How to make friends?

[Amaris]

Oh come on J surely you can't be this dense.

Someone working in the fetish community does not "have a goal to create a need" the need is already there. You say they are exploiting a need and they say they are fulfilling a need. Comparing sex workers to drug dealers is a shit thing to say. There are all different kinds of hugs, maybe you should compartmentalize a bit more. Have a look at that massage comparison. Obviously a massage you pay for will be different than a massage your lover gives you or a massage your best non-sexual friend gives you. The same thing for hugs or any other physical interaction between people. Just because you hold one kind in much higher esteem than other kinds doesn't mean those other kinds are exploitative.

You're assuming it's a fetish. Someone desperate to feel loved, to feel needed, to receive a simple hug, some personal warmth from another human being, has to pay for it. Doesn't that strike you as wrong on any level? I mean, if it doesn't that's your thing, but it does bother me on a most fundamental level. Secondly, a massage from a professional generally requires training (though anyone can technically be one). There are massage schools for proper application of treatment. It is a therapy that handles everything from physical trauma to clinical depression. A hug is a hug, and cuddling is cuddling. They require no expertise. They require nothing more than for one human to reach out to another one and embrace them. Why does that have to cost money?

 

[urbandefault]

Oh come on J surely you can't be this dense.

Someone working in the fetish community does not "have a goal to create a need" the need is already there. You say they are exploiting a need and they say they are fulfilling a need. Comparing sex workers to drug dealers is a shit thing to say. There are all different kinds of hugs, maybe you should compartmentalize a bit more. Have a look at that massage comparison. Obviously a massage you pay for will be different than a massage your lover gives you or a massage your best non-sexual friend gives you. The same thing for hugs or any other physical interaction between people. Just because you hold one kind in much higher esteem than other kinds doesn't mean those other kinds are exploitative.

Just because it's between consenting adults doesn't mean that it isn't exploitative.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

You're assuming it's a fetish. Someone desperate to feel loved, to feel needed, to receive a simple hug, some personal warmth from another human being, has to pay for it. Doesn't that strike you as wrong on any level? I mean, if it doesn't that's your thing, but it does bother me on a most fundamental level. Secondly, a massage from a professional generally requires training (though anyone can technically be one). There are massage schools for proper application of treatment. It is a therapy that handles everything from physical trauma to clinical depression. A hug is a hug, and cuddling is cuddling. They require no expertise. They require nothing more than for one human to reach out to another one and embrace them. Why does that have to cost money?

You need to educate yourself about paid for hugging. I doubt you will find people paying for one brief hug. Paying for cuddleing is as wide as any other kind of sex or body work. At this point you're clearly saying I AM DESPERATE TO FEEL LOVED WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR IT and assuming that this is the operative element for everyone. No one is making you pay for it, and no you shouldn't pay for it if you don't want to. But some people DO want to pay for either specific kinds of people to hug them for all kinds of reasons or pay for group hugging situations where insurance may come into it if it's an organized event.

http://sensualhealing.com.au/cuddle-party

There's one such organized event.

Is everyone there acting on a fetish? No probably not but it's neither here nor there. People LIKE something and they pay for it. You LIKE something and you don't want to pay for it and you judge the people who do pay for it as being obviously exploited or exploiters. As I said, educate yourself. Sure there is probably someone somewhere who was exploited by paid hugging. I feel like my dentist exploited me by making me buy an expensive electric toothbrush but that doesn't mean I judge all dentistry.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Just because it's between consenting adults doesn't mean that it isn't exploitative.

Sure, like marriage. Like going to work. Like taking care of your grandkids. Like being on a reality tv show. So what? Such is life, just about anything can be exploitative. But none of those things are exploitative by definition and neither is paying for cuddling.

 

[Amaris]

You need to educate yourself about paid for hugging. I doubt you will find people paying for one brief hug.

Why not? Gotta make a buck. I'm sure you can pay on a per-hug basis. Why limit your options, you know? Charge for a smile, an acknowledgment, someone to use your name in a sentence with the words "I like you." We can monetize it all! Just think, a transactional form of ersatz love that uses a market based solution to accommodate its customer base. Won't humanity be all the better for it?

Paying for cuddleing is as wide as any other kind of sex or body work. At this point you're clearly saying I AM DESPERATE TO FEEL LOVED WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR IT and assuming that this is the operative element for everyone. No one is making you pay for it, and no you shouldn't pay for it if you don't want to. But some people DO want to pay for either specific kinds of people to hug them for all kinds of reasons or pay for group hugging situations where insurance may come into it if it's an organized event.

http://sensualhealing.com.au/cuddle-party

There's one such organized event.

