A/N: This is my first time posting here- the copy/paste of my original formatting seems inconsistent so if anyone has advice on that let me know! This fic is complete. Thanks for reading!
“Deflectors to maximum, Mr. Tuvok. Tom, try to get us around this guy.”
“Yes Ma'am”
“Deflectors holding, Captain.”
“Hail them,” said Janeway. An alien face appeared on the viewscreen, continuing his earlier incomprehensible yelling. “Look, we mean you no harm. We are only travellers trying to get home. I am more than willing to accomodate your needs, but you need to communicate them to me.” The man on the screen’s face twisted in rage. “Tom, get us out of here!” she said impatiently.
“I’m trying, every time I try to pull away, the thrust gets reversed back on us. We’re actually closer to his ship now!”
“A tractor beam, Mr. Paris?”
“Not one of any origin we have encountered previously, Captain,” said Tuvok, cutting off Tom. “However, we cannot rule out the possibility that our sensors simply do not have the capacity to detect the form of energy he may be using.” Janeway returned her attention to the viewscreen.
“Please release us, or we will be forced to retaliate.”
“No change in our current status,” said Tuvok
“Mr. Kim, any luck on figuring out what is going on here?”
“No, Captain,” replied Harry, “sensors are only reading empty space between us and that ship.”
“Alright, we’ll do this the hard way. Fire a photon torpedo over his bow.”
“Torpedo away. No effect.” Janeway sighed in resignation. She seemed to destroy so much more than she built out here.
“Fire at the ship. Target propulsion, but disable the ship by whatever means necessary.” The turbolift door opened. A young ensign walked in just in time to see the cascade reaction caused by the impact of the torpedoes. In what seemed to be a surreal pause in time, the reaction proceeded from stern to bow, causing the assailing ship to go up in a fireball. Jivian grabbed her padd tightly in shock; she had only been ordered to the bridge to receive a confirmation on some new storage regulations. It must have been a quick confrontation, she thought.
“All systems are normal. Engaging impulse,” said Tom. Janeway sat in her chair in relief. The crisis was over. Her crew was still safe.
Tuvok turned to look at Jivian, still clutching the padd in shock. She caught him looking out of the corner of her eye, and her antennae flattened in embarrassment.
“I-I’ll come back later.” Janeway looked around at the foreign voice.
“Oh, Ensign! If you have a minute, I’d like to talk to you in my ready room.” Jivian was bewildered. She had only ever spoken to the Captain in passing and she doubted she remembered her. Although, she thought, there weren’t many Andorians on this crew. Despite being a founding member of the Federation, many Andorians chose to focus on more… domestic issues.
“Yes sir- Ma’am!” said Jivian hurriedly.
“Ensign, I was wondering if you might be willing to offer some assistance. Scans have shown a planet in the region that might be worth scavenging for raw materials. There seem to be many rare metal deposits near the planet’s crust. I will be leading a survey team down to the planet to ensure there is no intelligent life before we take the resources. Scans have shown no humanoid lifeforms, but the Delta Quadrant doesn’t necessarily play by our rules.”
“What assistance could I offer, Captain? Surely you have more experienced officers who would be more suited for this mission? Not that I’m not flattered of course!” added Jivian quickly.
“I was getting to that. First of all, I have experienced officers, yes. But I don’t see much room for promotion out here, do you? If life was normal, you may have made lieutenant by now. As it is, I don’t want to see my lower ranks stagnate. I need you all to have field experience as well; I need my crew to be combat ready and adaptable. As for why you, specifically, this planet is shown to be much colder than human comfort level. The climate seems similar to Andor, and your file shows you grew up there. I thought you would be a great addition to our team with your practical terrain knowledge.” Jivian internally cringed at the mention of her homeworld, but put unwelcome thoughts of her childhood aside.
“I would be honoured to join you Captain. I hope I can be of some help.”
***
Jivian braced herself for the nostalgic cold as she materialized on the planet. It had looked unsettlingly familiar from space, the cool blue mixing with white in linear swirls around the planet. The only thing missing were the distinctive rings that could be seen from the moon Andor as it orbited the planet. She shook the notion from her mind; they were incomprehensibly far from the unyielding moon of her youth. Janeway and Tuvok materialized beside her, Tuvok immediately bringing out his tricorder to start his scans. Jivian felt completely unnecessary, but since the captain had chosen her she was prepared to perform.
