TNG Caption This! #442: Tasty Treats

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay, lets start a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "That's her story and she's sticking to it!" Award, going to:

Picard: Vash, dear, what's in this?

Vash: Not the Tox Uthat, if that's what you're thinking!

Picard: Vash, do you take me for a fool?

Vash: ...Yes?

Next, we have the "Honorable Theft" Award, going to:

On Qu'Onos, it was considered a compliment to steal the hotel toiletries.

Next, we have the "Forgiveness, sort of..." Award, going to:

Riker: It's OK Abrams, you can come out now, they've forgiven you!

Stuart Baird's Voice From Next Torpedo Over: Can I come out as well?

Riker: No.

Next, we have the "Draw 2, Pick 3" Award, going to:

RIKER: Is that what I think it is?
GEORDI: Yes sir. Cards Against Humanity, the Bigger, Grayer Box!

Next, we have the "Advanced Luggage" Award, going to:

Lwaxana: (telepathically) Do you want to be the one to tell him it has wheels that pop out, or should I?

Since we have the holidays coming soon, I thought we should take out some of our special awards!

Picard: "Shouldn't we atleast leave the lobby before we check the map again?"

Riker: Ready on three. One, two-
Muffled voice, inside: I'm not dead!

RIKER: Did you bring the verteron pulser?
GEORDI: Yep.
RIKER: The torque jiggler?
GEORDI: Yep.
RIKER: The hyper-oscillator?
GEORDI: Yep.
RIKER: The spoon-weasel?
GEORDI: Yep.
Riker: The coaxiallation modulator?
Geordi: Yep.
Riker: The quadronic phase tweaker?
Geordi: Yep.
RIKER: The hyper-oscillator?
GEORDI: You asked me that one already.
RIKER: Man, those fish better watch out when they get a load of our fishing tackle!
GEORDI: ...Fishing tackle?

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Now, I know we had a food related contest around Thanksgiving, but in all honesty after spending a lot of time making cookies for the holidays recently, my brain is is stuck on sweets!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: These bendy straws are quite a fascinating invention.

Worf: I have made a chocolate cake! Security, restrain Counselor Troi until everyone else has had a piece.

La Forge: Thanks for hanging out with me, Ro.

Ro: The only reason I'm here is that the White Elephant gift exchange is more boring.

Yuta: Now on my world, it is customary to thank the chef before-

Riker and Troi: Dig in!

Guinan: I brought you two bowls of our best ice cream.

Wesley: Thanks Guinan.

Guinan: (whispering to Wesley) She's way outta your league, kid.

 

[Captain Crow]

Worf: No mint frosting? The person who made this has no honor.

Worf: This isn't another ex-lax cake is it?

Worf: SUCK IT BITCHES! The last piece is mine!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Haven't done one of these in a while...

Timothy: "You sound like a Dyson when you suck."

Worf: "I have summoned you here for the Klingon rite of... you know... hell with it. I've been making up that ritual nonsense for years. None of it's real. So let's partaayyy!!!!"

LaForge: "Hmm, inflated condoms. Are they trying to tell us something?"
Ro: "Don't worry, your chastity will remain unsullied... for the rest of your life."

Yuta: "How does it taste?"
Riker: "Fine, great."
Yuta: "How do you feel?"
Troi: "Feel? I feel fine, Will?"
Riker: "I'm fine too, why do you ask?"
Yuta: "Sovereign Marouk's last tasters valiantly sacrificed themselves to save her from an Acamarian flig pudding."

Guinan: "Here's your ice-cream. Incidentally, Wes here is great in bed, hung like a horse, goes like a piston. I was walking bow-legged for a week. Why do you think they call him Crusher?"

to Wesley

"Don't say I don't do anything for you. Go get her tiger!"

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the win

Data: (Thinking) 86% probability that this will corrode my fluidic cooling system

Worf: The next one to crack about loosening my sash is going right through the window

Geordi: If you're not going to eat anything, please stop touching all the food

Yuta: Counselor, I said they'd be right over with yours. That's just disgusting

Guinan: So, Salia, Wesley here is an acting ensign

Salia: That's perfect. I've only been acting like this is a good date

 

[shivkala]

Data: Commence bubble blowing in 3...2...1!

