The absolute worst film you've ever seen

[Greg Cox]

I usually don't really mind cheap or even bad special effects.

Ditto. The world is full of wonderful movies with cheap or dated production values and SFX. And plenty of old, low-budget exploitation movies are still great fun. I will defend THE BRAIN THAT WILL NOT DIE and SPIDER BABY with my dying breath.

To my mind, the "worst" movies are the ones that are inept and/or dull. I'll take "bad" over "boring" any day.

 

[Forbin]

Anybody see fairly awful "The deadly Spawn"? Made in the 80s by film afficiandos in their basements. I know, I was there. I was a monster puppeteer on it.

 

[Butters]

I think even while slumming Kidder, Hackman and Reeve are pretty nice.

Very true.

 

[Boomstick]

This is pretty weird list of films. Loads of them are so bland and unremarkable but undeniably serviceable that I wouldn't even think to put them on a worst film list.

What's with all the Fifth Element hate? Everyone I know loves it, as do I. It was a big hit when I was a kid.

I'll throw Crazy Eights, a really un-engaging horror film with Traci Lords, into the ring.

 

[tharpdevenport]

There's also, if you want to watch it, the oddly compelling but awful "Attack of the Beast Creatures". Directed by that guy who only did one other thing. Starring a bunch of people who were never in anything else. Filmed by a guy who has no other cinematographer credits on IMDb. And scored by two guys who have no further scoring credits on IMDb.

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(Youtube link for those who can't see embedded videos: youtube.com/watch?v=KxhiF63fRx4)

 

[Kor]

When I was a young lad and didn't know any better, I thought Superman IV was the best of the whole series!

Kor

 

[Brennyren]

I hope you've seen the great movie it spoofs/rips off (The Day the Earth Stood Still).
I usually don't really mind cheap or even bad special effects.

No, I haven't seen it -- it's on my list of "I really need to get to that one of these days" movies. So many films, so little time....

Though bad special effects by themselves aren't a deal-breaker for me. I've watched and enjoyed a number of films from the 50s and earlier -- When Worlds Collide, Rocketship X-M, Of Things to Come, The Thing From Another World, among others -- and TV shows like the original Twilight Zone or Blakes 7. (I remember the joke that classic Dr. Who had an effects budget of about a pound and a half, and B7 got their leftovers!) If the writing's good, I can overlook cheesy effects. The only reason I mentioned effects while describing Plan 9 was to try to convey the idea that really, there was nothing at all to redeem it. The script sucked, the acting sucked, stuff was ugly.

 

[J.T.B.]

Of a large budget, non-monster, movie that I actually saw, I would say Heaven's Gate. It's a terrible movie that seems to hate the audience more than the audience soon learns to hate it. It may violate the standard model of the universe as I am pretty sure time slows down when you sit down to watch it (I only did once, never would again). Want bizarre scenes of people harvesting grain or something in the middle of the night backlight by studio floodlights that seemingly never ends? Got that. Want a plot that is so badly thought out and convoluted you have no idea what the move is about 5 minutes into it, and still dont know or care at the end? Can do! Do you prefer tour wester/pioneer era films to have 20 minutes worth the roller rink scenes? Of course you do. Of course you do. I think this movie actually killed an entire studio.

Yep, United Artists.

I can't disagree. It has not become a synonym for catastrophic big-budget flop without good reason. But I re-watched it a few years ago when Criterion came out with a really nice BD. And it was long, and slow, and a bore. And I have not watched it again. But...

What may have struck me the most was how the movie business had changed, heavy emphasis on "business." Regular people didn't talk about how many millions movies had grossed back then, they just talked about good or bad movies. Regular people didn't find glee in directors' or studios' successes or failures. And studios didn't have that foremost in mind when they produced a film, either.

Cimino clearly had a vision of creating a cinematic masterpiece, it shows, and he failed. But it was pretty much a pure filmmaker's vision, and some of it is striking. There are still scenes and visuals that I remember 30-whatever years later. Whatever criticisms I have of the movie, it clearly wasn't made with a commercial product in mind. And I will take that any day over a financially successful franchise product, a movie that is a commercial for another movie, a movie where everything has obviously been calculated to plug into a business formula. Heaven's Gate is a commercial failure and an artistic failure, but it is obvious in watching the picture that the success Cimino cared about achieving was the artistic one.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I would say Space Mutiny, but it gave us one of the best MST3K episodes of all time, so it gets a pass.

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[XCV330]

Cimino clearly had a vision of creating a cinematic masterpiece, it shows, and he failed. But it was pretty much a pure filmmaker's vision, and some of it is striking. There are still scenes and visuals that I remember 30-whatever years later. Whatever criticisms I have of the movie, it clearly wasn't made with a commercial product in mind. And I will take that any day over a financially successful franchise product, a movie that is a commercial for another movie, a movie where everything has obviously been calculated to plug into a business formula. Heaven's Gate is a commercial failure and an artistic failure, but it is obvious in watching the picture that the success Cimino cared about achieving was the artistic one.