“Scans from orbit confirmed. I am reading large deposits of both duranium and tritanium, and considerable deposits of deuterium trapped below the crust. It is surprising that these resources have yet to be plundered,” said Tuvok
“You’re right- something seems off here. We’re not exactly in a safe neighborhood out here, and even with the labor involved in refining deuterium it’s valuable enough to have installed a mining outpost and refinery at the very least. Ensign, notice anything we don’t?” said Janeway. Jivian’s antennae instinctively turned, gauging the direction and strength of the crisp air surrounding them.
“No impending storms; the weather seems clear for now. That’s all I can tell you from the little we have seen of the planet so far.” Janeway acknowledged the response with a nod. The trio took a second to take in the vast barrenness of the planet. They had walked far enough to reach the top of an icy hill, and the landscape unfolded in front of them. The terrain was a white sheet broken by deep blue lines, creating the illusion that the ground had been stuck together piecemeal. “I don’t think crossing here is a good idea, Captain. We’re too exposed and no native on this planet would risk crossing an area like this. We should divert behind the bluffs on the sides,” said Jivian, her antennae flattened back.
“I agree,” said Janeway, already walking away from the open icescape and towards the rows of trembling pines behind the bluffs. After a few minutes of walking and scanning in silence, Tuvok seemed to identify a noise with his sensitive Vulcan hearing. “What is it Tuvok?”
“I’m hearing what sounds like two distinct vocalizations, perhaps from two seperate species. The closest comparison would be the sound a le-matya makes when it has cornered its prey. Logically, no sure comparison can be drawn on an alien planet to external experiences, however, clear parallels of life have been seen on many worlds. It is at least probable we are hearing a predator capture its prey.”
Alright, let’s observe without becoming prey ourselves. Everyone, stay as quiet as possible,” whispered Janeway, “Tuvok- lead us towards the noise.” Tuvok shut off the slight whine of the tricorder and crept forward. Jivian and Janeway followed close behind. Finally, Tuvok peered through a crack in the wall of ice and snow and whispered, “There.” Janeway and Jivian stiffened at the scene, which had not been done justice by Tuvok’s omnipresent calm. Three lithe felinoid creatures circled silently, their large paws making no sound against the blue-streaked snow. Their pelts were white with a golden sheen, stretched taut with the muscles of a predator. The circle grew tighter, enclosing on what Jivian assumed was the prey in the center.
“An uncommon hunting strategy among felinoids,” whispered Tuvok, “they tend to be solitary hunters. However, the ones here seem to have at least a rudimentary social structure.” One of the three broke formation and grabbed the prey by the throat, shaking it as blood stained its muzzle. The two others ceased their movements, basking in the victory. “As you can see, they seem to be using a pack hunting strategy. They worked together to enclose the animal, and then let one member seize the prey. This is another indicator of social structure. The other two creatures trust that they will get a share of the prey.”
“Do you hear that?” asked Jivian, her antennae forward with curiosity. Janeway stopped and listened. “They’re making noises to each other.”
“They could have language. Tuvok, can you pick up enough of the language to run it through the UT?” Tuvok fiddled with his tricorder and then waited while the UT ran its complex algorithms to try to make sense of a completely alien language. After a few minutes, words started coming through, with pauses in between where the UT still couldn't parse the alien speech.
“You...I...home...brother...leader...food…” said the UT mechanically, clearly butchering the lyrical sound of the original language.
“I don’t like this,” said Janeway, “this makes it extremely likely these creatures are sentient. We need to leave before we accidentally violate the Prime Directive and contaminate this culture.” Jivian took a step back, and the icy snow behind her crunched loudly. The creatures immediately stopped speaking and stood in full alert. The leader dropped the prey and put its ears forward.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” said Jivian in a panic, “I should have been more careful.” Janeway ignored the apology for the time being, reached to tap her combadge, but then stopped. The felines moved at a steady lope towards the embankment the crew was hiding behind.
“Alright team we need to move. They’ve already spotted us and we can’t risk beam out without contamination. Until I say otherwise, full tech blackout. Let’s try to screw this up as little as possible,” ordered Janeway, “Tuvok, do you think they will try to attack us?”
