DOOMSDAY: A Star Trek Fan Production

[Maurice]

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A fan film portraying events aboard the Constellation and its encounter with the Planet Killer. I wish I'd known they were making this because I could have told them the details of that encounter spelled out in Spinrad's story outlines.

Some really preposterous scaling issues, with the titular device indicated as 2,700 meters long (scaled against the Enterprise it'd be 150 that length) yet still visible when beyond the limb of planet, and then chunks come out of said planet and into the Planet Killer's maw, the which makes the former appear to be no more than maybe 5-8 km across.

 

[feek61]

I love the concept, the effort seems amateurish but fun, I enjoyed it.

 

[USS Intrepid]

The actor playing Masada was very good.

 

[Maurice]

The guy playing Decker has zip intensity, which rather kills the thing.

The main issue is that the action is taken from the dialog in "The Doomsday Machine" and doesn't tell us anything new. Worse, it makes the crew look stupid: they open fire for no reason on a thing which is blasting an uninhabited planet, so it's not any immediate danger to anyone. By rights they should have been studying it as much as possible before taking any action. Even worse, the Constellation is twice depicted and maneuvering directly in front of the planet-smahing business end of the thing...is this Cap'n Wile E. Coyote?

As above, had I heard of this production before they shot it I woud have sent them to the following.

Digging through the story outline and scripts for this reveals a lot of details on things which are only sketched in the aired episode, like that Spinrad indeed meant neutron star-like "collapsed matter" when he wrote "neutronium," and Decker gives a rather detailed account of what happened to his ship step by step.

In short, they went in to study the thing, figuring they could warp off if necessary, but didn't anticipate the "eater" weaponry, which slammed through their "screens" and knocked out the "screen generators", and without the screens the antimatter in the warp pods collapsed into neutronium (don't ask how) and in a later draft, were drained of energy, which is why they could not escape on warp drive. After the ship was hammered into a wreck, Decker says the thing ignored them once they powered down everything but life support, but he thinks the transporter use to beam the crew down to the third planet caught its attention and it came back and took another shot at the ship, stranding him. Then it spent several days blowing the third planet apart while he watched.

Spock says "isotope dating" indicates the "eater" my be as much as three BILLION years old.

Unlike the finished episode, Decker had been clearer about his intentions with the shuttle. He was hoping to damage its guts. The slowness of the various ships' speeds were something Justman griped about as he repeatedly suggested cutting off the script.

Spoiler: More from the original Story Outline

Spock informs Kirk that the ship has entered the latest solar system in their search pattern, and we learn that it, like the last three, seems to have been totally reduced to rubble and dust. [...] Spock corrects himself, tells Kirk that this solar system has two intact planets.​

As to the "Eater" itself...

[...]a kind of cylindrical "living atomic rocket" at least ten times the size of the Constellation, apparently from beyond the Galaxy, with a big posterior rocket and a great anterior funnel-mouth big enough to swallow a ship with a cluster of atomic blaster beams and tractor beams around the funnel, not a machine, but a living organism with a nuclear metabolism.​

Then from the script received by the Star Trek offices April 5. 1967:

On screen, looming ever-larger as it closes with the Enterprise, we see the Eater: a great funnel of a mouth extended before its huge, almost endless metallic, undulating body, as if to devour the Enterprise, and a trail of what might be rocket exhaust dribbling off behind it.
​

Now we get an idea of its size... eight miles, or about 44 starships long; much bigger than portrayed in the episode...

SPOCK'S VOICE OVER​

Approximately eight miles in length, metallic sheen, and yet I sense that it's a living organism, not a machine....​

[...]

DECKER​

[...]the only way to destroy it is to get inside its guts...right down that monstrous mouth at full emergency speed...smash its internal organs with the momentum of the shuttlecraft....​

[...]

KIRK​

[...]Neutronium is a nuclear dampener, isn't it? That means the thing's guts must be made of something else, something more vulnerable.[...]​

In the May 8, 1967 "final" draft...

DECKER​

[...]a thing ten times the size of a starship and far more powerful[...]​

If he means length, Decker's description of the thing slightly would be maybe 10,000 feet long, or a bit shy of two miles. What we see in the finished episode—if scaled in profile views with the Enterprise—measures to about 14 starships long or ~13,330 feet, so Decker's description would be about 20% smaller than portrayed, and less than a quarter the 8 mile length Spock gave in the previous draft.


But then we then get Sulu's and Spock's estimates of its length, are even smaller than what Decker described. Here's the description of what it looks like and its size:

On screen, looming ever-larger as it closes with the Enterprise, we see the Eater: a great funnel of a mouth extended before its huge, almost endless metallic, undulating body, as if to devour the Enterprise.

SULU VOICE OVER​

Gigantic...thousands of meters long....

SPOCK'S VOICE OVER​

Metallic body...a large funnel-mouth...at least a mile long.​

[...]

