TNG Caption This! #374: All Shook Up

[Triskelion]

Data: I guess it was also a mistake to tell the computer to make a vacuum that could outsuck Geordi's sex life.

Dammit where's Madeline when you need her?!

Picard: That's right, Admiral, I'm offering one immediate transfer off the Enterprise to any officer who can fart the Minstrel Boy on cue.
Worf: That was Danny Boy, Counselor!
Troi: Dammit!

Geordi: LaForge to Captain Picard, are you in engineering standing next to a strobe light again?
Picard: Negative, Mister LaForge.
Geordi: Then it's probably another warp core breach.

Jeans: Oh Seven of Nine, assimilate me into your Collective!
Computer: Warning - Canon violation.
Jeans: Well technically it's not because I was Locutus. So you see, it's totally plausible that I would have known about her.
Computer: Captain's logs contain no mention of a Borg Queen, let alone some drone on the other side of the galaxy. Your argument is invalid.
Jeans: Hoisted on my own Picard!
Computer: Starfleet General Order Number 7.62: All Starfleet personnel will stop captioning after the joke.

 

[Finn]

♥ "I'm with you every day, Geordi. Every time you look at this engine, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me." ♥

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Well Mistah Worf, that last photoshop wasn't so impressive....
WORF: Not now Madeline!
RIKER: Well, I think Madeline should replace you!

 

[Supernuke]

Geordi: How am I going to explain this to the insurance company? Are we covered for 'acts of Q?'

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data: Activating emotion chip: form of: horny. Counselor, that's quite a ... tight ... dress...

BONK!

Riker: "What the he''s happening to the table?!"

Picard: "Number one, did you...?"

Riker: "What? No, sir."

Worf: "Counselor, that was most dishonorable."

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: I think I left my Earl Grey on my desk. I was about to drink it when Beverly came in to talk about her damned play and tomorrow's breakfast.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD (vo) Mr. LaForge, what's going on down there?

LAFORGE: How the hell should I know? I'm a pilot! I only took this job for the pay raise!

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW Leadhead!

Riker: Data, Geordi... do you guys not know that the Holodeck can project the costumes onto you removing the need to dress up in cumbersome costumes? Honestly, am I the only one here who bothered to read the instructions manual? No wonder we're in a situation where saying the wrong words creates a mad man who takes over the ship.

Crusher: Oh God, I hope it's not that glowing light that knocked up Troi.

Counsellor's Personal Log: Sometimes, in the middle of my shift, the question will just hit me once again. Why the hell do I have one of the three centre seats?

Berman: Ha, all those folks who say the absence of gay characters in our show makes us homophobic will feel pretty stupid when they see our "Big Screaming Queen Warp Core" episode!

Patrick Stewart thought he'd escaped the Ice Bucket challenge with his amusing joke video, but once he saw William Shatner and a hose outside his house he knew the game was up...

 

[Leviathan]

Even this Vortex sucked less than Sub Rosa.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Troi: Oh hell, these shoes don't go with this outfit. What was I thinking?

 

[Triskelion]

If there's nothing wrong with me...there must be something wrong with the univ - who put all this gum under here?

Troi: I'm Number One but I'm really Number Two cause I'm too stoopid to say yes I'll be a captain, herp derp.
Riker: Oh la dee da, I'm sensing the alien is a douchebag, Captain. And not just because he is totally douchey in everything he says and does and his clothes are douchey and he greets everyone with "Hey I'm a big ol' douche!" Look, boobs!
Worf: Squawk! I wanna go to Starfleet Academy! Waaah! My skant's too tight!
Picard: Blimey, this role reversal therapy is a bit tricker than I thought....
Troi: Who the f* is Worf?

 

[Triskelion]

The Most Interesting Captain in the Worlds: I don't always drink tea, but when I do, I choose Aldebran Morning Mist.
Troi: What !@#$% admiral ok'ed product placements??

 

[Nerys Myk]

BEV: I've got a bad feeling about this.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Wampa: Dumb human keeps asking for something called a kway-sawnt...

 

[Sistrin]

For your consideration:

Data: "My Erectile Malfunction program has malfunctioned."
Geordi: "My Erectile Malfunction program has malfunctioned!"
Troi: "Oh my God, I have got to get one of those Erectile Malfunction programs for Riker!"
Riker: "I give up."
Picard (thinks): "If I make it look as if the ship just took a hit, maybe no one will notice how much I am straining to look at Data's Erectile Malfunction..."
Worf: "A true warrior needs no Erectile Malfunction program!"

Crusher: "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then!"

Riker: "These Guardians of the Galaxy...I don't see the big deal. Why, I was out saving the Galaxy when Rocket was a Raccoon."
Picard: "And what idiot would ever believe a green alien. Or a blue one..."
Worf: "Captain, incoming message from the Andorians."
Troi: "Oh, a piece of candy!"

Geordi: "I wonder if she has a sister..."

 

[LeadHead]

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