Riker: Now Worf, don't be greedy, let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece.

Worf: Yeah, but last time I didn't receive a piece. And I was told...

Riker: Just pass.

*while the cake passes Worf mutters - eventually everybody but Worf gets a piece*

Worf: I could set the ship on fire.

Ro: I was led to believe that a "pity party" was an idiomatic expression.

Geordi: Ain't no party like a Geordi pity party, cause it's fully catered.

Riker: What are you doing?

Troi: I just want a taste, is that so wrong?

Guinan: Chocolate ice cream for the lady, non-fat, organic tofu cream for you, Wesley. Your mother's orders. She says you're getting a little bit of a gut, and while she's sure it's still just some babyfat and it does make you cute, she's afraid it will hurt you in the Starfleet Academy physical you'll have to take if you don't screw up the admissions test this time. Oh and it's also non-dairy, because, well, no one wants to see what happens when you eat dairy again. Ever.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: Geordi, I challenge you to a duel! I am CERTAIN you stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

New contest at last! My weekend is hollow, almost empty, until I flip the Stickyswitch. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't watch Real Housewives of Andor - the anticipation is painful. And it is still one of my favorite things about the forum.

 

[Finn]

Riker: Yuta, you gotta try this. It's to die for.

 

[Hutchy01]

Waiter: Look I know they stole your table but they are our commanding officers!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Yuta: I'm glad you like the appetizer, but can I take your order now?...Anyone?...ANYONE?!?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BOY: What is it?
DATA: Industrial lubricant. It is a good thing you are an android and not a human, or else it would be terribly poisonous to you.

WORF: Somebody...spiked...my PRUNE JUICE!!!!

RO: Just one thing seems odd to me. Why didn't we fall through the floor?
GEORDI: Q did it.

TROI: Interesting. You're hitting on a woman who is used to just obeying authority.
RIKER: No, it's not like that! I'm trying to show her she doesn't have to be a servant!
TROI: And instead become your girlfriend.
RIKER: Exactly!

GUINAN: Good to see a girl throw Wesley a bone. That's very kind of you.

 

[Nerys Myk]

HOSTESS:The restaurant has a strict no sharing policy.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GUINAN: Well, if you're into allasomophs I guess she's okay.

WES: Alla what???

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: So...would you like to come back to my place?

RO: This isn't a date. I only sat here because it's the only open seat.

LAFORGE: So...my place?

RO: I know 10 different ways to kill you with a breadstick.

LAFORGE: So...no to going back to my place?

 

[Avro Arrow]

Troi: So what's in this?
Yuta: Totally not poison.
Troi: Sounds reasonable.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: My internal thermometer indicates we should attenuate our fluidic intake in order to reduce the brain freeze covariant.
Kid: TOO LATE! CASCADE FAILURE! CASCADE FAILURE!
Data: Ha ha ha what a little idio - CASCADE FAILURE! CASCADE FAILURE!

Slappy: Today is a good day to diet!
Worf: ALL RIGHT, WHO SAID THAT?!

Geordi: What am I going to do. No chicks are into Spanish guitar.
Ro: I love Spanish guitar!
Geordi: Yeah? Do you like fungilli?
Ro: I love fungilli!
Geordi: Ever feel sexy around a powered-up plasma junction?
Ro: I love those powerful sexy vibes!
Geordi: Wanna go do it in the jefferies tube?
Ro: SICKO! THAT PORT IS EXIT ONLY!
Geordi: Come back! I meant -

Yuta: Actually, it's just called Parthas.
Troi: Mm hm.

Guinan: I forgot, who gets the Viagara Vanilla and who gets the Roofie Raisin?
Wesley: Of course, non-currency economics have their downside, too. Surlier waiters, for instance. http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[T'Girl]

Waitress: "I'm so excited, I just have to show everyone. I laid my eggs, soon my children will grow tall and strong and ... hey, what are you doing with those forks?"

Wesley: "You know, my penis is fully functional."

Girl: "What a coincident, mine too."

 

[Captain Crow]

Worf: This is a lie!

Worf: We've got replicators that can make any type of cake you want and you bastards give me a shitty sheet cake for my birthday!

 

[Finn]

Chief Engineer's Log: I just had the closest thing to a wedding I'd ever have in my life...