TNG Caption This! #415: The Great Outdoors
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Boothby: You know the rules Picard; when a first officer takes a dump in the gardens, his captain cleans it up
Data: I am French. Cannot you tell by my outrageous accent. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of Elderberries. I fart in your general direction.
Picard: And Kilingons have one that's this big.
Dirgo: The sooner you come up with a plan Wesley, the sooner I can put my, eat the annoying kid to stay alive plan, to one side
Worf: Just go in the bushes like i did....but I'd give it ten minutes before you do.
Boothby: I used to boink Batanides under this very tree.
Data: In my effort to blend in with the local population, would either of you gentlemen have change for a Federation credit? A slip of gold-pressed latinum? A quatloo, perchance?
Tramp: Immigrants! Always after our jobs!
Data: Technically, panhandling is not a job, it is an avocation.
Tramp: And now they're takin' our jibber jabber!
Picard: And then Spock said, "Why do they not just make the whole ship out of the black box?" Which got him fired, because he was staring at Uhura's crotch at the time.
Wesley: Who run Bartertown?
Dirgo: Master Blaster runs Bartertown.
Wesley: Lift embargo!
Ensign: Did you wash your hands after peeing in the bushes?
Worf: No.
Boothby: You never took to my advice... like when I told you stressful work causes male pattern baldness. Why do you think I'm a gardener?
Data: I'm attempting to build a horseless carriage. I assume from your odor, that you gentlemen can point me in the direction of something combustible?
Picard: Dathon's snot on face. Shaka, when the walls fell
Wesley: I'm pretty sure none of this is quicksand, idiot.
Worf: No, seriously. Go find a red shirt, right now.
WESLEY: Dirgo, why aren't you coming?
DIRGO: I'm not stupid, your ship has certainly answered to a distress call and your Captain can't be killed at this point of the season. In other words, I'm the one who has to put you in trouble and then die.
WESLEY: Where's the Captain?
DIRGO: The fool, he's following a mirage.
WESLEY: What did he see?
DIRGO: Subtlety in this script.
Boothby: Have you heard, they're making a new duty uniform that looks just like the cadet uniform?
Picard: No way! Why?
Boothby: It's going to be used for all the officers who are basically useless as a warning to the rest of you. The one's who'd get assigned somewhere in deep space or lose their ship on the other side of the galaxy.
Or even have their ship blown up by an 80 year old Bird of Prey.
Picard: Ha, losers. You won't catch me in that outfit.
Data: I do not have any change for you, but I do have a fist if you don't leave me alone.
Picard: Winfield... His death in every film appearance!
Wesley: Hey Abrams, I think we've proven these things weren't meant to take off from a planet.
Worf: OK, you are tall enough to go on the teacups.
*SIGH*
Ride duty has no honour.
Boothby: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to an Admiralty Tribunal
Picard: I was asking you about Nova Squadron.
Boothby: Agree with you the council does. Your apprentice Crusher will be
Picard: Specifically the boy Locarno.
Boothby: Lost a Kolvoord Starburst Captain Picard has. How embarrassing
Picard: Listen, you're just quoting Yoda at me!
Boothby: When one hundred years old you reach, soil yourself as good, you will not, hmmm?
Picard: At least I won't be huffing fertilizer for a chance to leer at young coeds.
Boothby: You will be. You...will...be
Data: So all I have to do to make some money is go downtown and get two rusty trombones, come back and give you one, and him the other one? Perhaps I should get a third one for Commander Riker.
Tramp: Now yer gettin' it!
Picard: Risan massage, the ending happy.
Dirgo: I got good news and bad news. The good news is a tow truck driver wearing Daisy Dukes and a halter top is coming to help us out.
Wesley: And the bad news?
Dirgo: The bad news is that he is a Gorn.
Worf: How do you keep your hair from frizzing in this humidity? Its body has such honor!
Ensign: He's doing it again Commander!
Data: Lieutenant, honor with your words, not your hands.
Worf: But -
Data: Remember the incident with Doctor Crusher's guinea pig, Worf.
Worf: <Sigh>Yes sir.
Data: What did we learn?
Worf: Guinea pigs are not tribbles.
Data: And what else are not tribbles?
Worf: Rabbits, hamsters, and Commander Riker's beard.
Data: "Sorry. I would like to help, but I am afraid I do not know the location of the 'Snazzy Hat convention.' I am a stranger here."
Ensign: "How beautiful! These grounds are exquisitely landscaped!"
Worf: "Indeed. Now take your phaser and burn us a path through that foliage."
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Boothby: All right, Picard, I give up. Where exactly IS Godot?
Thanks for the win! 
Boothby: Say, I remember you! You're that soft-handed twerp who claimed he was raised on a farm!
Data: Gentlemen, could you direct me to The Haight?
Lars: Say, you seen my nephew? 'Bout your size, just as whiny. Better clothes, though. Answers to Luke.
Worf: You must play it where it lies, ensign.
Ensign: But it's in a crocodile's mouth.
Worf: You must be brave.
Boothby: Say, I remember you! You're that soft-handed twerp who claimed he was raised on a farm!
Data: Gentlemen, could you direct me to The Haight?
Lars: Say, you seen my nephew? 'Bout your size, just as whiny. Better clothes, though. Answers to Luke.
Worf: You must play it where it lies, ensign.
Ensign: But it's in a crocodile's mouth.
Worf: You must be brave.
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