Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #472: Thirsty

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Emergency Beamout" Award, going to The Laughing Vulcan for:

Christy: "I like my men the way I like my coffee."
Geordi: "Let me guess, strong, dark, and stimulating?"
Christy: "No, I grind them up, percolate them, and dispose of them."
Geordi: "Check please!"



Next, we have the "Not completely authentic and that's a good thing" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Data: Do not be alarmed. I have instructed the holodeck to omit the horse manure from the streets.



Next, we have the "Yeaaaaaah, we're gonna stick to poker from now on" Award, going to Seven of Five for:

Worf: I suppose it was my fault for suggesting we try something different to the poker evening.



Next, we have the "That's all true, right?" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

HOLO-BEVERLY: Oh Reginald, thou art so manly. I bet you've had hundreds of girlfriends.
BARCALAY: Why yes, I have.
HOLO-BEVERLY: And I agree, it's not the size of the axe. It's how you swing it.
BARCALAY: You're right, it really is.
HOLO-BEVERLY: And guys who are good at sports are so stupid and phony.
BARCALAY: You're my kind of gal, Bev.




Next, we have the "...and that's why Parking Garages were invented" Award, going to shivkala for:

Picard: ...and, yeah, I told you, right on the hood! And I just had it polished, too!

Guinan: Captain, I say this in the nicest way possible, you really need to get laid.


Our Photoshop award goes to Nerys Myk for:

CHRISTY: CHRISTY: Hey, Geordi I didn't know you were in here.
GEORDI: Uh,hey Christy...end program...,end program..Nice to see you
CHRISTY: Who's your friend?
GEORDI: No one, generic Holo form...end program....end program...
CHRISTY: I have a top just like that.
GEORDI: Weird, huh? end program...I'm never doing this again.

Lots of Log Entries this time around! Two winners for this award!

First, Leviathan for:

Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 42286.3: Series 4 of 'Sherlock' has finally been released, most of the crew are attending. Despite the 349 year delay BBC Executives are reportedly 'very pleased'. They've been transferred to Starfleet's Propaganda division.


Second award goes to Mr. Laser Beam for:

Data: Personal log. Our attempt to recreate an authentic Sherlock Holmes experience is proceeding as planned. However there have been some problems with the holodeck systems.

Pulaski: (walks into the holodeck door) <BONK!> Ouch!

Data: Correction. All holodeck systems are functioning perfectly.

Our KBL goes to Finn for:

Barclay: I want to do something great...
Holo-Crusher: *rolls eyes*...I'm sure, Reg
Barclay: Like having Deanna...I mean Counselor Troi stop by my place for ice cream...or help make contact with a lost starship stranded across the galaxy.
Holo-Crusher: Dream on.


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Our new contest finds our heroes a bit parched, lets let them have a few drinks.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: To a swift end of this reception and you getting Lwaxana Troi off my ship.

O'Brien: You're drinking Earl Grey, the Captain is mad at you again, isn't he?

La Forge: How can you drink that prune juice?

Worf: It's better than your water with blue food coloring.

Picard: The tea was already hot, but you clearly wanted an excuse to put your hand on my leg and I'm fine with that.

Worf: The Captain is singing again.

Riker: Round up the senior staff, the Captain has been replaced by an impostor again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KLINGON: Coffee, tea or me?
PICARD: Tea! Definitely tea!!!!

GEORDI: And she walked in while I was making out with her holo-self....
WORF: If you're gonna keep talking, I'm gonna need something stronger than prune juice.

PICARD: Pepto BIsmol, You'll need it after eating the replicated food.

O'BRIEN: I'm pretty sure you need coffee in an Irish Coffee.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Picard: I've always dreamed of visiting the Ruins of the Rennex

Grax: You should, Captain. You should talk with Dr. Menrex. I think he's teaching at Berkeley. Next time you visit headquarters, I suggest you take the BART over there...

Picard: That would be excellent. I even read about the early dynasties of the Rennex as a boy. In fact....What are you doing, Data?

Data: Measuring the rate of carbonated gas expansion versus its rise compared with the ambience temperature of the room and the glass itself.

O'Brien: Thanks for the Guinness.

 

[shivkala]

Picard: To alcohol, the cause of, and solution, to all our problems!

O'Brien: ...and then Admiral Chekov tried to convince me that Russians "inwented" Guinness.

Riker: That explains why a centenarian Admiral ended up rematerializing at Starfleet Headquarters naked.

Worf: My girlfriends end up dying, but yeah, you're right, you've got it worse, Mr. "I can't get a date, but at least the ones I love don't keep dying!"

Duras Sister: Some more blood coffee?

Picard: Does every Klingon food have the modifier "blood"?

Duras Sister: Certainly Not! Now, drink your blood coffee while my sister gets your Guts Pudding ready.

