Lines you find amusing

Many episodes have some offbeat dialogue that's quotable -- not the profound quotes that are found in the old STAR TREK Speaks! book, but memorable just for being fun.

One of my favorites is from "Return of the Archons":

LINDSTROM: Well, this is simply ridiculous. A bunch of stone age characters running around in robes.
SPOCK: ... Not simple. Not ridiculous. Very, very dangerous.

Others?

 

"Sir, there is a multilegged creature crawling on your shoulder."

 

Patterns of Force....

As Kirk is changing into a Gestapo uniform, Spock says “You should make a very convincing Nazi.”

 

"do you think the two of us can handle a drunk Vulcan? Once alcohol hits that green blood..."

 

Well, I certainly hope not. I found one quite sufficient.

 

The quirky, sotto voce exchange between Kirk and McCoy on the bridge in "Mudd's Women":

KIRK: What are they?
MCCOY: You mean are they alien illusions? That sort of thing?
KIRK: I asked you first.
MCCOY: No, an alien smart enough to pull this could also keep my medical scanner from going bleep!
KIRK: I don't follow you.
MCCOY: I don't either.

 

Spock: "The thing evidently has reflexes. The unmanned probe we sent in must have stung it when it entered. The lurch we felt was the turbulence of its reaction."
McCoy: "All right, so I'd know enough to go slow when we penetrated its vulnerable spots."

And then Spock's immortal line, "Brace yourselves, the area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive."

Kor

 

Deela in Wink of an Eye.

"Come Captain it's time to leave your pretty ship"

Actually it is a pretty ship when backlit with all those primary colors.

Kirk in All Our Yesterdays.

"You're a very agile man Mr Atoz, just how many of you are there?"

Poor Watkins in That Which Survives.

"Mr. Scott there's a strange woman, knows the entire panel of the Enterprise! Aaaggghhh!"

Love that zany episode. That door opening and closing business and I am for you and I must touch you. Somebody here said they tried that I am for you I must touch on their wife and she quickly grew annoyed. Reminds me of a friend that irritated his wife on their honeymoon in San Francisco because he kept doing his Sulu Voyage Home "San Francisco I was born there" imitation.

There is no end of amusing dialogue in this excellent series.

 

"Elaan of Troyius"
SCOTT: Captain, I know what you said about showing respect, but must I have these persons fool around with my equipment?

My father once broke out laughing at that line when I was a kid, and I had no idea why. Now it's pretty obvious.

 

Kirk's "I have never questioned the orders or the intelligence of any representative of the Federation. Until now." line in "The Trouble With Tribbles" always gets me.

 

Another one that cracks me up, from "All Our Yesterdays" :

PROSECUTOR: Where are you from?
KIRK: From an island.
PROSECUTOR: What is this island?
KIRK: It's called Earth.
PROSECUTOR: I know no island Earth.

It's funny, to me, because of Kermit Murdock's delivery.

 

And of course many fans have heard of the 1952 novel by Raymond F. Jones and the 1955 movie both titled This Island Earth.

 

May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with humans? I find their illogic and foolish emotions a constant irritant.

 

"I would advise youse to keep dialin', Oxymx."

 

From "Tribbles"
BARIS: You heard me.
KIRK: I heard you.
SPOCK: He simply could not believe his ears.

Then Kirk gives Spock a look, and Spock is momentarily mortified to have made an accidental joke, at his own expense no less.

 

Shore Leave

Kirk : “Bones, know any good rabbit jokes lately?”

 

Journey to Babel has a plethora of good lines. Just two short sentences from Sarek sums up the entire Tellurite race and manages to slip in an insult to boot:
SAREK: Tellarites do not argue for reasons. They simply argue.

 

From Obsession, "I can smell it...honey, sweet!" To which I always comment, 'I'm not your honey!!!'
JB

 

SPOCK: I am Spock.
TRELANE: Surely not an officer. He isn't quite human, is he?
SPOCK: My father is from the planet Vulcan. <edit. And don't call me Shirley.>

 

A Taste of Armageddon

SPOCK: Yeoman Tamura, you stay here and prevent this young lady from immolating herself. Knock her down and sit on her if necessary. This is a killing situation. Do what you must to protect yourself. Clear?
YEOMAN TAMURA: Yes, sir.

Followed by Barbara Babcock looking almost into the camera with an expression of, "You've GOT to be kidding me."