TNG Caption This! #374: All Shook Up

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, new contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "To seek out new life and new annoying aliens" Award, going to:

Little Pink Aliens: What are YOU looking at, baldy?

Next, we have the "Faces of Diplomacy" Award, going to:

Worf: Romulans decloaking!
Picard: ...
Riker: Oh great, he's doing 'Blue Steel'.
Worf: Ooh, do 'Offended Gowron' next!

Next, we have the "Crime and Punishment" Award, going to:

Data: ``We shall take a brief recess while the Captain serves his fifteen-minute time-out.''

Next, we have the "Medical Malpractice" Award, going to:

PICARD: Are all your diagnoses based on WebMD?

Next, we have the "Wait, What?!" Award, going to:

Picard: A suicide mission into Cardassian space likely to end with either death or endless horrible torture? I've just the man!

A week of many great photoshops! First Award goes to:

"Counselor, I want to see more of these given out for 'Picard Day.' And he can have his own all-terrain vehicle to drive around in, as he searches for adventure. He can even have a girlfriend to rescue, if you want. A redhead ... with her own accessories. He'll need a bad guy to fight, too! I would make him a Nausicaan ..."

And then the Telepathic Photoshop Award (for reading my mind, since I'd just been thinking about these classic gems recently) goes to:

BEVERLY: Jean-Luc, I perhaps still not find any cure against you oversized McCoy Ass-Rubing clone's problem, but I know a good one for my Ass-Grubing Baldy's one.

BEVERLY: Not now Madeline!

Picard: Captain's Log, supplemental. I understand the need to test this volatile substance. It has unique properties in that anytime it comes into contact with oxygen, it ignites into a giant fireball capable of burning through any substance known to Federation science. However, I cannot fathom the reason we have chosen to seal it in round containers, which tend to wobble precariously.

PICARD: Wait, wait. You had a one night stand with THIS guy?
ALIEN WOMAN: Yes, a few weeks before I met you!
PICARD: Captain to Sickbay. STD panel, NOW!

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

Now, I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure whether or not the next contest will start before Tuesday, September 2nd. I know next weekend will be busy, so I won't make any promises about starting on time. Thanks for your patience.

And now, New Contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Did we leave Wesley on the Bridge by himself again?

Data: Data to Doctor Crusher, I neglected to inform you of my Tornado experiment, it began on the bridge 20 seconds ago.

Worf: Shields are holding.

Picard: Fire, blast away, blah, blah.

Picard: (over comm) Mister La Forge, if that explosion robs me of my Earl Grey...

Computer: Starfleet protocols recommend deactivation of Netflix streaming during combat.

Picard: Just one more Frasier episode...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Well, you know, all the best career counselors say that if you want to get ahead, you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have."

Crusher: "Computer! Emergency override! Take gravitational controls off shuffle mode!"

Captain's Log: The most diabolical torture device ever devised, by far, has to be the Klingon jack-in-the-box that plays "Pop Goes the Wessel" but pauses excruciatingly before the last five notes!

 

[Armored Saint]

TFTW

PICARD: Don't tell me, we won't have intertial dampers and OUR victorian costume until Tuesday, September 2nd.

PICARD: Thanks Earl Grey, a weird spatial anomaly, so I know Rikah didn't let Geordi be captured by a Potatoid species before his own mutation into a brain-eating orangutan.

GEORDI: LaForge to bridge! The warp-core can't take another Captain Picard's absence.

Personnal log: A gigantic plot-hole appeared when I was alone on the bridge and I'm still fighting to not being sucked outside. I think Maurice Hurley could be back.

 

[bbjeg]

Beverly: This has to be Geordi's fault, with his damn 'Weird Science' fetishes.

Before O'brien left, he teleported a self made gift into their chairs as they sat down.

Picard: Yowzas, no more of Guinan's five alarm chilli. Computer, crack the bay door a bit.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: COLLISION IMMINENT!
Picard: I thought she'd break off. I really did.
Riker: Never underestimate Nechayev in a game of chicken!

Geordi: Ohhhhh, so THAT'S what that button does.

Picard, grumbling and squirming: Where's the camera on this thing? How am I suppose to get a good profile photo if I don't know where to look?

Computer: WARNING. Explosive decompression in progress.
Crusher: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

 

[Armored Saint]

BEVERLY: AmbASSador, Federation v. T'Pick....
SPOCK: "Pon farr can't allow sexual harassment except for a distress situation." As you can see Doctor, I am pursuing the most logical and legal course.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "I assure you, General Martok, our crew is plenty courageous enough to handle any threats you--"
Troi: "Eek!! A bug!"