Riker: Was that...

Worf: Ensign Crusher's body floating by? Yes. No wonder the Captain told us to take the rest of the day off.

 

[Jedman67]

O'Brien: Commander, I'm transferring to Deep Space Nine, thought I'd let you know.
Riker: Deep Space Nine? Chief, that show doesn't start for another 5 years!
O'Brien: I know that sir. Future me traveled back in time to tell me. I can't wait sir!
Riker: That bored, eh Chief?

 

[Seven of Five]

O'Brien: I think Guinan put gravy in my cup.
Riker: Gravy? She likes you then. My muddy water is pretty flavorless this week.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Duras Sister: Some more blood coffee?

Picard: Does every Klingon food have the modifier "blood"?

Duras Sister: Just think of us as "Space England".

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worfious: "Do you want to know how to get women?"

Geordi: "Yes."

Worfious: "Women are everywhere. They are all around us. Even now in engineering. You can see them when you look out your window. or when you run a Holodeck program. You can feel it when you go to work. It is the socially inept world you have pulled over your eyes that prevents you from seeing the truth."

Geordi: "What truth?"

Worfious: "That you are awkward, Geordi. A prisoner in your own mind," he leans back some, "Unfortunately, nobody can be told what women really want. You have to ask them for yourself."

Geordi: "Impossible -- women don't like to talk to me!"

Worfious: "This is your last chance. After this there are three movies and you won't get a woman is any of them," he opens a case and pours two drinks, "You take the blue drink and you wake up in your quarters and the efforts end and you never beleive in women ever again. You take the red drink and you experience Womenland, and I show you how deep--"

Geordi: "Whoa, whoah, whoa, what are you trying to do, get me banned?"

Worfious: "But you will never be the top Starfleet engineer you have hoped for. Remember, all I am offering is the truth, nothing more."

Geordi: "Well ... I don't know..."

Worfious: "YOINK! Too late, I drank the red one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I can now have that hot date with counselor Troi I had never wanted before but suddenly did this season. TTFN!"

WORFIOUS LEAVES.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: This is Captain Picard, who is a practiced diplomat, equestrian, and if I may, quite the orator.
Picard: HERE'S TO SWIMMING WITH BOWL-LEGGED WOMEN!!!
Data: It must be equestrian day.

 

[jep]

Kilngon: "I know you want me Picard, I can see it in your eyes. But Klingon...desires... are demanding. You couldn't handle the ride."

Picard: "I can't even handle the thought!"

.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Synthehol? No. Guinan gives me the real stuff. Mister Data. Shall we sing?

RIKER: I'm sorry lieutenant. We're transferring you to the Enterprise in an alternate universe.
O'BRIEN: An alternate universe? What the hell?
RIKER: Don't worry, you're married to Keiko there too. But in that universe you're not an officer, you're a non-com.
O'BRIEN: Anything else I should know about this universe?
RIKER: It's mostly the same, except a lot more beige.

GEORDI: I don't understand why they call it 'Love Tester Ale'.
WORF: It's delicious.

KLINGON WOMAN: (Growls)
PICARD: Sorry. I only go for archaeologists.

WORF: Is that...a wormhole, localized entirely in Ten Forward?
RIKER: I think so. Does that look like...the bridge of a starship?
JANEWAY: Excuse me, sirs. What year is it?
RIKER: 2365.
JANEWAY: F***!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Nice outfit. Buy it at a Fabrini discount store?

 

[Jedman67]

Picard: "Computer. Tea, Earl Grey, hot."
Lursa: "I'm not your replicator, Baldie!"

Picard: "Shall we have a singing contest now?"
Data: "Go home Captain, you're drunk!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: And this is the stone I passed.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "To synthetic urine!"

 

[Leviathan]

Geordi: I have a drinking problem....if Sally has 14 beers and Sam has half as many beers as Bobby but two-thirds as many as Sally then how many beers are there total?

 

[Leviathan]

Data (thinking): Android at a diplomatic function....man....do I need a drink.

 

[tharpdevenport]

O'Brien: "Well, it's nothing personal, sir, it's just your nose does look weird. But hey -- at least you're not fat."

Data: "Sir, since we have a guest onboard, perhaps I should sing a song. Like 'Blue Skies'."

Picard: "Um, no, no, Data -- that would be inappropriate and out of character. We'd have to be in some pretty dire straits to allow that."

Data: "Yes, sir."

 

[2takesfrakes]

O'BRIEN: "Thanks for having one more drink with me, Commander ... because I'm a thirsty Man. And also ...

I really hate returning to my quarters, anymore. I mean, just try to imagine what it's like, for me, being married to Keiko ..."

RIKER: "Do I have to? That's OK. Go ahead, O'Brien ... drink it, slow."