TNG Caption This! 312: Bring on the comedy

Discussion in 'The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Apr 21, 2013.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    Hello everyone! Before my apologies for my tardiness, lets gets some winners on the board!


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    First up to the plate, the "Screw Diplomacy" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "WHOOPS!" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Oh, dear..." Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "OUCH!" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Touchy situations" Award, going to:

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    Two great photoshops fought it out in my brain and I couldn't choose. Both win!

    And...

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    Many thanks to all of our participants and congratulations to our winners!

    So, times are busy in the crazy world of LeadHead, and will be for the next month. I'll do my best to be punctual, but I doubt I'll be entirely successful. So please bear with me while I go through the busy times.

    Thanks!

    And now, a new contest!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    On the Citadel or The TrekBBS Armada Starbase
    [​IMG]\

    Picard: Engage.

    Riker: To where?

    Picard: Whoops.


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    Data: While you're in there, could you program her to like whatever I get her for mothers day?


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    Worf: Captain. MRS. TROI?!


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    The crew went to extreme measures to keep the ships chocolate supply safe from Troi.

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    Picard: Perhaps it would be best if you left us alone and just mind controlled Wesley...
     
  3. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Just passing through.
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    Picard: Dibs.
    Ro: Oh no he di'in't!


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    Data: I'm confused. I thought the patient was required to be pantsless for this procedure.

    Geordi & Crusher: <
    Pretend not to hear>


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    Worf: Did you wash your hands? And do not say -

    Picard: No! Captain's prerogative! <Wipes hand on Worf's sash>


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    Troi: It's some kind of - force field!

    <Data & O'Brien eyeroll each other>


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    Picard: Ugly bags of mostly water! Prepare for destruction! Ha, just yankin' your chain. Whassup?
     
  4. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    Patrolling Sector 2814
    Thanks, as always, for the win!

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    Picard: Lay in a course for Alpha Trion 3, Ensign. Eng---er, Number One, why is our navigator facing the wrong way?

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    Geordi: Data? Are you sure this is supposed to be Dr. Soong's wife?

    Data: Yes, Geordi. Why do you ask?

    Geordi: Well, she has a lot of sex doll subroutines programmed into her neural net...

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    Worf's plan to blow off work with two crew members to get an early start to the weekend hit a snag.

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    Possessed Troi: Did you two know about this forcefield?

    Possessed Data: Of course.

    Possessed Troi: And you couldn't warn me? Why?

    Possessed O'Brien: For the lulz!

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    The 24th century version of "The Little Man Who Lives in the Refrigerator and Turns on the Light When You Open the Door," it's "The Alien Who Lives in the View Screen and Turns it on When Commanded."
     
  5. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    Troi began to suspect there was more in the brownies than chocolate.

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    PICARD: Conan, we wanted to let you know that Leno is actually leaving this time....

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    PICARD: You might want to let that air out for a while.

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    PICARD: Ahem.....

    RIKER: I'll have her remove it immediately
     
  6. bullethead

    bullethead Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
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    The Enterprise's high navigator turnover rate meant that Ro surviving threw everyone for a loop.

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    Geordi: Let's see... 50 teraquads of documentaries, 200 teraquads of porn, 30 teraquads of scientific knowledge...
    Riker: Dr. Soong had some interesting... priorities.

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    No one expected the Picard Inquisition.

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    Captain's Log, supplemental: Having overshot my intended target time and date of return from the Nexus, I have decided to take steps to prevent the destruction of the Enterprise-D.

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    Picard: Did you honestly think you would win? You're just a butt-headed alien of the week. Your people will never be seen or referred to after this episode, while we will get 7 TV seasons, 4 movies, and countless novels. We have something you will never have - the support and backing of the writers... and liberal amounts of plot shielding.

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    Deep in the recesses of Paramount's studios, a cabal of executives are responsible for approving and vetoing the TNG creative staff's ideas. Today's topic: whether Data should wear a red shirt.
     
  7. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Picard: "Make her sew."
    Ro: "I ain't no goddamn seamstress!"

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    Data: "Perhaps you should reconfigure the secondary neural net buffer to handle multiphase processing and ease the burden off the primary buffers."
    Riker: "I still reckon all she needs is a good lube job."
    Crusher: "That what you said about Deanna when she was in here with a headache last month."
    Riker: "It worked, didn't it?"
    LaForge: "Stop back seat engineering!"