I don't think there are any studio heads left with even a minimal background in film. They're all mba's with economics background. I don't think the blame can be pinned on a the few failures of big budget movies like Heaven's Gate. I agree, its clear the director was trying to do something (no idea what). But expectations for studio proffitability are much greater now. This makes studios risk averse. It's amazing to think that prior to buying Star Wars and going all in with that and MCU, Disney was planning more Tron movies AND a remake of Black Hole. No way in hell that decision would be made now.

The opposite side is at some point a new player will show up, make the risky movies that people like better, around the same time people are tired of 15 straight years of SW movies and Avengers VII and disrupt the field again.

 

[J.T.B.]

The opposite side is at some point a new player will show up, make the risky movies that people like better, around the same time people are tired of 15 straight years of SW movies and Avengers VII and disrupt the field again.

It seems like it has to happen, but I've been thinking that for 10 years or more.

BTW/OT: I dig the av. I've had a couple English Beat avs over the years. The Specials on SNL was a formative TV experience, it blew my young mind about the possibilities of music outside what I could hear on the radio. Around the time Heaven's Gate came out, IIRC!

 

[Caleuche]

The assumption there is that people like risky movies and while film buffs and cinema regulars probably do, the majority of people probably don't. Its like that episode of Futurama, where Fry has to teach them not to do anything unexpected on 'Sexy Female Lawyer' because 'doing smart things makes people feel like they're dumb'. Its why Disney resurrected Star Wars after the kick in the shorts that were the prequels - people want the familiar. If the cinemas weren't full of Star Wars and the MCU, they would be full of something so similar only thing different would be the name.

Glad they didn't remake Black Hole. That's a movie, so wonderfully, perfectly awful it becomes good again.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

I love The Black Hole.

And The Core.

 

[XCV330]

The assumption there is that people like risky movies and while film buffs and cinema regulars probably do, the majority of people probably don't. Its like that episode of Futurama, where Fry has to teach them not to do anything unexpected on 'Sexy Female Lawyer' because 'doing smart things makes people feel like they're dumb'. Its why Disney resurrected Star Wars after the kick in the shorts that were the prequels - people want the familiar. If the cinemas weren't full of Star Wars and the MCU, they would be full of something so similar only thing different would be the name.

Glad they didn't remake Black Hole. That's a movie, so wonderfully, perfectly awful it becomes good again.

I must agree.
I know a lot of people didnt like it, some even think its the worst movie ever made, but I loved Cloud Atlas. My wife did too.
and that was nice. We watched it with 5 other people in an empty theater on opening night.

I still maintain Cloud Atlas was not marketed properly. If Cloud Atlas was a band, it would have been Fishbone.. huge contract, huge talent and a clueless company unsure how to promote it. Trying to sell it was a new-age-feel-good-everything-is-connected thing on the commercials killed it before the film reels were sent out. I like the MCU. It's fun. They've been smart enough to modify some of the more recent movies like Ragnarock and Black Panther to keep it interesting. But eventually it will fail and need to be put on ice for years.

I love the visuals of Black Hole, and the Barry soundtrack. Cygnus is one of the greatest sci fi ships ever made. I just don't actually want to watch the movie with ,, you know.. dialogue or plot. or that ending. Seriously that ending plus the Natalie Wood Goes To Heaven On VHS-Tape ending from Brainstorm had to mess up my childhood a little.

 

[Greg Cox]

Cimino clearly had a vision of creating a cinematic masterpiece, it shows, and he failed. But it was pretty much a pure filmmaker's vision, and some of it is striking. There are still scenes and visuals that I remember 30-whatever years later. Whatever criticisms I have of the movie, it clearly wasn't made with a commercial product in mind. And I will take that any day over a financially successful franchise product, a movie that is a commercial for another movie, a movie where everything has obviously been calculated to plug into a business formula. Heaven's Gate is a commercial failure and an artistic failure, but it is obvious in watching the picture that the success Cimino cared about achieving was the artistic one.

Been decades since I read FINAL CUT, but, as I recall, the other moral of the Heaven's Gate fiasco is that budgets matter and maybe creative geniuses should not be given blank checks just because they won an Oscar the year before. Nothing wrong with making an art-film western, but, boy, did it end up costing way more than it should have because nobody was able to curb Cimino's extravagances or perfectionist tendencies.

Look at THE SHAPE OF WATER. Del Toro was able to make the movie he wanted, without much in the way of studio interference, because he didn't ask for an AVENGERS-size budget.