“Inconclusive- we have no data on this species. However, the fact that they are approaching us instead of fleeing makes it likely they have decided we are not a threat to them. I will try to distract them, and you and Jivian should head in another direction. Try to find a place to hide where you can be beamed out from.”
“Tuvok-”
“Go now, Captain.” Janeway grabbed Jivian’s arm and pulled her away to the left. Tuvok ran to the right, making as much noise as possible to try to draw the felines to him. Jivian still looked upset about the whole situation. As they ran, Janeway said,
“You need to focus, Jivian. Any one of us could have accidentally made noise. I need your attention on the issue at hand.” Jivian and Janway ran as fast as they could through the snow, weaving through tall, thin trees. Tuvok’s decoy slowed the felines, and two broke off to pursue him. The third didn’t give up the chase on the other two officers. Janway spotted a rocky outcropping with a large fissure in the middle. She looked back at the feline quickly closing the distance gained by Tuvok’s distraction. “Quick, let’s run in here. Hopefully, the exit will be large enough for us but too small for us to be pursued.” They ran into the fissure, the cool rock providing the feeling of safety after the exposure in the thin woods. Behind them, they heard the scrabbling of claws as the creature made a hard turn, and then nothing but the pad of running.
“Please, please, please…” Jivian repeated under her breath. She knew the desperate gamble the captain had taken. The chances that this path would free them instead of trap them were incredibly low. She trusted the captain, though. She didn’t spend much time on the bridge as a low ranking science officer, but the whole crew was aware of the heroism of Janeway’s leadership. She had heard many stories about her talking down potential enemies and forging bonds with new species. She had been sickened during her yet short career with some of the violent actions endorsed by Starfleet, but she chose to believe Janeway was different. Now was not the time to lose faith in that image. Jivian gasped in dismay as the space in front of them closed in.
“A blind hole...of all the luck. It looks like we’re going to have to risk breaking the Prime Directive.” Janeway tapped her combadge. “Janway to Voyager. Two for emergency beam out.” Static was the only reply. Janeway looked confused, then looked back at the path they had come from. “I didn’t even notice the grade while we were running. We must have inadvertently gone too deep into the ore. Communications are out.” She grabbed her phaser and took a defensive stance. “We’re out of time, Jivian. We’re going to have to fight.” Jivian didn’t have time to get out a word of protest at this notion before the feline appeared. The blood stained on his maw showed him to be the leader who had possession of the prey.
“Can’t we try to use the UT? It had partially translated the language. We may be able to get enough across to defuse this,” whispered Jivian. Janeway nodded, and began speaking towards the creature.
“We come in peace, and mean you no harm. If you give us the opportunity, we will leave this planet and never return. Right now we are trapped and unable to leave.” The creature paused briefly in confusion, then lunged. Its extended claws reached towards Jivian as Janeway hit it with a stun beam. The feline stopped, shook it off, then turned and ran towards Janeway. “Maximum stun, Jivian!” yelled Janeway. Jivian attempted to stun the creature again. It thrashed in the tight space, its yellow eyes unfocused, then refocused to pinpricks. Jivian cowered in front of the stare.
“Please,” she said, “Understand me. We aren’t trying to hurt you! We are just trying to protect ourselves! If you let us go we will stop!” This time, the feline didn’t even pause before pinning Jivian to the ground. She closed her eyes, and despite the alieness of the scene, was reminded of her childhood.
***
Jivian looked down at her hands. They were the unblemished hands of a child. She had expected to see blood. She still felt it, the blood of those who had died meaninglessly. Her parents, her brother, her friends, her teachers, they were all to blame. Guilty, guilty, guilty. We’re all guilty. She looked across the battlefield, feeling small in front of the carnage.
***
She looked at the combadge she kept hidden away in her room. She felt comforted, knowing there was hope out there. Some people had it figured out, and she was going to be one of those people. She was going to escape this violence brought on by Andorian reactionism, by this nature that seemed to be in her people’s blood.
A small, 14 year old girl closes her overly clean hand back around the badge, and lies easier that night.