 

[shivkala]

Officer on Bridge: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bridge has turned on the fasten seat belt sign. We are now crossing a zone of turbulence. Please return your seats and keep your seat belts fastened. Thank you.

Beverly: Nana Crusher always warned me not to go toward the light.

Troi: Counselor's Personal Log: I dropped my contact and am hoping to grab it, but I don't want to draw attention to myself. Luckily, the ship is under attack and if I time this right, I can grab the contact after being thrown violently from my seat. Here we go, wish me luck...

Geordi: Sir! We've had an overload down here! Apparently, the caption threads have overloaded the mainframe, recommend temporarily going on a caption hiatus!

Captain Leadhead: Negative on that Commander LaForge!

Geordi: If we don't put a halt to the captions, the ship will fly apart!

Leadhead: Fly her apart then!

Picard: Damn you Flappy Bird, stay the course, stay the course, don't hit the damn pipes...

Data: Sir, our sensors indicate you are flying erratically due to you running an app through the shuttlecraft's navigation array. Are you aware that that particular app went out of favor with humanity over 300 years ago?

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nerys Myk]

No one was fooled by Picard's generic Betamax box. They knew the type of video he was viewing.

PICARD: Okay, we believe you. You were robbed at the Olympics and totally deserved the gold medal.

DATA: Damn it! I just had this suit dry cleaned!!!

PICARD: The strip tease is an intrinsic part of their culture, Counselor. I think we should respond in kind.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

PICARD: Why did you base your simulation on the 2011 version of Sherlock?
DATA: I didn't think Moriarty's screechy voice would literally shake the ship!

Murice Hurley opens up his mighty jaw and tries to inhale Gates McFadden.

The most popular drinking game on the Enterprise: Who can go the longest without vomiting when watching the video of the peace talks from the Lonely Among Us aliens.

ENSIGN GOMEZ: Geordi, it's doing that thing again.
GEORDI: (Thinking) That's it, that's the last time I promote a woman cause I think she might date me.

When Picard is on the ship, he has to be watching Shakespare in case somebody walks in. Alone on a shuttlecraft, he's free to break out the porn.

 

[Armored Saint]

STEWART: Look at me, I'm Stephen Haw...is right behind me, isnt he?

PICARD: I'm a man of the 24th century, I can't be addicted to selfies. **Click**

 

[2takesfrakes]

BEVERLY: AmbASSador, Federation v. T'Pick....
SPOCK: "Pon farr can't allow sexual harassment except for a distress situation." As you can see Doctor, I am pursuing the most logical and legal course.

...HA!!!

Thanks for the win, Leadhead! And you're right about there being a lot of great photoshops are on offer in these Caption Threads. Through them, deep-seated psychological issues of STAR TREK's many characters are often amusingly and instantly revealed ...

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Worf: You mean Moriarty has taken over the ship? Despite having heard your impeccable English accents?
Geordi: Let it go!

Bev: Did I leave the hyper-iron on?

Picard: Reva had his chorus. I have my space monkey squad.
Admiral: Maybe we should rethink this five year mission thing.

LaForge to bridge! That alien lied to us! We should have never replaced the warp core with a giant Jiffy Pop Popcorn Maker! Pop speed my ass!

Captain's log, supplemental: if an alien offers you an Antedean burrito, say no!

 

[AgentCoop]

Picard: No teeth, Beverly, NO TEETH!!!

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Well, Lalari, my dear Thermian ... I'll say this much for you:
I'm completely over Missi Pyle - you've put me off!"

 

[Armored Saint]

BEVERLY: SU-PER DOOOOC!

 

[Avro Arrow]

Crusher: Dammit Jean-Luc, I'm a doctor, not a flag!

Jarok (O/S): You recreated the Firefalls of Gal Gath'thong for me, commander? How thoughtful!

LaForge: Um, yeah, it's really not supposed to do that.

Captain's Log, stardate whatever. I don't care what Mr. LaForge says anymore; as soon as I get back to the ship all shuttlecraft will immediately have bathrooms installed!!

 

[2takesfrakes]

♥ "I'm with you every day, Geordi. Every time you look at this engine, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me." ♥

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Waitress, I insist you send this fried calamari back to the chef RIGHT NOW.