SPOCK​

A most fascinating device...it's solid neutronium, and by isotope dating, it's at least three billion years old!​

 

[Bixby]

It's a nice try, but it is a fan film...The story kinda lost me in the first half during these extended minutes where it's just one character after another saying their dialogue, with no pauses given to digest what's been said.
So all it took was one wallop from the Doomsday machine to disable the Constellation and have the Captain evacuate? And at the end the events as written just didn't justify the catatonic state Decker is found in the original episode. There should have been a lot more near victories and hope snatched away to whittle Decker's mind into despair...
Yeah, Masada was pretty good, i agree.

 

[David cgc]

One thing I was hoping for was an explanation as to why they'd evacuate the crew to a planet, to escape the thing that's eating planets. It was going in the other direction, they theorized it wasn't interested in habitable planets, something. The story notes do give a picture of a more involved (and interesting) encounter. I wonder if the purpose of echoing so many beats from the episode was a "there but for the grace of God" kind of thing, where we see how all the stuff the Enterprise crew was able to deal with could've gone the other way.

 

[Maurice]

The logical way to approach it would’ve been to have them notice that the thing follows the ship, and choose to evacuate the crew to the planet and try to lure it away with the Constellation, but the thing knocks the power out, loses interest in the ship, and turns around to chew up the crew’s planet while Decker watches.

 

[blssdwlf]

There were some interesting ideas but I do agree it made no sense for the Constellation to open fire on the planet eater. In the episode Decker said he made a mistake of being too far away in fighting the planet eater so I do wish the fan film had the fighting more at range rather than so close.

 

[BillJ]

Seemed like they spent a lot of the short reciting lines from “The Doomsday Machine”.

 

[Maurice]

Seemed like they spent a lot of the short reciting lines from “The Doomsday Machine”.

And I was sick of reruns in 1976...

 

[blssdwlf]

Seemed like they spent a lot of the short reciting lines from “The Doomsday Machine”.

IMHO, some of the recited lines probably couldn't be helped since the Constellation experienced the planet killer first and the Enterprise is experiencing the same attacks. Maybe some slight alterations to wording would have helped.

A nice setup would be to have dialogue about the planet killer from Masada and Decker, like tactical observations so it could explain how Spock after analyzing the Constellation's data tapes knew immediately to have the Enterprise move and stay away from the planet killer when it arrived because it was attracted to the power nacelles.

 

[dswynne1]

As a fan film, it was a fine effort.

Unfortunately, what took me out of the film was the fact that we already know the resolution to the story. Also, within the context of the story, I felt that the choices that were being made by the characters were weird, to say the least. At the very least, I would have kept a skeleton crew on hand to assist me on keeping the ship together, if I had to order non-essential crewmates to be beamed down to a planet that might be in danger of being attacked. Certainly, unless there were sentient life within the path of the Planet Killer, I would avoid engaging the probe as much as possible.

Still, a fine effort. Good job.

 

[Maurice]

IMHO, some of the recited lines probably couldn't be helped since the Constellation experienced the planet killer first and the Enterprise is experiencing the same attacks. Maybe some slight alterations to wording would have helped.

A nice setup would be to have dialogue about the planet killer from Masada and Decker, like tactical observations so it could explain how Spock after analyzing the Constellation's data tapes knew immediately to have the Enterprise move and stay away from the planet killer when it arrived because it was attracted to the power nacelles.

You can tell a story with a known outcome just fine as long as the events leading to the destination is interesting and features some surprises. The problem with this film is they do absolutely nothing surprising. The film even goes against what we got in DDM in a couple of places. When Kirk asks if it's a machine or if it's alive, Decker replies it's both or neither, so having Masada scan the guts of the Planet Killer (complete with mechanical diagrams) is inconsistent with that, and furthermore makes no sense given Spock says its neutronium hull makes scans of its inner mechanism impossible. Further, Scott says the ship's phasers were exhausted, but in this it fires only a few times.

 

[Bixby]

As a fan film, it was a fine effort.

Unfortunately, what took me out of the film was the fact that we already know the resolution to the story.

So why did Titanic make so damn much money then?
I agree with Maurice, there should have been some aspect that was new and compelling, like Masada and his (I assume) love interest who died with him, maybe what happens to them could have been the glue to this story...I would have gone to extreme drama and reveal her as 7 months pregnant.
What really made my teeth gnash in this story? that Decker HAD to mention his son, when he never did in the original story. Yeah yeah, I know it was mentioned the two were related in the TMP novelization...But so what? it's the part of fandom that pushes the wrong button sometimes, how OCD many people are and absolutely MUST connect everything together...

 

[blssdwlf]

You can tell a story with a known outcome just fine as long as the events leading to the destination is interesting and features some surprises. The problem with this film is they do absolutely nothing surprising. The film even goes against what we got in DDM in a couple of places. When Kirk asks if it's a machine or if it's alive, Decker replies it's both or neither, so having Masada scan the guts of the Planet Killer (complete with mechanical diagrams) is inconsistent with that, and furthermore makes no sense given Spock says its neutronium hull makes scans of its inner mechanism impossible. Further, Scott says the ship's phasers were exhausted, but in this it fires only a few times.