Is everyone there acting on a fetish? No probably not but it's neither here nor there. People LIKE something and they pay for it. You LIKE something and you don't want to pay for it and you judge the people who do pay for it as being obviously exploited or exploiters. As I said, educate yourself. Sure there is probably someone somewhere who was exploited by paid hugging. I feel like my dentist exploited me by making me buy an expensive electric toothbrush but that doesn't mean I judge all dentistry.

As I said, if people want to do it, they can, that's fine, but that doesn't make it any less exploitative, nor does it take away the hollowness of paid human affection.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I see you have no interest in educating yourself and will stubbornly hold onto your judgyness masquerading as an ideal. People and their needs are broader then how you see them. That you would judge an entire sex/body work transaction and subculture as exploitative frankly sucks. Once again it's like you don't see the people you only see your personal ideal.

 

[Amaris]

I see you have no interest in educating yourself and will stubbornly hold onto your judgyness masquerading as an ideal. People and their needs are broader then how you see them. That you would judge an entire sex/body work transaction and subculture as exploitative frankly sucks.

I just have no interest in monetizing yet one more aspect of humanity, making it something to be exploited in the pursuit of another dollar. We have enough dollars. What we don't have enough of is people who give a damn about their neighbor. What we don't have enough of is the desire to help others without seeking a reward, or some kind of monetary compensation for something we can give freely to those who are hurting, and you better by god believe that there are plenty of people in those cuddle parties who are putting on false smiles and saying "this is fun," when all they really want is that human contact, so they know they can attempt to stave off loneliness another day. Hooray for the market, may it buy and sell us all into the slavery of our choosing.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

teacake, I think you misunderstood Captain alex's initial post. He didn't ask for an example for how to repel people but for how to befriend them.

Could we now finally return to the topic, please?
How did you make friends and would you recommend that method to C.a. ?

 

[Kestra]

I’d pay people not to hug me.

 

[urbandefault]

Suddenly this springs to mind.

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[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Captain alex has left the building.

And lol @Kestra. I used to be much less tolerant of huggers, MAH PERSONAL SPACE THANKS but I'm cool with it now. Either I'm mellowing or they wore me down with their grabby arms and pressing bosoms

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Pity he's gone. He seemed a nice guy, judging by his posts here in MISC (I don't frequent other parts of the board as a general rule). A trifle insecure he seemed to me and maybe easily offended, but the very same can be said by some oldies here.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Pity he's gone. He seemed a nice guy, judging by his posts here in MISC (I don't frequent other parts of the board as a general rule). A trifle insecure he seemed to me and maybe easily offended, but the very same can be said by some oldies here.

He was clearly someone who had been here before (hence his familiarity with T'Bonz and the board functions) and was ticking all the typical troll boxes in short order: Post spammy threads, pick a fight with the admin and other posters, complain about board policy, accuse everyone of being biased against him, ask for his account to be deleted for maximum drama instead of just leaving...

 

[Jedman67]

He was clearly someone who had been here before (hence his familiarity with T'Bonz and the board functions) and was ticking all the typical troll boxes in short order: Post spammy threads, pick a fight with the admin and other posters, complain about board policy, accuse everyone of being biased against him, ask for his account to be deleted for maximum drama instead of just leaving...

Referring to T'Bonz as "he"

 

[1001001]

I’d pay people not to hug me.

Amen, sister.

I have a huge personal space bubble.

 

[DimesDan]

I have a huge personal space bubble.

Ditto here, it's one of the reasons I'm not a fan of traveling on rush hour public transport, or on the Underground in London.

On a recent flight, I asked to move due to the person sat next to me encroaching on my space due to their size.

 

[T'Bonz]

Referring to T'Bonz as "he"

LOL. Like they think that will offend me. At almost 60, I'm pretty sure I'm a she, even if I'm still a big tomboy.

To really insult me they'd have to call me a Patriots/Tom Brady fan and then I'd just tell them to fuck themselves.

 

[Pondwater]

I’d pay people not to hug me.

I don’t have that kind money, I just smell like garlic and onions.

That repels ‘em!

 

[Verteron]

You know, folks, I think we all could have handled this situation better with this guy.
Did he really do very much wrong? Seems a bit of a shame he ended up deleting his account.

 

[Amaris]

I don’t have that kind money, I just smell like garlic and onions.

That repels ‘em!

Most of them, but not all. ♥