 

[Owain Taggart]

It's the art house and independent movies that tend to offer new experiences. Often the case will be for me, is that they'll offer something far more substantial than I would be getting via big-budget Hollywood, and I think we're seeing more and more of them appear on streaming platforms, which is a good way to be seen instead of relying on few theatrical screenings, and I think more and more of that will happen as time goes on. They'll be featured at movie festivals, gain awards, gain exposure and be waiting for people on their favourite platforms. Meanwhile Hollywood will keep trying to outdo itself in blockbuster tentpole theatrics and finding new ways to get people into theater seats, but the experiences will almost likely never change.

 

[Caleuche]

I must agree.
I know a lot of people didnt like it, some even think its the worst movie ever made, but I loved Cloud Atlas. My wife did too and that was nice. We watched it with 5 other people in an empty theater on opening night.

I still maintain Cloud Atlas was not marketed properly.

The marketing wasn't the problem, it was confused how to pitch the movie because the movie itself wasn't sure what it was itself. That said the marketing didn't help in any way...

I like the MCU. It's fun. They've been smart enough to modify some of the more recent movies like Ragnarock and Black Panther to keep it interesting. But eventually it will fail and need to be put on ice for years.

Hopefully not before it realise what it has and gives us a Black Widow solo outing.

I love the visuals of Black Hole, and the Barry soundtrack. Cygnus is one of the greatest sci fi ships ever made.

On this we can agree, though I like the ending - its insane! The idea that a black hole was a wormhole was an relatively new idea at the time and one that hasn't really caught on until recently. No-one seems to think that a black hole will fuse machine and man into a new god-like lifeform yet however!

It's the art house and independent movies that tend to offer new experiences. Often the case will be for me, is that they'll offer something far more substantial than I would be getting via big-budget Hollywood, and I think we're seeing more and more of them appear on streaming platforms, which is a good way to be seen instead of relying on few theatrical screenings, and I think more and more of that will happen as time goes on. They'll be featured at movie festivals, gain awards, gain exposure and be waiting for people on their favourite platforms. Meanwhile Hollywood will keep trying to outdo itself in blockbuster tentpole theatrics and finding new ways to get people into theater seats, but the experiences will almost likely never change.

Agreed. Its the streaming companies that are the future of the different and unique films. It will interesting what impact the streaming companies output will have on the big studios. Will they adapt to match to complete or will they ignore and stick with the big budget popcorn blockbuster types...

 

[CorporalCaptain]

No-one seems to think that a black hole will fuse machine and man into a new god-like lifeform yet however!

Well, one of the characters compared it to "Dante's Inferno" right in the beginning....

 

[J.T.B.]

I love the visuals of Black Hole, and the Barry soundtrack. Cygnus is one of the greatest sci fi ships ever made. I just don't actually want to watch the movie with ,, you know.. dialogue or plot. or that ending. Seriously that ending plus the Natalie Wood Goes To Heaven On VHS-Tape ending from Brainstorm had to mess up my childhood a little.

Nah, it was three-quarter-inch tape, at least!

The Black Hole was a mess but I went to see it many times. But I saw it on TCM HD a few years ago, and damned if it didn't look good. I don't remember whether Barry did The Black Hole or Raise the Titanic first, but one reminded me a lot of the other.

Look at THE SHAPE OF WATER. Del Toro was able to make the movie he wanted, without much in the way of studio interference, because he didn't ask for an AVENGERS-size budget.

Sure, but what Cimino wanted were authentic western towns in authentic locations with hundreds of townspeople. Even for a less obsessive-perfectionist director, that would mean a big budget. Now if you wanted to do that, you'd have a choice of using CGI or not making the picture.

I really need to read Final Cut. STTMP, The Blues Brothers, 1941 and a few others did their part in scaring the big studios, too.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

It's easy to slam The Black Hole for its bad science, but IIRC nobody really knew how black holes worked at the time. They had only just been discovered when that movie was made. Most of what we now know about them wouldn't be found out until much later.

The thing in the movie isn't a black hole, it's a wormhole. Back then, they thought those were both the same. In fact if you change the name of the movie to something like Wormhole, the science doesn't really seem so bad, does it? (as far as I know, an actual wormhole hasn't ever been discovered, so we can think whatever we want about them)

As for the movie itself, I loved it. Great music. Awesome visuals. A character played by "Maximilian Schell" ending up trapped...in Maximilian's shell. (Don't even TRY to tell me that was a coincidence.) And the thing with the humanoids being the lobotomized Cygnus crewmembers, creeped me way the hell out when I was a kid.

Probably the only movie where we actually get to see the bad guy end up in hell. I mean, how does a movie with an ending like that, get made by fucking DISNEY?

Actually the only real problem I have with the plot is, how easily Dr. Reinhardt overpowered the other members of the Cygnus crew in the first place. There had to have been hundreds of them, and only one of him. So how did he get the drop on all of them? That bugs me worse than the "science". I mean, sure, there was Maximilian and the other police robots, but surely the crew could have defended themselves?