***
She regretted even trying to stun the creature. They were the invaders. The inhabitants had every right to be scared and confused, and to defend themselves. She prepared to die. Past her closed eyelids was a burst of light. The creature gave a great cry, a cry of pain and terror and finality Jivian didn’t need the UT to understand. It collapsed next to her. Jivian looked at her chest and arm, where the tips of the claws had pierced and blue blood leaked. She looked at the fallen creature, and thought of its honor. Its trustworthiness to its kindred. The gold in its pelt seemed to glow, unfitting on a body so clearly devoid of life. She looked at Janeway in rage, tears in her eyes. “Why?”
“I’m sorry Jivian. It wasn’t responding to stun and it was about to kill you. It was the only way.”
“So you’re the judge, jury, and executioner then? It didn’t understand we weren’t prey. That we weren’t a threat. Clearly its race is sentient.”
“Jivian, they attacked us without provocation. This is the unfortunate result of that. I know it’s hard to witness death for any reason, but we were justified.”
“It’s your fault for bringing us into this situation. We could have beamed away when we were spotted, especially when it became clear they weren’t going to run away from us. You knew the risk, yet you murdered him for protecting his home and family!” Janeway’s anger flared hot.
“Stop personifying them, Jivian. How do you know that was their motivation? They could have been hungry! They could have been trying to kill us for the pleasure of it! You have no clue.” Tears welled up in Jivian’s eyes.
“I’ve watched so many people die because everyone always assumes the worst about the other side. So much blood, and pain, and suffering, because no one wants to consider that the other side is noble. Is honorable. Is as enlightened as them, as sentient as them. You people claim to be above all of that. I believed it once. I wore your colors proudly once. You’re all the same...all the same.” Janeway’s eyes softened with compassion. She knelt down by Jivian.
“Jivian. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I sympathize. But if we flew around the galaxy looking for a chance to martyr ourselves for our principles, Starfleet would have ceased to exist before it began. To fight for what is true, and just, and good, we have to make moral sacrifices. That’s what it means to be a leader- your hands are dirty, because you have to make those hard choices. You can’t hide behind ‘just following orders’, because you’re the one giving them.” Janeway paused to wipe a tear from her eye. “I wish I could say every life I have been forced to take, every ship destroyed, weighs on me as much as it used to. There’s a numbness that threatens to take over. I fight, Jivian, I fight to feel and empathize the way you do. I admire your martyrdom, but I don’t have the luxury of being a martyr. I have a crew, lost and terrified, who needs me to have the strength to make tough decisions. They need me to survive so that they can survive. I hope you can understand that.”
“I just- I wanted there to be something larger than me and the brokenness of my people. ‘A city on a hill’, isn’t it? And there’s not. It doesn’t exist.”
“You’re right,” Janeway acquiesced, “it doesn’t. Not in the form you want it to. The truth is rarely as good as the dream. But we have a dream, and that’s important. We are trying to be as good and just as the universe allows us, but sometimes we must allow the ends to justify the means. If Starfleet falls to an outside aggressor because of an unwillingness to fight, that hope dies with us.” Jivian shook her head, antennae drooping in defeat.
“I’ve heard that before Captain, and I’ve never seen ‘good’ violence overcome bad violence. It only perpetuates the cycle.” Jivian stood up, giving the fallen feline a soft touch full of respect. She brushed the dust off her uniform. “I think it’s time to go back to the ship,” she said softly. Janeway nodded and followed Jivian back out of the fissure. She felt aged with burden. There was only silence as the transporter beam swept them up to Voyager.
***
Janeway acknowledged Tuvok waiting for them in the transporter room, but didn’t speak. Jivian was quickly escorted to the medical bay. Janeway walked like a ghost back to her quarters, and stared out her window at the stars. She thought about the sacrifice it had taken to reach those stars. She should discipline Jivian for insubordination, yet- she had been like her, once. When had her morality become so subjective? When did she decide being captain meant she got to decide which being was more worthy of life than the other? Did she kill a child’s loving parent today? She slammed her fist against the transparent aluminum. She didn’t have the luxury of moral conflict. Her crew is alive. Not only alive, but able to live with themselves. If she starts questioning herself, if she starts failing to make the decisions that need to be made, her crew will suffer. She tried to believe what she told Jivian. All of the moralizing in the universe wouldn't bring this crew home in one piece, and righteousness is not enough to stop enemies of Federation ideals from destroying them. And so, she would continue to fight, to compromise, to concede her values so that they may be perpetuated. She took one last look at the streaming stars before turning around to head back to her bridge.
