By not meeting them for one night in a bar.
This is why you want social clubs, so women can get to know you in a context.
I Want to Get Married
- Thread starter BolianAuthor
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By not meeting them for one night in a bar.
This is why you want social clubs, so women can get to know you in a context.
People are more realistic than this however there are three things that act as multipliers and allow you to make a decent first impression:
1) Being clean (The amount of guys you encounter on a daily basis who need a good bath or to wash their hair is amazing)
2) Healthy (Looking like you might have a heart attack is not a good sign)
3) Some sign they take pride in themselves ("Did you get dressed in the dark?")
Using myself as an example -
My favorite outfit used to be an old pair of baggy blue jeans that had the knees worn out and a big baggy shirt that I wore untucked. I used the old cliche of people shouldn't judge based on appearance. I realize now that the image I sent out basically was a big "I don't care."
Now wearing a pair of blue jeans in good repair and my shirt tucked in is not some major fundamental change in who I am, but the difference in my appearance has been striking.
I wish women would do that as much as much us guys do, would make the dating game more easier..for us guys
I once asked a similar question from a female friend of mine. It was in a time when I was thinking if I ever will find a gf myself. Anyway, I asked from her basicly if its my apperance that turns women away from me aka "Am I too ugly?". She told me that I am not and gave me a big hug. Later she confessed to me that she lied plus told me that I am ugly, too skinny..and basicly in her own words "Yuck..eeh"(friends, huh
?) Well, at least she apologized
I stopped asking the question, because of what happened..and when I finally started dating I realised that there is someone for everyone, and that swimming in self-pity doesnt really do anything good
There is fantasy and then there is reality.
Its true that women are often very vocal about their idea of a perfect man..but the thing is that when any one of us guys or girls fall in love, those lists usually get thrown out from the window.
We cannot really choose the person we fall in love or wont
..sucks but thats part of life.And besides, if all women really would want somesort of Adonis, most of guys would never date a single woman
Bolian, you should at least give it a try
I met my current gf at OKcupid plus made new friends from there and wrote with some interesting women:
http://www.okcupid.com/
It may take some time to find the "right one" from these sites but it is very much worth the effort. One just need to have patience(You seem to know yourself pretty well plus you like to write..so creating an honest plus good profile there should not be a problem
)Besides, I think the OKcupid is much more fun and interesting than many other dating sites..plus its free
eeew!
I'm all for empowerment and self-affirmation, but a chocolate-stained sweatshirt is not "what you are". Your personality, your spirit, your outlook on life is "what you are". Those are the important things about you. A baseball cap? Probably, not so much.Why should we change who we are just to attract mates? If a woman doesn't like me because I'm bald, or because I wear baseball gear, or whatever, then why should *I* be the one to change?
The last change I made to my appearance (when I started shaving my head regularly) I did because I wanted to. I am just more comfortable not having hair. If women have a problem with that, well, too bad.
If you are unwilling to compromise even the smallest thing about how you dress, behave, or smell to make yourself attractive to the opposite (or same) sex, it means that finding a mate is not very important to you. Which is fine and dandy, but then again people like that are often the most loud in voicing their displeasure about their lack of suitable mates.
^ the iguana is correct, and not for the first time in this thread.
Putting effort into your appearance says that you care what other people think about you, which is a sign that you're going to be receptive to what other people think about lots of other things: you're not totally wrapped up in yourself. It's just as egocentric as someone who's always preening in the mirror, and maybe even more so, since there's no expectation that someone else is going to like what they see.
I could see if it was something like wearing a piece of jewelry or garment that has some specific religious/cultural significance, but being slovenly in the guise of "just being me" says a lot about you, and none of it's good.
Putting effort into your appearance says that you care what other people think about you, which is a sign that you're going to be receptive to what other people think about lots of other things: you're not totally wrapped up in yourself. It's just as egocentric as someone who's always preening in the mirror, and maybe even more so, since there's no expectation that someone else is going to like what they see.
I could see if it was something like wearing a piece of jewelry or garment that has some specific religious/cultural significance, but being slovenly in the guise of "just being me" says a lot about you, and none of it's good.
I have to say, it's really not that hard to make yourself look halfway decent. Just take showers, keep your hair (facial and otherwise) looking nice, and wear clothes that aren't full of holes, stains, or faded.
