MLB 2021 season: Corn-Driven Humidity

Time for my one-month checklist.

Angels at .500? Check.
Starting pitching no good? Check.
Wasting the career of Mike Trout? Check.

Yep. Everything normal.

 

Ohtani injured and not starting? Check.

 

He's pre-arb, so they can just send him to the minors or outright release him. But the guy is only 23 and a year ago was ranked as the ninth-best prospect in all of baseball--given that he won't hit arbitration until 2023, it would seem ... premature to declare him a lost cause already. Very few pitchers at 23 are pitching CGSOs or even being reliable innings-eaters.

 

Pfft, those are nothing. Think of the real all-timers. Off the top of my head I'm thinking of Sammy Sosa throwing out his back while sneezing, Glenallen Hill falling through a glass table after waking up from a nightmare and thinking he was covered in spiders, Clint Barmes falling and breaking his collarbone while taking deer meat into his house, Jeremy Affeldt goring himself trying to separate frozen hamburger patties, Marty Cordova sunburning himself by falling asleep in a tanning bed, Joel Zumaya fucking up his wrist playing Guitar Hero, Vince Coleman getting eaten by the automatic tarp at Busch Stadium, Adam Eaton stabbing himself in the stomach while trying to get the security label off a DVD, Rickey Henderson giving himself frostbite from leaving an ice pack on too long ... Man, baseball players are not exactly MENSA candidates. There was also John Smoltz burning himself because he tried to iron a shirt while wearing it. And a Brewers pitcher I can't remember who had to go on the DL because he fucked up his middle finger with a pair of salad tongs.

 

Matt Wise.

 

The Cubs put Nico Hoerner, Jake Arrieta and Dan Winkler on the IL, while Pedro Strop has taken personal leave from the team for unknown reasons and is at home in the Dominican Republic, with no word on any expected return.

I knew this season was going to suck, but, Jesus, the wheels are falling off the Cubs so damn hard and it feels like Grandpa Rossy is just throwing darts at the lineup card. Kris Bryant in center? Yeesh.

 

Javy's pressing, badly, so far this season and I can't help but wonder if it's because he's in his walk year and he's playing for his contract.