TNG Caption This! #379: Risky Business

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New Contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Name recognition" Award, going to:

Officer: LOOK! I've been piloting this thing for nearly 2 years, and every day I have to remind you my name isn't Crusher! Get over it pops!

Next, we have the "First Season Wardrobe Issues" Award, going to:

The people on the ground soon regretted sending the Male ensign in the Skant into the tree

Next, we have the "Captain's Orders" Award, going to:

PICARD: Let's move away from the Borg Armada at the highest possible speed. And bring me a new pair of pants.

Next, we have the "Friendly Wagers" Award, going to:

Picard: "Alright, Wesley, it's a bet! If you can wear that outfit to school for a week without getting the snot beaten out of you, I'll grant you loitering privileges on the main bridge for one month."

Next, we have the "As seen on TV" Award, going to:

"This is Lieutenant Worf, for Ginsu swords. For when you MUST be ready to fight!"

Surprise! We have a second winner for this photo and now, the "Renegade Interrupt" Award, goes to:

WORF: I have been training with this sword for years, and I can put on a rather impressive display with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fight Indiana Jones.

And here's what would've happened to Worf if he hadn't been delayed... (And to make my reference slightly clearer to the Non-Mass Effect Fans)



Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Picard: Captain's Log: Open mic night on the bridge was not one of my better ideas.

Worf: I don't see what was so funny. All I said was I'll be on the holodeck polishing my short sword.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: The last contest is displeased with you, Captain.

Crusher: (singing) I feel good. I knew that I would now...

Worf: (thinking) Oh, no. Not again.

Riker: You ever get the feeling that Troi isn't interested in me anymore?

O'Brien: You mean from the fact that she's on her 3rd date in 3 days?

Picard: Attention Alien Vessel, This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise. We come in peace.

Riker: (to Troi) Do you want to tell the Captain that the ship out there is just the new screensaver?

Picard: LeadHead is putting contests up on time? Impossible!

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for picking mine

Picard: If I'm not 100% French, may god strike me down right where I stan---

Crusher: Medical teams 7 & 8 are in place. Seal the bridge. Initiate security lockout Crusher-Alpha 2567.... Lt. Worf, it's time for your annual colonoscopy.

O'Brien: Who should be more worried when Keiko has her counseling sessions with Counselor Troi, you or me?

Troi: I'm sensing overwhelming arrogance

Riker: .... Probably not the aliens

Picard: So, basically, I'm the last person on the ship to still be using a laptop?

 

[Finn]

Picard: Merde! Downloading Angry Targs to my padd shouldn't be this difficult!

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: WTF!
PICARD: Numbah One! Look on tha viewescreen, your stupid butt-chin isn't even symmetric today! Do something with that shit!

LEADHEAD: May the lord down right where I stand if I used that pictures earlier this ye....argh...

PICARD: Hmm, I don't remember? Am I logged as Menuet on my PADD and as Deanna on my laptop or is this the opposite?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: I think this lightsaber is malfunctioning!
RIKER: I told you not to get it on Craigslist!

BEVERLY: WHO is it that keeps bringing ensigns aboard who look like younger versions of me?!
PICARD (os): Problem?

RIKER: Who told Data about 21st century rap?
O'BRIEN: I should have asked him why he wanted me to modify his vocal processor to jump automatically to notes.

As Picard gives a speech about evolved humanity, Data practices the comedy technique known as 'Deadpan'.

PICARD: If I compare this script to this script. YES! I found it! Another minor continuity error! I've got to post this on TrekBBS!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Data: "Incoming automatic mechanical heart software update from the Cloud."
Troi: "That'll teach him to read the fine print before clicking 'Accept'!"

Worf (to Crusher): "No, that's not quite right, either."
Ensign Blueshirt (whispering): "What's she doing?"
Worf (whispering back): "John Wayne's walk. Well...trying to, anyway."

O'Brien: "In theory, topless bartenders is a good idea."
Riker: "In theory, yes. But Guinan is over 500 years old!"

Picard: "Ah, yes. Yes, indeed. You can learn a lot about your crew from the kind of porn they download."

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Wait a minute....I said to Mirasta we made the first contact with them because they clearly about to initiate warp travel...but why the hell did I make the first contact with the Edo who where only about to initiate another orgy?

RIKER: Should I hit on her?
O'BRIEN: She's from a planet where everybody are from the "third gender".
RIKER: Hmm, I take that for a yes!

BEVERLY: All right, who did replace all characters in my dance holo-program by naked Troi replicas?

BEVERLY: All right, who did replace my medical tricorder by a mashed potato launcher?

BEVERLY: All right, who did replace Jack by Jean-Luc on all pictures of Wesley with his father?

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the Log Entry win, Leadhead!

Data: I would disagree, Captain. Apparently, Q does monitor us at all times. And he is quite sensitive about issues involving his mother.

Crusher: Captain! What the hell did that Pulaski woman do to my sickbay? Half of my medical equipment was ripped out and replaced by a stove to make chicken soup! No wonder why you had so many flu-related casualties recently!

Riker: Man, she can fire at Will anytime.

O'Brien: I bet she can go for Miles.

