TNG Caption This! #391: Here we come!

[Mojochi]

Captain's log: It appears, that Some officers just can't manage my directive for all officers to walk in order of rank

Troi: Take a seat Mr. Barclay, & try to keep the sweating to a minimum. I just had the upholstery shampooed

Wesley: Can we switch to the 3rd person player? My avatar has killer boobs

Riker: Let them go now, or I start crushing your citizens, smallest ones first

Riker: Prune juice? Didn't Guinan tell you it gives you the shits?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm just not getting anything out of this. I think we're doing something wrong. Computer! Give me more detailed information on 'conga line.'"

 

[Ithekro]

RIKER: Captain, as your first officer I should go first into all dangerous situations.
PICARD: We are stepping onto the bridge.
RIKER: Exactly.

 

[bolak]

DOORS: Psssshhhhttt
PICARD: ... have never been so disappointed in a crew's lack of imagination. Captain Themb's senior staff found a way to fit THIRTY-TWO officers into a turbolift..
DATA: Sir, thirty-one of those officers were Tellarites, standing on each other's shoul...
PICARD: Shut up Data

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Allamaraine! Third shap!
Riker: Oy vey.

Troi: Say hello to Planty, Will. Planty keeps the stabbies away.
Riker: Hello, Planty!

Advisor: Now, hold your targs a parsec. Do you mean to tell us the Yeager loop -
Judge: Wait. Did you just say the words 'Hold your targs a parsec' in my court?
Advisor: It's a perfectly colloquial expression given this futuristic context of a space trial.
Judge: I pronounce you guilty - of hilarity!
Wesley: Actually, a parsec is a unit of dis -
Judge: NERD ALERT!

Riker: Summer lovin' had me a blast
Summer lovin', happened so fast
I met a - I met a - wait, how do you sing this part on J'naii?
Noor: Boyrl.
Riker: Boyrl.
Noor: It's a Portmanteau - of 'boy' and -
Riker: Oh I get it. I just -
Advisor: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MOR -
Noor: Not now, Mandeline!

Worf: Don't turn around. Check out Guinan's hat.
Riker: Just tell me what Starship it resembles most: Galaxy or Olympic class?
Worf: More like Independence Day. I said do not turn around!

 

[Ithekro]

WORF: Commander, who is this tiny woman at our table?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Why are you grinning, Commander?"
Riker: "You're here to meet Lieutenant Robinson for a date, right?"
Worf: "Yes."
Riker: "And she was supposed to be here an hour ago, right?"
Worf: "Yes."
Riker: "It's the same way she ditched me three weeks ago."

 

[Nerys Myk]

QUARK: Here's your bill. Please pay the cashier.

WORF: Bill???! We don't use money! Everything is free!!! Where's Guinan?

QUARK: Did you miss the sign on the door? "Under New Management". Would it help if I used smaller words or pictures?

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Stop doing that."

 

[Triskelion]

Noor: Perhaps your promise to quote, 'Go Karate Elvis on all us crotchburglars' would carry more weight if we knew what those things were.

 

[bolak]

RIKER: It was just a suggestion Worf. OK, so how about we go to your place and play with my trombone?

 

[f14peter]

DATA: "Captain, if we are attempting to more accurately recreate this historical moment from Earth's history, I believe you should be wearing all white, I should be wearing a black suit, Counselor Troi in denim and Commander Riker barefoot"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: If I may inquire, sir: What is this Lollipop League of which you speak, and for what purposes are we representing it?

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Report."

Worf: "'To Kill A Mockingbird' by Harper Lee."

Picard: "Not a book report!"

 

[Finn]

Riker: Heh…I can take the hint. I could feel that rub, Worf. My room at 2200 hours?

Worf: That was the table leg you were rubbing up against.

 

[bolak]

WORF: Sir! I protest. I am not a sherry man.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Ro OS: What do they do in there for hours at a time?

Barclay OS: I don't know, but Troi was wearing her light grey uniform when they went in...

Troi: Oh look at me, I'm Commander Riker! I've just broken the Prime Directive by having sex with a person from a race without gender and convincing them they're a female! I am such a fool! No wonder Troi won't date me.

Wesley: And that conclusively proves that 9/11 was faked by a CIA conspiracy.

Riker: I'm Commander Riker! I've just broken the Prime Directive by having sex with a person from a race without gender and convincing them they're a female...

Man at table: Wow, Troi's impression of you was spot on.

Frakes: Wait... I'm much taller than you, how are we the same height sitting down?

Dorn: One of life's little mysteries. And nothing to do with me paying the prop guys to make my chair higher. I don't know why you'd suggest that.

 

[Captain Crow]

All four singing in unison: Heigh-ho, heigh-ho. On to the Bridge we go.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: You see, Worf? I can handle Klingon bloodwine.

Worf: Sir, that's not bloodwine, it's urine recyc.

Riker: (spit-take)

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Data: Captain? I believe your pause for pondering is blocking the exit for the rest of us.