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    "Captain's Personal Log. I have located the one spot on the bridge where a shadow is cast that makes it look as if I still have a head of hair. The downside is that the port turbolift will now be out of commission as long as I remain Captain of the Enterprise."

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    Data: "Nice ass."
    Troi: "Thanks... About this forcefield..."

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    What's the point of buying an HD screen if all you get is SD channels!
     
  8. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Thanks for the 'shop win


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    Geordi: *thinking* Nobody is the wiser. Only if they knew I was using this thing to download her thoughts and emotion database. Barclay and I will be able to pick up women in no time after a couple hours in the holodeck
     
  9. Holdfast

    Holdfast Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2000
    Location:
    17 Cherry Tree Lane
    TFTW, LeadHead!



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    PICARD (to RIKER): Pull my finger.
    RIKER: No way; I've seen this one before.
    PICARD (to RO): Pull my finger.
    RO: You're a disgusting old man, you know that?



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    DATA: ... so he said, "woah there Doc, I'm no brain surgeon" and she said, "don't worry, neither am I", and then they just cracked her open and got to work.
    RIKER: Hmm, well, it sure sounds like the start of a joke, but I don't think we're going to get a funny ending.



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    PICARD: You might want to give it a few minutes before going in there.



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    Lost TNG Episode #184: The crew get trapped within a mysterious alien snowglobe. Troi attempts to communicate telepathically with it, with unexpected but hilarious consequences.
     
  10. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Just passing through.
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    Riker: Captain, what are you doing?
    Picard: I'm crushing her head!
    Riker: You're pinching her puppies, aren't you.
    Picard: Tee hee!


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    Crusher: Careful, Geordi. You burned out her spare emotion chip.
    Geordi: I don't want to be late for lunch, it's green jello day.
    Data:...?


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    Worf: Was there any green jello left?
    Picard: Sorry, there were only six. Maybe next year.
    Worf: I SHOULD KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!
    Picard: I wish you would, that was too much jello!


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    Troi: I'm serious. One little blinky light to tell you there's an active forcefield. Instead of people bumping into them nose first all the time.

    O'Brien: An engineer's gotta get laughs somehow.
     
  11. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    RO (thinking) In a different universe, I'd frakking kill both of them.

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    DATA: Odd, she only came in for a trim and color touch up.
     
  12. The Laughing Vulcan

    The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    Location:
    At The Laughing Vulcan's party...
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    Riker: "The pull my finger gag again, sir?"
    Picard: "No, just pointing. Learned my lesson from that brat Wesley. He wouldn't stop pulling until I sharted!"
     
  13. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
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    RIKER: She's Bajoran, sir. An apparently well known race we've never heard of until right now.

    PICARD: Ah, I see. Carry on.
     
  14. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    TFTW, LeadHead!

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    Picard: "Will, look at this! Is that Ensign Ro manning Ops?"
    Riker: "No, sir! That's your finger!"
    Picard (sighs): "Idiot."
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Location:
    Just passing through.
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    Picard: What is the meaning of this?
    Riker: Sorry, sir. There weren't any naive twenty year olds on the transport this week.
     
  16. doubleohfive

    doubleohfive Fleet Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Location:
    Hollywood, CA
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    PICARD: I can't quite put my finger on it, but... something isn't right here.
     
  17. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Location:
    The visitor's bullpen
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    Riker: What have you found?

    Geordi: Nothing yet. But these lights keep blinking out of sequence.

    Riker: Well, get them to blink IN sequence!
     
  18. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin, TX
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    First Officer's Log. Next time LaForge finds a sex file, make sure it's not of Dr. and Mrs Soong. I'll never be able to unsee what I saw in the holodeck.
     
  19. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Real Me Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Down in the tube station at midnight
    PICARD: Now I recall, John Travolta and Eddie Vedder joined the crew at Starbase 121.
     
  20. Gil T.Azell

    Gil T.Azell Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Location:
    Gil T.Azell
    Thank you for the win, I didn't think that lame old one had a chance, :lol:

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    Worf: "Captain, you don't look well are you ok?"

    Picard: (groaning and wincing ) "You might want to stand up wind, those Orion taco's aren't sitting well"

    Data: "Holy mother of pearl....Red alert!" (as Worf & Riker pass out)