their generous offerings will not go to waste, proposing remedial logic courses for those listed among the donors.
The records department has noticed a marked downgrade in the legibility and accuracy of signatures being affixed to official documentation. They ask that crewmembers would please refrain from poor attempts at forgery in the name of expediency and dotting i's with little hearts, in particular.
As weapons certification season is almost upon us, we remind all officers and crewmen to reserve their time slots for the ship's target range early. Although emergency scenarios may require the discharge of firearms in various areas of the ship, impromptu practice sessions in such areas as crew quarters, recreation rooms, and main engineering are frowned upon.
In response to recent outbreaks of unspecified contagious illness during shore leave that once demanded quarantine, medical has launched a new initiative. All shore leave parties will now be accompanied by a qualified neutral diagnostician who is entirely capable of determining the difference between skin lesions and theatrical cosmetics.
Congratulations to our captain, who has been nominated for the title of "Mr. Starfleet" for the second year in a row. Though he is flattered, he has respectfully declined, as he feels there are other men more eminently qualified for the role and its attendant responsibilities. To that end, he has submitted the names of our first officer and chief medical officer in his stead. Both candidates have declined to respond as of this moment, though whether from sincere consideration or abject disdain is unclear.
Once again, the communications department would like to stress that while they are continuously monitoring ship-wide communications, private transmissions between crewmembers are sacrosanct and are treated as such, except in cases of extreme emergency. That said, fingers have been known to slip on keypads, so if certain overheard details are occasionally referenced in open conversation, we ask for a modicum of understanding.
A great birdie has informed us that a member of our stellar crew has a birthday approaching. When queried as to how our navigator wished to celebrate, he has assured us that a surprise party would be welcome, which, admittedly, would defeat the purpose of such an event. Unless, of course, said fete was relocated to Russia.
Security would like to remind all that while what constitutes an emergency is in the eye of the alarmist, there are many incidents which do not necessitate the usage of an alert siren. These include, but are not limited to: the sudden breakage and subsequent spillage of a rare beverage, an impending loss in a game of strategy, and an unexpected visit from one's superior officer at an inopportune moment.
Concerns have been raised about a recent drop in usage for the lost and found box, which has remained remarkably empty as of late. Anecdotal evidence would seem to argue against this being an indication of better organizational habits; rather, it is strongly suspected that our crew have adopted the creed "finders keepers" as ship's policy. Currently, the only objects presently awaiting reclamation by their true owners are a small bag of marbles, which in no way narrows down the list of possibilities.
Lastly, we would like to allay any further suspicions regarding the sentience of certain biological specimens currently housed in our laboratories. We advise all scientists to scan their workspaces for the presence of discreetly placed communications devices before jumping to unwarranted conclusions and attempting to initiate first contact.
We have received confirmation from engineering that a fully functioning tricorder requires all components to be present in order to maximize the likelihood of accurate readings. That said, there are probably better places to conceal a cache of contraband food items than the interior recesses of vital technology (though yours truly cannot speak from personal experience, of course.)
Our first officer would like to express his appreciation to all crewmembers who graciously donated their Federation credits to a recent fundraiser, with the aim of procuring him a heart. Contrary to rumors, he is currently not in need of such, and so has politely declined to utilize the funds for their intended purpose. However, he assures all interested parties that their generous offerings will not go to waste, proposing remedial logic courses for those listed among the donors.
The records department has noticed a marked downgrade in the legibility and accuracy of signatures being affixed to official documentation. They ask that crewmembers would please refrain from poor attempts at forgery in the name of expediency and dotting i's with little hearts, in particular.
As weapons certification season is almost upon us, we remind all officers and crewmen to reserve their time slots for the ship's target range early. Although emergency scenarios may require the discharge of firearms in various areas of the ship, impromptu practice sessions in such areas as crew quarters, recreation rooms, and main engineering are frowned upon.
In response to recent outbreaks of unspecified contagious illness during shore leave that once demanded quarantine, medical has launched a new initiative. All shore leave parties will now be accompanied by a qualified neutral diagnostician who is entirely capable of determining the difference between skin lesions and theatrical cosmetics.
Congratulations to our captain, who has been nominated for the title of "Mr. Starfleet" for the second year in a row. Though he is flattered, he has respectfully declined, as he feels there are other men more eminently qualified for the role and its attendant responsibilities. To that end, he has submitted the names of our first officer and chief medical officer in his stead. Both candidates have declined to respond as of this moment, though whether from sincere consideration or abject disdain is unclear.
Once again, the communications department would like to stress that while they are continuously monitoring ship-wide communications, private transmissions between crewmembers are sacrosanct and are treated as such, except in cases of extreme emergency. That said, fingers have been known to slip on keypads, so if certain overheard details are occasionally referenced in open conversation, we ask for a modicum of understanding.
A great birdie has informed us that a member of our stellar crew has a birthday approaching. When queried as to how our navigator wished to celebrate, he has assured us that a surprise party would be welcome, which, admittedly, would defeat the purpose of such an event. Unless, of course, said fete was relocated to Russia.
Security would like to remind all that while what constitutes an emergency is in the eye of the alarmist, there are many incidents which do not necessitate the usage of an alert siren. These include, but are not limited to: the sudden breakage and subsequent spillage of a rare beverage, an impending loss in a game of strategy, and an unexpected visit from one's superior officer at an inopportune moment.
Concerns have been raised about a recent drop in usage for the lost and found box, which has remained remarkably empty as of late. Anecdotal evidence would seem to argue against this being an indication of better organizational habits; rather, it is strongly suspected that our crew have adopted the creed "finders keepers" as ship's policy. Currently, the only objects presently awaiting reclamation by their true owners are a small bag of marbles, which in no way narrows down the list of possibilities.
Lastly, we would like to allay any further suspicions regarding the sentience of certain biological specimens currently housed in our laboratories. We advise all scientists to scan their workspaces for the presence of discreetly placed communications devices before jumping to unwarranted conclusions and attempting to initiate first contact.
