Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Welcome! The TrekBBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans.
If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!
Totally confused title (on the video the title reads STAR TREK: "Eye of the Tempest") but here's the first effort from Kenneth Thompson's Starship Saladin project.
Star Trek: "The Eye of the Tempest" is the first live action film by Starship Saladin, in conjunction with Star Trek: Antyllus. It was created in the course of a year, with almost no budget at all. It is a labor of love for Star Trek as well as a solid learning experience. We certainly hope you enjoy the film as much as we enjoyed making it.
Finally managed to watch it all the way through. My kudos to them for finishing and releasing it.
My immediate reaction is that it was too slow. It was over six minutes before the first line of actual dialogue from an on-screen character. There was far too much telling rather than showing, and I didn't get interested in the story until the last minute or so.
Frankly the opening title cards sequence was really unnecessary. At the most, a couple of the written items could have been mentioned in the dialogue.
Also extraneous backstory where the Captain of the Saladin introduces himself, and for some reason feels the need to add he was also the first officer on the Hood during the M-5 incident...
I think a little constructive criticism would serve much better than hateful comments. Let's give them credit for getting it done and offer aid in making the next one better.
I've done better. I've deleted my comments, since apparently we're all just too sensitive here. I'll come back after I've had a chance to watch the film and offer my thoughts in a more coherent and constructive manner.
After rescuing Commodore Enwright from the Klingons, the shuttle Scimitar is thrown into phase space as it is about to dock with the Saladin.
This throws it across the Pinchot Expanse, putting it in the near vicinity of the USS Antyllus, but it is unable to break free. It almost burns out its engines trying to escape, but only succeeds in drawing a creature from phase space part way into our space with it.
The Antyllus tries to feed the creature phased energy (fires phasers) but no effect. Through an amazing coincidence, both crews realize they need to fire phasers simultaneously (reversed from the Antyllus). They do and the shuttle escapes.
The survivors on the shuttle get treatment, and then fly back to the Saladin, where the Vulcan first officer gives the Commodore a mind meld to heal the damage from the mind sifter, so he can return to duty.
We then cut to Kor torturing the Commodore with the mind-sifter.
The end.
In my own opinion, there' s the potential for a decent story before and after the part they filmed.
I've done better. I've deleted my comments, since apparently we're all just too sensitive here. I'll come back after I've had a chance to watch the film and offer my thoughts in a more coherent and constructive manner.
It's not that everyone is just too sensitive for your posts; it's just that they are inappropriately set to eleven--like, all the time. All your posts are set to eleven.
Dial it back to one or two if you have to, I suppose. But I'm thinking there's some nice number that's not at either extreme. It's almost like you are deliberately trying to be a provocateur.
After rescuing Commodore Enwright from the Klingons, the shuttle Scimitar is thrown into phase space as it is about to dock with the Saladin.
This throws it across the Pinchot Expanse, putting it in the near vicinity of the USS Antyllus, but it is unable to break free. It almost burns out its engines trying to escape, but only succeeds in drawing a creature from phase space part way into our space with it.
The Antyllus tries to feed the creature phased energy (fires phasers) but no effect. Through an amazing coincidence, both crews realize they need to fire phasers simultaneously (reversed from the Antyllus). They do and the shuttle escapes.
The survivors on the shuttle get treatment, and then fly back to the Saladin, where the Vulcan first officer gives the Commodore a mind meld to heal the damage from the mind sifter, so he can return to duty.
We then cut to Kor torturing the Commodore with the mind-sifter.
The end.
In my own opinion, there' s the potential for a decent story before and after the part they filmed.
I think a little constructive criticism would serve much better than hateful comments. Let's give them credit for getting it done and offer aid in making the next one better.
Greetings everyone, my name is Ken Thomson, and yes, I am responsible for "Eye of the Tempest." For good or ill, I made the movie.
Let me first say thank you for taking the time to watch it. I have had mixed reviews, a lot of people have enjoyed it, some have not. To those who have not, I know there are technical issues, and the editing could be a lot tighter. The audio levels do jump in a few places. I intend to edit again and fix as much of that as I can, but I need a break for awhile first. That said, constructive criticism can make a real difference in a re-edit if anyone feels inclined to give me your honest thoughts. I will listen.
