thank you <333 thank you <333, the caution is making me giggle (though to be fair irl i can’t stand hugs from most people)
I'm naturally upbeat and easy going but no-one can be like that all the time and it's ok and perfectly normal to have the occasional down day. I have a lot going on at the moment which I wont go in to but despite that I can still act happy to appease people even if I'm not feeling it inside. I've not been feeling good today or particularly sociable because of what I'm facing next week and just needed some quiet time. What I don't need is the dreaded yet predictable "are you still taking your Sertraline?". Good intentions but zero understanding and I still end up coming out the bad guy. I'm not a fucking jester. Mentioning the word jester has just reminded me of Sue Nicholls on Rentaghost so feeling a bit better now.
I've become increasingly irate with family members who have been constantly coming over, often unannounced, at the apartment I share with my brother. Don't get me wrong. I love family get-togethers as much as the next person, especially during birthdays and holidays, as long as they're not an inconvenience. Meaning, the same relatives keep showing up every weekend, preempting any quiet personal time. I really wish I could afford my own place and not tell anyone my whereabouts. I came home from work Friday afternoon, looking forward to a relaxing evening and the coming weekend, and lo and behold, my clueless sister and her son who live in another city, were in the living room making themselves home and watching TV. I blame my brother in part for this intrusion because he was the one who gave our other sisters duplicate keys to our place. When this sister, "Shelly" is around, it's hard to pretty much do anything, including my home fitness routine in the living room, or taking a nap. She's very loud. She obviously has no regard for others' privacy or personal space. She only communicates with my brother before she comes over, as though I didn't live here. I've been tolerating her visits, and we all usually watch a Netflix movie together. My other sister Rose, her boyfriend, and her son came on Saturday too, but it was a fun time. Today is Sunday, so I guess I should've lowered my expectations, but I was still surprised when Shelly and son arrived in the early afternoon to hang out in the living room. My brother started a movie on Hulu while I sat quietly minding my business and watching TikTok on my phone. When the movie ended, I dryly remarked, "That was a shitty movie." Shelly and my nephew left right around 3 p.m., which was a world record for them, but I still feel crabby somehow. This too shall pass.
If I could snap my finger for all of us…but, then, we would not learn and “feel” what we need (?) to feel to learn and grow… …still; “snap”!
@Gryffindorian When the morning comes I'm the same and sometimes wish I could move away without telling anyone. It's selfish but at the same time some people are careless about what they say and how it can affect an alcoholic. Yet at the same time think they're an expert on the subject and the worlds best councillor.
I used to have a very tough time in my younger years, dealing with conflicting thoughts and emotions constantly swirling in my head. For a long while, I truly thought I was going insane, but I couldn't control or stop any of it...and that was the most terrifying part. When you feel that your own nature is fighting against you from inside, its something that frightens you in a way almost nothing else can. For example, I'm afraid of both heights and snakes, and those two are still with me...but this was an entirely different trauma to deal with. After about eight years of dealing with this in my 30s, I spent some time in a couple of different mental hospitals, calling 911 on myself because I didn't know any better. When I got out of that experience and arrived to where I'm living now, my cousin learned that the pills I was taking for my epilepsy were largely contributing to this entire nightmare. So she did some online research, got me hooked up with a new doctor, and they put me on a different pill. After maybe 2 months or so, my emotions finally leveled out...and though I still have flare-ups sometimes, I'm much better than I was then. As a Christian, I give God the ultimate glory, but I'm also grateful to my cousin. She is truly a Godsend, a walking miracle, and I love her very much.
So I did my first exam and got 96% BUT I had three tech issues during it that might autofail me when the video is reviewed so I dunno, fingers crossed. I clicked the next content button instead of the next question button and it left the exam. Clicked "back" right away Ad blocker popped up, exited me out of full screen, dropped me to an earlier question. Found the full screen window and entered it again and it was at the right question. At the end after the test was submitted there was no "exit exam" button and I couldn't figure out how to leave and kept getting messages I needed to stay in full screen etc. until I finally managed to click out, still not even sure how. I never turned off my camera, or left my desk. I can't be the only one to have problems like that so hopefully they won't be too hard on me. If they fail me because of this I will be very depressed. I worked extremely hard. I'm having a bit of a panic attack over it im going to have to take an anti anxiety pill.
I tend to suck at a lot of tests, too. When I was in college, learning the basics of image/video editing and 2D animation, I would often be distracted by my own creative side and wind up ignoring my assignments. This led to my getting many truly horrible grades, but I wasn't too concerned with it at the time.
So I got up this morning to a message from the teacher that if the integrity proctor is going to autofail someone it does it immediately, test stops, no grade submitted, so the fact my grade was posted means it was not triggered and I past, which was a relief. They videos and instructions around it are so seriously "zero tolerance, auto failure!" That I was incredibly anxious. I took a pill and still did not get to sleep until after 2
My attempt to get evaluated for autism has just gotten even more complicated. When I got my conformation text from the doctor's office for my appointment for what was supposed to be a in person evaluation with the psychiatrist on Monday, it had changed to a virtual evaluation with one of their nurse practitioners. So I talked to a couple different people at the office and apparently it turns out the psychiatrist doesn't see people my age, so he won't see me. Which is kind of annoying since I've been dealing with these people for a couple months now, and nobody realized before today that I'm too old. The second lady I talked recommended another place that specializes in autism and deals with adults, so hopefully I'll have better luck there.
I am SO sorry to hear this! I deal with Autism at the Early Elementary Grades, where the kids don’t understand and the Grownups are, sometimes, not on board. Stay Strong!
Thanks. Is it possible to do virtual appointments for this kind of thing across state lines? I was wondering if this group doesn't work out either if I could try someone from out of state who could do the evaluation over Zoom. I noticed all of my Zoom appointments with the people from the other group all said I had to be in Az, so does the mean that you have to be in the same state as the person you have the appointment with?
You have to be licensed in the state the patient is located in. For instance, I cannot Zoom with clients if they go to Idaho because I'm not licensed in Idaho.
I try not to interact with other people much because I don't want to waste their time with the umimportant nonsense that comes from my mouth when I speak.