Riker: Miles? I thought your name was Aloysius?

O'Brien: I knew not revealing my first name for the first four years on-board would create some confusion.

Director's Log: Casting for The Office: The Next Generation is going well. Data can do a great "Jim Stare" and Picard has the cockiness of Michael down. Technically Ryan should be played by someone younger, like Wesley, but Riker has a lot of Ryan-like qualities. Troi's audition for the role of Kelly didn't quite land, but Yar came to the audition drunk, so she's pretty much nailed the character of Meridith.

Picard: Okay, I've got the PADD hooked into the laptop and it is connected to iTunes, so why is iOS 8,000 not downloading?

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Hutchy01]

Cyclops: Why did she have to die Charles?!

Crusher: [sings to self] "Man I feel like a woman"

O'Brien: I don't always appear but when I do ...

Data: Captain my smugness chip is overloading

Picard: [Thinking] "Even in the 24th century tablets won't connect"

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Alright, who put Wesley in the airlock....again!!

WORF: Whoops, gotta go....

WORF: Found that log entry from Kirk on V'Ger. He says stay away the probe.

O'BRIEN: I don't know. I can't see me married to a botanist.

PICARD: Perhaps I was too hasty in getting rid of the boy. I still can't figure out how to transfer data from the desktop to my tablet.

PICARD: So, is it a window or a screen?

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the award, LeadHead!

Picard: I wanted a *BUD* Light!!

Crusher: Worf, I'm fairly sure you're abushing your aut... your autorithy... your power.

Worf: Please doctor, just keep your arms at your sides and attempt to walk a straight line.

Picard: Another successful mission, wouldn't you say, Number One?

Riker: Undoubtedly, sir.

Picard: I guess we proved to them what enlightened Federation society can accomplish if we put our minds to it. Mr. LaForge, set course for our next destination.

Guy at console at back of bridge: Captain, I'm actually reading massive social unrest down on the planet. It looks like a mob is getting ready to storm the capital building. I'm not really sure your speech had the desired eff...

Picard: Engage, Mr. LaForge.

Picard: Picard to Engineering. There seems to be something wrong with the 3D interface on my computer console. I've got my finger a mere 10 centimetres from the screen, and it's still not responding!

 

[Nebusj]

Riker: ``And that is why we never tap our com badge three times.''

Worf: ``Wait … has she got three boots?''

Neither O'Brien nor Riker understood the failure of their staring contest.

It's neat they framed the shot so the size of the actors' heads matches how much personality the characters have.

Picard: ``… and to remove your complimentary U2 album from your iPad … ''

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: ...I think the Captain just won the Quickening.

Worf: Welcome back Doctor, how did your year at Starfleet Medical go?

Crusher: Well, put it like this... it's harder to get away with shit when you don't have something you can use as emotional blackmail over your commanding officer.

Frakes: *Whisper* Is anyone going to tell the director that the woman behind us hasn't been to wardrobe yet?

Meany: *Whisper* She has, the costume designer had a late night and just put her in a power suit and hoped no one would notice.

Yar: Sir, the Romulans are mobilising on the neutral zone and several of our outposts have been scooped off the planets they were placed on, don't we have bigger things to worry about?

Picard: Don't worry Lieutenant, we're down to the last four choices, it won't take more than another hour to pick Counsellor Troi's new casual uniform for our second year.

Troi: I'd still rather pick my own outfit Sir...

Riker: Now now Deanna, the Captain and I are determined to do the best by every single member of our crew. More boobage Sir?

Picard: Yes, I think so Number One.

Picard:Wait... so starting a relationship with a subordinate that ends with her having to "Go Away" counts as sexual harassment?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: ``Wait … has she got three boots?''

Picard: Mr. Worf, that has since been proven to be a fake.

Worf: Sir, I said Boots. Boots, with a T!

"Rocky Horror" day was a dismal failure after Picard was nearly electrocuted attempting to do the Time Warp.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "When the captain said Dr. Crusher would be walking funny in the morning, I thought he was just making a crude joke."
Ensign Blueshirt: "Tacky, tacky, tacky!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

RIKER: "She's got to be somebody's baby."
O'BRIEN: "She must be somebody's baby."
RIKER: "She's got to be somebody's baby.
LADY in BLACK & WHITE: "'Cause she's so fine."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: I'll be in my bunk.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "And maybe we'll go to my quarters and... oh, hold on. Excuse, sir, you cannot storm on the Bridge like th ..... oh, excuse me, doctor."

 

[bbjeg]

Crusher: Kwassaaaaaaaaaunt!

Picard: We're going to have one grand adventure ahead of us. I bet Troi will someday finally get to pilot the Enterprise and probably do it smoother than those before her, Yar will save the Enterprise a countless number of times emerging undefeated, Riker will never loose that baby face, Data will outlive us all continuing to better the quadrant, and I will grow old with grace, maybe retire on a farm. Nothing but blue skies.

Picard: Maxwell, you're on DPS, switch stances. Jellico, you're tanking.
Nechayev: Should I switch to my mage?
Picard: No, stay on your hunter.
Shanthi: Get together for buffs.