I agree. There were definite points that were not consistent with "The Doomsday Machine". I was just commenting that some of the recited lines could've been improved upon to setup the future episode but yeah the inconsistencies would've needed to be fixed too.

 

[BillJ]

...I would have gone to extreme drama and reveal her as 7 months pregnant.

I seriously doubt this would’ve made the short any better. It would be in the same ballpark as the Will Decker stuff at the end, screaming “care!!!” at the audience.

 

[publiusr]

The logical way to approach it would’ve been to have them notice that the thing follows the ship, and choose to evacuate the crew to the planet and try to lure it away with the Constellation, but the thing knocks the power out, loses interest in the ship, and turns around to chew up the crew’s planet while Decker watches.

Bingo.

It should be Trek’s version of Joker’s “Very bad day” where everything Decker does isn’t wrong—but just backfires. I might not have used any more actors…except their voices. Decker would always be alone…chatter from a shuttlecraft here, the bulk of the crew going out over an intercom he can’t shut off.

Now with the original effects, DM’s antiproton beam looks like a hollow cone that would come to a point X kilometers out. Constellation hangs back thinking it’s safe—and that’s why it got chunks blown out where Enterprise didn’t. Decker knew to get closer and the diffuse beam washed over it.

Playing it safe is what left him helpless..helping make his suicidal acts on Kirk’s ship look sane…to him.

Having Decker just hear the crew…racing around trying to “crank”a remaining shuttle—no good. Lifeboats? Jammed or eaten. Decker races around an empty ship following suggestions that just don’t work. Very little effects…those early on. Just Decker, empty halls…and voices.

It just keeps getting worse and HE CANNOT STOP IT.

That’s how you can turn a fan film into something worthy of Windom’s Twilight Zone episode appearance. The last we see of Decker is him catatonic, screams dying away.

The only other face that you would see would be at the very end.

If I could afford it? John de Lancie:

“Oh, that’s what it takes to drive a sane man mad.”

roll credits

 

[dswynne1]

So why did Titanic make so damn much money then?

The reason is that we, up until the time the film was released, simply knew that the Titanic sank because of an iceberg. We DID NOT know the details, as to who did what to whom, why and how. James Cameron crafted a story around the event that was compelling to the audience, providing romance to the women while providing action to the men within the audience.

We knew in "The Doomsday Machine" that Commodore Decker made a series of errors that crippled his ship, and he continued making errors that would have crippled the Enterprise had Spock and McCoy not intervened. Now, you could make a case that we didn't know what those errors were, but what if someone on the command staff had tried to intervene, only to be shut down by Decker, based upon his attitude when he had assumed command of the Enterprise? It just seemed that the plot was more "paint by the numbers" than anything else, which led to the events to the aforementioned TOS episode.

Again, the fan film was fine, but knowing how it ends, thanks to the exposition made by Decker in the TOS episode, well, it took me out of the story. Personally, if you are going to do a prequel of anything, make it so that the audience has to speculate how those events unfolded. That way, the audience is invested in the story. IMO, of course.

DSW

 

[dswynne1]

Bingo.

It should be Trek’s version of Joker’s “Very bad day” where everything Decker does isn’t wrong—but just backfires. I might not have used any more actors…except their voices. Decker would always be alone…chatter from a shuttlecraft here, the bulk of the crew going out over an intercom he can’t shut off.

Now with the original effects, DM’s antiproton beam looks like a hollow cone that would come to a point X kilometers out. Constellation hangs back thinking it’s safe—and that’s why it got chunks blown out where Enterprise didn’t. Decker knew to get closer and the diffuse beam washed over it.

Playing it safe is what left him helpless..helping make his suicidal acts on Kirk’s ship look sane…to him.

Having Decker just hear the crew…racing around trying to “crank”a remaining shuttle—no good. Lifeboats? Jammed or eaten. Decker races around an empty ship following suggestions that just don’t work. Very little effects…those early on. Just Decker, empty halls…and voices.

It just keeps getting worse and HE CANNOT STOP IT.

That’s how you can turn a fan film into something worthy of Windom’s Twilight Zone episode appearance. The last we see of Decker is him catatonic, screams dying away.

The only other face that you would see would be at the very end.

If I could afford it? John de Lancie:

“Oh, that’s what it takes to drive a sane man mad.”

roll credits

Basically, it's JAWS meets STAR TREK for this prequel. The Constellation is assigned to investigate a mystery that, in the end, bites the crew in the arse while toying with them. The realization is that there isn't a damn thing Decker can do the stop the weapon, as it EATS THE PLANET WHERE CREW THOUGHT THEY WERE SAFE ON. Seeing this while being helpless would drive a sane man insane with grief, at the thought that his mistakes cost the lives of his crew and ship.

 

[Ssosmcin]

The only other face that you would see would be at the very end.

If I could afford it? John de Lancie:

“Oh, that’s what it takes to drive a sane man mad.”

roll credits

I was totally gripped by your concept. Until Q. That let the air out of it. Having it play as straight human drama without the "twist" would have hit me like an anvil. I would love to see this done.