TOS Caption Contest #191: Taking Care of Business

Announcer (OS): "There's only one musical chair left and judging by the looks on our contestants' faces, this final round is likely to be bloodier than a Klingon honeymoon."



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Kirk: "Wait... you kept me here past lunch? They're serving Salisbury steak today! Dammit, Bones."
McCoy: "Jim, you've gotta cut down on the eating--or I'm gonna have to cinch you up in a girdle to keep within regulations."


Spock: "You see, doctor; being the captain has its benefits. It's time for my midday massage. OK gentlemen, let's get on with it."


O'Neil: "That looks like you up there on that billboard, Mr. Sulu. Only quite a bit older. Doing an advertisement for a television?"
Sulu: "Oh, my!"

 

Crewman #6 : Those Leatherboys have us backed into a corner..What do we do?
Sulu : Ohh My...Just enjoy it...

 

McCoy: I think we should start you on a new fitness plan. Any suggestions on that Jim?

Kirk: It's called the Corbomite Maneuver.

McCoy: Never heard of it.

Kirk: It involves you Shutting the Hell up and minding your own business!



Security: Security reporting as ordered Mister Spock.

Spock: Doctor McCoy is under arrest.

Security: Why?

Spock: Hmmmm.... good question.

Security: Sir, we can't arrest him without a valid reason.

Spock: He said you both looked like dweebs.

Security: Lemme at him!

 

That actually happening on screen: priceless!

 

McCoy: "Who are those guys, Spock?"

Spock: "It doesn't matter-they're wearing red shirts."

 

"Dammit, Jim! You gotta lay off that girdle, it's leaving a permanent impression on your stomach!"

 

McCoy: You've been doing whip its again haven't you?

Kirk: No.

McCoy: Bullshit! You've still got whip cream on your chin you dumpy bastard.

 

Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy: "At last I caught you, Running Spock! Now you have to grant me three wishes!"

Running Spock: "That's a leprechaun, you idiot."

Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy: "Uh oh!"

 

McCoy: Security Guards, what are they doing here?

Security: We got the word that Hanson was at the helm at this episode, therefore some senior officer will be court-martialed. We just thought we'd be ready for when that happens.

 

Kirk: "How long has he been standing in that doorway watching?"
McCoy: "Sulu? About a half an hour or so, I guess. Why?"




Sulu: "I had forgotten there was so much racism in this time period! And I don't like the way those guys are looking at me!"
O'Neil: "Don't worry, I'll smooth things over. Surely they don't have anything against the Irish."

 

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O'Neil: "Uh, Sulu... where is your other hand?"



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KIRK: I'm going to PRETEND I didn't feel both your hands on my shoulders during the prostate exam.




O'NEILL: Are you SURE this is the spot where the Paul Revere & the Raiders tribute concert is supposed to be?!

Something's starting to smell fishy.

 

McCOY: Dammit, Spock.

YIELD to the obvious. Surrender to logic.

We all SAW you shoplifting.

 

Kirk: Lightning storm! Where's Uhura? Ask her if there were any Romulan transmissions. Hurry, Bones! We've got to save the ship!

Bones: Dammit, Jim! That happened over ten years ago. You're going senile.

 

McCOY: I'm not even gonna ask where my thermometer went.

 

McCoy: "Yes, I gave both of those guards checkups yesterday. Why are you asking?"

Spock: "Apparently, Doctor, you failed to inform them that nude jumping jacks are not an officially sanctioned part of your medical examination."

 

Voice offscreen: "Come for the festival, ay’ya?”

Sulu: "Oh my."

 

SULU: ♫ Come ye cool cool considerate set ♫
♫ We'll dance together to the same minuet ♫
♫ To the right, ever to the right ♫
♫ Never to the left, forever to the right ♫
♫ May our creed be never to exceed ♫
♫ Regulated speed, no matter what the need ♫

O'NEIL: Stop singing costume-appropriate showtunes and run!