Like I said, I'm all for making myself clean and well groomed. I do that every day. I wear clean clothes, as well. But I won't change the *kind* of clothes I wear, nor will I change my hairstyle (or lack thereof), just to get women to like me. Why is that so hard to believe?
^
Yeah, I would never approach a woman wearing dirty or tattered clothes, or when I myself wasn't clean... why do that, when you can present yourself in a much better light?
Usually, I dress in what I suppose could be called "business casual"... I don't own an actual suit (though I do want to get one), but I have nice dress slacks, shoes, shirts, and belts. As I said earlier in the thread, one reason I got the glasses I have now, is because my old ones were too big... more like Urkel glasses, and I realized I wanted something smaller and more adult-looking. The gold frames I have now I chose because one, I love gold, and two, I just felt they were a bit more sophisticated-looking.
I am willing to try things suggested here, since I've offed the 'stache, but I'm just not ready to let go of the hair yet... that's not to say I won't in the future... but for the moment, I'm not not ready to change THAT much just yet.
Yeah, I would never approach a woman wearing dirty or tattered clothes, or when I myself wasn't clean... why do that, when you can present yourself in a much better light?
Usually, I dress in what I suppose could be called "business casual"... I don't own an actual suit (though I do want to get one), but I have nice dress slacks, shoes, shirts, and belts. As I said earlier in the thread, one reason I got the glasses I have now, is because my old ones were too big... more like Urkel glasses, and I realized I wanted something smaller and more adult-looking. The gold frames I have now I chose because one, I love gold, and two, I just felt they were a bit more sophisticated-looking.
I am willing to try things suggested here, since I've offed the 'stache, but I'm just not ready to let go of the hair yet... that's not to say I won't in the future... but for the moment, I'm not not ready to change THAT much just yet.
If you want to get a decent suit, I'd try Nordstrom Rack. If you're in Torrance, you can either go north a bit to the Howard Hughes Center off the 405, or down to Long Beach. You can get decent designer suits there that are reasonably discounted, and there are salespeople who can help you with fit. I know buying a suit can be intimidating, but if you just explain what you're looking for, they can be pretty helpful.
You might want to get a second pair of glasses that has a totally different look--maybe with chunkier black frames--just to switch it up every now and then.
You might want to get a second pair of glasses that has a totally different look--maybe with chunkier black frames--just to switch it up every now and then.
One step at a time is fine, BA.
Good idea if you wear glasses all the time. I have two pairs now. It's fun to switch off, depending on what I'm wearing or just my mood.
Okay, I will be willing to add a second pair of glasses. That's a good idea to have a spare pair anyway, because mine are prescription glasses for distance, so I kind of need to wear them.
On the contrary, it's very easy to believe you won't change the kind of clothes you wear. But the point is, you should.
(Just to be clear, I'm kidding. First and foremost, you have to feel comfortable with yourself. But, you know, it wouldn't hurt to wear a suit or a nice pair of shoes sometimes...)
^
Of course, it also depends on the environment you're at. If you're at some regular neighborhood bar, you should be clean and nicely presntable, but you can wear "casual" clothes, and not "dress up" as much as if you'd be going to a "fancy" type of bar like an upscale cocktail lounge where people get dressed up. Or if you are at the beach, you'd wear clothes fitting, etc.
Of course, it also depends on the environment you're at. If you're at some regular neighborhood bar, you should be clean and nicely presntable, but you can wear "casual" clothes, and not "dress up" as much as if you'd be going to a "fancy" type of bar like an upscale cocktail lounge where people get dressed up. Or if you are at the beach, you'd wear clothes fitting, etc.
Well, I supposed that went without saying.
As for glasses, this is what I wear now (different brand, same style). You can't go wrong with geek chic, but be sure they look good with your facial features.
And this is my second pair (again, different brand but very similar). Rimless glasses look good on almost anything, but they may be expensive.
As for glasses, this is what I wear now (different brand, same style). You can't go wrong with geek chic, but be sure they look good with your facial features.
And this is my second pair (again, different brand but very similar). Rimless glasses look good on almost anything, but they may be expensive.
I could go rimless if I wanted, but I'm not into the Drew Carey/Dexter's Laboratory look of thick black 1960's frames, lol.
^ That first pair of glasses what exactly what I was thinking for BA. They're stylish. Try on a pair and see how they look--you might like them.
Actually that would physically hurt me.
You want to know how I typically dress? Look in the photo albums I have here. Doesn't look dirty or shabby, does it?
And I do dress up when the situation calls for it.
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