“Deflectors to maximum, Mr. Tuvok. Tom, try to get us around this guy.”
“Yes Ma'am”
“Deflectors holding, Captain.”
“Hail them,” said Janeway. An alien face appeared on the viewscreen, continuing his earlier incomprehensible yelling. “Look, we mean you no harm. We are only travellers trying to get home. I am more than willing to accomodate your needs, but you need to communicate them to me.” The man on the screen’s face twisted in rage. “Tom, get us out of here!” she said impatiently.
“I’m trying, every time I try to pull away, the thrust gets reversed back on us. We’re actually closer to his ship now!”
“A tractor beam, Mr. Paris?”
“Not one of any origin we have encountered previously, Captain,” said Tuvok, cutting off Tom. “However, we cannot rule out the possibility that our sensors simply do not have the capacity to detect the form of energy he may be using.” Janeway returned her attention to the viewscreen.
“Please release us, or we will be forced to retaliate.”
“No change in our current status,” said Tuvok
“Mr. Kim, any luck on figuring out what is going on here?”
“No, Captain,” replied Harry, “sensors are only reading empty space between us and that ship.”
“Alright, we’ll do this the hard way. Fire a photon torpedo over his bow.”
“Torpedo away. No effect.” Janeway sighed in resignation. She seemed to destroy so much more than she built out here.
“Fire at the ship. Target propulsion, but disable the ship by whatever means necessary.” The turbolift door opened. A young ensign walked in just in time to see the cascade reaction caused by the impact of the torpedoes. In what seemed to be a surreal pause in time, the reaction proceeded from stern to bow, causing the assailing ship to go up in a fireball. Jivian grabbed her padd tightly in shock; she had only been ordered to the bridge to receive a confirmation on some new storage regulations. It must have been a quick confrontation, she thought.
“All systems are normal. Engaging impulse,” said Tom. Janeway sat in her chair in relief. The crisis was over. Her crew was still safe.
Tuvok turned to look at Jivian, still clutching the padd in shock. She caught him looking out of the corner of her eye, and her antennae flattened in embarrassment.
“I-I’ll come back later.” Janeway looked around at the foreign voice.
“Oh, Ensign! If you have a minute, I’d like to talk to you in my ready room.” Jivian was bewildered. She had only ever spoken to the Captain in passing and she doubted she remembered her. Although, she thought, there weren’t many Andorians on this crew. Despite being a founding member of the Federation, many Andorians chose to focus on more… domestic issues.
“Yes sir- Ma’am!” said Jivian hurriedly.
“Ensign, I was wondering if you might be willing to offer some assistance. Scans have shown a planet in the region that might be worth scavenging for raw materials. There seem to be many rare metal deposits near the planet’s crust. I will be leading a survey team down to the planet to ensure there is no intelligent life before we take the resources. Scans have shown no humanoid lifeforms, but the Delta Quadrant doesn’t necessarily play by our rules.”
“What assistance could I offer, Captain? Surely you have more experienced officers who would be more suited for this mission? Not that I’m not flattered of course!” added Jivian quickly.
“I was getting to that. First of all, I have experienced officers, yes. But I don’t see much room for promotion out here, do you? If life was normal, you may have made lieutenant by now. As it is, I don’t want to see my lower ranks stagnate. I need you all to have field experience as well; I need my crew to be combat ready and adaptable. As for why you, specifically, this planet is shown to be much colder than human comfort level. The climate seems similar to Andor, and your file shows you grew up there. I thought you would be a great addition to our team with your practical terrain knowledge.” Jivian internally cringed at the mention of her homeworld, but put unwelcome thoughts of her childhood aside.
“I would be honoured to join you Captain. I hope I can be of some help.”
***
Jivian braced herself for the nostalgic cold as she materialized on the planet. It had looked unsettlingly familiar from space, the cool blue mixing with white in linear swirls around the planet. The only thing missing were the distinctive rings that could be seen from the moon Andor as it orbited the planet. She shook the notion from her mind; they were incomprehensibly far from the unyielding moon of her youth. Janeway and Tuvok materialized beside her, Tuvok immediately bringing out his tricorder to start his scans. Jivian felt completely unnecessary, but since the captain had chosen her she was prepared to perform.