I'm not here to offer excuses on why things are the way they are in this movie. I took on the gig myself, for my own reasons, and did the work myself, 90% solo over a year's time. During that time, I worked on over a dozen other fan films to help them get released, including Starship Exeter, Starship Farragut, Star Trek Continues, Star Trek Eagle, and Star Trek Antyllus. This is a passion for me, and for a long time I have been talking about doing a film. A very long time. So, I made one. It may be flawed, and it may not be satisfactory to everyone's tastes. I do accept that. But at least I did it. So for that, no apologies. I had to do one, and I did it.
All that said, I pretty much agree with the critiques I have seen on it. I could tear it apart myself and whether you believe it or not, I do. I have learned at least a dozen lessons of ways to improve next time around. If you'll stick with me, it will get better.
As for story issues, I'll discuss that on the next post in a moment.
After rescuing Commodore Enwright from the Klingons, the shuttle Scimitar is thrown into phase space as it is about to dock with the Saladin.
This throws it across the Pinchot Expanse, putting it in the near vicinity of the USS Antyllus, but it is unable to break free. It almost burns out its engines trying to escape, but only succeeds in drawing a creature from phase space part way into our space with it.
The Antyllus tries to feed the creature phased energy (fires phasers) but no effect. Through an amazing coincidence, both crews realize they need to fire phasers simultaneously (reversed from the Antyllus). They do and the shuttle escapes.
The survivors on the shuttle get treatment, and then fly back to the Saladin, where the Vulcan first officer gives the Commodore a mind meld to heal the damage from the mind sifter, so he can return to duty.
We then cut to Kor torturing the Commodore with the mind-sifter.
The end.
In my own opinion, there' s the potential for a decent story before and after the part they filmed.
Okay, now based on this set of comments, I want to see if I understand specifically what was wrong with the plot. Maurice, since you and I have worked together before, let's talk about it.
You speak of technobabble, but in my estimation, either you wrote it off right away or you didn't get the references I made. Nothing I did was made up from scratch. Everything in there is based on canon Star Trek elements. Phased space is what the Defiant was caught in in "The Tholian Web." The ship was partially in our universe and partially in another, caught in an interphase between the two. Later this was expanded on in "In a Mirror, Darkly." Not technobabble. Trek canon.
Neutrino surges... mentioned in Star Trek III as present when a ship is cloaked, referring to the Klingon Bird of Prey. Also mentioned in Deep Space Nine as something that preceded the appearance of the wormhole. So, not technobabble, rather Trek canon.
Tachyon pulses have been used in many Star Trek episodes. A tachyon is a theoretical faster than light particle, part of the transporter technology, and used primarily for disrupting energy of different kinds, shields, etc. Trek canon.
Those three major things are not technobabble, they're canon knowledge in Starfleet. If a writer is not allowed to use canon knowledge, what would you instead suggest?
Okay, so then there is the convenience that both captains came to similar conclusions, but I submit that it is not that big a coincidence for trained officers to think along the same lines, and it is hardly a Star Trek first. It was quite common in Star Trek.
When you say there is no story, I point out the plot as stated above. It in fact is a plot. Maybe its not deep enough for you, that is certainly something that only you can decide for yourself, and maybe the problem is the way that I presented it. I do not know. Again, if I failed in that department, I'm sorry. Not every tale is going to be "City on the Edge of Forever," but at least it is not "The Way to Eden," either. It's more a mix of "Galileo Seven," "The Immunity Syndrome" and "The Tholian Web" as far as what I put together. And I hold no illusion that it was on their level. But as far as a story, that is the kind of story it is. Dealing with things that leave the characters up the creek without a paddle and having to improvise. I think I told that story. That's what I set out to do. The rest of it is made to clue people into the fact that there is more going on than meets the eye.
If you desire to look deeper, it is there. Why did the Klingon ship not destroy a mere shuttlecraft? Well the ending explains it. That is the seed of the next story. Give me a chance. More is coming and it will make this make a lot more sense. I'm attempting to build a bigger story. Not everything gets explained in detail the first outing.
