This part alone, for me, just sums up the lazy writing etc. If you have to blow up two planets as an excuse for some 'important' character development, that is a ridiculous trade-off. It has a long-lasting impact on the entire franchise, it undermines all the potential Romulan/Federation stories explored in TNG & DS9 etc. It just feels like cheap shock value: "WE BLEW UP VULCAN!!" with no real grounding for doing so. There are a million other things you can use as a vehicle for character development without going to such extremes.
I actually find it lazy from a creative stand-point. It's just an easy 'drama-inducer' without any real creativity.