“Scans from orbit confirmed. I am reading large deposits of both duranium and tritanium, and considerable deposits of deuterium trapped below the crust. It is surprising that these resources have yet to be plundered,” said Tuvok
“You’re right- something seems off here. We’re not exactly in a safe neighborhood out here, and even with the labor involved in refining deuterium it’s valuable enough to have installed a mining outpost and refinery at the very least. Ensign, notice anything we don’t?” said Janeway. Jivian’s antennae instinctively turned, gauging the direction and strength of the crisp air surrounding them.
“No impending storms; the weather seems clear for now. That’s all I can tell you from the little we have seen of the planet so far.” Janeway acknowledged the response with a nod. The trio took a second to take in the vast barrenness of the planet. They had walked far enough to reach the top of an icy hill, and the landscape unfolded in front of them. The terrain was a white sheet broken by deep blue lines, creating the illusion that the ground had been stuck together piecemeal. “I don’t think crossing here is a good idea, Captain. We’re too exposed and no native on this planet would risk crossing an area like this. We should divert behind the bluffs on the sides,” said Jivian, her antennae flattened back.
“I agree,” said Janeway, already walking away from the open icescape and towards the rows of trembling pines behind the bluffs. After a few minutes of walking and scanning in silence, Tuvok seemed to identify a noise with his sensitive Vulcan hearing. “What is it Tuvok?”
“I’m hearing what sounds like two distinct vocalizations, perhaps from two seperate species. The closest comparison would be the sound a le-matya makes when it has cornered its prey. Logically, no sure comparison can be drawn on an alien planet to external experiences, however, clear parallels of life have been seen on many worlds. It is at least probable we are hearing a predator capture its prey.”
Alright, let’s observe without becoming prey ourselves. Everyone, stay as quiet as possible,” whispered Janeway, “Tuvok- lead us towards the noise.” Tuvok shut off the slight whine of the tricorder and crept forward. Jivian and Janeway followed close behind. Finally, Tuvok peered through a crack in the wall of ice and snow and whispered, “There.” Janeway and Jivian stiffened at the scene, which had not been done justice by Tuvok’s omnipresent calm. Three lithe felinoid creatures circled silently, their large paws making no sound against the blue-streaked snow. Their pelts were white with a golden sheen, stretched taut with the muscles of a predator. The circle grew tighter, enclosing on what Jivian assumed was the prey in the center.
“An uncommon hunting strategy among felinoids,” whispered Tuvok, “they tend to be solitary hunters. However, the ones here seem to have at least a rudimentary social structure.” One of the three broke formation and grabbed the prey by the throat, shaking it as blood stained its muzzle. The two others ceased their movements, basking in the victory. “As you can see, they seem to be using a pack hunting strategy. They worked together to enclose the animal, and then let one member seize the prey. This is another indicator of social structure. The other two creatures trust that they will get a share of the prey.”
“Do you hear that?” asked Jivian, her antennae forward with curiosity. Janeway stopped and listened. “They’re making noises to each other.”
“They could have language. Tuvok, can you pick up enough of the language to run it through the UT?” Tuvok fiddled with his tricorder and then waited while the UT ran its complex algorithms to try to make sense of a completely alien language. After a few minutes, words started coming through, with pauses in between where the UT still couldn't parse the alien speech.
“You...I...home...brother...leader...food…” said the UT mechanically, clearly butchering the lyrical sound of the original language.
“I don’t like this,” said Janeway, “this makes it extremely likely these creatures are sentient. We need to leave before we accidentally violate the Prime Directive and contaminate this culture.” Jivian took a step back, and the icy snow behind her crunched loudly. The creatures immediately stopped speaking and stood in full alert. The leader dropped the prey and put its ears forward.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” said Jivian in a panic, “I should have been more careful.” Janeway ignored the apology for the time being, reached to tap her combadge, but then stopped. The felines moved at a steady lope towards the embankment the crew was hiding behind.
“Alright team we need to move. They’ve already spotted us and we can’t risk beam out without contamination. Until I say otherwise, full tech blackout. Let’s try to screw this up as little as possible,” ordered Janeway, “Tuvok, do you think they will try to attack us?”