Totally confused title (on the video the title reads STAR TREK: "Eye of the Tempest") but here's the first effort from Kenneth Thompson's Starship Saladin project.
Star Trek: "The Eye of the Tempest" is the first live action film by Starship Saladin, in conjunction with Star Trek: Antyllus. It was created in the course of a year, with almost no budget at all. It is a labor of love for Star Trek as well as a solid learning experience. We certainly hope you enjoy the film as much as we enjoyed making it.
Regarding the choice of title, it was originally intended to be a short story for Antyllus. After working on it, George and I decided together that it was more of a joint film so we made it a sort of standalone by calling it Star Trek: "Eye of the Tempest" rather than Star Trek Antyllus, or Starship Saladin only. George has several episodes in his series, while this is my first foray into live action. The poster for the film has both our series' titles in it:
So for that reason, this thread is mis-named. It should be Star Trek: "Eye of the Tempest." Though it is our first outing, that is the title we chose as a team working on it.
Frankly the opening title cards sequence was really unnecessary. At the most, a couple of the written items could have been mentioned in the dialogue.
Also extraneous backstory where the Captain of the Saladin introduces himself, and for some reason feels the need to add he was also the first officer on the Hood during the M-5 incident...
The reason it was not extraneous is that Commodore Enwright commanded that project. It would be extraneous if Captain Martin did it to just anyone. "Hey, yeah, I was first officer of the Hood during the wargames with M-5. Yeah, did you know that I was there?" Yeah, I get that. I would totally agree with you if that were the case and this was not the guy who basically got a lot of his close friends killed. It is as much about Martin forgiving the man as it is about acknowledging the situation. However, I get what you are saying because the way I said it in the scene it does sort of seem like that is the way I would do it all the time. So yeah, I'll acknowledge your point. It wasn't supposed to be like that, but I can see why you would feel that way from seeing it presented that way. Thank you for your comment.
I'm not a story editor, nor am I an experienced scripwriter, so please take these comments in that context: I think that having a detailed backstory is critical to the success of a script and subsequent production when you as the writer know what is driving the character(s). I don't think it's absolutely for the audience to know that. If you look at The Tressaurian Intersection we got hints about Garrovick's background, but they were revealed over several acts before we finally got the answers to what was making him act the way he did. Sometimes I think it's better to just let the audience guess at those motives and background rather than risk going into too much detail. Overall, as far as how to cut down a bulky story, Frank Capra used to tell the tale of how he was able to convert his original version of "Lost Horizon" from an unwatchable bomb into a cinema classic by burning the first two reels of his first "final" cut. There's considerable doubt that he actually burned the first two reels, but still "burn the first two reels" became one of his catchphrases when it came to cutting a film.
In short, you as the writer (and the actor playing your character) need that background. Even if it doesn't show up on the screen, it will help the actor and director fill in the blanks and give a more nuanced performance.
I hope that gives you some food for thought, even though I reiterate that I am not an expert and it's possible you and some real experts like Maurice might not agree and that's fine.
I do applaud your passion and ability to get a project finished and onscreen. I hope that you will keep going as long as you have the drive and the passion to do so.
I appreciate that. In part that bit was included because I do want to tell that story, and it is in part 'planting the flag' on the tale. There is way more that I haven't said. I created these characters and wrote some of the stories in 1985 and so I have a very extensive tale for the whole series. And I have other stories posted as well as a couple of audio adventures available. But at the end of the day, while I enjoy doing this tremendously, it is a hobby. I do not own the Saladin or anything else related to Star Trek. And any flag I plant is pointless because someone else has every right in the world to ignore it. It is really only there for those who desire to share my continuity, and there are some films who will. I am about cooperation and telling stories that complement other people's work, not contradict it. As far as I'm concerned, Starship Exeter, Starship Farragut, Star Trek Phase 2 and Star Trek Continues, as well as Valiant, Challenger, etc. etc. are canon to my series unless they flat out contradict it. Star Trek Outpost, the audio series, gets some prominent elements in this very story with references to the Pinchot Expanse and some other mentions. I'm a fan first. I love to see everyone do these. And thank you again for your kind words. -- Cheers!
I very much agree.
