Mental Wellness Support Group
- Thread starter Twilight Phoenix
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2 am. I had a decent day, fairly productive, but my anxiety was up all day. Not terrible, but enough I noticed it and was acting... Off because of it. Messaging people non stop all day, couldn't eat a meal, just forced a few snacks down, alternating between hyper vigilant and the accompanying crash when the adrenaline wears off. Now it's 2 am and I'm still awake in bed. My nerve pain issue flared up about an hour ago making it harder to sleep. And now I've reached the point where I'm worried about functioning tomorrow because of the lack of sleep, feeding into a cycle.
At about 4 today I thought I should just take a clonazepam but the anxiety really wasn't that bad. Not like I used to get. I could deal with it. And it's still not that bad. But it is 2 am and I'm still anxious and not asleep.
Worked until noon. Took the second half of the day off. I'm just too tired, I was making mistakes which isn't good.
At about 4 today I thought I should just take a clonazepam but the anxiety really wasn't that bad. Not like I used to get. I could deal with it. And it's still not that bad. But it is 2 am and I'm still anxious and not asleep.
Worked until noon. Took the second half of the day off. I'm just too tired, I was making mistakes which isn't good.
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I had what felt like a panic attack yesterday, first time in awhile. My husband was great and letting me know he was there if I needed anything, but he didn't push. I'm not sure what triggered it - could be just ongoing stress overwhelmed me. We watched a comedy called "Never Have I Ever" and the humor helped a lot.
I started feeling twitchy this evening. Dad talked about the taxes around here and I know part of him wants to move. So that got my anxiety going and… it reminded me of how much I’ve disappointed him to a degree. I’m insecure about my status in the family and feeling helpless and down. I may not have a co-teacher this year, and my boss scheduled an in-service day and changeover for the day before Thanksgiving, so unless I’d take a late flight, I don’t think I could make a plane trip.
Is it bad that part of me now wishes COVID had taken me out?
Is it bad that part of me now wishes COVID had taken me out?
I would never say something is "bad." In my job I have claimant's that have felt similarly. They are not suicidal, they have no intent on hurting themselves. They just wish that maybe they weren't here anymore. Anxiety and depression are terrible things. Anxiety in particular. I have anxiety about relationships. I was watching YouTube videos about a break-up I went through a few months ago that hit me really hard. And there was one video I watched where anxiety is talked about as an inner voice telling you things. I started going to therapy back in June and one of the things my therapist wanted me to do was write down what that 'inner' voice was saying and it was actually very upsetting and disturbing the things I thought about myself.
So I think what you are thinking is just a natural culmination of what you are going through right now. It's a constant battle to fight those thoughts. It's always important to remember that there are many positive interactions you have with people. Try to think of people you have helped in the past. Even if it was just listening to someone who needed a friendly ear. Think of what it would have been like if you weren't there for them. However minor it may seem to you, that other person may strongly disagree and think you have been a very important part of their life. We all touch so many other lives, many times in ways we may not even realize or may think it was no big deal. But it is.
Check out Loving What Is by Byron Katie. It describes what she calls "The Work." At the core are four questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that's it true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
I have to keep reminding myself that cognitive distortions often result from a depressed or anxious state of mind. I have the Calm app which allows me to listen to different meditation tracks, and listening to them has helped tremendously.
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Katie writes that we often make assumptions about how we think others see us and turning those assumptions around can be liberating. For example, so and so hates me. How do we know they hate me? Is it true? Is it really, really true? Unless they've come out and directly said they hate you, you don't know that. And it goes on from there.
I’m trying a little inner child self-care. I’m watching “David the Gnome.”
*HUGS* FWIW, I'm glad you're here.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is similar. It's helping me see how I tell myself stories based on assumptions instead of evidence, especially in cases where I'm dealing with silence from other people. I'm building a toolkit to help myself stop spiraling thoughts.
I never thought I'd be able to, but I've been meditating daily (with a very few exceptions) for about a month and it's already making a big difference. I feel much calmer in general and better able to handle things. I'm also learning to really feel my feelings instead of trying to avoid them.
I really wish I'd done this stuff 20 years ago - I'd have far fewer regrets! - but at least I'm doing it now.
I started a new video game this week that I got totally obsessed with to the point I neglected my sleep, physical activity, and chores. I've hardly been into video games at all. But since I had two stress headaches & accompanying nose bleeds before I started playing it it's probably a stress response. Trying to relax.
Rarely do I condemn thoughts as full on "bad." When I work with people struggling with depression and they express passive SI I often times reinforce that the thought usually comes from feeling overwhelmed. So, I would say that you are feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things and are wise to engage in self-care.
I'm doing an online CBT thing from the government and every week have to do check ins. One of the questions is about passive SI ("Have you ever thought you wished you were dead? Have you ever thought you wished you just disappeared?" etc). I was told if you answer anything other than "Absolutely not!" they take it as expressing an active suicide attempt and contact your regional authorities for a wellness check. Probably an insurance thing but fuuuuuucckkk. So you have to lie in your therapy.
It depends on the agency. I always safety plan but even I have had a passive wish to not be here or go to sleep and not wake up. I assess, and safety plan as appropriate. The only time I reach out to authorities is if a person cannot keep themselves safe.
As far as what? Negative self-talk? The phrase "earworm" is one I always have difficulty parsing.
As for anxiety, my go to is practicing deep breathing and yoga. Regardless of what my mind is saying I focus on my breath and let whatever anxiety is plaguing me pass by, which is much more difficult than just typing it out. That's why I use the yoga, especially legs up the wall which provides an additional calming mechanism for relaxing the body's "fight or flight response."
I do grounding exercises to stop (or at least dull) intrusive, repetitive thoughts, and then follow with box breathing and /or progressive relaxation.
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