“Inconclusive- we have no data on this species. However, the fact that they are approaching us instead of fleeing makes it likely they have decided we are not a threat to them. I will try to distract them, and you and Jivian should head in another direction. Try to find a place to hide where you can be beamed out from.”
“Tuvok-”
“Go now, Captain.” Janeway grabbed Jivian’s arm and pulled her away to the left. Tuvok ran to the right, making as much noise as possible to try to draw the felines to him. Jivian still looked upset about the whole situation. As they ran, Janeway said,
“You need to focus, Jivian. Any one of us could have accidentally made noise. I need your attention on the issue at hand.” Jivian and Janway ran as fast as they could through the snow, weaving through tall, thin trees. Tuvok’s decoy slowed the felines, and two broke off to pursue him. The third didn’t give up the chase on the other two officers. Janway spotted a rocky outcropping with a large fissure in the middle. She looked back at the feline quickly closing the distance gained by Tuvok’s distraction. “Quick, let’s run in here. Hopefully, the exit will be large enough for us but too small for us to be pursued.” They ran into the fissure, the cool rock providing the feeling of safety after the exposure in the thin woods. Behind them, they heard the scrabbling of claws as the creature made a hard turn, and then nothing but the pad of running.
“Please, please, please…” Jivian repeated under her breath. She knew the desperate gamble the captain had taken. The chances that this path would free them instead of trap them were incredibly low. She trusted the captain, though. She didn’t spend much time on the bridge as a low ranking science officer, but the whole crew was aware of the heroism of Janeway’s leadership. She had heard many stories about her talking down potential enemies and forging bonds with new species. She had been sickened during her yet short career with some of the violent actions endorsed by Starfleet, but she chose to believe Janeway was different. Now was not the time to lose faith in that image. Jivian gasped in dismay as the space in front of them closed in.
“A blind hole...of all the luck. It looks like we’re going to have to risk breaking the Prime Directive.” Janeway tapped her combadge. “Janway to Voyager. Two for emergency beam out.” Static was the only reply. Janeway looked confused, then looked back at the path they had come from. “I didn’t even notice the grade while we were running. We must have inadvertently gone too deep into the ore. Communications are out.” She grabbed her phaser and took a defensive stance. “We’re out of time, Jivian. We’re going to have to fight.” Jivian didn’t have time to get out a word of protest at this notion before the feline appeared. The blood stained on his maw showed him to be the leader who had possession of the prey.
“Can’t we try to use the UT? It had partially translated the language. We may be able to get enough across to defuse this,” whispered Jivian. Janeway nodded, and began speaking towards the creature.
“We come in peace, and mean you no harm. If you give us the opportunity, we will leave this planet and never return. Right now we are trapped and unable to leave.” The creature paused briefly in confusion, then lunged. Its extended claws reached towards Jivian as Janeway hit it with a stun beam. The feline stopped, shook it off, then turned and ran towards Janeway. “Maximum stun, Jivian!” yelled Janeway. Jivian attempted to stun the creature again. It thrashed in the tight space, its yellow eyes unfocused, then refocused to pinpricks. Jivian cowered in front of the stare.
“Please,” she said, “Understand me. We aren’t trying to hurt you! We are just trying to protect ourselves! If you let us go we will stop!” This time, the feline didn’t even pause before pinning Jivian to the ground. She closed her eyes, and despite the alieness of the scene, was reminded of her childhood.
***
Jivian looked down at her hands. They were the unblemished hands of a child. She had expected to see blood. She still felt it, the blood of those who had died meaninglessly. Her parents, her brother, her friends, her teachers, they were all to blame. Guilty, guilty, guilty. We’re all guilty. She looked across the battlefield, feeling small in front of the carnage.
***
She looked at the combadge she kept hidden away in her room. She felt comforted, knowing there was hope out there. Some people had it figured out, and she was going to be one of those people. She was going to escape this violence brought on by Andorian reactionism, by this nature that seemed to be in her people’s blood.
A small, 14 year old girl closes her overly clean hand back around the badge, and lies easier that night.
***
She regretted even trying to stun the creature. They were the invaders. The inhabitants had every right to be scared and confused, and to defend themselves. She prepared to die. Past her closed eyelids was a burst of light. The creature gave a great cry, a cry of pain and terror and finality Jivian didn’t need the UT to understand. It collapsed next to her. Jivian looked at her chest and arm, where the tips of the claws had pierced and blue blood leaked. She looked at the fallen creature, and thought of its honor. Its trustworthiness to its kindred. The gold in its pelt seemed to glow, unfitting on a body so clearly devoid of life. She looked at Janeway in rage, tears in her eyes. “Why?”
“I’m sorry Jivian. It wasn’t responding to stun and it was about to kill you. It was the only way.”
“So you’re the judge, jury, and executioner then? It didn’t understand we weren’t prey. That we weren’t a threat. Clearly its race is sentient.”
“Jivian, they attacked us without provocation. This is the unfortunate result of that. I know it’s hard to witness death for any reason, but we were justified.”
“It’s your fault for bringing us into this situation. We could have beamed away when we were spotted, especially when it became clear they weren’t going to run away from us. You knew the risk, yet you murdered him for protecting his home and family!” Janeway’s anger flared hot.
“Stop personifying them, Jivian. How do you know that was their motivation? They could have been hungry! They could have been trying to kill us for the pleasure of it! You have no clue.” Tears welled up in Jivian’s eyes.
“I’ve watched so many people die because everyone always assumes the worst about the other side. So much blood, and pain, and suffering, because no one wants to consider that the other side is noble. Is honorable. Is as enlightened as them, as sentient as them. You people claim to be above all of that. I believed it once. I wore your colors proudly once. You’re all the same...all the same.” Janeway’s eyes softened with compassion. She knelt down by Jivian.
“Jivian. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I sympathize. But if we flew around the galaxy looking for a chance to martyr ourselves for our principles, Starfleet would have ceased to exist before it began. To fight for what is true, and just, and good, we have to make moral sacrifices. That’s what it means to be a leader- your hands are dirty, because you have to make those hard choices. You can’t hide behind ‘just following orders’, because you’re the one giving them.” Janeway paused to wipe a tear from her eye. “I wish I could say every life I have been forced to take, every ship destroyed, weighs on me as much as it used to. There’s a numbness that threatens to take over. I fight, Jivian, I fight to feel and empathize the way you do. I admire your martyrdom, but I don’t have the luxury of being a martyr. I have a crew, lost and terrified, who needs me to have the strength to make tough decisions. They need me to survive so that they can survive. I hope you can understand that.”
“I just- I wanted there to be something larger than me and the brokenness of my people. ‘A city on a hill’, isn’t it? And there’s not. It doesn’t exist.”
“You’re right,” Janeway acquiesced, “it doesn’t. Not in the form you want it to. The truth is rarely as good as the dream. But we have a dream, and that’s important. We are trying to be as good and just as the universe allows us, but sometimes we must allow the ends to justify the means. If Starfleet falls to an outside aggressor because of an unwillingness to fight, that hope dies with us.” Jivian shook her head, antennae drooping in defeat.
“I’ve heard that before Captain, and I’ve never seen ‘good’ violence overcome bad violence. It only perpetuates the cycle.” Jivian stood up, giving the fallen feline a soft touch full of respect. She brushed the dust off her uniform. “I think it’s time to go back to the ship,” she said softly. Janeway nodded and followed Jivian back out of the fissure. She felt aged with burden. There was only silence as the transporter beam swept them up to Voyager.
***
Janeway acknowledged Tuvok waiting for them in the transporter room, but didn’t speak. Jivian was quickly escorted to the medical bay. Janeway walked like a ghost back to her quarters, and stared out her window at the stars. She thought about the sacrifice it had taken to reach those stars. She should discipline Jivian for insubordination, yet- she had been like her, once. When had her morality become so subjective? When did she decide being captain meant she got to decide which being was more worthy of life than the other? Did she kill a child’s loving parent today? She slammed her fist against the transparent aluminum. She didn’t have the luxury of moral conflict. Her crew is alive. Not only alive, but able to live with themselves. If she starts questioning herself, if she starts failing to make the decisions that need to be made, her crew will suffer. She tried to believe what she told Jivian. All of the moralizing in the universe wouldn't bring this crew home in one piece, and righteousness is not enough to stop enemies of Federation ideals from destroying them. And so, she would continue to fight, to compromise, to concede her values so that they may be perpetuated. She took one last look at the streaming stars before turning around to head back to her bridge.
